5-Star Match Reviews: WWF WrestleMania X-Seven 25th Anniversary Review

WrestleMania 42 is right around the corner and there’s a lot to be both excited and worried about. For a little while the build towards this year’s WrestleMania was largely underwhelming outside of Brock Lesnar versus Oba Femi. Then things exploded in the wrong way with WWE’s parent company TKO making the blockheaded decision of inserting Pat McAfee of all people into the main feud on SmackDown…which then bled into RAW as well. For every big pop for guys like Oba and Rollins there have been just as many groans over the growing influence of a faceless board of directors who are largely seen to be negatively affecting the most-watched wrestling show of the year. I issued a bit of a warning about this when I reviewed last year’s John Cena/Cody Rhodes/Travis Scott fiasco and, lo and behold, the powers-that-be managed to live up to these low expectations and set a negative tone going into WrestleMania. To that end, and expecting a possibly disappointing show this year, I figured we should take a moment to revisit better days – and by “better” I mean the greatest WrestleMania of all time, WrestleMania X-Seven. I know we’re a few days removed from the show’s silver anniversary, but better late than never.

WrestleMania X-Seven
April 1, 2001
Reliant Astrodome, Houston, TX, USA
Attendance: 67,925

We get an opening video of people from all around the world watching WrestleMania, including a farmer, a guy with a portable satellite TV, a couple watching in the back of their car, a clown, and some tribal people dancing under a tree. That turns into the opening pyro accompanied by Lim Bizkit’s My Way, which, to this day, is widely considered the best WrestleMania theme song ever.

Match #1: WWF Intercontinental Championship Match: Chris Jericho [c] vs. William Regal

Background: Regal was the on-screen WWF Commissioner but unlike many of his predecessors he had no trouble wrestling when needed. Regal was an excellent well-rounded grappler and, despite his working class background, he did an amazing job portraying a stereotypical upper-crust snob that abused his station. Despite Regal’s many efforts to humiliate Jericho, Y2J got under Regal’s skin when he (allegedly) urinated in Regal’s tea and Regal drank it.

The Match: Strike exchange to start. Both guys fly off the ropes until Jericho lands a wheel kick. Jericho flies out of the ring with a plancha but barely connects with Regal so he follows with a diving back elbow in the ring for two. A quick mat counter exchange ends with a Walls of Jericho attempt. Regal turns things around by driving Jericho’s shoulder into the ring post and waves to the crowd. This man is walking heat. Regal works the arm until Jericho escapes with a back elbow. Regal gets his knees up to block a Lionsault and gets two off a cradle. Sort of release German suplex by Regal. Regal removes a turnbuckle pad and drives Jericho’s injured shoulder into it. Jericho hits back with enzuigiris and then a missile dropkick gets two. Jericho misses a corner splash allowing Regal to hit a top-rope underhook suplex. Jericho escapes a back suplex and attempts the Walls. Regal counters into the Regal Stretch. Jericho gets a ropebreak and tries another comeback but Regal boots him down. Regal attempts the Regal Cutter but Jericho sends him into the exposed corner. Jericho follows with a bulldog, a snap suplex, and a successful Lionsault for the three-count to retain his title.

Winner and STILL WWF Intercontinental Champion after 7:40: Chris Jericho

Review: **3/4 A good opener with a rushed finish. The story was great with Regal targeting Jericho’s shoulder and acting all smug and haughty when in control. Jericho’s turnaround was a bit too sudden for my liking; two more minutes with Jericho earning his comeback would’ve made this a lot better. But for a quick opener to set the tone for the night it was fine.

Shane McMahon appears backstage walking out of a car with “WCW!” painted on it. Then it cuts to the APA and Jacqueline playing cards and smoking cigars backstage with crushed beer cans everywhere. Living the dream. Bradshaw paces back and forth as Faarooq and Jacqueline try to calm him down. He then cuts one of the most passionate promos of his life about Texas sports which gets a huge ovation from the crowd. That promo is immediately interrupted by RTC’s entrance music, which is one of the most annoying sounds in the world.

