Mitsuharu Misawa, Kenta Kobashi & Jun Akiyama vs. Stan Hansen, Rob Van Dam & The Berzerker (and other Dream Matches!)

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This time I found TWO completely wild All Japan “grab bag of weirdo acts” matches, both of which floored me when I saw the lineups. First off, it’s a 6-man with the All Japan Hero Squad, Mitsuharu Misawa, Kenta Kobashi & young Jun Akiyama… against Stan Hansen, JOHN NORD and Rob Van Dam! RVD and the Berzerker, together at last! Then it’s a 1980s tag match with Harley Race and Crusher Blackwell teaming up against Tiger Jeet Singh and the One Man Gang of all people. Yes, even Giant Baba understood the purpose of a good FAT MAN STAND-OFF, as the whole first half of the match is Gang & Blackwell testing each other’s obesity!

Then it’s two 1994 WWF appearances by Gangrel, as the then-“Vampire Warrior” hit his fanged face under a black mask as The Black Phantom, doing TV jobs against a lot of big guys- I have him here against Typhoon and Mabel in separate matches! Then our PWI 500 Guy of the week is CHEESEBURGER, as the sometime AEW wrestler who never quite made it out of the indies gets a shot at Lee Moriarty’s Ring of Honor Pure Title in some podunk indie show from just a month and a half ago!

MITSUHARU MISAWA, KENTA KOBASHI & JUN AKIYAMA vs. STAN HANSEN, BIG JOHN NORD & ROB VAN DAM:
(All Japan, Feb. 27th 1994)
* THE BERZERKER & RVD MOTHERFUCKERRRSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. Unbelievable trio here with those two adding Hansen. And damn, AJPW brought in JOHN NORD in ’94? This is after the Berzerker run, too. Nord was a guy doing a Bruiser Brody Tribute Act, but to be fair was often in the same company as Brody so it seemed like it was okay. Brody was legendary in Japan but long-dead, so I dunno how his Temu act would go over in 1994. The gaikokujin team are all in black (even poor RVD!), while the Japanese are a “colorful butterfly team”, per commentary- green, orange and blue.

The towering Nord starts with Kobashi, overpowering him but too slow to hit him. 3 chops and a shoulderblock knock him down but he’s unbothered. He absorbs Misawa’s early-match kicks and pushes him over to Stan, who clubs away and wears him down with stuff. RVD flies in with a side kick (lol look at his feet with those little foot-straps) and does his kick trio as commentary namedrops Jean Claude Van Damme. Misawa’s mugged in the corner and keeps getting swatted at by the big guys: “The big man (nord) is a bit of a handful and can’t control his own body, so it’s completely unpredictable for the one receiving the kick. There’s no precision in his actions, but to put it in Osaka terms, he’s a man with potential”. AJPW commentary is the BEST. Nord with his usual mix of resthold-into-offensive move as a shoulderblock gets two, but Misawa’s like “nope, this is boring” and spikes him with an elbow so Akiyama can shake up the match. But he’s quickly double-teamed by bigs and Kenta’s in, helped by Misawa cheating- REPEATER CHOPS in the corner! Stan’s great “aw god” sell is the best, looking totally agonized and exhausted.

Stan’s “awwww GOD!” selling is some of the best in wrestling. He’s so demonstrative.

Stan cuts off Kenta and is dragged to the corner- Misawa dropkick & a double suplex work him over, but Stan cuts him off and RVD’s in for some SCREAMING MARTIAL ARTS, actually wowing some fans as he goes “HIII YA!” with overhand chops. Monkey flip gets two, then Akiyama cuts him off for Kobashi’s delayed suplex. RVD hits a dropkick but gets MURDERED by a Lariat- epic selljob as he flattens out just dead, so Stan has to buy him some time with a DDT- he recovers with a slingshot Vader Bomb, punches, a legdrop and a tag to Nord, who hits a big boot to wipe Kobashi out, then dumps him for Stan’s big chairshot (RVD appears totally lost beside him, unsure how to proceed)- Nord follows with a powerslam & lariat, then beats on him with a chair during Stan’s segment as the match has shifted from “do 2 moves and tag” to “beat Kobashi’s ass”. RVD flies in, and even HE gets in on the act, Stan coaxing him into cannonballing Kobashi off the apron. Kobashi backdrops Stan out of a piledriver but Nord immediately lariats him to big heat, and RVD adds the Buff Blockbuster for two. “You know, I don’t think I’ve ever seen that before”: Baba. RVD with the standing moonsault for two, then Nord comes in and cuts off Kenta’s comeback, going, er, berzerk with kicks. Kobashi counters a suplex (wisely scooting to face mid-ring cuz Nord was out of position). But Hansen cheats to cut him off AGAIN, drawing more heat.

