Ken Shamrock & Tatanka vs. The Pitbulls (and other Dream Matches!)

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This week I have a really wacky one, as it turns out that Tatanka teamed up with KEN SHAMROCK way back in 1990, when both were green rookies and Shamrock wasn’t as roided and wasn’t in UFC yet! And they face THE PITBULLS! But they’re not the ECW monster team yet, but a pair of roided goobers still struggling in the low-end indies! So come see a green Tatanka team with a green “Vince Torelli” against “The Pit Bulldogs” in South Atlantic Championship Wrestling!

Next up, it’s a WWF RAW World Tag Title match, as The Quebecers defend against mystery challengers who turn out to be Men on a Mission! Then some WORLD OF SPORT greatness as some of the fastest and flashiest mat-wrestling you’ll ever see has Johnny Saint & Steve Best team up against The Barons, Ian Gilmour & Jeff Kaye) way back in 1972! And a very “1992 WCW” midcard match with The Taylor Made Man (Terry Taylor) facing The Z-Man (Tom Zenk)! Then it’s over to 1998 WCW as Super Calo faces Alex “THE PUG” Porteau on WCW Worldwide! And finally, this week’s look at the obscure PWI 500 guys has Joey Kaos take on future Impact Wrestling performer Willie Mack in a 2011 indie!

NORTH AMERICAN TAG TEAM TITLES:
THE PIT BULLDOGS (Spike & Rex) vs. “WAR EAGLE” CHRIS CHAVIS & VINCE TORELLI:
(South Atlantic Championship Wrestling, Oct. 20th 1990)
* Oh, GLORIOUS! Not only is it the mega-roided Pitbulls in one of their earlier incarnations (they teamed as far back as early ’90s WWF, jobbing to the Hart Foundation, too), but their opponents are a green-as-grass TATANKA (Chavis) and a pre-UFC Ken Shamrock (Torelli). Rabid Rex is in white trunks over blue shorts and Psychotic Spike is in black shorts. Chavis is in bright purple trunks with “buckskin fringe” on his boots, and Torelli’s in black shorts. An inset promo beforehand reveals Ken’s usual weakness- he has a really nasal, wussy voice. Chavis was actually a bodybuilder pre-wrestling, so is actually MORE ripped here than he would be under Vince McMahon, when he simply had that “puffy soft” Hogan look instead of being ripped like here. Commentary says the heel Pit Bulldogs are the South Atlantic Tag Team Champions.

The heels endear themselves to me by covering their ears because the fans are cheering too loud for the other side, then clunkily start- Chavis hits a hiptoss/armdrag/slam series on Rex, then ducks down in a headlock so Spike goes over in a backdrop, then does the “headlock one and headscissor the other” spot, which looks funny with such blocky, unflexible guys. Stereo clotheslines sends the heels scurrying and hugging each other in consolation. Rex rakes the eyes but Spike gets hiptossed and they work his arm for a bit. Torelli snap suplexes him but himself gets eyegouged, only to immediately come back on Rex, who eats the same offense. Funny bit as Chavis gears up his tomahawk chop too early and has to wait for Torelli to lift Rex up for him, but we’re back from break with Chavis down, but Rabid Rex misses a 2nd rope splash, taking a weak knee bump. Torelli throws punches & slams, then it’s a double back body drop and stereo sleepers but NOOOOOOOOO Tex Slazenger (Phineas Godwinn) comes out for the Disqualification (4:03), beating up the challengers and robbing us of a clean finish. Damn, you really see how HUGE of a dude he is next to “regular big” guys like Tatanka & Pitbulls. Ranger Ross comes out to even the odds, wiping out all the heels, but Rob Fuller (I think) beats on him, then old-ass Paul Jones comes out there and beats up ALL the bad guys to the point I had to check to see he wasn’t the promotion’s booker. The babyfaces do a promo after the fact, Jones and Ross stumbling over their words and keep almost swearing. Especially funny is Jones sorta stumbling, then randomly screaming again (“FULLER! YOUR STABLE CAN GO STRAIGHT TO YOU KNOW WHERE!”).