Match #2: Right to Censor (The Goodfather, Val Venis, & Bull Buchanan) [with Steven Richards] vs. Tazz & The APA (Bradshaw & Faarooq) [with Jacqueline]

Background: RTC were a bunch of censorious do-gooders modeled after the Parents’ Television Council (PTC) who were waging a crusade against immoral TV programming at the time. They singled out WWF for many reasons which eventually led to both a real-life lawsuit and a thinly-veiled parody of the group on WWF’s part. Because if there’s one thing pretty much every group of people hates it’s some self-important moral grandstander trying to tell them what they can and cannot do.

The Match: They brawl all over ringside before the match officially begins. Tazz runs wild in the ring and even Jacqueline gets to DDT Steven Richards. The match starts with Buchanan hitting a flying clothesline on Faarooq but Faarooq answers with a swinging powerslam for two. Tazz tags in and lands an Exploder but Buchanan answers with a boot. Venis tags in and does the Kenta Kobashi rope kneelift/Russian leg sweep combo for two. Goodfather tags in and shoots Tazz into the ropes with such velocity Tazz bounces off awkwardly falls down hard. Goodfather with a big boot, leg drop, and back elbow off the ropes. A backdrop suplex gets another two-count so Goodfather launches Tazz into a corner. Tazz avoids a Vaderbomb and tags Bradshaw. Bradshaw runs wild with boots, body drops, and a fallaway slam. Combination slam on Venis by the APA. Bradshaw hits Venis with a top-rope back suplex. Goodfather & Buchanan hit Bradshaw with an aided powerbomb. Goodfather goes for a running corner splash. Bradshaw dodges and demolishes him with the Clothesline From Hell to get the pin and the win.

Winners after 3:56: Tazz & The APA (Bradshaw & Faarooq)

Review: *1/2 An okay but sloppy match. Tazz stammering over likely came from the switch to WWF’s bigger rings compared to other promotions. Because of this two-foot size difference his instincts were likely off when it came to knowing when to turn into the ropes and corners. Beyond that, the match was largely defined by awkward brawling, basic moves, and far less heat than the first match. Hell, even RTC’s entrance theme had more heat than their wrestling, though not for a lack of trying. It’s also a bit disappointing that, given the RTC’s premise, their destruction here didn’t feel as significant as it could have. At least Bradshaw got to have a big win in his home state, though this wasn’t on the same level of magnitude as the greats he mentioned in his promos.

Cut to a backstage encounter between Stephanie McMahon and Trish Stratus pushing a catatonic Linda McMahon’s wheelchair. Spoiled brat Stephanie was always her best iteration.

Match #3: WWF Hardcore Triple Threat Match: Raven [c] vs. Kane and The Big Show

Background: Three midcarders feuding over a lower-card belt since they didn’t have anything better to do. You could take this description and apply it to almost any PPV/PLE.

The Match: Raven jumps Kane with a plastic object before Show’s entrance music starts. Show comes out so Kane press slams Raven onto him. Kane follows with a flying clothesline to the floor. Raven covers but Kane boots him. All three guys brawl through the stands toward the backstage area. Raven disappears for a moment and then reappears with a metal sign to smack Kane’s head with. Show appears and scoop slams Kane onto a stack of wooden pallets and tries to lock himself and Raven in a caged off storage room, only for Kane to rip the door open. Raven tries choking Kane with a piece of hose but Kane escapes and then throws Raven through a window. Show smashes Kane through a door into an empty locker room. Both men goozle each other and break through some walls. Raven reappears again to try and capitalize but soon finds himself chased by Show. He tries escaping on a golf cart but Show chokes him and they collide with a wall (and almost run over the blue cables supplying the entire building with power, which would’ve killed WrestleMania right then and there). They walk off only for Kane to almost run Raven over with another golf cart. After more random hardcore stuff they reappear on the stage. Show teases press slamming Raven off the stage but Kane boots him to send both of them falling into a nearby debris pile. Then Kane dives off with an elbow drop and gets the pin to win the match and the title.

Winner and NEW WWF Hardcore Champion after 9:28: Kane

Review: *1/2 This wasn’t as funny or iconic as I remember and it doesn’t hold up at all. Most the action was slow and sloppy punching and smashing. Raven did his best to act as the geeky foil trying to take advantage of two giants’ slowness but he ended up getting thrown around more often than not. It didn’t have the same slapstick comedy undertone that many similar matches had and most of the time it just dragged. The golf cart bit with Raven was supposed to be longer and likely lead to a Yakety Sax-style chase scene but that didn’t go as planned. At least the sight of Kane doing an impromptu elbow drop/flying ass splash made for an appropriate ending to a silly match that could’ve been much more.