Hansen with a spinebuster & crab on Kobashi, but two wrongs make a right as Misawa cheats to help him, then tags in for his spinny lariat, but Stan just bowls him over out of the facelock. They almost miscommunicate but it just looks more like a scrappy fight, Stan grabs the spinkick and just shoves him over. Nord misses a big boot but lands the next, but because he sucks he just stands their awkwardly trying to remember a spot, then it’s a super-ugly rollup counter from Misawa. Misawa with the jumping elbow smash and tags in Akiyama, who was probably being saved for the end run. He hits a missile kick but Hansen comes in for a double-suplex, leading Misawa to attack Stan and take him to the floor for a beating. RVD with a flying spinkick to Akiyama, then a regular spinkick for two. Elevated Vader Bomb gets two- Kobashi saves. Poor Rob slipped on his cool flipping setup for it, disappointing the fans, haha. But Akiyama gets a facecrusher and sets up Kobashi’s monster Burning Lariat. Hansen interferes and so the vets dropkick him to the floor, and RVD is SPIKED by a backdrop suplex and so Nord dives in to save, and Jun desperately smothers him in the corner to allow Kobashi to hit an uncontested Powerbomb with a jacknife pin at (17:56)- Misawa’s team wins!

These matches are always interesting, as the “eat a move or two, then immediately cut the guy off and go for a tag” is so common in this inter-nation six-mans. Even in the ’80s I saw it. It’s like a quick communicative cue to go “no, stop- we gotta shake this up again” so the fans never get bored with a single bit of time-filler. And only THEN do they settle on murdering Kobashi, who was the most theatrical seller of the trio and therefore a good choice- they got good heat by repeatedly cutting him off, cheating, then interfering when he DID come back, and more. Then he finally gets out and Misawa beats on everybody and we’re back to rapid-tags. I actually though Akiyama was gonna be in the rest of the match after his tag-in, but nope- seems like they didn’t want him in any of the intricate bits. I forgot he was SUPER new at this point. RVD seemed to have fun when it was his turn to do shit, as he was hitting very unique offense and making use of his size, then bumping like a motherfucker for all the stuff hitting him, folding himself up on a backdrop like the women in AJW would (going vertical onto the shoulders and hitting the feet on the mat to absorb the impact by folding up), then taking the lariat & powerbomb finishing moves. The constant foreigner cheating even paid off as the final strategy became to deal with them and leave RVD alone for Kobashi, and so the psychology was sound as well.

Rating: ***1/2 (a very fun, smart trios match)

TIGER JEET SINGH & THE ONE MAN GANG vs. HARLEY RACE & CRUSHER BLACKWELL:
(All Japan, March 13th 1986)
* Oh man- just wild, lol. A bizarre mish-mash of gaijin talent AND a FAT MAN STAND-OFF! The cheatiest of the cheaty heels of Japan teaming with the One Man Gang of all people, and their opponents are the former NWA Champ and a big fat guy. The two obesitrons are fascinating in their differences- Blackwell is short and DENSE- just totally round- while Gang is extremely tall with a comparatively slender physique and a skinny lower body. Singh flies across the ring immediately, swinging with his scimitar (cleverly, he doesn’t swing until he’s touching Race, who’s bent over, ensuring it couldn’t possibly hit), clanging it against the corner and the ref is forced to ring the bell early.

Gang and Blackwell start is off in some wonderful booking, each trying a slam to establish that both are indeed obese. The fans “oooooh!” for the failed lifts as Baba on commentary remarks about how Blackwell is unusual- 180cm tall and 180kg in weight. Baba notes it’s not possible to throw these guys “as-is”- you need proper momentum and timing. Each shoves the other off out of a lockup, then Gang beats his chest and hits a big boot to awe the fans. Gang hits a monster lariat for two, but is flung so far off by the kickout he’s a bit bewildered and off-balance and BLACKWELL follows with a crushing lariat that sweeps him down! Gang attempts to recover with an avalanche but can’t deal with Blackwell’s raw speed & agility- he misses! Speaking of, Blackwell attempts a running splash but Gang is too quick for him- 747 Splash… misses! And now… FAT GUY NO-SOLD SHOULDERBLOCKS! They waited for the money shot! Gang prepares to go in, but gets caught by a gut-kick and the shittiest dropkick ever (that still wows the fans), and tags in Race for a bodyslam! lol Race IS a MOVEZ guy- going right for the big slam! Kneedrop hits but the headbutt misses, and in comes wriggly-jiggly Singh, shaking as he throws kicks! Carotid choke strikes, but Harley powers out. Gang interferes to cover for Singh grabbing a spike, but Harley blocks him and hits a suplex. The fatties brawl and the match falls apart with Race & Singh brawling to the back with chairs and it’s a Count-Out at (6:06). Aw BOOOOOOOOOOOO- easy night of work for the veterans, haha. Race eventually pulls away and shows the fans his trophy- he’s swiped the spike!