The match wasn’t as bad as I was hoping for, alas- just a basic “WWF style tag match but everyone’s too clumsy to do it right”, with guys struggling to execute a move properly because someone’s in the wrong spot or against the ropes or something. The post-match brawl was pretty good, though.

Rating: *1/2 (inoffensive nothing match; barely got adequate before it was over)

WWF TAG TEAM TITLES:
THE QUEBECERS (Jacques & Pierre, w/ Johnny Polo) vs. MEN ON A MISSION (w/ Oscar):
(WWF RAW, April 11th 1994)
* This is a mystery/fan-voted title match on RAW, after WrestleMania (where the Quebecers ran away to save the belts, in a pretty shit finish considering IT’S WRESTLEMANIA), and the double-switch they ran in England (fun fact: this is often given as an accidental switch with Mabel falling on Pierre, but no evidence exists of that and I believe PCO denies it). Funny bit as the camera pans over a bunch of kids and fails to find a single excited one during Oscar’s rap until they switch angles during the “WHOOMP!” There it is!” part.

The Quebecers try to attack before the bell, but Pierre attacks Mabel from the FRONT, so gets slingshotted into the ring while Jacques accidentally nails Polo and scurries off. Back from break with Mo making a comeback on Jacques, who goads the dumbass into a rope-run right in front of Pierre, who claps him around the ear and beats him down. But Mo catches him on a floatover and crotches him on the top rope- Mabel even happily joins in bouncing Pierre up and down and flinging him into the ring. Drop toehold & Mabel legdrop crushes him, but Mabel misses an avalanche and Jacques boots away at the knee- Pierre comes in but his third clothesline is caught with the Boss Man Slam. Double suplex hits Pierre but Jacques stomps Mo, slaps him around, and Pierre chokes him using the tag rope while Jacques provokes Mabel into distracting the ref. Back from break with Pierre getting backdropped onto Mo for two, then a double-stungun and Pierre’s clothesline get twos. Pierre lands on Mo draped in the ropes, but he recovers and backdrops Pierre to the floor. He manages to cut off a tag but a double-clothesline finally sets off a double-tag. The ref doesn’t see it, but Mo immediately ducks a punch and gets it anyways. Mabel cleans house with clotheslines, a backdrop to Pierre and an elbowdrop to Jacques, then clotheslines Pierre to the floor only to miss a splash on Jacques. Jacques rocket launches Pierre into Mabel for another double-down. Pierre is put on top by Jacques, but MO sneaks in to switch their positions and M.O.M. nearly win the gold (some fans even pop! I can see them!). But Mo gets tagged in, assists Mabel with an avalanche, but Jacques pushes his inside cradle pin over and he nearly gets pinned. Mo flies out to the floor and smacks his head into the guardrail by accident (ow), and Polo kicks his ass to lure over Mabel, who slams him and beats him down- but this leaves Mo alone, and he’s beaten with Pierre getting an assited flying senton at (9:33).

A solid little match, lasting a good bit of time with resting. Unfortunately it’s got a lot of MO in it, but the Quebecers kept things interesting with multiple double-teams and frequent tags. Lots of back body drops, though- you don’t normally see the same move that often in WWF matches. Mabel’s usually the heavy-hitter and gets some nearfalls, and you saw some of that, but he was pretty badly flattened by Quebecer offense like that flying shoulder from Pierre.