Cut to, Edge & Christian trying to motivate an INTENSELY focused Kurt Angle getting mentally prepared for his match with Benoit later on. Then another cut to WWF New York where Jimmy Snuka’s watching the show with some fans. I wish there were more wrestling-themed bars where I live but I don’t think any will open up any time soon because THE RENT IS STILL TOO DAMN HIGH! Then we cut to Jonathan Coachman interviewing a fan who flew all the way from Australia to attend which was a big deal back then but is completely normal now. Let me know if/when they get attendees from somewhere like Vanuatu, Patagonia, or Tristan da Cunha.

Match #4: WWF European Championship Match: Test [c] vs. Eddie Guerrero (with Perry Saturn & his big white hat)

Background: Guerrero had officiated a non-title match between Test & X-Pac and engaged in shenanigans to screw Test over.

The Match: Neither of these men are technically European, for what it’s worth. Test manhandles Guerrero early and lands a falling powerbomb for two. There’s some quick ringside brawling and then move power moves from Test back in the ring. Test blocks a top-rope corner Frankensteiner and dives with a top-rope back elbow for two. Test charges off the ropes but Guerrero ducks and Test ends up accidentally tied up in the ropes and hung upside down by his ankle. Guerrero distracts the ref so that Saturn can attack Test. When everyone realizes Test is actually stuck, Guerrero, using sleight-of-hand, helps the ref free Test while sort of standing on Test’s ankle. As this is happening Jim Ross explains “Guerrero realizes he can’t win the title with Test in this position.” Because Jim Ross is amazing. Once Test gets freed Guerrero starts working the leg because he knows what wrestling is. Guerrero follows with a backpack sleeper but then Test counters with a tilt-a-whirl slam and then a tilt-a-whirl sitout powerbomb. Test tries a full nelson but Guerrero lands a back low blow outside the referee’s field of vision. Guerrero distracts the ref long enough for Saturn to land the Moss-Covered Three-Handled Family Credenza but Test kicks out of a cover. Guerrero lands a Brainbuster but Test rolls away to avoid a frog splash. Guerrero rolls safely but eats a Pumphandle Slam. Saturn distracts Test again, this time long enough for Guerrero to kick out at two. Test drills both guys with boots but then Dean Malenko interferes to stop another cover. This allows Saturn to hand Guerrero the title belt which he blasts Test with and then pins him to win the title.

Winner and NEW WWF European Champion after 8:32: Eddie Guerrero

Review: **3/4 A completely cromulent undercard match that’s remembered more for the Test’s botch and how everyone reacted to it. It takes an exceptionally talented individual to mask cooperation with, and trying to save, your opponent with trying to hurt them but Guerrero, with the referee’s and JR’s help, made that work. There was next to no break in immersion when that happened which goes to show how good Guerrero was even in midcard scenarios. Guerrero also reminded people of what wrestling is meant to be since he took advantage of an unexpected occurrence and made a narrative out of it without hurting anyone or detracting from the intended conclusion. As for Test, he did what he did best which was throw smaller guys around with cool-looking power moves. I get what they were going for here with Test needing constant interference to be put down yet he just didn’t exude that monster aura despite looking like a Vince McMahon wet dream come to life. So even though this is as average as it comes as far as WrestleMania undercard matches go, we got a glimpse of Guerrero’s wrestling genius which is always appreciated.

Cut to, Michael Cole interviewing Mick Foley who will serve as special guest referee in the battle of the McMahons. Foley vows to call the match fairly despite all his mistreatment at Vince’s hands and then concludes with a cheap pop, because of course he does.

Match #5: Kurt Angle vs. Chris Benoit

Background: Angle and Benoit were two of the greatest technical wrestlers in professional wrestling history. One was a one-in-a-billion amateur wrestling machine transitioning to the professional realm while the other had spent many years training in more realistic grappling arts but remained a pro at his core. In terms of “real grappling skill” Angle was a ten and Benoit was perhaps a five, but Benoit was also amazing at making you believe he was closer to Angle than he really was, as shown here.