A fun match while the fat guys were in it, but the other two did maybe a minute’s work before they went to the floor for a soft double count-out. I did find it funny how CRUSHER BLACKWELL and ONE MAN GANG did a contest based almost entirely around using evasive tactics.

Rating: ** (fun stuff when the fat guys fought, but quickly turned into a DCO finish)

JOHNNY SAINT vs. KEN JOYCE:
(World of Sport, June 24th 1981)
* More World of Sport! This one was also highly rated on Quebrada.net (a site I constantly make fun of for its ratings yet use it as a primary source for half my shit). Joyce is ANCIENT- born in 1923, he was about 58 years old here, and looks it.

ROUND ONE: Saint “with the years on his side” chuckles the commentator, escapes a wristlock with one of his patented “thread his own leg in and suddenly he’s the one with the hold on” spots and then escapes Joyce’s straightjacket hold around the throat by backrolling into his own, but Joyce sits out and crawls behind him to flip ‘im into a double arm-pull. Johnny cracks the fans up by sitting up and squeezing Ken’s wrist in the crook of his leg, but Ken smiles as he effortlessly avoids Johnny’s monkey-flip and toeholds him. Saint flips him out of it but ends up in a bodyscissors, but gets out just by doing a push-up and bending his leg up behind him to hook an ankle and pulling a leg down. Wild. The counters get a bit goofy/uncomfortably erotic as Ken presses his head into Johnny’s chest and gets some pressure points worked, but they spin out and the fans applaud. Joyce even does the “flip using his head” counter of a wristlock, Johnny doing an unassisted one. Saint is appreciative of his opponent as they do more basic counters, then cartwheels out of Joyce’s attempt to flip him. Saint’s chinlock is countered via a backroll into Joyce’s own. Joyce escapes a headscissors with a headstand then pressing on Saint’s feet to pop the legs open (SCIENCE!). Saint is impressed as Joyce uses leverage to avoid being snapmared again and again, but he’s so quick on a fourth attempt that Joyce has no time to try it and WHOOP- there he goes as Time’s Up (5:00).

OLD.

ROUND TWO: They do some comical counters to amuse the fans, then Saint can’t get a legsnap off because Joyce keeps blocking by scissoring his legs. Saint then spins around and around but lets to go hit a wristlock, outsmarting him but getting flipped onto his feet again. And then it comes extra-comedic as Joyce keeps sitting on his ass to avoid being flipped, then Johnny keeps faking him out and switching up, releasing holds and crawling behind Joyce and schoolboys him for the pin (2:00). (1-0) for Saint!

ROUND THREE: Joyce ends up in a hammerlock, but uses MOMENTUM to send Johnny flying over the top rope and onto his feet. Saint flings himself back into the ring and anklepicks him, but Joyce just sends him back over again with a foot-shove to the ass. Joyce charges him next time he enters, but ends up in a double-arm pull and nearly gets pinned when Johnny hooks his legs. Joyce manages a goddamn spinning headscissors (58!). Saint kips up outta the headscissors, but Joyce still has his arm and flips him right back into it- but Johnny finally headstands, rolls over, spreads the legs and Boston Crabs him and they see-saw 6 or 7 times in a row to the amusement of a howling lady in the audience, and Joyce does the old “handshake into a move” bit but gets flipped for his temerity. Both are amused, but Joyce manages a double-arm from behind and slams his ass on the mat- Saint blocks the second attempt and goes sideways, doing a ridiculous arm-pumping routine to build momentum to end up face-down so he can headstand again and pop out. Just like the Olympics! Saint does a running crossbody for two, but Joyce slams him out of a second and 69s him for some reason, then Saint lifts him up for some gymnastics, then Joyce figure fours his legs, then stands there so Saint can spin around him until it’s unlocked, cartwheels away from a kick, flips out of a snapmare, and they realize Joyce is DONE cardio-wise (he’s openly huffing on camera) at hit a resthold for (5:00).

