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Latest Wrestling Blogs

Everyone Wants To Be The Rock

22nd February 2012 by Scott Keith

Hey Scott,
Discussion fodder for the blog:
The Observer is reporting that quite a few people aren’t exactly happy that the Rock is getting so much air time since he’s only a part-timer, and that his exposure could go to someone who’s up-and-coming, while others have no problem with it since the Rock (allegedly) = more views = more money (see Survivor Series ’11, though).
Your lifelong bromance with all things Rock aside, what’s your take on the situation?  Are there some nuggets of truth in Cena’s stance, and is the catering to the Rock out of line and undeserved?  Or can it be assumed that anyone who speaks out against the Rock simply is showing signs of sour grapes, and that Rock has earned the right to do damn well whatever he pleases, which includes coming and going at whim?
And to really play devil’s advocate, is Rock’s behavior any different from some of Hogan’s more questionable political maneuvers? One could argue that the spotlight is offered to Rock and he accepts it, while Hogan demands it whether or not anyone wants to give it to him.  But on the other hand, one could argue Cena’s point that Rock’s acceptance of the spotlight is awfully convenient for whatever his current project happens to be.

Too fucking bad for the locker room if it’s convenient or not.  Rock brings ratings and buys, something that NO ONE in WWE has been able to do for a few years now, and that equals a big fat paycheck for everyone at Wrestlemania.  So they can suck it up.  I really don’t get the WWE mentality whereby once you’re a WWE wrestler, you’re somehow indebted to them for a lifetime of servitude at their whim forever and ever.  I didn’t hear Vince McMahon complaining about how Rock was “turning his back” on WWE when he got an executive producer credit on all of Rock’s movies and made a slice of the profits just by virtue of having Rock under contract.  And I bet if Rock somehow agreed to do one of WWE Films’ shitty D-level movies and suddenly made them profitable, we wouldn’t be hearing about how being a big Hollywood star makes him this untouchable diva.  You know what’s funny about the whole thing?  Cena’s stance is that Rock is tough to get a hold of and he’s a man of the people, entertaining them night in and night out.  But have you ever tried to actually get a WWE Sports Entertainer Of The People to appear on a radio show or interview them?  YOU CAN’T.  Vince McMahon rules their publicity with an iron fist and you have to jump through a million hoops or be a dying kid in order to even get a comment from them.  They are far less accessible than the Rock, who does press and interviews night after night because he’s a charming and nice guy in real life who actually does care about his fans.  Not saying John Cena doesn’t, but WWE does not as an organization.  They care about their fans when it makes them money, of course, but god help you if you happen to cheer for the wrong person or wear the wrong shirt to an event or bring a sign that doesn’t express the proper WWE viewpoint.  In summary, WWE is full of shit, Rock is awesome, and they should all be bending over and kissing his ass every day he lowers himself to wrestling again and makes them millions of dollars they don’t deserve in the process.

Rants →

Everyone Wants To Be The Rock

22nd February 2012 by Scott Keith

Hey Scott,
Discussion fodder for the blog:
The Observer is reporting that quite a few people aren’t exactly happy that the Rock is getting so much air time since he’s only a part-timer, and that his exposure could go to someone who’s up-and-coming, while others have no problem with it since the Rock (allegedly) = more views = more money (see Survivor Series ’11, though).
Your lifelong bromance with all things Rock aside, what’s your take on the situation?  Are there some nuggets of truth in Cena’s stance, and is the catering to the Rock out of line and undeserved?  Or can it be assumed that anyone who speaks out against the Rock simply is showing signs of sour grapes, and that Rock has earned the right to do damn well whatever he pleases, which includes coming and going at whim?
And to really play devil’s advocate, is Rock’s behavior any different from some of Hogan’s more questionable political maneuvers? One could argue that the spotlight is offered to Rock and he accepts it, while Hogan demands it whether or not anyone wants to give it to him.  But on the other hand, one could argue Cena’s point that Rock’s acceptance of the spotlight is awfully convenient for whatever his current project happens to be.

Too fucking bad for the locker room if it’s convenient or not.  Rock brings ratings and buys, something that NO ONE in WWE has been able to do for a few years now, and that equals a big fat paycheck for everyone at Wrestlemania.  So they can suck it up.  I really don’t get the WWE mentality whereby once you’re a WWE wrestler, you’re somehow indebted to them for a lifetime of servitude at their whim forever and ever.  I didn’t hear Vince McMahon complaining about how Rock was “turning his back” on WWE when he got an executive producer credit on all of Rock’s movies and made a slice of the profits just by virtue of having Rock under contract.  And I bet if Rock somehow agreed to do one of WWE Films’ shitty D-level movies and suddenly made them profitable, we wouldn’t be hearing about how being a big Hollywood star makes him this untouchable diva.  You know what’s funny about the whole thing?  Cena’s stance is that Rock is tough to get a hold of and he’s a man of the people, entertaining them night in and night out.  But have you ever tried to actually get a WWE Sports Entertainer Of The People to appear on a radio show or interview them?  YOU CAN’T.  Vince McMahon rules their publicity with an iron fist and you have to jump through a million hoops or be a dying kid in order to even get a comment from them.  They are far less accessible than the Rock, who does press and interviews night after night because he’s a charming and nice guy in real life who actually does care about his fans.  Not saying John Cena doesn’t, but WWE does not as an organization.  They care about their fans when it makes them money, of course, but god help you if you happen to cheer for the wrong person or wear the wrong shirt to an event or bring a sign that doesn’t express the proper WWE viewpoint.  In summary, WWE is full of shit, Rock is awesome, and they should all be bending over and kissing his ass every day he lowers himself to wrestling again and makes them millions of dollars they don’t deserve in the process.

Rants →

CM Punk v. Chris Brown

22nd February 2012 by Scott Keith

Hey Scott, I thought the CM Punk/Chris Brown Twitter war would be grounds for a good discussion. Here is the full timeline so far: http://pwtorch.com/artman2/publish/quicknews/article_58416.shtml I see many people praising Punk and cheering him on for this, but to me it just seems like yet another wrestler screaming for some attention in the media. Someone in the comments also made pretty apt comparisons between Brown and Steve Austin (whom Punk idolises and wears the merchandise of)- Both having been in trouble with the law for leaving a woman bruised and bleeding.  What are your own thoughts on the matter?

I agree, it sounds like Punk looking for media attention, especially when, as noted by another poster who e-mailed me too, he only seems to hate the woman-beaters who he can’t make money wrestling against.  Plus it’s been a few years now since the original crime; it’s a little late to start calling the guy out for his actions unless Punk has some secret info about other victims of Chris Brown.   Steve Austin’s own behavior was a major reason why I stopped considering myself a fan of his at the time, and although I still appreciate what he does on an artistic level I just can’t bring myself to support him any more the way I used to.    Maybe Punk has some endgame we don’t know about here, but it just comes off as another cry for attention from WWE. 

Rants →

CM Punk v. Chris Brown

22nd February 2012 by Scott Keith

Hey Scott, I thought the CM Punk/Chris Brown Twitter war would be grounds for a good discussion. Here is the full timeline so far: http://pwtorch.com/artman2/publish/quicknews/article_58416.shtml I see many people praising Punk and cheering him on for this, but to me it just seems like yet another wrestler screaming for some attention in the media. Someone in the comments also made pretty apt comparisons between Brown and Steve Austin (whom Punk idolises and wears the merchandise of)- Both having been in trouble with the law for leaving a woman bruised and bleeding.  What are your own thoughts on the matter?

I agree, it sounds like Punk looking for media attention, especially when, as noted by another poster who e-mailed me too, he only seems to hate the woman-beaters who he can’t make money wrestling against.  Plus it’s been a few years now since the original crime; it’s a little late to start calling the guy out for his actions unless Punk has some secret info about other victims of Chris Brown.   Steve Austin’s own behavior was a major reason why I stopped considering myself a fan of his at the time, and although I still appreciate what he does on an artistic level I just can’t bring myself to support him any more the way I used to.    Maybe Punk has some endgame we don’t know about here, but it just comes off as another cry for attention from WWE. 

Rants →

CM Punk v. Chris Brown

22nd February 2012 by Scott Keith

Hey Scott, I thought the CM Punk/Chris Brown Twitter war would be grounds for a good discussion. Here is the full timeline so far: http://pwtorch.com/artman2/publish/quicknews/article_58416.shtml I see many people praising Punk and cheering him on for this, but to me it just seems like yet another wrestler screaming for some attention in the media. Someone in the comments also made pretty apt comparisons between Brown and Steve Austin (whom Punk idolises and wears the merchandise of)- Both having been in trouble with the law for leaving a woman bruised and bleeding.  What are your own thoughts on the matter?

I agree, it sounds like Punk looking for media attention, especially when, as noted by another poster who e-mailed me too, he only seems to hate the woman-beaters who he can’t make money wrestling against.  Plus it’s been a few years now since the original crime; it’s a little late to start calling the guy out for his actions unless Punk has some secret info about other victims of Chris Brown.   Steve Austin’s own behavior was a major reason why I stopped considering myself a fan of his at the time, and although I still appreciate what he does on an artistic level I just can’t bring myself to support him any more the way I used to.    Maybe Punk has some endgame we don’t know about here, but it just comes off as another cry for attention from WWE. 

Rants →

CM Punk v. Chris Brown

22nd February 2012 by Scott Keith

Hey Scott, I thought the CM Punk/Chris Brown Twitter war would be grounds for a good discussion. Here is the full timeline so far: http://pwtorch.com/artman2/publish/quicknews/article_58416.shtml I see many people praising Punk and cheering him on for this, but to me it just seems like yet another wrestler screaming for some attention in the media. Someone in the comments also made pretty apt comparisons between Brown and Steve Austin (whom Punk idolises and wears the merchandise of)- Both having been in trouble with the law for leaving a woman bruised and bleeding.  What are your own thoughts on the matter?

I agree, it sounds like Punk looking for media attention, especially when, as noted by another poster who e-mailed me too, he only seems to hate the woman-beaters who he can’t make money wrestling against.  Plus it’s been a few years now since the original crime; it’s a little late to start calling the guy out for his actions unless Punk has some secret info about other victims of Chris Brown.   Steve Austin’s own behavior was a major reason why I stopped considering myself a fan of his at the time, and although I still appreciate what he does on an artistic level I just can’t bring myself to support him any more the way I used to.    Maybe Punk has some endgame we don’t know about here, but it just comes off as another cry for attention from WWE. 

Rants →

CM Punk v. Chris Brown

22nd February 2012 by Scott Keith

Hey Scott, I thought the CM Punk/Chris Brown Twitter war would be grounds for a good discussion. Here is the full timeline so far: http://pwtorch.com/artman2/publish/quicknews/article_58416.shtml I see many people praising Punk and cheering him on for this, but to me it just seems like yet another wrestler screaming for some attention in the media. Someone in the comments also made pretty apt comparisons between Brown and Steve Austin (whom Punk idolises and wears the merchandise of)- Both having been in trouble with the law for leaving a woman bruised and bleeding.  What are your own thoughts on the matter?

I agree, it sounds like Punk looking for media attention, especially when, as noted by another poster who e-mailed me too, he only seems to hate the woman-beaters who he can’t make money wrestling against.  Plus it’s been a few years now since the original crime; it’s a little late to start calling the guy out for his actions unless Punk has some secret info about other victims of Chris Brown.   Steve Austin’s own behavior was a major reason why I stopped considering myself a fan of his at the time, and although I still appreciate what he does on an artistic level I just can’t bring myself to support him any more the way I used to.    Maybe Punk has some endgame we don’t know about here, but it just comes off as another cry for attention from WWE. 

Rants →

CM Punk v. Chris Brown

22nd February 2012 by Scott Keith

Hey Scott, I thought the CM Punk/Chris Brown Twitter war would be grounds for a good discussion. Here is the full timeline so far: http://pwtorch.com/artman2/publish/quicknews/article_58416.shtml I see many people praising Punk and cheering him on for this, but to me it just seems like yet another wrestler screaming for some attention in the media. Someone in the comments also made pretty apt comparisons between Brown and Steve Austin (whom Punk idolises and wears the merchandise of)- Both having been in trouble with the law for leaving a woman bruised and bleeding.  What are your own thoughts on the matter?

I agree, it sounds like Punk looking for media attention, especially when, as noted by another poster who e-mailed me too, he only seems to hate the woman-beaters who he can’t make money wrestling against.  Plus it’s been a few years now since the original crime; it’s a little late to start calling the guy out for his actions unless Punk has some secret info about other victims of Chris Brown.   Steve Austin’s own behavior was a major reason why I stopped considering myself a fan of his at the time, and although I still appreciate what he does on an artistic level I just can’t bring myself to support him any more the way I used to.    Maybe Punk has some endgame we don’t know about here, but it just comes off as another cry for attention from WWE. 