Rating: **1/2 (almost miraculous for Men on a Mission, lol)

THE ELITES (Johnny Saint & Steve Best) vs. THE BARONS (Ian Gilmour & Jeff Kaye):
(World of Sport, Dec. 2nd, 1972)
* So I randomly found a “Best of Johnny Saint” bio on Quebrada.net, which I both routinely make fun of for their takes while constantly using them as a source. This one was rated ***** by the guy who did the column!: https://www.quebrada.net/matches/johnnysainthalloftalent.html. The Barons are in matching blue trunks- Gilmour has short hair and Kaye has fluffy long hair. The Elites are in black trunks, with Johnny having short hair and Best having “Beatles in the 1970s” hair (he’s apparently a “schoolmaster wrestler- he teaches mathematics at a boys’ school”). Everyone looks VERY slender and quasi-harmless.

FALL ONE: Saint starts with Gilmour, immediately flipping himself to escape “holds” that are just Gilmour sorhttps://www.quebrada.net/matches/johnnysainthalloftalent.htmlta touching him, establishing his schtick immediately. Gilmour open-hand slaps him to help his armbars, but Saint again flips out of a move after Gilmour does that “break a hold with a stepover heel strike” thing I wish guys would swipe today. Saint hits a full nelson, and Gilmour has the most amazing counter I’ve ever seen, just leaning forward and stretching his arms back in chicken-wing shape and slides right out from under Johnny’s arms. haha the advantages of being skinny! In comes Best. Gilmour counters a top-wristlock by leaping AROUND Best and flips him over, tagging out to Kaye- he cartwheels in a wristlock but Best just cranks on it, so Kaye drops but rolls back to scissor the arm, controls a bit, but Best keeps kipping up and finally gets the momentum from a stepover counter to snapmare him away, Kaye easily cartwheeling into a standing position, then he does one out of an Irish whip! He cartwheels again out of a hammerlock throw and tags out, impressing the fans. Gilmour/Best miss amateur grabs and in comes Saint, who slams Gilmour and works the arm, even carrying him in a headscissors to re-slam him down. Gilmour finally gets an S-grip that lets him shove the arm out of position and sunset flips him for two, but Kaye ends up with his head stuck between Johnny’s crossed ankles and he can’t reach to escape, lol. The ultimate technique is apparently to headstand up, then belly-slide out! Kaye lands a regular headscissors, but flips out.

Gilmour slaps Johnny’s side but eats a double-knee and Best snapmares him around. Kaye takes him down and deathlocks the legs, then cranks on ah headlock on Saint, then cartwheels out of another counter! Saint, impressed, agrees to a handshake, headlocks him and gets flipped onto his ass. Saint manages to slide his leg out while Gilmour ass-slams it a bunch, then Best tries with Gilmour and a criss-cross goes BADLY for him as he ducks down and Gilmour absolutely blasts him with a splash and he goes “OOOOOOOOOOH!”. Best gets knocked on his ass but manages a bodyscissors, looking pissed- he has to escape after being lifted and now it’s Saint/Kaye again. Saint works a nervehold and now HE is the one to flip onto his feet, startling Kaye enough to back off. Saint tries a sunset flip out of a knucklelock but Kaye lands on him and Gilmour’s in, but he badly telegraphs a dropkick and gets hiptossed onto his ass, having to tag back. Kaye cranks off some European uppercuts but misses a third and ends up full-nelson’d! But he breaks by swinging his arms down and MULE KICKS HIM, firing both legs back like pistons! And Best is DONEZO as Gilmour’s tagged in and hits a cross body that knocks him flat- the Barons take the first fall at (12:56).