ROUND FOUR: Hilarity abounds as Saint escapes a monkey flip by rolling into a BALL, Joyce being befuddled at how to deal with this as he rolls Saint around the ring- Johnny ankle-picks him and AGAIN cartwheels out of a counter. Joyce again drops to avoid a snapmare, then KIPS UP (!) after eating a shoulderblock. He can’t get a good backslide and Saint again balls up and flips him over, flips onto his feet from ANOTHER snapmare, then suckers Joyce by avoiding his backslide and using the monentum and leverage to pin him at (1:31). Saint wins (2-0) over the old-timer!

A wonderful example of World of Sport’s style from friendlier, non-asshole gentlemen, who are appreciative of one another’s talents and don’t cheat… darn it. But like a lot of Saint matches, it sometimes gets SO silly- like there’s no way in the world anyone here could have thought this was a real fight- in it’s own way, it’s as theatrical and silly as today’s “obvious cooperation” moves. People were laughing with amusement as things delved into comedy wrestling at points- one could easily do a Benny Hill routine out of how similar some of this looked to foreplay. But the speed and inventiveness of the counters really needs to be studied, as it’s a tremendous thing that NOBODY does anymore. Joyce looked great for his age, but was wrestling arguably the only style a man his age could do without looking terrible.

Rating: *** (amazing to watch, but SO silly at times)

MABEL vs. THE BLACK PHANTOM:
(WWF RAW, Nov. 14th 1994)
* A random Mabel squash as his singles run sorta continues. Oscar’s rap before the match hypes Survivor Series, with Mabel’s partners Lex Luger and the Smoking Gunns. Oh yeah, I forgot he was on that team. lol they jobbed to the CORPORATION. This is mostly notable to be because frequent WWF jobber the Black Phantom is one of those “unique jobbers” I remember, and was actually GANGREL under a mask, when he was still indie act the Vampire Warrior. THE MINISTRY OF DARKNESS EXPLODES! He was way more bulky and muscular at this point. McMahon of course refers to the ENTIRELY black with white accents Phantom as “The Blue Phantom” before the match. Part of Phantom’s boot is falling off before the match. SLOPPY SHOP!

Mabel easy hiptosses Phantom and backdrops him out of the corner. Phantom rope-runs and catches Mabel with a clothesline & kick, gets tripped up, but avoids an elbowdrop. Phantom gets a running shoulderblock to put Mabel in the corner, but he unwisely tries an Irish whip and Mabel easily counters and hits the Boss Man Slam on the rebound, pinning him at (2:00). Kind of a bunch of offense for the jobber, who controls almost half the match against his 500-lb. opponent.

Rating: * (just a quick little nothing of a bout- actually competitive which means its a worse SQUASH, though- 1.5/5!)

TYPHOON vs. THE BLACK PHANTOM:
(WWF Superstars, June 20th 1994)
* Earlier in the year, Typhoon got a turn. Earthquake also beat the Phantom in February- did all the fat guys get a turn?

Typhoon gets attacked from behind, but quickly counters a whip and clotheslines Phantom in the corner, hiptosses him, chokes him in the ropes almost like a heel, then hits a snap-style suplex. I wasn’t expecting THAT particular variation. He then does it again, hits an avalanche, then does the Tidal Wave (running splash) for the win at (2:00).

Rating: 3/4* (just a one-sided ass-kicking in this case, but much better as a squash since Typhoon was entirely dominant- 3/5 on the Squash Scale)

THIS WEEK’S PWI 500 GUY: CHEESEBURGER:
#500 appearance: #480 in 2014, #496 in 2015, #377 in 2016, #465 in 2017, #421 in 2018, #420 in 2019, #441 in 2020, #360 in 2021, #451 in 2023, #408 in 2024, #475 in 2025

-Cheeseburger is a scrawny, short black dude who’s been wrestling since 2012, never attaining much success. Phred says that “IIRC the name came from Mark Briscoe telling him that he needed to eat a cheeseburger.” Because he is skinny, you see. That’s said to have held him back, but it’s not like he’s any less impressive physically than the Young Bucks or Wheeler Yuta, so I’m gonna say his in-ring is as big a reason- he’s sort of a generic comedy guy who does some wristlock reversals or whatever- some on Cagematch say he can “put on technical classics” but the BODers I asked say he just sucks, lol. He’s done a handful of 8-match New Japan tours, but is generally one of those “works in 30 indies per year” type of losery indie guys, though he worked 30+ Ring of Honor matches a year for most of his career. He’s only left the 400s on the PWI twice, which is pretty sad for a guy who’s made AEW TV (albeit only as a jobber).