Rants →

The SmarK SUPER SMACKDOWN Rant – 02.21.12

21st February 2012 by Scott Keith

The SmarK SUPER SmackDown Rant – 02.21.12

LIVE from somewhere not mentioned.

Your hosts are Michael Cole, Josh Matthews & Booker T.

Daniel Bryan and AJ start us out, as Bryan gloats about main-eventing Wrestlemania.  Although “main event” is a bit of a stretch given he’ll be fourth from the top at best.  He claims to be the real Rocky story, but the Miz interrupts.  Whoa, dig the STAR POWER.  Miz takes credit for Bryan’s development into a star and wants to form a team, but now Sheamus interrupts.  Miz is mortified, but Bryan attacks Sheamus and runs off, leaving Miz to get walloped.

Sheamus v. The Miz

Apparently Teddy Long booked the match during the break.  We join it in progress with Sheamus holding an armbar, and dumping Miz to the apron for the forearms.  Sheamus slingshots in with a shoulderblock for two, but Miz necksnaps him.  Sheamus misses a charge and hits the floor off that, allowing Miz to work the arm for a bit and hit the running corner clothesline.  Double axehandle off the top gets two, and they slug it out, but Sheamus comes back with elbows and his own corner clothesline.  Backbreaker gets two.  Miz gets the neckbreaker for two and sets up for the Finale, but Sheamus escapes and misses the big kick.  Emerald Frozen finishes at 5:55, however.  I’m guessing they can just call that the Emerald Isle and they’re golden.  Fine TV match.  **1/2  Miz really needs something different to do at this point, though, because he’s going to get stuck in the wrestling equivalent of the Friend Zone and never escape.

Meanwhile, Aksana continues putting the moves on Teddy Long, but Big Johnny and his lawyer interrupt.  So Teddy announces that their office is the men’s room tonight.  Oh, burn.

Kofi Kingston & R-Truth v. Dolph Ziggler & Jack Swagger

Must suck to be the Usos.  WWE is so desperate for tag teams that they throw R-BOOM together on RAW to bolster it, and the Usos still can’t even get off Superstars.  Swagger quickly gets the pump splash on Truth for two, and Ziggler drops the elbow and does situps.  Blind charge misses and Kofi gets the hot tag and runs wild, hitting a high cross on Dolph for two.  It’s BONZO GONZO and Truth takes yet another hard dump to the floor, allowing Ziggler to finish Kofi with the Zig Zag at 2:43.  I think this was actually Ziggler’s first win in something like two months, although I don’t get why you put the new team over the tag champs one night and then job them to another heel team the next night.

Meanwhile, Santino is training with the Cobra, but Heath Slater interrupts and gets spit on.  By the sock.  Yeah.  Luckily, Michael Cole helpfully points out that this was funny.

The Great Khali v. Drew McIntyre

Still not fired, I see.  Khali squashes the shit out of him at 0:27 with the tree slam.  This McIntyre storyline makes no sense.  So Teddy Long, weeks ago, says that he needs to win or he’s fired.  So he loses and loses and loses and loses and loses and loses and loses…and then nothing, he’s still there, and still losing, and now there’s not even any stakes to it, he’s just a guy who loses.  So what was the point?

Meanwhile, Big Show is really quite upset at Cody Rhodes.  They still need to get to Shaq for Wrestlemania, so maybe they’ll go with Show & Shaq v. Cody & Barrett instead?

Big Show v. Mark Henry

Good god, let poor Mark take a month off and heal.  Show hammers him in the corner but misses the knockout punch, and Henry pounds him down to take over.  Mark steps on him and chokes him out on the ropes, laying down some quality trash-talk.  Henry misses a blind charge and Show comes back with clotheslines and the spear, but Cody Rhodes interrupts.  For some reason, Show stops wrestling and stands there staring while Cody shows a video of Show v. Akebono at Wrestlemania 21.  And he turns around into a slam and splash for two.  Henry must have the WORLD’S STRONGEST GROIN if he can bodyslam a guy with his injuries.  Show, however, puts Henry down with the Kassius Ohno punch and that match just stops at 5:00 or so with no winner announced.  What the fuck kind of finish was that?  *1/2

Ezekial Jackson v. David Otunga

As much as they do the fake laughter for dumb stuff, Johnny Ace coming out and doing the Teddy Long dance with no music is legitimately hilarious.  And Zeke cuts a DROP IN PROMO before the match so we know he means business.  Hopefully he lasts longer than 90 seconds this time then.  Otunga pounds away, but Zeke gets a pair of clotheslines in the corner followed by a splash.  Otunga escapes the torture rack by grabbing the ropes, and finishes with the spinebuster at 1:14.  So no, in fact Zeke lost even faster this time.  ½*  I think perhaps Teddy Long should consider upgrading his avatar in this feud.

Meanwhile, CM Punk talks up Teddy Long and hypes the main event tonight.

Daniel Bryan v. CM Punk

We’ve got half an hour left so that’s gotta be a good sign.  Michael Cole goes crazy for a “Twitter War” between Punk and Chris Brown, which is apparently about how Brown wants Hacksaw Duggan and Bret Hart to come back or something.  Hey, how about Punk & Rihanna v. Brown & Eve Torres for Wrestlemania!  They trade headlocks while Cole once again talks about how “#1 trend worldwide” means “most talked about subject on Twitter”, which is completely a lie.  That is totally incorrect and they are pathetic trying to make it sound like it’s true.  We take a break and return with Bryan hurting Punk’s arm and working on it in the corner, but a blind charge misses.  Punk whiffs on a springboard bodyblock, landing right on the arm to hurt it further.  By the way, add “developing story” to my list of annoying Michael Cole-isms.  It joins “building momentum” among many others.  Bryan throws the kicks, but Punk slugs back with forearms until Bryan takes him down by the arm again.  Bryan gets a nice dick heel move, grinding his knee into Punk’s face on the mat, before going to the surfboard hold.  Punk fights out of that with a backbreaker and either blows out his knee in the process or does a spectacular job of faking it.  That was just sloppy.  Apparently he’s fine because he fights back with the high kicks and tries the GTS, but Bryan goes the arm to escape and then exits the ring.  Sheamus tosses him back in and Punk finishes with the high kick at 9:42.  BUT WAIT!  Executive Vice President of Talent Relations and Interim GM of RAW Johnny Ace WILL NOT STAND for this injustice, and the match MUST CONTINUE.  He’s got a point.  So we take a break and return with Bryan getting a rollup and holding the ropes for the pin at 11:32.  BUT WAIT!  Teddy Long continues wrecking a perfectly good match with overbooking bullshit and he also decrees that the match MUST CONTINUE.   Punk hits a tope suicida and back in for a springboard clothesline that gets two.  Back in, Bryan takes over again and gets a dropkick into the corner for two.  Top rope rana is reversed by Punk on the way down for two, and Punk blocks the seated kicks with a rollup for two.  Bryan reverses that into the Lebell Lock, but Punk escapes with the catapult and levels him with the high kick for two.  Punk goes up for the big elbow, but Bryan crotches him and they fight for the superplex attempt.  Punk puts him down twice, but Bryan just won’t die and finally gets his superplex…which Punk immediately turns into a small package for the pin at 17:29.  However, both shoulders were down, so apparently there’s no winner here either.  Long and Ace argue over it, and for some reason Long is endorsing Punk while Ace is endorsing Bryan, which is bizarre because you’d think they’d support the champions of their own show, personal feelings aside.  At least that’s what HHH told us a couple of weeks ago.  Anyway, great match, STUPID ending.  These were some spectacularly bad finishes tonight, although it’s tough to ruin Punk v. Bryan.  ****

The Pulse:

This was basically RAW part 2, and the entire show was god-awful up until the main event saved it, so please do yourself a favor and seek out that match, and feel free to ignore the rest of this crappy show.

Rants →

The SmarK SUPER SMACKDOWN Rant – 02.21.12

21st February 2012 by Scott Keith

The SmarK SUPER SmackDown Rant – 02.21.12

LIVE from somewhere not mentioned.

Your hosts are Michael Cole, Josh Matthews & Booker T.

Daniel Bryan and AJ start us out, as Bryan gloats about main-eventing Wrestlemania.  Although “main event” is a bit of a stretch given he’ll be fourth from the top at best.  He claims to be the real Rocky story, but the Miz interrupts.  Whoa, dig the STAR POWER.  Miz takes credit for Bryan’s development into a star and wants to form a team, but now Sheamus interrupts.  Miz is mortified, but Bryan attacks Sheamus and runs off, leaving Miz to get walloped.

Sheamus v. The Miz

Apparently Teddy Long booked the match during the break.  We join it in progress with Sheamus holding an armbar, and dumping Miz to the apron for the forearms.  Sheamus slingshots in with a shoulderblock for two, but Miz necksnaps him.  Sheamus misses a charge and hits the floor off that, allowing Miz to work the arm for a bit and hit the running corner clothesline.  Double axehandle off the top gets two, and they slug it out, but Sheamus comes back with elbows and his own corner clothesline.  Backbreaker gets two.  Miz gets the neckbreaker for two and sets up for the Finale, but Sheamus escapes and misses the big kick.  Emerald Frozen finishes at 5:55, however.  I’m guessing they can just call that the Emerald Isle and they’re golden.  Fine TV match.  **1/2  Miz really needs something different to do at this point, though, because he’s going to get stuck in the wrestling equivalent of the Friend Zone and never escape.

Meanwhile, Aksana continues putting the moves on Teddy Long, but Big Johnny and his lawyer interrupt.  So Teddy announces that their office is the men’s room tonight.  Oh, burn.

Kofi Kingston & R-Truth v. Dolph Ziggler & Jack Swagger

Must suck to be the Usos.  WWE is so desperate for tag teams that they throw R-BOOM together on RAW to bolster it, and the Usos still can’t even get off Superstars.  Swagger quickly gets the pump splash on Truth for two, and Ziggler drops the elbow and does situps.  Blind charge misses and Kofi gets the hot tag and runs wild, hitting a high cross on Dolph for two.  It’s BONZO GONZO and Truth takes yet another hard dump to the floor, allowing Ziggler to finish Kofi with the Zig Zag at 2:43.  I think this was actually Ziggler’s first win in something like two months, although I don’t get why you put the new team over the tag champs one night and then job them to another heel team the next night.

Meanwhile, Santino is training with the Cobra, but Heath Slater interrupts and gets spit on.  By the sock.  Yeah.  Luckily, Michael Cole helpfully points out that this was funny.

The Great Khali v. Drew McIntyre

Still not fired, I see.  Khali squashes the shit out of him at 0:27 with the tree slam.  This McIntyre storyline makes no sense.  So Teddy Long, weeks ago, says that he needs to win or he’s fired.  So he loses and loses and loses and loses and loses and loses and loses…and then nothing, he’s still there, and still losing, and now there’s not even any stakes to it, he’s just a guy who loses.  So what was the point?

Meanwhile, Big Show is really quite upset at Cody Rhodes.  They still need to get to Shaq for Wrestlemania, so maybe they’ll go with Show & Shaq v. Cody & Barrett instead?

Big Show v. Mark Henry

Good god, let poor Mark take a month off and heal.  Show hammers him in the corner but misses the knockout punch, and Henry pounds him down to take over.  Mark steps on him and chokes him out on the ropes, laying down some quality trash-talk.  Henry misses a blind charge and Show comes back with clotheslines and the spear, but Cody Rhodes interrupts.  For some reason, Show stops wrestling and stands there staring while Cody shows a video of Show v. Akebono at Wrestlemania 21.  And he turns around into a slam and splash for two.  Henry must have the WORLD’S STRONGEST GROIN if he can bodyslam a guy with his injuries.  Show, however, puts Henry down with the Kassius Ohno punch and that match just stops at 5:00 or so with no winner announced.  What the fuck kind of finish was that?  *1/2

Ezekial Jackson v. David Otunga

As much as they do the fake laughter for dumb stuff, Johnny Ace coming out and doing the Teddy Long dance with no music is legitimately hilarious.  And Zeke cuts a DROP IN PROMO before the match so we know he means business.  Hopefully he lasts longer than 90 seconds this time then.  Otunga pounds away, but Zeke gets a pair of clotheslines in the corner followed by a splash.  Otunga escapes the torture rack by grabbing the ropes, and finishes with the spinebuster at 1:14.  So no, in fact Zeke lost even faster this time.  ½*  I think perhaps Teddy Long should consider upgrading his avatar in this feud.

Meanwhile, CM Punk talks up Teddy Long and hypes the main event tonight.