The Match: An amazing amateur sequence leads to a stalemate and loud applause. This continues for a few more minutes with lots of counters, lightning-quick transitions, and an unshakeable intensity. Angle lands a big overhead suplex. Angle remains on offense with Benoit defending until Benoit transitions into a Crossface attempt. Angle gets a quick ropebreak. Another counter sequence into an unsuccessful Crossface. Benoit takes time letting go on a third Crossface, gets admonished by the ref, and then eats a cheap-shot from Angle. Angle throws Benoit out of the ring and into hard surfaces found ringside. Back in the ring a suplex gets him a two-count. Benoit tries fighting back with chops but Angle counters with an overhead belly-to-belly. Angle lands another counter suplex but on his next attempt Benoit hits first with a counter clothesline. A strike exchange leads to a kneelift from Benoit. Benoit goes on the offensive with a back elbow and a snap suplex for two. A superplex likewise gets two. Benoit lands two Germans but Angle counters the third with a heel trip. Benoit avoids an ankle lock and then locks in his own. Angle escapes so Benoit locks in the Crossface. They counter-wrestle until Angle puts the Crossface on Benoit. Benoit kicks Angle into the ref which leads to yet another Crossface and this time Angle taps. But the ref doesn’t see it. Angle capitalizes with the Olympic Slam but it only gets two. Angle goes for a moonsault but Benoit gets his knees up. Benoit follows with a diving head-butt for two. Another rear low blow from Angle. Benoit goes for a quick takedown but Angle wrestles into a crucifix-style pin and pulls the rights for more leverage to secure a pinfall.

Winner after 14:10: Kurt Angle

Review: **** I’ve read some people call this the Savage/Steamboat of the 2000s but to be honest it was a bit lacking to really reach those heights. Yes, it had amazing technical wrestling that was done in a way that made it feel realistic and quick without jumping the shark or wasting any motion. The theme of leverage, emphasized by Paul Heyman on commentary, remained constant from start to finish. They moved well, showed amazing chemistry, complemented each other, and put on a great amateur-style exhibition that really added to the something-for-everyone presentation that WrestleMania was known for. There was a great story of Angle turning to cheap shots and brawling when he couldn’t fully out-grapple Benoit. That said, the ref bump was a real drawback. Even if it made sense given the direction they went in, it’s such a tired trope that their plan could’ve done without it. The finish was also a tad detached and missing key final pieces. While it’s by far the best match on the card so far it’s nowhere near the best these men were capable of. To see that I’d recommend watching their singles match from Unforgiven 2002, the tag match at No Mercy 2002, or their WWE Title match at Royal Rumble 2003.

Cut to, Kamala the Ugandan Giant and Kim Chee causing a ruckus in Commissioner Regal’s office as a teaser for the Gimmick Battle Royal later on. Then we get a video of a pep rally that happened before the show which featured the wrestlers parading down Houston streets in military Humvees. Say what you want about WWE’s PR department, at least they show respect to and appreciation for the servicemen and servicewoman of the US Armed Forces. Another cut, this time to Kurt Angle being interviewed post-match. He gloats about being the winner only for Benoit to attack him from out of nowhere and tap him out with the Crossface once more. It takes several people to break Benoit’s grip and this makes it clear this feud is far from over.

Match #6: WWF Women’s Championship Match: Ivory [c] vs. Chyna

Background: Ivory allegedly injured Chyna’s neck which led to an awkward angle/match at the 2001 Royal Rumble. Chyna later interfered in Ivory’s bra & Panties match with Trish Stratus and left Ivory stripped down.

The Match: Ivory pleads and begs off but the moment Chyna turns her back Ivory decks her with the belt. The bell rings and Ivory stomps on Chyna’s head and neck. She mounts Chyna and continues hitting her furiously. Then Chyna suddenly no-sells and does a half-hearted choke toss. Chyna hits forearms and a sloppy-looking hiptoss. She follows with clotheslines and a back body drop. Chyna plants Ivory with a release powerbomb and then releases her own cover attempt. She follows with a gorilla press drop and sits down with the most lackadaisical covers I’ve ever seen. An easy three-count for the Ninth Wonder of the World.

Winner and NEW WWF Women’s Champion after 2:38: Chyna

Review: DUD A total squash but even by one-sided squash standards it wasn’t all that fun. Chyna looked either unenthusiastic or apathetic to her surroundings as she moved robotically and hits easy moves without a care in the world. Even if they were trying to make her look like a monster the way that story was executed didn’t sell that idea convincingly. Chyna looked more like she would rather be elsewhere which left Ivory having to sell this story more or less on her own. A match that should’ve been relegated to Sunday Night Heat than showcased on the biggest stage of the year.