RING OF HONOR PURE TITLE:
“TAIGASTYLE” LEE MORIARTY vs. CHEESEBURGER:
(Labor of Love, April 25th 2026)
* And now… some tiny hall features Lee Moriarty vs. Cheeseburger! Moriarty is an odd situation where a guy showed some potential for a newbie in AEW to the point where Bryan Danielson called him out alongside Wheeler Yuta & Daniel Garcia as potential members for the new Blackpool Combat Club stable… but only the two white guys ended up being part of the angle and got big TV pushes, while Moriarty disappeared and languished in the Ring of Honor side show. Though it might’ve worked out for him in a sense, because he got to stay in the same position while Yuta & Garcis were in bad story after bad story and are now non-speaking jobbers in Moxley’s stable and INCREDIBLY damaged goods (not that anyone could reasonably think either was ever gonna be a big star, tbh- Yuta especially is like a 2/10 guy). Cheeseburger’s decked out in neon green & pink and a Macho Man-style fringed jacket and cowboy hat, coming out to “Rhythm is a Dancer”. This is under Pure Title rules, which I just looked up (3 rope-breaks, no punching). Cheeseburger said this is his white whale- the title he’s always dreamed about. Moriarty is the Champ and has a black tiger mask and shorts.

Moriarty is playing heel and the crowd chants “Pittsburgh sucks!” at him. The fans naturally erupt with applause for slow-motion mat wrestling, and are quieter for a FAST routine Moriarty does escaping a wristlock which is much more impressive, haha. At one point Cheeseburger does a dancing shimmy to escape a waistlock, then the World of Sport Johnny Saint “avoid a leg grab & crawl backwards under him” routine. He also attempts to CLIMB Moriarty, but gets shoved off and Lee schoolboys him out of a leapfrog attempt in an International, then turns the counter into the Border City Stretch (crossface), costing Cheeseburger a rope break (1). Lee, wisely, makes a big point of holding up one finger to taunt him. See, I like how Pure rules mean the guys have to actually escape all the holds by counters and you can’t just do the basic crawl to the ropes. Okay I realize that’s the POINT but I don’t see a lot of these XD. Cheeseburger gets out of an ankle-twist with a phony-looking “Just move his leg up and put it down”. They must be getting tired because now they’re openly cooperating- like they’re trying to mirror the Johnny Saint spot but Lee just bends down with his ass in the air for NO REASON and they’re openly checking each other’s position and helping each other move. TURRIBLE.

Turns out Cheeseburger’s thing was “Ride Him Cowboy”- climbing on his back and holding his arms up. Lee gets both arms pulled back and makes the ropes (1) with his head. Moriarty chops him, hits a slam and a double-arm move and Cheeseburger burns off another break (2), and ugggghhhh now Cheeseburger is like “dancing”, openly turning around or bending over just to end up in moves. A suplex causes a double-down and he lands a superkick, a snapdragon into a Tajiri kick, and an STF for a rope break (2). Moriarty uses knees, a seated dropkick and a clutch for Cheeseburger’s last rope break (3). Cheeseburger ranas out of the Fang (double-arm something) and tries to roar to life, and counters the Border City Stretch to a rollup for a close call. A strike war turns into slaps, Lee elbows him down and then chases him into the ropes for multiple strikes, ignoring a shitty thigh-slap superkick. The Border City Stretch is applied, but Cheeseburger makes the ropes… and Lee releases, only to go “Oh wait hahahahah” and actually trap the guy IN the ropes for a camel clutch, making him tap out at (15:57).

See, this was going kinda okay until 6 or so minutes in- once they get a bit tired they start openly cooperating and you get some downright embarrassing bits with “back pats” as someone runs BY you, and very clearly standing there while your opponent does complex routines with your body. THen stuff like “Hit a guy they turn around in FRONT of him and run to the ropes”- the stuff that makes wrestlers look like they’re dancing. Then the usual modern-day stuff like the “dramatic fight-up” after minor offense, padding the match with holds, double-downs and stuff like that. What’s funny is it avoids the MOVEZ stuff because they’re really just doing “opening 5 minutes” stuff and stretching it to accomodate a 16-minute match. Moriarty looked okay, but once they got a bit too into it they started taking shortcuts and openly cooperating way too much. Fine effort for this tiny stage but not something for TV.

Rating: *1/2 (was looking like it COULD have been good, but once they start just pushing each other along in moves it was all over)