Daniel Bryan v. CM Punk

We’ve got half an hour left so that’s gotta be a good sign.  Michael Cole goes crazy for a “Twitter War” between Punk and Chris Brown, which is apparently about how Brown wants Hacksaw Duggan and Bret Hart to come back or something.  Hey, how about Punk & Rihanna v. Brown & Eve Torres for Wrestlemania!  They trade headlocks while Cole once again talks about how “#1 trend worldwide” means “most talked about subject on Twitter”, which is completely a lie.  That is totally incorrect and they are pathetic trying to make it sound like it’s true.  We take a break and return with Bryan hurting Punk’s arm and working on it in the corner, but a blind charge misses.  Punk whiffs on a springboard bodyblock, landing right on the arm to hurt it further.  By the way, add “developing story” to my list of annoying Michael Cole-isms.  It joins “building momentum” among many others.  Bryan throws the kicks, but Punk slugs back with forearms until Bryan takes him down by the arm again.  Bryan gets a nice dick heel move, grinding his knee into Punk’s face on the mat, before going to the surfboard hold.  Punk fights out of that with a backbreaker and either blows out his knee in the process or does a spectacular job of faking it.  That was just sloppy.  Apparently he’s fine because he fights back with the high kicks and tries the GTS, but Bryan goes the arm to escape and then exits the ring.  Sheamus tosses him back in and Punk finishes with the high kick at 9:42.  BUT WAIT!  Executive Vice President of Talent Relations and Interim GM of RAW Johnny Ace WILL NOT STAND for this injustice, and the match MUST CONTINUE.  He’s got a point.  So we take a break and return with Bryan getting a rollup and holding the ropes for the pin at 11:32.  BUT WAIT!  Teddy Long continues wrecking a perfectly good match with overbooking bullshit and he also decrees that the match MUST CONTINUE.   Punk hits a tope suicida and back in for a springboard clothesline that gets two.  Back in, Bryan takes over again and gets a dropkick into the corner for two.  Top rope rana is reversed by Punk on the way down for two, and Punk blocks the seated kicks with a rollup for two.  Bryan reverses that into the Lebell Lock, but Punk escapes with the catapult and levels him with the high kick for two.  Punk goes up for the big elbow, but Bryan crotches him and they fight for the superplex attempt.  Punk puts him down twice, but Bryan just won’t die and finally gets his superplex…which Punk immediately turns into a small package for the pin at 17:29.  However, both shoulders were down, so apparently there’s no winner here either.  Long and Ace argue over it, and for some reason Long is endorsing Punk while Ace is endorsing Bryan, which is bizarre because you’d think they’d support the champions of their own show, personal feelings aside.  At least that’s what HHH told us a couple of weeks ago.  Anyway, great match, STUPID ending.  These were some spectacularly bad finishes tonight, although it’s tough to ruin Punk v. Bryan.  ****

The Pulse:

This was basically RAW part 2, and the entire show was god-awful up until the main event saved it, so please do yourself a favor and seek out that match, and feel free to ignore the rest of this crappy show.

Rants →

The SmarK SUPER SMACKDOWN Rant – 02.21.12

21st February 2012 by Scott Keith

The SmarK SUPER SmackDown Rant – 02.21.12

LIVE from somewhere not mentioned.

Your hosts are Michael Cole, Josh Matthews & Booker T.

Daniel Bryan and AJ start us out, as Bryan gloats about main-eventing Wrestlemania.  Although “main event” is a bit of a stretch given he’ll be fourth from the top at best.  He claims to be the real Rocky story, but the Miz interrupts.  Whoa, dig the STAR POWER.  Miz takes credit for Bryan’s development into a star and wants to form a team, but now Sheamus interrupts.  Miz is mortified, but Bryan attacks Sheamus and runs off, leaving Miz to get walloped.

Sheamus v. The Miz

Apparently Teddy Long booked the match during the break.  We join it in progress with Sheamus holding an armbar, and dumping Miz to the apron for the forearms.  Sheamus slingshots in with a shoulderblock for two, but Miz necksnaps him.  Sheamus misses a charge and hits the floor off that, allowing Miz to work the arm for a bit and hit the running corner clothesline.  Double axehandle off the top gets two, and they slug it out, but Sheamus comes back with elbows and his own corner clothesline.  Backbreaker gets two.  Miz gets the neckbreaker for two and sets up for the Finale, but Sheamus escapes and misses the big kick.  Emerald Frozen finishes at 5:55, however.  I’m guessing they can just call that the Emerald Isle and they’re golden.  Fine TV match.  **1/2  Miz really needs something different to do at this point, though, because he’s going to get stuck in the wrestling equivalent of the Friend Zone and never escape.

Meanwhile, Aksana continues putting the moves on Teddy Long, but Big Johnny and his lawyer interrupt.  So Teddy announces that their office is the men’s room tonight.  Oh, burn.

Kofi Kingston & R-Truth v. Dolph Ziggler & Jack Swagger

Must suck to be the Usos.  WWE is so desperate for tag teams that they throw R-BOOM together on RAW to bolster it, and the Usos still can’t even get off Superstars.  Swagger quickly gets the pump splash on Truth for two, and Ziggler drops the elbow and does situps.  Blind charge misses and Kofi gets the hot tag and runs wild, hitting a high cross on Dolph for two.  It’s BONZO GONZO and Truth takes yet another hard dump to the floor, allowing Ziggler to finish Kofi with the Zig Zag at 2:43.  I think this was actually Ziggler’s first win in something like two months, although I don’t get why you put the new team over the tag champs one night and then job them to another heel team the next night.

Meanwhile, Santino is training with the Cobra, but Heath Slater interrupts and gets spit on.  By the sock.  Yeah.  Luckily, Michael Cole helpfully points out that this was funny.

The Great Khali v. Drew McIntyre

Still not fired, I see.  Khali squashes the shit out of him at 0:27 with the tree slam.  This McIntyre storyline makes no sense.  So Teddy Long, weeks ago, says that he needs to win or he’s fired.  So he loses and loses and loses and loses and loses and loses and loses…and then nothing, he’s still there, and still losing, and now there’s not even any stakes to it, he’s just a guy who loses.  So what was the point?

Meanwhile, Big Show is really quite upset at Cody Rhodes.  They still need to get to Shaq for Wrestlemania, so maybe they’ll go with Show & Shaq v. Cody & Barrett instead?

Big Show v. Mark Henry

Good god, let poor Mark take a month off and heal.  Show hammers him in the corner but misses the knockout punch, and Henry pounds him down to take over.  Mark steps on him and chokes him out on the ropes, laying down some quality trash-talk.  Henry misses a blind charge and Show comes back with clotheslines and the spear, but Cody Rhodes interrupts.  For some reason, Show stops wrestling and stands there staring while Cody shows a video of Show v. Akebono at Wrestlemania 21.  And he turns around into a slam and splash for two.  Henry must have the WORLD’S STRONGEST GROIN if he can bodyslam a guy with his injuries.  Show, however, puts Henry down with the Kassius Ohno punch and that match just stops at 5:00 or so with no winner announced.  What the fuck kind of finish was that?  *1/2

Ezekial Jackson v. David Otunga

As much as they do the fake laughter for dumb stuff, Johnny Ace coming out and doing the Teddy Long dance with no music is legitimately hilarious.  And Zeke cuts a DROP IN PROMO before the match so we know he means business.  Hopefully he lasts longer than 90 seconds this time then.  Otunga pounds away, but Zeke gets a pair of clotheslines in the corner followed by a splash.  Otunga escapes the torture rack by grabbing the ropes, and finishes with the spinebuster at 1:14.  So no, in fact Zeke lost even faster this time.  ½*  I think perhaps Teddy Long should consider upgrading his avatar in this feud.

Meanwhile, CM Punk talks up Teddy Long and hypes the main event tonight.

Daniel Bryan v. CM Punk

We’ve got half an hour left so that’s gotta be a good sign.  Michael Cole goes crazy for a “Twitter War” between Punk and Chris Brown, which is apparently about how Brown wants Hacksaw Duggan and Bret Hart to come back or something.  Hey, how about Punk & Rihanna v. Brown & Eve Torres for Wrestlemania!  They trade headlocks while Cole once again talks about how “#1 trend worldwide” means “most talked about subject on Twitter”, which is completely a lie.  That is totally incorrect and they are pathetic trying to make it sound like it’s true.  We take a break and return with Bryan hurting Punk’s arm and working on it in the corner, but a blind charge misses.  Punk whiffs on a springboard bodyblock, landing right on the arm to hurt it further.  By the way, add “developing story” to my list of annoying Michael Cole-isms.  It joins “building momentum” among many others.  Bryan throws the kicks, but Punk slugs back with forearms until Bryan takes him down by the arm again.  Bryan gets a nice dick heel move, grinding his knee into Punk’s face on the mat, before going to the surfboard hold.  Punk fights out of that with a backbreaker and either blows out his knee in the process or does a spectacular job of faking it.  That was just sloppy.  Apparently he’s fine because he fights back with the high kicks and tries the GTS, but Bryan goes the arm to escape and then exits the ring.  Sheamus tosses him back in and Punk finishes with the high kick at 9:42.  BUT WAIT!  Executive Vice President of Talent Relations and Interim GM of RAW Johnny Ace WILL NOT STAND for this injustice, and the match MUST CONTINUE.  He’s got a point.  So we take a break and return with Bryan getting a rollup and holding the ropes for the pin at 11:32.  BUT WAIT!  Teddy Long continues wrecking a perfectly good match with overbooking bullshit and he also decrees that the match MUST CONTINUE.   Punk hits a tope suicida and back in for a springboard clothesline that gets two.  Back in, Bryan takes over again and gets a dropkick into the corner for two.  Top rope rana is reversed by Punk on the way down for two, and Punk blocks the seated kicks with a rollup for two.  Bryan reverses that into the Lebell Lock, but Punk escapes with the catapult and levels him with the high kick for two.  Punk goes up for the big elbow, but Bryan crotches him and they fight for the superplex attempt.  Punk puts him down twice, but Bryan just won’t die and finally gets his superplex…which Punk immediately turns into a small package for the pin at 17:29.  However, both shoulders were down, so apparently there’s no winner here either.  Long and Ace argue over it, and for some reason Long is endorsing Punk while Ace is endorsing Bryan, which is bizarre because you’d think they’d support the champions of their own show, personal feelings aside.  At least that’s what HHH told us a couple of weeks ago.  Anyway, great match, STUPID ending.  These were some spectacularly bad finishes tonight, although it’s tough to ruin Punk v. Bryan.  ****

The Pulse:

This was basically RAW part 2, and the entire show was god-awful up until the main event saved it, so please do yourself a favor and seek out that match, and feel free to ignore the rest of this crappy show.

Rants →

The SmarK SUPER SMACKDOWN Rant – 02.21.12

21st February 2012 by Scott Keith

The SmarK SUPER SmackDown Rant – 02.21.12

LIVE from somewhere not mentioned.

Your hosts are Michael Cole, Josh Matthews & Booker T.

Daniel Bryan and AJ start us out, as Bryan gloats about main-eventing Wrestlemania.  Although “main event” is a bit of a stretch given he’ll be fourth from the top at best.  He claims to be the real Rocky story, but the Miz interrupts.  Whoa, dig the STAR POWER.  Miz takes credit for Bryan’s development into a star and wants to form a team, but now Sheamus interrupts.  Miz is mortified, but Bryan attacks Sheamus and runs off, leaving Miz to get walloped.

Sheamus v. The Miz

Apparently Teddy Long booked the match during the break.  We join it in progress with Sheamus holding an armbar, and dumping Miz to the apron for the forearms.  Sheamus slingshots in with a shoulderblock for two, but Miz necksnaps him.  Sheamus misses a charge and hits the floor off that, allowing Miz to work the arm for a bit and hit the running corner clothesline.  Double axehandle off the top gets two, and they slug it out, but Sheamus comes back with elbows and his own corner clothesline.  Backbreaker gets two.  Miz gets the neckbreaker for two and sets up for the Finale, but Sheamus escapes and misses the big kick.  Emerald Frozen finishes at 5:55, however.  I’m guessing they can just call that the Emerald Isle and they’re golden.  Fine TV match.  **1/2  Miz really needs something different to do at this point, though, because he’s going to get stuck in the wrestling equivalent of the Friend Zone and never escape.

Meanwhile, Aksana continues putting the moves on Teddy Long, but Big Johnny and his lawyer interrupt.  So Teddy announces that their office is the men’s room tonight.  Oh, burn.

Kofi Kingston & R-Truth v. Dolph Ziggler & Jack Swagger

Must suck to be the Usos.  WWE is so desperate for tag teams that they throw R-BOOM together on RAW to bolster it, and the Usos still can’t even get off Superstars.  Swagger quickly gets the pump splash on Truth for two, and Ziggler drops the elbow and does situps.  Blind charge misses and Kofi gets the hot tag and runs wild, hitting a high cross on Dolph for two.  It’s BONZO GONZO and Truth takes yet another hard dump to the floor, allowing Ziggler to finish Kofi with the Zig Zag at 2:43.  I think this was actually Ziggler’s first win in something like two months, although I don’t get why you put the new team over the tag champs one night and then job them to another heel team the next night.

Meanwhile, Santino is training with the Cobra, but Heath Slater interrupts and gets spit on.  By the sock.  Yeah.  Luckily, Michael Cole helpfully points out that this was funny.