FALL TWO: Saint pats the Barons on the back but Best is in rough shape. So much so that Gilmour effortlessly fireman’s him up and launches him into a gutbuster so he has to desperately tag out. Saint hits a surprise dropkick out of a double-knucklelock to stun Gilmour, then a hiptoss and a double-knee to the jaw as the ref keeps counting Gilmour down until he flees. Kaye comes in and quickly Saint flips over on HIM and even catches a dropkick, then a positively lightning-fast exchange of monkey flips, sunset flips and jackknife pins occurs until they’re in the ropes. Ah, genuine applause from a natural stalling point, not the typical “pause for applause” of today. The UK fans don’t even do a “This is smashing! *clap-clap-clapclapclap*” chant! Gilmour’s in as Best is still hurt, but after he flings Johnny over the top, he eats a crossbody for two and tags out! Best comes in but a knucklelock sees him backdropped and he’s still too hurt- Saint’s back in. Kaye misses a charge and gets schoolboyed, but clips the ears and Gilmour dropkicks Saint down. Now Best HAS to come in, getting flung onto his back repeatedly, gasping and panting in pain with each bump. Saint has to go back in, and he straightjackets Kaye, who backwards rolls into his own, and then Johnny fires off a BLAZING-SPEED counter-series, popping loose both hands’ grip with his heels then doing a go-behind, leaps over Kaye, then crawls back and leaps ON hm, catching him with a victory roll, laughing at his luck as they’re way too far in the ropes- foiled! And then PSYCHOLOGY as Saint throws on a full nelson again, Kaye butts him in the dick to break, but Johnny SIDESTEPS the Mule Kick and hooks his shoulders with the heels and rolls them over into a Byers Bridge- Saint wins the fall at (5:06)!

FALL THREE: Very little time remaining now. Kaye offers a handshake and uses THAT to justify tagging out without other contact, haha. Gilmour’s in while Saint laughs it off and the announcer is a bit dumbfounded the ref is okay with it, but Gilmour quickly escapes after Saint flips out- Saint hits hard missing a crossbody but sunset flips Kaye for two. Kaye manages a hiptoss for two, then in comes Best at long last, hitting his own hiptoss for no count on Gilmour, hits another for two, then gets dropkicked and a mini-powerbomb (more of a flash-pin than a slam) gets two, countered for two and they both tag out. Saint & Kaye do a quick exchange, Johnny’s in the ropes, and Time’s Up at (2:11), ending the match (1-1) in a draw. Multiple handshakes around- ugh, when do the British learn that POOR SPORTSMANSHIP defines wrestling?

haha these moves are EPIC. World of Sport occasionally crosses the line into being silly but the speed with which they move is nuts. It helps that everyone looks like they’re 170 lbs. and have skinny arms and legs so they have tons of flexibility. Doing goofy shit like an ankle-headcissors and the other guy uses the momentum of a HEADSTAND to slide out backwards was cute. Kaye was a big show-off, doing tons of impressive flips and cartwheels, impressing fans, while Saint often had to slow things down or snag a hold for a while. There was strong psychology developing, as Kaye was obviously the superior of his team and doing all kinds of flashy, backwards-rolling counters and matching Saint, Best was too hurt to continue but kept having to buy Johnny time until he himself had to tag out, and then Johnny counters KAYE’s counter that had worked before, catching him for a fall. So it’s not just “flash” but a game of constant one-upsmanship and mental chess as they try to find things that work. The last several minutes have everyone pretty tired and things are naturally less slick and more bump-based, but it still works.

Rating: ****1/4 (top-tier counter-wrestling at lightning speed- NOBODY does it this quickly)

lol I just realized looking for a screencap that he has this “fancy” tuxedo top on… AND NO PANTS. Which makes him look like he just cheaped out and wanted to save money, despite his gimmick literally being that he was fine-tailored and wanted to look nice!

THE TAYLOR MADE MAN vs. THE Z-MAN:
(WCW Worldwide, 03/07/1992)
* Okay looking up random WCW stuff this one stuck out to me, mostly because I never saw WCW during this time so have no basis of what these two were like back then. I’ve seen a bit of Taylor’s failed WWF run from shortly before and after, and Zenk in the ’80s, but it’s a black hole for their WCW work. So Terry Taylor is now “The Taylor Made Man”, which means he’s wearing… a black tuxedo with gaudy sparkly bits and a red tie, cummerbund & pocket square, which makes him look more like a Chippendales dancer than someone trying to look well-dressed and high class… especially since he’s BARE-LEGGED, not wearing pants. Z-Man was a classic undercard guy and is in black trunks here, sporting a very “1992” short mullet, and Taylor has his hair looking really dark and slicked back into a ponytail, and is in red trunks & boots. Man… maybe after the Red Rooster, a different color would have been better?