The Great Khali v. Drew McIntyre

Still not fired, I see.  Khali squashes the shit out of him at 0:27 with the tree slam.  This McIntyre storyline makes no sense.  So Teddy Long, weeks ago, says that he needs to win or he’s fired.  So he loses and loses and loses and loses and loses and loses and loses…and then nothing, he’s still there, and still losing, and now there’s not even any stakes to it, he’s just a guy who loses.  So what was the point?

Meanwhile, Big Show is really quite upset at Cody Rhodes.  They still need to get to Shaq for Wrestlemania, so maybe they’ll go with Show & Shaq v. Cody & Barrett instead?

Big Show v. Mark Henry

Good god, let poor Mark take a month off and heal.  Show hammers him in the corner but misses the knockout punch, and Henry pounds him down to take over.  Mark steps on him and chokes him out on the ropes, laying down some quality trash-talk.  Henry misses a blind charge and Show comes back with clotheslines and the spear, but Cody Rhodes interrupts.  For some reason, Show stops wrestling and stands there staring while Cody shows a video of Show v. Akebono at Wrestlemania 21.  And he turns around into a slam and splash for two.  Henry must have the WORLD’S STRONGEST GROIN if he can bodyslam a guy with his injuries.  Show, however, puts Henry down with the Kassius Ohno punch and that match just stops at 5:00 or so with no winner announced.  What the fuck kind of finish was that?  *1/2

Ezekial Jackson v. David Otunga

As much as they do the fake laughter for dumb stuff, Johnny Ace coming out and doing the Teddy Long dance with no music is legitimately hilarious.  And Zeke cuts a DROP IN PROMO before the match so we know he means business.  Hopefully he lasts longer than 90 seconds this time then.  Otunga pounds away, but Zeke gets a pair of clotheslines in the corner followed by a splash.  Otunga escapes the torture rack by grabbing the ropes, and finishes with the spinebuster at 1:14.  So no, in fact Zeke lost even faster this time.  ½*  I think perhaps Teddy Long should consider upgrading his avatar in this feud.

Meanwhile, CM Punk talks up Teddy Long and hypes the main event tonight.

Daniel Bryan v. CM Punk

We’ve got half an hour left so that’s gotta be a good sign.  Michael Cole goes crazy for a “Twitter War” between Punk and Chris Brown, which is apparently about how Brown wants Hacksaw Duggan and Bret Hart to come back or something.  Hey, how about Punk & Rihanna v. Brown & Eve Torres for Wrestlemania!  They trade headlocks while Cole once again talks about how “#1 trend worldwide” means “most talked about subject on Twitter”, which is completely a lie.  That is totally incorrect and they are pathetic trying to make it sound like it’s true.  We take a break and return with Bryan hurting Punk’s arm and working on it in the corner, but a blind charge misses.  Punk whiffs on a springboard bodyblock, landing right on the arm to hurt it further.  By the way, add “developing story” to my list of annoying Michael Cole-isms.  It joins “building momentum” among many others.  Bryan throws the kicks, but Punk slugs back with forearms until Bryan takes him down by the arm again.  Bryan gets a nice dick heel move, grinding his knee into Punk’s face on the mat, before going to the surfboard hold.  Punk fights out of that with a backbreaker and either blows out his knee in the process or does a spectacular job of faking it.  That was just sloppy.  Apparently he’s fine because he fights back with the high kicks and tries the GTS, but Bryan goes the arm to escape and then exits the ring.  Sheamus tosses him back in and Punk finishes with the high kick at 9:42.  BUT WAIT!  Executive Vice President of Talent Relations and Interim GM of RAW Johnny Ace WILL NOT STAND for this injustice, and the match MUST CONTINUE.  He’s got a point.  So we take a break and return with Bryan getting a rollup and holding the ropes for the pin at 11:32.  BUT WAIT!  Teddy Long continues wrecking a perfectly good match with overbooking bullshit and he also decrees that the match MUST CONTINUE.   Punk hits a tope suicida and back in for a springboard clothesline that gets two.  Back in, Bryan takes over again and gets a dropkick into the corner for two.  Top rope rana is reversed by Punk on the way down for two, and Punk blocks the seated kicks with a rollup for two.  Bryan reverses that into the Lebell Lock, but Punk escapes with the catapult and levels him with the high kick for two.  Punk goes up for the big elbow, but Bryan crotches him and they fight for the superplex attempt.  Punk puts him down twice, but Bryan just won’t die and finally gets his superplex…which Punk immediately turns into a small package for the pin at 17:29.  However, both shoulders were down, so apparently there’s no winner here either.  Long and Ace argue over it, and for some reason Long is endorsing Punk while Ace is endorsing Bryan, which is bizarre because you’d think they’d support the champions of their own show, personal feelings aside.  At least that’s what HHH told us a couple of weeks ago.  Anyway, great match, STUPID ending.  These were some spectacularly bad finishes tonight, although it’s tough to ruin Punk v. Bryan.  ****

The Pulse:

This was basically RAW part 2, and the entire show was god-awful up until the main event saved it, so please do yourself a favor and seek out that match, and feel free to ignore the rest of this crappy show.

Rants →

The SmarK SUPER SMACKDOWN Rant – 02.21.12

21st February 2012 by Scott Keith

The SmarK SUPER SmackDown Rant – 02.21.12

LIVE from somewhere not mentioned.

Your hosts are Michael Cole, Josh Matthews & Booker T.

Daniel Bryan and AJ start us out, as Bryan gloats about main-eventing Wrestlemania.  Although “main event” is a bit of a stretch given he’ll be fourth from the top at best.  He claims to be the real Rocky story, but the Miz interrupts.  Whoa, dig the STAR POWER.  Miz takes credit for Bryan’s development into a star and wants to form a team, but now Sheamus interrupts.  Miz is mortified, but Bryan attacks Sheamus and runs off, leaving Miz to get walloped.

Sheamus v. The Miz

Apparently Teddy Long booked the match during the break.  We join it in progress with Sheamus holding an armbar, and dumping Miz to the apron for the forearms.  Sheamus slingshots in with a shoulderblock for two, but Miz necksnaps him.  Sheamus misses a charge and hits the floor off that, allowing Miz to work the arm for a bit and hit the running corner clothesline.  Double axehandle off the top gets two, and they slug it out, but Sheamus comes back with elbows and his own corner clothesline.  Backbreaker gets two.  Miz gets the neckbreaker for two and sets up for the Finale, but Sheamus escapes and misses the big kick.  Emerald Frozen finishes at 5:55, however.  I’m guessing they can just call that the Emerald Isle and they’re golden.  Fine TV match.  **1/2  Miz really needs something different to do at this point, though, because he’s going to get stuck in the wrestling equivalent of the Friend Zone and never escape.

Meanwhile, Aksana continues putting the moves on Teddy Long, but Big Johnny and his lawyer interrupt.  So Teddy announces that their office is the men’s room tonight.  Oh, burn.

Kofi Kingston & R-Truth v. Dolph Ziggler & Jack Swagger

Must suck to be the Usos.  WWE is so desperate for tag teams that they throw R-BOOM together on RAW to bolster it, and the Usos still can’t even get off Superstars.  Swagger quickly gets the pump splash on Truth for two, and Ziggler drops the elbow and does situps.  Blind charge misses and Kofi gets the hot tag and runs wild, hitting a high cross on Dolph for two.  It’s BONZO GONZO and Truth takes yet another hard dump to the floor, allowing Ziggler to finish Kofi with the Zig Zag at 2:43.  I think this was actually Ziggler’s first win in something like two months, although I don’t get why you put the new team over the tag champs one night and then job them to another heel team the next night.

Meanwhile, Santino is training with the Cobra, but Heath Slater interrupts and gets spit on.  By the sock.  Yeah.  Luckily, Michael Cole helpfully points out that this was funny.

The Great Khali v. Drew McIntyre

Still not fired, I see.  Khali squashes the shit out of him at 0:27 with the tree slam.  This McIntyre storyline makes no sense.  So Teddy Long, weeks ago, says that he needs to win or he’s fired.  So he loses and loses and loses and loses and loses and loses and loses…and then nothing, he’s still there, and still losing, and now there’s not even any stakes to it, he’s just a guy who loses.  So what was the point?

Meanwhile, Big Show is really quite upset at Cody Rhodes.  They still need to get to Shaq for Wrestlemania, so maybe they’ll go with Show & Shaq v. Cody & Barrett instead?

Big Show v. Mark Henry

Good god, let poor Mark take a month off and heal.  Show hammers him in the corner but misses the knockout punch, and Henry pounds him down to take over.  Mark steps on him and chokes him out on the ropes, laying down some quality trash-talk.  Henry misses a blind charge and Show comes back with clotheslines and the spear, but Cody Rhodes interrupts.  For some reason, Show stops wrestling and stands there staring while Cody shows a video of Show v. Akebono at Wrestlemania 21.  And he turns around into a slam and splash for two.  Henry must have the WORLD’S STRONGEST GROIN if he can bodyslam a guy with his injuries.  Show, however, puts Henry down with the Kassius Ohno punch and that match just stops at 5:00 or so with no winner announced.  What the fuck kind of finish was that?  *1/2

Ezekial Jackson v. David Otunga

As much as they do the fake laughter for dumb stuff, Johnny Ace coming out and doing the Teddy Long dance with no music is legitimately hilarious.  And Zeke cuts a DROP IN PROMO before the match so we know he means business.  Hopefully he lasts longer than 90 seconds this time then.  Otunga pounds away, but Zeke gets a pair of clotheslines in the corner followed by a splash.  Otunga escapes the torture rack by grabbing the ropes, and finishes with the spinebuster at 1:14.  So no, in fact Zeke lost even faster this time.  ½*  I think perhaps Teddy Long should consider upgrading his avatar in this feud.

Meanwhile, CM Punk talks up Teddy Long and hypes the main event tonight.

Daniel Bryan v. CM Punk

We’ve got half an hour left so that’s gotta be a good sign.  Michael Cole goes crazy for a “Twitter War” between Punk and Chris Brown, which is apparently about how Brown wants Hacksaw Duggan and Bret Hart to come back or something.  Hey, how about Punk & Rihanna v. Brown & Eve Torres for Wrestlemania!  They trade headlocks while Cole once again talks about how “#1 trend worldwide” means “most talked about subject on Twitter”, which is completely a lie.  That is totally incorrect and they are pathetic trying to make it sound like it’s true.  We take a break and return with Bryan hurting Punk’s arm and working on it in the corner, but a blind charge misses.  Punk whiffs on a springboard bodyblock, landing right on the arm to hurt it further.  By the way, add “developing story” to my list of annoying Michael Cole-isms.  It joins “building momentum” among many others.  Bryan throws the kicks, but Punk slugs back with forearms until Bryan takes him down by the arm again.  Bryan gets a nice dick heel move, grinding his knee into Punk’s face on the mat, before going to the surfboard hold.  Punk fights out of that with a backbreaker and either blows out his knee in the process or does a spectacular job of faking it.  That was just sloppy.  Apparently he’s fine because he fights back with the high kicks and tries the GTS, but Bryan goes the arm to escape and then exits the ring.  Sheamus tosses him back in and Punk finishes with the high kick at 9:42.  BUT WAIT!  Executive Vice President of Talent Relations and Interim GM of RAW Johnny Ace WILL NOT STAND for this injustice, and the match MUST CONTINUE.  He’s got a point.  So we take a break and return with Bryan getting a rollup and holding the ropes for the pin at 11:32.  BUT WAIT!  Teddy Long continues wrecking a perfectly good match with overbooking bullshit and he also decrees that the match MUST CONTINUE.   Punk hits a tope suicida and back in for a springboard clothesline that gets two.  Back in, Bryan takes over again and gets a dropkick into the corner for two.  Top rope rana is reversed by Punk on the way down for two, and Punk blocks the seated kicks with a rollup for two.  Bryan reverses that into the Lebell Lock, but Punk escapes with the catapult and levels him with the high kick for two.  Punk goes up for the big elbow, but Bryan crotches him and they fight for the superplex attempt.  Punk puts him down twice, but Bryan just won’t die and finally gets his superplex…which Punk immediately turns into a small package for the pin at 17:29.  However, both shoulders were down, so apparently there’s no winner here either.  Long and Ace argue over it, and for some reason Long is endorsing Punk while Ace is endorsing Bryan, which is bizarre because you’d think they’d support the champions of their own show, personal feelings aside.  At least that’s what HHH told us a couple of weeks ago.  Anyway, great match, STUPID ending.  These were some spectacularly bad finishes tonight, although it’s tough to ruin Punk v. Bryan.  ****

The Pulse:

This was basically RAW part 2, and the entire show was god-awful up until the main event saved it, so please do yourself a favor and seek out that match, and feel free to ignore the rest of this crappy show.

Rants →

The SmarK SUPER SMACKDOWN Rant – 02.21.12

21st February 2012 by Scott Keith

The SmarK SUPER SmackDown Rant – 02.21.12

LIVE from somewhere not mentioned.

Your hosts are Michael Cole, Josh Matthews & Booker T.

Daniel Bryan and AJ start us out, as Bryan gloats about main-eventing Wrestlemania.  Although “main event” is a bit of a stretch given he’ll be fourth from the top at best.  He claims to be the real Rocky story, but the Miz interrupts.  Whoa, dig the STAR POWER.  Miz takes credit for Bryan’s development into a star and wants to form a team, but now Sheamus interrupts.  Miz is mortified, but Bryan attacks Sheamus and runs off, leaving Miz to get walloped.

Sheamus v. The Miz

Apparently Teddy Long booked the match during the break.  We join it in progress with Sheamus holding an armbar, and dumping Miz to the apron for the forearms.  Sheamus slingshots in with a shoulderblock for two, but Miz necksnaps him.  Sheamus misses a charge and hits the floor off that, allowing Miz to work the arm for a bit and hit the running corner clothesline.  Double axehandle off the top gets two, and they slug it out, but Sheamus comes back with elbows and his own corner clothesline.  Backbreaker gets two.  Miz gets the neckbreaker for two and sets up for the Finale, but Sheamus escapes and misses the big kick.  Emerald Frozen finishes at 5:55, however.  I’m guessing they can just call that the Emerald Isle and they’re golden.  Fine TV match.  **1/2  Miz really needs something different to do at this point, though, because he’s going to get stuck in the wrestling equivalent of the Friend Zone and never escape.

Meanwhile, Aksana continues putting the moves on Teddy Long, but Big Johnny and his lawyer interrupt.  So Teddy announces that their office is the men’s room tonight.  Oh, burn.

Kofi Kingston & R-Truth v. Dolph Ziggler & Jack Swagger

Must suck to be the Usos.  WWE is so desperate for tag teams that they throw R-BOOM together on RAW to bolster it, and the Usos still can’t even get off Superstars.  Swagger quickly gets the pump splash on Truth for two, and Ziggler drops the elbow and does situps.  Blind charge misses and Kofi gets the hot tag and runs wild, hitting a high cross on Dolph for two.  It’s BONZO GONZO and Truth takes yet another hard dump to the floor, allowing Ziggler to finish Kofi with the Zig Zag at 2:43.  I think this was actually Ziggler’s first win in something like two months, although I don’t get why you put the new team over the tag champs one night and then job them to another heel team the next night.

Meanwhile, Santino is training with the Cobra, but Heath Slater interrupts and gets spit on.  By the sock.  Yeah.  Luckily, Michael Cole helpfully points out that this was funny.

The Great Khali v. Drew McIntyre

Still not fired, I see.  Khali squashes the shit out of him at 0:27 with the tree slam.  This McIntyre storyline makes no sense.  So Teddy Long, weeks ago, says that he needs to win or he’s fired.  So he loses and loses and loses and loses and loses and loses and loses…and then nothing, he’s still there, and still losing, and now there’s not even any stakes to it, he’s just a guy who loses.  So what was the point?

Meanwhile, Big Show is really quite upset at Cody Rhodes.  They still need to get to Shaq for Wrestlemania, so maybe they’ll go with Show & Shaq v. Cody & Barrett instead?

Big Show v. Mark Henry

Good god, let poor Mark take a month off and heal.  Show hammers him in the corner but misses the knockout punch, and Henry pounds him down to take over.  Mark steps on him and chokes him out on the ropes, laying down some quality trash-talk.  Henry misses a blind charge and Show comes back with clotheslines and the spear, but Cody Rhodes interrupts.  For some reason, Show stops wrestling and stands there staring while Cody shows a video of Show v. Akebono at Wrestlemania 21.  And he turns around into a slam and splash for two.  Henry must have the WORLD’S STRONGEST GROIN if he can bodyslam a guy with his injuries.  Show, however, puts Henry down with the Kassius Ohno punch and that match just stops at 5:00 or so with no winner announced.  What the fuck kind of finish was that?  *1/2

Ezekial Jackson v. David Otunga

As much as they do the fake laughter for dumb stuff, Johnny Ace coming out and doing the Teddy Long dance with no music is legitimately hilarious.  And Zeke cuts a DROP IN PROMO before the match so we know he means business.  Hopefully he lasts longer than 90 seconds this time then.  Otunga pounds away, but Zeke gets a pair of clotheslines in the corner followed by a splash.  Otunga escapes the torture rack by grabbing the ropes, and finishes with the spinebuster at 1:14.  So no, in fact Zeke lost even faster this time.  ½*  I think perhaps Teddy Long should consider upgrading his avatar in this feud.

Meanwhile, CM Punk talks up Teddy Long and hypes the main event tonight.

Daniel Bryan v. CM Punk

We’ve got half an hour left so that’s gotta be a good sign.  Michael Cole goes crazy for a “Twitter War” between Punk and Chris Brown, which is apparently about how Brown wants Hacksaw Duggan and Bret Hart to come back or something.  Hey, how about Punk & Rihanna v. Brown & Eve Torres for Wrestlemania!  They trade headlocks while Cole once again talks about how “#1 trend worldwide” means “most talked about subject on Twitter”, which is completely a lie.  That is totally incorrect and they are pathetic trying to make it sound like it’s true.  We take a break and return with Bryan hurting Punk’s arm and working on it in the corner, but a blind charge misses.  Punk whiffs on a springboard bodyblock, landing right on the arm to hurt it further.  By the way, add “developing story” to my list of annoying Michael Cole-isms.  It joins “building momentum” among many others.  Bryan throws the kicks, but Punk slugs back with forearms until Bryan takes him down by the arm again.  Bryan gets a nice dick heel move, grinding his knee into Punk’s face on the mat, before going to the surfboard hold.  Punk fights out of that with a backbreaker and either blows out his knee in the process or does a spectacular job of faking it.  That was just sloppy.  Apparently he’s fine because he fights back with the high kicks and tries the GTS, but Bryan goes the arm to escape and then exits the ring.  Sheamus tosses him back in and Punk finishes with the high kick at 9:42.  BUT WAIT!  Executive Vice President of Talent Relations and Interim GM of RAW Johnny Ace WILL NOT STAND for this injustice, and the match MUST CONTINUE.  He’s got a point.  So we take a break and return with Bryan getting a rollup and holding the ropes for the pin at 11:32.  BUT WAIT!  Teddy Long continues wrecking a perfectly good match with overbooking bullshit and he also decrees that the match MUST CONTINUE.   Punk hits a tope suicida and back in for a springboard clothesline that gets two.  Back in, Bryan takes over again and gets a dropkick into the corner for two.  Top rope rana is reversed by Punk on the way down for two, and Punk blocks the seated kicks with a rollup for two.  Bryan reverses that into the Lebell Lock, but Punk escapes with the catapult and levels him with the high kick for two.  Punk goes up for the big elbow, but Bryan crotches him and they fight for the superplex attempt.  Punk puts him down twice, but Bryan just won’t die and finally gets his superplex…which Punk immediately turns into a small package for the pin at 17:29.  However, both shoulders were down, so apparently there’s no winner here either.  Long and Ace argue over it, and for some reason Long is endorsing Punk while Ace is endorsing Bryan, which is bizarre because you’d think they’d support the champions of their own show, personal feelings aside.  At least that’s what HHH told us a couple of weeks ago.  Anyway, great match, STUPID ending.  These were some spectacularly bad finishes tonight, although it’s tough to ruin Punk v. Bryan.  ****

The Pulse:

This was basically RAW part 2, and the entire show was god-awful up until the main event saved it, so please do yourself a favor and seek out that match, and feel free to ignore the rest of this crappy show.

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Smackdown – February 21, 2012 (Live Tuesday Show)

21st February 2012 by Scott Keith

Smackdown
Date: February 21, 2012
Location: BMO Harris Bank Center, Rockford, Illinois
Commentators: Michael Cole, Josh Matthews, Booker T

Reviewed by Tommy Hall

We’re live tonight which was announced pretty quickly last night. The main event is Bryan vs. Punk II which will likely result in some run ins. Last night we had a good main event where Jericho got the world title shot. Other than half the roster winding up in the hospital, I thought it came off pretty well. These live shows are usually pretty good so hopefully they can continue that trend. Let’s get to it.

Big Show vs. Mark Henry again tonight. Why couldn’t Henry go in the Chamber again?

Here are Bryan and AJ to open the show. He says no one believed him no matter what he’s said but now he’s heading to the main event of Wrestlemania! As for Santino, he was trying to channel Rocky Balboa but Bryan is a role model who beat everyone on Sunday. Bryan says you all want Rocky, so YO AJ! I DID IT!!! The fans want Punk. Bryan talks about how Sunday was his moment but Sheamus ruined it. Well at Mania, Bryan is going to ruin Sheamus’ moment by being victorious.

Bryan keeps talking and here’s…..Miz? He can’t believe Bryan really is champion but Bryan is wrong. Miz believed that he’d become a world champion too and it’s because of his mentoring. He isn’t out here to steal the spotlight or for thanks. He’s here to offer his congratulations. Miz thinks that after Wrestlemania, they should form a tag team. Cue Sheamus to cut him off.

Sheamus congratulates Bryan, but for being a hypocrite. He’s no role model but rather just a coward. Bryan would rather hide behind a skirt than fight like a man. After Wrestlemania, everyone is going to say that Bryan got exactly what he deserved. Miz gets in Sheamus’ face and says that Sheamus should be taken down a notch or two. Sheamus says let the guys with a match at Wrestlemania talk. Bryan slaps Sheamus and runs but Miz jumps Sheamus. Miz is sent to the floor and I think we have our second main event tonight.

Sheamus vs. The Miz

Or we have a match we join in progress after the break. Sheamus is in control and hits the forearms in the ropes to send Miz to the floor. Back in the slingshot shoulder gets two. Miz avoids a charge and Sheamus’ shoulder goes into the post. Single arm DDT gets two. Miz hooks a quick arm hold but Sheamus comes back with his running double axes. Irish Curse gets two and Sheamus doesn’t seem that bothered.

Miz comes back with a Reality Check as Booker won’t quite say if he thinks Sheamus will win the title at the PPV or not. Here comes the Finale but Sheamus throws him out of it. Brogue Kick misses and Sheamus rolls him up for two. That new move that Sheamus has been using (needs a name) gets the pin at 6:00 shown.

Rating: C+. This was another good outing for Sheamus. Building him up by having him beat the entire upper midcard by Mania is fine and he’s beaten Mark Henry and Miz on back to back nights. Not a great match or anything but Sheamus looked strong and it’s not like this loss hurts Miz.

Teddy and Aksana are in the back and their usual stuff is done. Ace and Otunga are here and Teddy says that he has a special office for them. It’s the men’s room. Otunga vs. Jackson again tonight if I understood things right.

R-Truth/Kofi Kingston vs. Dolph Ziggler/Jack Swagger

Truth and Swagger start things off. Truth does his gyrating dance and gets taken down by a shoulder block by Jack. Vader Bomb gets two. Off to Ziggler who hooks that cross face chicken wing of his. Ziggler misses his splash and Truth brings in Kofi to speed things up. Kofi keeps selling the injuries from the Chamber. It’s good to see that Dolph is alive after that landing last night. Top rope cross body hits Dolph but Swagger makes the save. Swagger and Truth are knocked to the floor and Vickie slips on the floor. Back in the ring Ziggler pokes Kofi in the eye and the Zig Zag gets the pin at 2:43. So why put them over the champs?

Preview for some SyFy show.

Ron Simmons HOF video.

Santino does some target practice with The Cobra on some plastic cups. Heath Slater comes in and shoves them away. The Cobra spits something at Slater’s eyes and then does it again.

Great Khali vs. Drew McIntyre

Drew is yelling at the commentators before the match. He begs off Khali and then shoves him. Chop, Plunge, 32 seconds.

Clip of the end of the battle royal last night with Show being eliminated because of Cody.

Big Show says Cody is on the top of his list, just like Show is on the top of Henry’s list. Show is going to snap Cody’s neck no matter where he gets his hands on him.

Big Show vs. Mark Henry

Show knocked Henry out on Monday to set this up. Show splashes him in the corner quickly and loads up the right hand but Henry ducks. A clothesline takes Show down and Henry is in early control. Henry yells a lot at Big Show and says this is his house and all that jazz. Show gets a boot up in the corner and some clotheslines to put Henry down. He hits a spear and calls for the chokeslam, but here’s Rhodes.

He says it must not be Wrestlemania if he’s going to chokeslam someone. Cody talks about Show facing Akebono at Wrestlemania and we get a clip from the show. In the middle of this match mind you. By clip I mean a full video package of the match against the sumo guy. Henry pops up and slams Show, followed by a splash for two. The WMD puts Henry out and Show goes after Cody. I guess we call it a countout at about 5:00.