Z-Man ends a short international with an O’Connor Roll, and Taylor gets pissy on a break, so earns a slap. He bails off of that, then Z-Man gets a crossbody off a criss-cross and the pithold to kill time, and flips Taylor over off a slam counter. This is clearly the “talk about the angles of the day” match so far as they’re mostly being ignored by a solo Tony Schiavone. Taylor only manages a weak armbar, but gets his arm pulled and bootrakes free, and he throws a jawjacker and some FISTICUFFS to get the fans into a Z-Man comeback, but he hits a clothesline in the corner and the Mr. Perfect necksnap for two. Backbreaker sets up a flying move, but he’s a mile away and lands on knees- Z-Man throws some rights & backdrops him, but Taylor catches his boot (on the second try- awkward botch there) and earns and enzuigiri. Z-Man throws out a soft superkick, but releases to punch out Greg Valentine when he hits the ring, and this lets Taylor score a schoolboy with the tights pulled to win at (5:17). An angry Z-Man throws rights on Taylor after the match, leaving him vulnerable to the Hammer, who immediately throws on the Figure-Four Leglock- Taylor gently (lol) pulls the ref outta the ring so he can splash Zenk’s legs, and rookie hero Marcus Alexander Bagwell charges the ring to see the heels off. What a nice young man!

A very Generic Match, which both guys are kinda… well every time I see them that’s the kind of match they’re having. They’re just very Generic McWrestler type guys. Like the McDonalds of wrestlers. Taylor at least came off like he had an attitude or was fishing for stuff- he kind of had the look of a man trying to figure out how to get his opponent in something and was annoyed- Zenk didn’t have much attitude and wrestled like he was focused on getting all the stuff in he wanted to do. His offense is very smooth but lacks impact or attitude- like Ricky Steamboat with no soul.

Rating: ** (fine, but not very interesting. So… normal for Zenk & Taylor)

SUPER CALO vs. ALEX “THE PUG” PORTEAU:
(WCW Worldwide, April 5th 1998)
* OH MY GOD THEY PUT THIS ON FREE TV! No wonder WCW went out of business! Porteau was a literal part-time wrestler in WWF given a few squash matches before becoming a jobber himself, then turned up in WCW as a regular jobber, mostly wrestling only on the weekend shows (only 4 matches in all of 1998). Here he appears already in the ring as one of the lowest-ranked luchadores gets theme music. Calo’s in black, and Porteau’s in red trunks.

Simple armbar reversals turn into Calo’s spinning headscissors, but the Pug gets his own out of the corner, but Calo no-sells him and back elbows for two. But the Pug counters a whip and pops him up for a powerbomb, then a forearm sets up an inside cradle for two. Porteau keeps up the beating, scowling at the fans and making other icky faces, and keeps cutting off Calo with elbows, but turns around and gets caught with a dropkick off Bret’s rope, and Calo puts him up to for a Super Headcissors toss at (2:39). POOR PUG LOSES ANOTHER ONE. Match actually wasn’t bad by the standards of Pug/Calo expectations- it was always moving, if a bit limited to the same elbows and forearms as a default for offense.

Rating: * (another inoffensive nothing TV bout)

THIS WEEK’S PWI 500 GUY: JOEY KAOS:
#500 appearance: N/A (#274 in 2001, #250 in 2002, #381 in 2014)

-Another random name from my list, Joey may be a member of the famous Kaos Wrestling Family (akin to the Von Erichs! Or Rhodeses!). We’ll see if he can hold a candle to Kenny. He looks to be one of those longtime Indie Journeymen who never really went anywhere, mostly on the West coast. Seems like the kinda dude who would have benefitted from an “AEW” scooping up all the relative “names”. He has a MASSIVELY long career, going from 1997-2022, mostly wrestling in Xtreme Pro Wrestling and stuff like that. You can tell he’s “legit” on the indies because he got into the *200s* on the PWI 500s! But only thrice? That’s weird considering he was so high before.