Rating: D. The match was the usual non-PPV showcase from these guys. The video package in the middle stopped things cold and the lack of an ending (could Show really not get a quick pin?) made it even worse. I guess maybe they’re really not going with Big Show vs. Shaq at Mania? It doesn’t seem like it at least. This was pretty strange.

Recap of HHH and Undertaker last night.

Ezekiel Jackson vs. David Otunga

For the dozen of you that demanded the rematch! Lillian screws up a bunch of the entrance for Otunga and Laurinits. Otunga gets in him in a dragon sleeper position and pounds away on the chest but Jackson runs him over with a shoulder. He hits the clotheslines and a splash in the corner, followed by a backbreaker. There’s the Torture Rack but Otunga makes the ropes. Otunga guillotines him on the top and the spinebuster ends this at 1:21.

Otunga poses after the match.

Another preview for the Syfy show.

Here’s ANOTHER video from last night, this time about Eve’s heel turn.

Punk says nothing of note but he’ll beat Bryan tonight.

Daniel Bryan vs. CM Punk

It’s 9:34 when Bryan comes out so this is either going to go very long or there’s something else ending the show. The crowd is very pro-Punk. They go to the mat and exchange a lot of counters. A stalemate takes us to a break. Back with Bryan holding a headlock which Punk escapes pretty quickly. Bryan goes after the arm and Punk sells it perfectly. Bryan kicks him in the chest and punk keeps sitting up.

Punk finally comes back with a suplex and both guys are down. Here comes the comeback via the kicks but his neckbreaker can’t work because of the arm. See, THAT’S a huge difference in selling: you can’t use certain moves because of the injuries. Bryan ducks the high kick and tries to leave, but Sheamus throws him back in and the high kick to the head gets the pin at 10:00.

And never mind as here’s Ace to say keep the match going. Punk takes him down and we take another break. Back with Daniel in control and working over the arm some more. During the break, Punk made fun of Bryan’s celebrations. Bryan rolls up Punk out of nowhere and grabs the rope for a pin at 14:27. Now say it with me: Teddy comes out and says restart it again.

unk kicks him to the floor and hits a suicide dive followed by the springboard clothesline for two. Bryan takes over and hits his kicks, followed by a top rope rana. Punk rolls through into a sunset flip for two. More kicks by Bryan but Punk blocks one. Bryan counters the counter into the LeBell Lock but Punk escapes again. High kick gets two. Punk goes up for the Macho Elbow, only to get crotched. Superplex is countered twice but Bryan finally hits it on the third attempt, all the way from the top. Punk does the old interlock the feet but it’s a double pin at 21:47.

Rating: B. Well you knew this wasn’t going to have a clean winner. I’m glad that it wasn’t because of interference though because that would have been totally predictable. This keeps both guys looking strong and at least does it in a way we haven’t seen a million times in the past year. I didn’t like it as good as their first one but it’s still good.

Post match, Ace and Teddy raise their respective guy’s hands (Teddy for Punk and Ace for Bryan). The bosses get into it and Ace throws his jacket at Teddy, making him leave to end the show with a staredown.

Overall Rating: B-. This was a better show than most they’ve had lately but it felt like a supplement to Raw than its own show. With the Brand Split meaning practically nothing around this time of year, Smackdown gets nothing to work with at all. The main event was good but it was obvious that it was going to have no definitive ending. On Raw the lack of wrestling was ok because it was added by a lot of angles and development. That didn’t happen tonight for the most part, making this a weaker show overall, but still good.

Results
Sheamus b. The Miz – Celtic Cross
Dolph Ziggler/Jack Swagger b. Kofi Kingston/R-Truth – Zig Zag to Kingston
Great Khali b. Drew McIntyre – Punjabi Plunge
Mark Henry b. Big Show via countout
David Otunga b. Ezekiel Jackson – Spinebuster
CM Punk and Daniel Bryan wrestled to a draw when both were pinned at the same time

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Road to Wrestlemania Super SmackDown Open Thread

21st February 2012 by Scott Keith

Tuesday night fights and a Bryan-Punk match that’s sure to hit around **** before the interference begins to protect both guys and their respective matches.

Return of Del Rio and Christian? Maybe.

Come out swinging but keep it clean!

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The King's Recap: WWF Smackdown 4.05.2001

21st February 2012 by Scott Keith

WWF SMACKDOWN
Thursday, April 5th, 2001

Taped (4/4) from the Marriot Convention Center in Oklahoma City, OK

List of WWF Champions at the time:
WWF World Heavyweight Champion: Stone Cold Steve Austin (4/01/2001)
WWF Intercontinental Champion: Chris Jericho (1/21/2001)
WWF World Tag Team Champions: Edge & Christian (4/01/2001)
WWF European Champion: Eddie Guerrero (4/01/2001)
WWF Hardcore Champion: Kane (4/01/2001)
WWF Women’s Champion: Chyna (4/01/2001)
WWF Light Heavyweight Champion: Crash Holly (3/18/2001)

~ Smackdown comes on the air and goes right to the intro with Michael Cole and Tazz welcoming us to the show. Tonight Jim Ross has a special interview with Steve Austin and maybe we’ll finally gets some answers for his actions. Also tonight Triple H challenges Chris Jericho for the Intercontinential Championship, which I have a bad feeling about.

  • The Undertaker & Kane vs. Steven Richards, Bull Buchanan & The Goofather – 3-on-2 Handicap Match

This resulted from Kane retaining his Hardcore Title against fellow RTC’er Val Venis on Raw and Taker saving him from a mugging. Richards gets on the mic and rants on how the RTC can’t allow the media to desensitize our youth to violence just like they can’t allow the fans to make heroes out of villians and promises to put an end to them. Buchanan and Goodfather rush the ring but Taker and Kane get the advantage and toss them over the ropes. Taker then goes out after Richards on the floor and throws him in the ring where Kane grabs him by the throat. Buchanan breaks up the chokeslam and pounds Kane then goes for a whip but Kane counters with a clothesline. Kane pummels Buchanan then whips him into the a corner and clotheslines him beofre hitting a sidewalk slam. Kane climbs to the top rope and connects with the flying clothesline then covers him but Goodfather saves it. Taker tags in to take over and goes for a whip, Buchanan reverses it but Taker comes back with a clothesline. Taker grabs Buchanan’s arm and walks the top rope then clubs him in the back and hits a Russian legsweep. Goodfather comes in again and Taker hammers away at him but the RTC’ers double-team Taker in their corner. Richards tags in just as Taker fights out of the corner and Richards backs away but eats a pair of hard rights. Taker whips Richards into a corner and plants him with a powerslam then covers but Goodfather saves it again. Everyone is in now as Kane and Buchanan go at it in a corner while Goodfather gets in his offense on Taker. Taker grabs Goodfather by the throat as Kane does the same to Buchanan and they hit simultaneous chokeslams. Richards nails Kane with the Stevenkick … but Kane no-sells it and nails Richards with a big boot. Taker then takes Richards out with the Last Ride for good measure and scores the pin. (4:18) The RTC pretty much got dismantled there, which would makr the beginning of the end of that stable. *

~ Backstage Vince McMahon gives Undertaker and Kane props while Triple H and Steve Austin seem unimpressed. Triple H admits Chris Jericho has some good qualities but he’s going to beat him up and take his title out of prinicple. Vince next asks Austin about being interviewed by his best friend Jim Ross in the ring in front of JR’s hometown and Austin says he hasn’t had a good heart-to-heart talk with JR in some time so he’s really looking forward to it. Vince then says he has to go out and address an arena of Oklahomans (oh joy!) and departs as we go to commercial.

~ Back from break Vince struts his way to the ring because he just has to get in his long-winded promo as usual. Vince gets on the mic and starts off saying he’s been to all fifty states but being in Oklahoma is like being in Zimbabwe because he’s seen the vacant stares of Oklahomans and it’s the same look from Zimbabwe natives. Vince also figures the founders named both the city and the state the same due to the people’s limited mental facilities. Vince next mentions Richard Nixon is no longer the U.S. President just as The Rock is no longer the WWF Champion. Vince mentions what a moment it was seeing Steve Austin beat Rock into oblivion at Wrestlemania and taking his title and that Rock was flat on his back after being pinned 1-2-3 when he saw himself and Austin shaking hands. Vince also says he was prouder the next night when Austin granted Rock his rematch in a cage when he didn’t have to. Vince says Rock was broken by Austin again and this time he saw himself, Austin and Triple H all standing together. Vince says people have wondered why and may just get their answers as Oklahoma’s own JR interviwes Austin later. Vince then reviews the closing moments of the match and how Rock seemed to have no hope as Austin brutalized him. Vince also shows Triple H coming out and how everyone though he was going to help Rock only to show otherwise. Vince then asks fans if expect Rock to come out and get some retribution before saying he won’t even be here tonight, because if Rock showed up Austin and Triple H would destroy him again and do it again night after night. Vince announces that to prevent that in an act of benevolence he has suspend Rock from WWF action indefinitely! Vince claims he did that in the interest of fairness then wraps things up and heads out after 10 minutes.

~ We then get a shot of JR watching this on a monitor and shaking his head as we go to commercial.

~ Back form break Cole and Tazz talk about five new champions being crowned at Wrestlemania as we get stills. Cole and Tazz especially touch on Chyna returning from her neck injury and destroying Ivory for the Women’s Title. Just in case we cared.

~ Speaking of which Johnathan Coachman interviews the new Women’s Champion about her crowning acheivement. Chyna talks on the inspiring example she set for women as well as for men, that you have to be your own person. Chyna says she fought for who she is and for what she belives in and that she is proud to be Women’s Champion.

~ We next get footage of William Regal meeting with the Hardys and puts over their performance at Wrestlemania. Regal then mentions them meeting Shane on Smackdown, warning then against associating with a rival organization. As a result Regal decides to have Jeff compete in singles action tonight … against The Big Show.

~ Backstage Lillian Garcia interviews Jim Ross about what he’s going to ask Steve Austin in the big interview later. JR says the fans deserve some answers after what happened Sunday so he’s going to be asking some tough questions.

~ Back from break William Regal meets with Kurt Angle about their handicap match with Chris Benoit tonight. Angle thanks Regal for the match tonight before asking that he finish Benoit off by putting him in the Anklelock. Regal feels his Regal Stretch could get the job done as well and Angle chuckles, until he realizes Regal was serious.

  • Rhyno vs. K-Kwik

That sure was a lot of non-wrestling segments just to get to this bout. Rhyno pounds K-Kwik to start then whips him into a corner and shoulderblocks him and hits a running boot. Rhyno continues his assault on K-Kwik then whips him when K-Kwik comes back with a Memphis Sidekick. K-Kwik gets in his offense goes for a whip, Rhyno reverses but K-Kwik hits him with a flying headscissors thenkips back up and does a spilt. K-Kwik goes for a whip when Rhyno reverses him into a corner. K-Kwik lifts himself over Rhyno and does some backflips but Rhyno stops that with the Gore and it’s over. (1:26) The age-old method of getting someone over: have him destroy jobbers quickly. NR

Rhyno celebrates as he heads up the ramp when Crash punks Rhyno out from behind and rolls him in the ring. Crash goes for a whip but Rhyno reverses and takes Crash out with the Gore for the second time this week.

~ Kurt Angle and William Regal are shown making their way to the ring as we go to commercial.

~ Back from break we get a replay of Crash trying to get a piece of Rhyno with the results not ending in his favor. We then get ‘during the break’ footage of Edge and Christian congradulating Rhyno for the destruction job he did. Christian suggests Rhyno shower so they can grab a bite but Rhyno is ready to head out now and offers to drive.

  • Chris Benoit vs. William Regal & Kurt Angle – Handicap Match

Angle and Regal battled Chris Jericho in a handicap match on Raw with Chirsn BEnoit getting involved, so it’s Benoit’s turn tonight. Benoit goes right after Angle to start but Regal pounces on him then whips him and connects with an elbow. Angle grabs Benoit with a waistlock but Benoit kicks him below the belt then goes for the Crossface on Regal. Angle breaks it up and goes for a whip but Benoit German suplexes him then hits Regal with a German as well. Benoit plants Angle with another German suplex then does the same to Regal and gets both men a third time. The crowd actually cheers for Benoit as he fights off Regal then throws Angle shoulder-first into the ringpost. Benoit then goes to whip Regal who counters it but Benoit counters back and plants him with a Dragon suplex. Benoit slaps the Crossface on Regal but breaks it when Angle flies in to save it and puts him in the Crossface! Regal makes the save and hits a European uppercut that knocks Benoit right into a German suplex from Angle. Regal hits a butterfly suplex and Angle follows it up with a suplex then helps Regal lay the boots to Benoit. Angle and Regal whip Benoit but Benoit ducks a doubel clothesline and nails Regal with another German suplex. Angle comes back with a belly-to-belly suplex then celebrates allowing Regal to put Benoit in the Regal Stretch. Agle adds in the Anklelock and Benoit is forced to tap out to both submission holds. (2:59) Pretty good stuff for a three-minute bout and it got the ball rolling on Benoit’s face turn. **

Regal releases his hold but Angle won’t let go of the Anklelock and Regal is in no hurry to break it up. A bunch of referees come in but can’t get Angle to let go of Benoit and again Regal just shurgs his shoulders. But as expected Chris Jericho runs in and stomps Angle out to the floor then shares another glance with Benoit.

~ Backstage Vince meets with JR about how meeting with Steve Austin will be biggest interview he’ll ever have. Vince tells JR not to be nervous and just be himself, all while daring him to ask Austin “the tough questions”.

~ Back from break Kevin Kelly interviews Debra on Steve Austin destroying Rock and asks if she has any sympathy for Rock, since she is Rock’s former manager. Debra says what happened was unfair and uncalled for and Kevin feels that means Debra must disapprove of her husband’s actions but Debra refuses to discuss her personal life. Kevin then asks Debra how she views Austin profesonally but Debra refuses to answer that as well and walks off.

  • The Big Show vs. Jeff Hardy (w/Matt Hardy & Lita)

Jeff slides under Show in the ring and comes off the ropes but Show presses him up before dropping him. Show whips Jeff hard into a corner and headbutts him then hits some elbows and caps it off with a chokebomb. Show hits another headbutt then whips Jeff but Jeff hits a dropkick that staggers Show but he doesn’t go down. Jeff comes off the ropes again but Show plants him with a belly-to-belly suplex then decks Matt off the apron. Show goes out and press slams Matt on the barricaide then turns toward Lita and chases her in the ring. Lita slips out to the floor as the referee warns Show to worry about his opponent but Show shoves him aside. Lita climbs to the top rope and leaps off but Show catches her in a choke and looks ready to chokeslam her. Jeff nails Show to save Lita but Show slams Jeff then climbs to the top rope and goes for a senton but misses. Lita comes to the top rope and hits a moonsault while Matt also climbs to the top and hits a guillotine legdrop. Jeff goes to the top and hits the Swanton Bomb and all three pile on Show as the referee quick counts the pin! (3:08) The Hardys, Lita and the referee then flee up the ramp while Show chases after them to the back. Definitely a weird match, one I can’t rate. NR

~ Back from break we get a replay of Jeff Hardy getting an upset win over Big Show with Matt and Lita helping out. We then find Show roaming the backstage area searching for the Hardys when he comes across a room and barges in. However Show finds The Undertaker and Kane instead as they work him over before telling him to knock next time.

  • X-Factor vs. Grandmaster Sexay, Steve Blackman & Billy Gunn

X-Pac stole a win over Billy on Raw with the help of his pas so here’s Billy’s chance at payback. Don’t know why he recruited thses guys, though. Billy and his partners go at it with X-Factor to start off and quickly clear Credible and X-Pac from the ring. Billy and Blackman suplex Albert up while Sexay cilmbs to the top rope and adds in a flying crossbody. Albert rolls out to the floor as well and X-Pac’s crew try to regroup when Sexay brings X-Pac in the hard way. Sexay goes for a whip when X-Pac reverses it, Sexay slides under him and hits an enzuigiri but misses a fistdrop. Credible tags in but Sexay greets him with a neckbreaker then tags in Blackman who whips him and drops him. Blackman whips Credible and hits a shouldertackle then does a one-arm pushup and gets in a shot on X-Pac. Blackman goes to kick Albert but Albert catches it allowing X-Pac to nail him with a spinning heelkick. X-Pac draws Billy in to distract the referee but Sexay comes in and knocks Albert and X-Pac’s heads together. Sexay goes out to the apron and dives at Albert but Albert catches him and rams him back-first into the post. Back in the ring X-Pac hammers away on Blackman and hits a legdrop then tags Credible in to take over on him. Albert tags in and whips Blackman looking for a hiptoss but Blackman lands on his feet and kicks away at him. Albert comes back with a bodyblock then whips Blackman into a corner and connects with the Avalanche. Albert slingshots Blackman into the middle rope then tags X-Pac in and X-Pac gets in some quick shots. Credible tags in and helps X-Pac whips Blackman but Blackman ducks a clothesline and dropkicks both men. Billy gets the tag and takes to all three opponents then whips X-Pac and plants him with a tilt-o-whirl slam. Credible nails Billy from behind and goes for a whip but Billy reverses and nails him with The One And Only. Albert comes in and Billy clotheslines him over the ropes but X-Pac clotheslines Billy over the ropes in return. Blackman pulls X-Pac out to the floor while Sexay climbs to the top and nails Credible with the Hip Hop Drop. Billy comes back in the ring and covers Credible since he’s the legal man but Albert makes it back in to save it. Blackman fights off Albert but X-Pac drills Billy with the X-Factor then drapes Credible on top for the pin. (4:51) About what you’d expect from the guys involved. *

~ Backstage Chris Jericho is limbering up for his title defense when Stephanie comes in and wishes him luck. Stephanie tells Jericho she’s not petty enough to want revenge for him ruining her whipping match with Trish on Raw. Stephanie says Triple H will get her payback for her by beating Jericho to within an inch of his life and taking his title. Jericho then warns Stephanie not to interefere in his match or he’ll make her scream louder that her husband ever has.

~ Back from break Vince tells Austin how JR is shaking in his boots which means he’s either excited or intimidated. Vince asks Austin to make JR’s homecoming special and Austin calls JR a special person so he’ll get special answers. Austin then heads out when Stephanie comes in claiming to have just received a videotape from Linda McMahon but feels Vince shouldn’t watch it with the good night he’s having. Vince insists that she play the tape for him and once it starts Linda appears on the screen showing that’s she’s no longer medicated, just like at Wrestlemania. Linda says she’s regained her full mental faulties and as a result is back into her normal position as CEO of the WWF. Linda says she’s still using the name McMahon but after everything Vince has done to her, she’s considering a change. Linda also puts Shane over for standing up for what he believes in and facing Vince, as difficult as it may have been. Linda talks about how good it felt at Wrestlemania when she rose from the chair and kicked Vince right in the junk but knows how to kick Vince where it really hurt and will appear on Raw to reveal where that place just is. Linda then has one more message for Vince as Mick Foley appears and hands her a plate with a pair of grapefruits. Linda says Vince always lets his actions speak louder than words then grabs a knife and slices the grapefruits in half. Linda finishes by telling Vince she’ll see him on Monday and Vince isn’t happy with this news.

~ Jim Ross is shown making his way to the ring which means the big interview is coming up as we go to commercial.

~ Back from break JR hits the ring as Cole mentions how depressed JR has been abotu this whole Austin situation. JR gets on the mic and talks about being back in is hometown then mentions his oppertunity to speak with Austin. JR feels there’s a not of questions that need answering by Ausitn then proceeds to bring out the new champion himself. Austin does his usualy posing on the turnbkles while glaring at JR and does get some boos as well as “Rocky” chants. JR starts off by asking Austin why he would align himself with the man he despises more than anyone in the world. Austin says Wrestlemania was right in his backyard of Houston and he didn’t want to take a chance at being a loser so Vince was an insurance policy which helped him make the biggest comeback in the history of thier business. JR then asks about turning his back on the fans that supported him and Austin mentions the reception he’s getting now. Austin says he feels no remores because he never really said that he cared about the fans and wanted to be their hero. Austin then brings up JR constantly cheering for him at the annouce desk before mentioning how he always says DTA. JR next asks Austin how he could stand with Triple H after he orchestrated the conspiracy to run him over with a car. Austin responds by first accusing JR of talking trash about Triple H because he’s not out there to defend himself. Austin then says if Triple H was sick enough to try and put him out of the business, wouldn’t he want him on his side? Austin decides that he’s done answering questions and if anyone wants more answers they’ll have to beat it out of him. Austin then makes fun of JR looking like he just lost his best friend and JR says that in a way, maybe he has.

JR goes into how he was there when Austin underwent spinal surgery last year and supported him through his recovery. JR also mentions how he and his wife were the only two people from the WWF invited to Austin’s wedding with Debra. Austin then accuses JR of not wanting to be his friend anymore just because he turned up the voltage and JR denies it. Austin knocks JR’s cowboy hat off and takes off his glasses then rips his shirt while daring JR to take a swing at him. JR declines to hit Austin then feels this interview was a mistake and starts to leave when Austin jump him from behind. Austin pounds away on JR when Vince comes out on the stage asking why Austin is taking it easy on his best friend. Vince tells Austin to open JR up and Austin brutalizes his former friend who’s soon bleeding from the forehead. Austin pulls off his belt and chokes JR as some referees come out but are to afriad to go in the ring and stop Austin. Austin stomps JR below the belt as the fans chant “Rocky” but The Rock isn’t coming out to the save the day tonight. Austin rubs his title belt in JR’s face then heads up the ramp with a smile on his face as we go to commercial.

Let’s look at this for a second. Austin did make a good point in saying he never asked to be the fans hero, they just started cheering him, even long before the famous match at Wrestlemania 13. However his explanation for suddenly being buddies with Triple H still doesn’t hold water, not after their blood feud just a few months prior. And Austin giving JR a Stunner would have been sufficient but they had to have JR get totally destroyed, which was very uncomfortable and showed how desparate the WWF was to get people to stop cheering Austin.

~ Back from break we get a replay of Steve Austin severing his friendship with JR with a savage beatdown. We then get a shot of the EMTs working on the bloodied JR in the back.

  • WWF Intercontinential Title: Chris Jericho © vs. Triple H (w/Stephanie McMahon)

Suppsoedly Triple H is doing this because Jericho ruined Stephanie’s whipping match with trish on Raw. Yea, let’s make everything about Stephanie, shall we? Triple H heads out to the ring first then knocks Jericho off the apron, sending him face-first into the barricade. Triple H goes out and throws Jericho into the steps then drops him onto the barrier and tosses him in the ring. Triple H stomps Jericho down then whips him into the other corner but Jericho comes back with a clothesline. Jericho gets in his offense with some chops then whips Triple H but lowers the head and Triple H kicks the face. Jericho backdrops Triple H over the ropes then knocks him back off the apron with the springboard dropkick. Jericho climbs to the top rope and connects with a flying crossbody before whipping Triple H into the steps. Jericho decks Triple H onto the announce table and works him over until Triple H shoves him off the table. Jericho throws Triple H back in the ring then climbs to the top rope again looking for a missile dropkick. This time Triple H swats Jericho away and Jericho clutches his knee when Triple H chokes him in the ropes. Triple H distracts the referee while Stpehanie gets in a slap then drills Jericho with a DDT and gets a two count. Triple H hammers Jericho with the count-along punches in a corner then whips him and slaps on a sleeperhold. Jeircho begins to fade but fights out of it and starts to rally until Triple stops that with a knee to the chest. Triple H whips Jericho but Jericho comes back with a flying forearm then tries to fight back again with chops. Jericho whips Triple H but lowers the head and Triple H hits the facebuster. Triple H sets Jericho up for the Pedigree but Jericho counters it and catapults Triple H into the turnbuckles then hits the bulldog and the Lionsault. Jericho covers Triple H but Stephanie hops on the apron and distracts the referee from making the count.

Jericho goes over and grabs Stephanie by the hair then rears back as if to punch her but Triple H pulls him away. Jericho takes Triple H down into the Walls of Jericho and Triple H taps but again Stephanie distracts the referee. Now William Regal runs in with a chair in hand but Jericho cuts him off then grabs the chair and blasts Regal. Stephanie comes in but Jericho blocks a slap then pulls Stephanie down and puts her in the Walls of Jericho. Stephanie is tapping out to no avail but Triple H is able to grab the chair and whacks Jericho in the face with it. The referee gets Regal out of the ring then turns around as Triple H covers Jericho … but only gets a two count. Triple H is surprised that Jericho kicked out of the chairshot and crowd is cheering for Jericho to come back. However Triple H squashes that brief ray of hope with the Pedigree and sadly gets the 1..2..3 for the win. (7:30) The Helmsleys celebrate while we see Austin watching a monitor in the back looking pleased with this turnout. The match was good with an overbooked ending but there was NO REASON for Triple H to get the IC Title here. This could have been a chance to establish Jericho as the next major challenger Austin needed but they wanted to keep him feuding with Regal instead. Not to mention the ending slighty buried Jericho, with him kicking out of the chairshot only to lose to the Pedigree mere seconds later. **

Conclusion:Somewhat weak episode of Smackdown which continued the WWF’s post-Wrestlemania X7 slide that it never recovered from. The Wrestleing wasn’t very much to look at other than the handicap match and there were long stretches of backstage segments and promos. The last half-hour was a real downer, with JR’s graphic beatdown and Triple H taking a title he had no business of winning at that point. And we’re still left without a major babyface to challenge Austin since Rock is “indefinitely suspended” (i.e. off in Hollywood) and they feel like Jericho would fit the bill. It was obvious the Austin heel turn was poorly planned from the start and wouldn’t get any better. There’s really nothing to recommend here so thumbs down.