BE THE STAR TELEVISION TOURNAMENT:
OPENING ROUND:
“THE ROCK SUPERSTAR” JOEY KAOS vs. WILLIE MACK:
(NWA Championship Wrestling From Hollywood, 5/20/2011)
* These two hate each other, according to commentary! Mack is a stocky, chubby black guy with a topknot and green tights- Kaos is in black shorts and has boots made entirely of red tassels. Also eyeshadow and “late ’90s rocker” hair! Amazingly, they’re in some kinda theater where the chairs are set up SIDEWAYS to the ring! People are sitting in them like school desks and craning their heads to the side! So I check Mack’s bio out and he’s of course this longtime Impact Wrestling star and hit **#68** in the PWI 500 in 2020, which is way higher than most WWE or AEW guys ever get! Like WTF? He has one of those indie careers a mile long.

Kaos stalls to begin with, but gets slide-kicked into the guardrail and knocks it over (good thing the fans are far away!). Mack beats him up outside, hits a THIGH SLAP kick to the chest and at least Kaos is selling big. Kinda reminds of Edge- HUGE mouth and a big “AHHHHHHHHH THE PAINNNNNNNNNNN!” sell. He keeps getting his back smashed into the ring apron and he tries to beg off and plead (actual praying!) for mercy, but Mack keeps on beating him. lol I’ve seen some chubby wrestlers but Mack is the first one I’ve seen with a belly-vagina. Mack throws knees into the back and hits a running kick and makes CRAZY GUY FACES at the camera. Mack keeps wrestling like a Johnny Ace Hire with some plodding brawling but Kaos flips over him and hits a neckbreaker to come back. He taunts him too much, though, and gets his ass kicked with martial arts and chops (why is the fat guy doing high kicks?), but Kaos pulls him throat-first into the ropes. Powerslam gets two. Kaos does lots of choking & biting, then flapjacks him to stop a comeback. Northern Lights suplex gets two. Kaos gets a sleeperhold, Mack fighting up after 2 arm-drops and hitting a running face-punt, then a toss into an European Uppercut (like Claudio’s). A double reverse-grip neckbreaker hits, but then suddenly like SIX GUYS pop up from underneath the ring! The Congregation, apparently, are notorious for appearing “from nowhere”- Mack one-shots all of them, but turns around into Joey’s Thank You Goodnight (the KICK OF FEAR) and that’s the end at (10:18). Kaos steals one via DISTRACTIONS! The Congregation beat down Willie after the match, giving him a Birthday Bump and Kaos adds a frog splash.

This is actually interesting to me, because this is wrestled exactly like a WWE match would be, sorta- lots of choking, taunting, stalling for time, begging off, etc.- except for Willie Mack’s thigh-slapping offense it doesn’t look like your typical indie (which is either MOVEZ or incredibly clumsy). I mean it’s a WEAK version of a typical WWE match, but it reminds me of the 1990s when a lot of indies were just guys trying to “make it” and so they wrestled the traditional style of the time instead of “I watched a Japan tape and want to use ALL THOSE MOVES”- which you usually only saw with the Candidos and Lynns of the scene). Like, complaining about slow counts and doing sleeperholds for two arm-drops into a comeback? Of course then Mack has to go all “thigh slap”/Gamengiri/weird indie double-neckbreaker and whatever, so HE wants to do unique or Japan stuff. Mack was a lotta fakery and tryin’ to show off while the other guy was trying to act like an asshole coward, so I’d have said Kaos was much better in this particular match, but the other one obviously ended up a much bigger star in the long run. Joey Kaos may in fact be the second-best guy named “Kaos” in wrestling!

Rating: *1/2 (perfectly okay indie stuff- lots of time-killing and douchebaggery, but fine)