For more reviews visit my archive at: http://kingsrecaps.wordpress.com

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What the World Was Watching: WWF Monday Night Raw – November 4, 1996

21st February 2012 by Scott Keith

by Logan Scisco

-Vince McMahon and Jerry “the King” Lawler recap the Bret Hart-Steve Austin feud and tell us that Kevin Kelly will be live from Brian Pillman’s home in Walton, Kentucky, where Austin is expected to make an appearance this evening.

-Kelly gives us an overview of the situation at Pillman’s home:  Pillman is immobile after an attack by Austin on a recent edition of WWF Superstars and that his kids have been sent elsewhere because of Austin’s threats.  Wouldn’t you want to call the police too if someone threatened to break into your home?  It’s not like live television is going to save you.

-McMahon and Lawler are in the booth and they are still in Fort Wayne, Indiana.

-Opening Contest:  Goldust (w/Marlena) and The Stalker wrestle to a double-disqualification at 4:36 shown:

Mr. Perfect, Crush, and Hunter Hearst-Helmsley come down to ringside because they are going to team with Goldust at the Survivor Series.  In response, the Stalker brings Marc Mero, Rocky Maivia, and Mark Henry out with him.  Windham isn’t wearing the Stalker face paint, which I guess he figures is silly.  He’s also wearing a WWF t-shirt, which doesn’t match his camouflage ring pants.  These two had been having a feud on the house show circuit that was triggered by the Stalker merely watching some Goldust’s matches from afar and Goldust making some lewd comments about the Stalker.  Goldust has an interesting counter for the superplex, as he kisses his opponent to avoid the move.  The ending features one of the least intense brawls you have ever seen, as the two Survivor Series teams square off, and the crowd quietly applauds when the faces win.  This was just a paint by the numbers match and it didn’t do anything for either guy.  Rating:  *½

-Dok Hendrix does the Survivor Series report.

-Kelly interviews Pillman and his wife in their home.  Pillman says that Austin has made their feud personal.  McMahon hijacks the interview and asks Pillman if he feels like a hostage in his own home.  Pillman pulls out a gun in response and a friend tells him that Austin is here as we cut out for a commercial break.

-The Karate Fighters Holiday Tournament sees Sid beat Marlena.  Last week, Mr. Perfect beat Phineas Godwinn.

-Two of Pillman’s friends try to restrain Austin, but he beats them up in the drive way, using a red jeep and some kid’s toys as weapons.  Austin then tries to get into the house, but the doors are locked.

-The Sultan (w/Bob Backlund & the Iron Sheik) defeats Alex “the Pug” Porteau via submission to the camel clutch at 2:07 shown:

A simple squash for the Sultan here, but he’s still not over with the crowd.  They really gave up on the Porteau experiment early in his run.  I think he got a couple of victories on WWF Superstars and was jobbed out to all of big heel names after that.

-Austin breaks into Pillman’s home and enters the living room, where Pillman points a gun at him.  Kelly and his wife scream as the camera feed cuts out.  Lawler is the most rational one during the entire segment by saying that someone should call the police.

-Ross hosts a face off segment between WWF Champion Shawn Michaels and Sid.  Michaels said that he forgave Sid for powerbombing him three times after WrestleMania XI, but Sid says that’s bull.  Ross tries to rile things up between the two and Michaels says Sid is not in his league and Sid says that’s true because he’s not in the “little” league.  Good comeback.  Both men destroy the podium and start shoving each other, but Jim Cornette comes down with Vader, Clarence Mason, Owen Hart, and the British Bulldog.  Sid and Michaels join forces to clear the ring, but after they do so they get into a staredown until they get separated by a sea of WWF officials.

-A summary of the Pillman-Austin segments is shown.

-The Fake Razor Ramon (w/The Fake Diesel) defeats Wildman” Marc Mero (w/Sable) with the Razor’s Edge at 7:47 shown:

The commentary isn’t concerned about the match as Ross takes jabs at McMahon for putting Pillman’s life in danger.  Mero runs through some of his normal moves, but his heart isn’t in this one and he’s lethargic out there.  It doesn’t help that he’s wrestling the Fake Razor, who moves as slow as molasses.  Perfect and Helmsley interfere and Razor goes over in a puzzling booking decision.  Sure, it’s not a clean victory, but the Fake Razor had hardly beaten anyone at this point and having Mero job to him in any fashion makes him appear weak and undeserving of the Intercontinental title.  Rating:  ½*

-We get another recap of the Pillman-Austin issue.

-The satellite feed is restored to the Pillman home and Pillman is being restrained by his friends.  Austin charges back into the living room and as he is restrained by Pillman’s buddies, Pillman comes after him with a gun and curses and points a gun at him.  All Kelly can do is scream “call the police” because grabbing Pillman or the gun isn’t too important.  That plays us out.

The Final Report Card:  The Pillman-Austin stuff was the focal point of this show and was very controversial for its time period.  After the angle aired, the WWF and Pillman had to apologize for the threatened use of the gun and the cursing that wasn’t edited out.  The WWF was also criticized because people flooded the northern Kentucky 911 lines to report Austin breaking into Pillman’s home.  Some of this still holds up in that it’s not as corny as when HHH invaded Randy Orton’s home a few years back, but they might’ve done better if they sent Jim Ross to do the interview instead of Kelly.  His shrieking like a school girl during the serious parts was very annoying and unmanly.  The wrestling on this show is bad, but if you are interested in the Pillman-Austin stuff you can YouTube it because several people have put the different segments together.

Monday Night War Rating:  2.3 (vs. 3.4 for Nitro)

Show Evaluation:  Neutral

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The Piledriving Critique: Mardi Gras Double Feature

21st February 2012 by Scott Keith

Happy Mardi Gras everyone. Posted two new videos. One’s a vLog where I taste test King Cake Vodka along with some friends, and the other is a review of the DVD Release of “Mardi Gras Massacre” where former WWE Diva Maria Kanellis is a horror host. Check them out and I hope you all have a good Fat Tuesday even if you aren’t from New Orleans.

Remember to follow me on twitter! @maskedreviewer.

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The SmarK RAW Supershow Rant – 02.20.12

21st February 2012 by Scott Keith

The SmarK RAW Supershow Rant – 02.20.12

Live from Minneapolis, MN.

Your hosts are Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler

And we waste no time with Eve’s official heel turn, as she reveals her SECRET EVIL PLAN to the Bellas backstage and lays out how she was just using Zack to further her career all along.  Boy, she hitched her wagon to the wrong horse then.  Oh, and apparently Ryder is such a loser that he couldn’t even get to first base.  Probably wise to pull the trigger on that turn because she was gonna be a heel no matter what, but holy cow was that the most sudden shift into sociopathic behavior since the peak of 24 or what?  Sadly for her, John Cena walks in and overhears before she can follow through on her plan to screw him over as well.

So we go the opening interview with John Cena in the ring, and Eve comes down and wants to explain.  John notes that she’s drinking the “skank juice” and may in fact be a “ho-ski”.  So he suggests that she hook up with the Rock instead.  Eve is distraught and makes one last play for Cena, but he fights her off because he wants to remain disease-free.  This seemed kind of like the blowoff to the whole soap opera thing so Cena can move onto the Rock, but that might be giving them too much credit.

Sheamus v. Mark Henry

Why do they keep trotting poor Mark out there with his injuries?  Henry attacks in the corner to start, but Sheamus goes to the knee and blocks a charge with a knee.  Sheamus to the top with a shoulderblock for two.  Sheamus throws the forearms, but Henry fights him off and pounds him in the corner again.  Sheamus fights back, but the ref pulls him off for kicking too much ass.  Brogue Kick misses and Henry gets the avalanche, but a Brogue Kick finishes clean at 3:11 for Sheamus.  If Henry was well enough to work, why not do this match on the PPV last night?  **

Meanwhile, the GMs have a meeting backstage and exchange verbal banter.  The upshot is that tonight will see a 10-man battle royale for a shot at CM Punk at Wrestlemania.  LAME.

R-Truth & Kofi Kingston v. Primo & Epico

Good enough use of Truth & Kofi, I suppose.  Truth clotheslines Epico for two, but Primo gets the blind tag and pounds him down.  Kofi gets the hot tag 90 seconds in and hits Primo with the boom drop, but Epico necksnaps him while Rosa distracts the ref.  Kofi finishes with the wacky kick at 2:23 anyway.  Too short to be worth much, but they need something for the tag champs to do, I guess.  *1/2  This is the tag division in 2012, ladies and gentlemen, as makeshift teams beat the champions to establish themselves as a team.

Your latest Hall of Famer:  Ron Simmons.  Eh…that’s pretty debatable.

Chris Jericho bitches to Josh Matthews about how it’s unfair to eliminate him from the title match last night, and once again tonight is the end of the world as we know it.

Ezekial Jackson v. David Otunga

This would be the battle of surrogates for the GMs.  Jackson pounds away and misses a corner clothesline, allowing Otunga to hit a spinebuster for the pin at 1:28.  ½*

Undertaker returns to talk about how the apocalypse is coming due to HHH not accepting his challenge, and honestly it’s a pretty dull promo.  HHH comes out as asked, and Undertaker is TIRED of his excuses. HHH once again lays out the “bad for business” line, but Undertaker calls him a COWARD.  That finally gets a rise out of Corporate H, but the answer’s still no.  So Undertaker pulls out the “You know that Shawn was always better than you” card, and now the tie is OFF.  So finally, HHH decides to EMBRACE THE HATE and accepts the challenge on one condition:  It’s in Hell in the Cell.  Wow.  See what happens you get two guys who know how to actually make people believe what they’re saying and not just read jokey lines off a script?  I should also note that Undertaker fulfilled the very goal that Kane was trying to accomplish with John Cena, and got a much better storyline out of it.  Also, is it just me, or does anyone else feel like it’s a giant waste to have both this and the Cena/Rock match at Wrestlemania?  It feels like they could do at least as much as a Big Four PPV buyrate with Undertaker v. HHH alone.

Daniel Bryan v. Santino

This is non-title.  Santino gets the hiptoss and goes for the Cobra, but Bryan lays him out and finishes with the Lebell Lock at 0:55.  ½*

The Bellas v. Kelly Kelly & Aksana

Aksana takes an ungodly terrible-looking beating from the Bellas, missing every simple thing she tries, and Bellas switch and pin her at 0:30.  Yeah, OK.  The Divas stuff is pretty bad normally, but this was downright embarrassing.  The “elbowdrop” attempted by Aksana may have been the worst single wrestling move ever attempted.  EVER.

John Cena gets a second attempt at his promo, and he’s STILL whining about the Rock is too Hollywood for him, and he buries his own attempts at being a movie star.  But he always showed up and never left!  This comes off as so petty and jealous, but that might be deliberate.  And by the way, Cena absolutely did leave to shoot his movies, for quite a while in some cases.  At least they made an effort to give them an actual issue here.

#1 Contender Battle Royale

So we’ve got Jericho, Dolph Ziggler, R-Truth, The Miz, Kofi Kingston, Big Show, Santino, Great Khali, Wade Barrett and Cody Rhodes.  Everyone gangs up on Khali and gets rid of him first, and we take a break.  Hey, this is actually the first match tonight with a commercial break!  Probably because all the other ones one went 2 minutes each, but still.  Kofi and Miz fight on the apron while Jericho tries to put Ziggler out.  By the way, does anyone else look at Kofi’s logo and think that he’s in danger of having Batman spray explosive gel on it?  AIR TRUTH double-teams Miz and dropkicks him out at 3:41.  Show chokeslams them both, but Jericho hits him with a codebreaker, kicking off everyone hitting their finishes.  Barrett tries to put Santino out, but gets eliminated himself.  And then Ziggler gets tossed by Show onto Barrett, which looked BAD.  Like, Wade gets a broken arm bad.  And I bet it’s his SIGN POINTING arm, too.  And the refs make the dreaded X sign.  And then Kofi goes up and Jericho shoves him out, and Kofi has to dodge Vickie and nearly kills himself on the way down as a result.  This is becoming a bloodbath.  So we’ve got Jericho, Show, Santino and Rhodes, plus Barrett getting taken out on a stretcher by Buck Zumhoff.  So everyone gangs up on Show, but Santino readies the Cobra and puts Jericho down, only to get tossed by Cody.  And he’s limping too.  Show suplexes both Jericho and Rhodes and dumps Cody, but Cody grabs onto Show’s leg on the way out, allowing Jericho to grab a dragon sleeper and do the Benoit Rumble finish to eliminate Show at 11:40.  I wonder if that was deliberate?  Anyway, what was the point of Jericho getting knocked out last night if he just had to win a battle royale anyway?

HHH-Undertaker was awesome, everything else on the show is kind of a mess right now, but at least the pacing was better tonight and the two big matches for Wrestlemania are coming together properly.  That’s good enough for me at the moment, but what are they gonna do after Wrestlemania when ¾ of their main event double header leave again?

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