Cut to, a McMahon Family (plus Trish) discussion in an office which gets interrupted by Michael Cole asking Vince for his thoughts about Shane buying WCW. Vince cuts him off and says “Shocking? Tonight, you’ll get shocking, I guarantee it!”

Match #7: Street Fight: Vince McMahon vs. Shane McMahon

Background: Vince demanded a divorce from Linda to date Trish which led to the infamous “bark like a dog” segment. Shane, naturally, got mad at his dad for mistreating his mother so much McMahon also gives this number of a one-liner: “I will never forgive your mother for birthing you”. If you’re gonna play an evil character you might as well lean into it all the way, huh? In response, Shane gets revenge on his dad with a swerve: he, not Vince, now owns WCW. And boy would that lead to the mother of all bungled dream storylines.

Shane comes out first and calls out some WCW guys who are in attendance. But instead of some big names, it’s a bunch of (with all due respect) midcarders who sit way up in the far seats watching on, looking about as menacing as a Sunday church service. This is what happens when contracts interfere with storylines.

The Match: Vince slaps Shane and chokes him in a corner. Shane fights back with a clothesline and a spear. Stephanie interferes and slaps her brother and bails before anything can happen. Shane dropkicks Vince and hits him with some implements at ringside. He uses the security barricade as a platform to land a flying clothesline and pulls out a kendo stick. He follows with a punch combination that gets a big pop. Shane sets Vince up on a table and goes to the top rope. Stephanie saves her daddy and pulls Vince to safety causing Shane to crash through the announce table. Trish comes out pushing Linda who, as the commentators note, has been given extra medication. Trish walks up to an on-his-knees Vince and gives him a monster slap. Stephanie responds with a slap so hard it knocks Trish’s hat off. Trish and Stephanie cat fight in the ring until Foley breaks it up. Stephanie slaps Foley (what else is new) and runs up the ramp with Trish not far behind. Back at ringside Vince approaches Linda but Foley protects her. As he starts wheeling her to safety Vince chairs Foley in the back. Vince lifts Linda into the ring and sits her down in a corner on a steel folding chair as he continues beating up Shane. Vince throws some garbage cans into the ring and cracks one over Shane’s head. As he continues trash-talking he keeps glancing back at Linda. Then he raises another can over his head – and Linda stands up. The pop…is…incredible. Linda, who has never been comfortable in front of the camera, gets the biggest pop of the night thus far by a wide margin. Shane points at her to Vince, Vince turns around, and Linda kicks him right in the balls. Foley gets some shots in. Shane follows by placing a can in front of Vince’s face and does the coast-to-coast dropkick. One, two, three! Shane wins!

Winner after 14:11: Shane McMahon

Review: *** As far as action goes this was very slow and plodding with about five minutes’ worth of motion stretched into almost fifteen minutes. But in terms of soap opera style drama and theatrics this was an astounding success. Evil Vince got the shit kicked out of him by his son, his wife, and one of his most frequent targets of abuse in Foley. It was a corny, overbooked contest full of smoke and mirrors. But that direction worked thanks to so many moving parts coming together. Linda’s pop got me and for a moment I could enjoy some senseless wrestling wackiness. Everyone here deserves credit for playing their parts as best they could, even if the premise was at bizarre, at best.

Match #8: WWF Tag Team Championship Match: TLC II: The Dudley Boyz (Bubba Ray & D-Von Dudley) vs. Edge & Christian vs. The Hardy Boyz (Matt & Jeff Hardy)

Background: The WWF Tag Team Championship division had been largely centred on these three teams since No Mercy 1999 when the Hardys and E&C had their famous tag team ladder match. Soon after the Dudleys got involved introducing tables. All three teams were stupidly over – and still are. I can’t tell you how many people I’ve spoken to or opinions I’ve read saying how some combination of these three teams is what got them hooked onto wrestling or that one of these guys was/is their favorite. At WrestleMania 2000 these guys stole the show with the triangle ladder match. Four months later at SummerSlam they had TLC I. Months went by with each team (and some others) exchanging the titles in mayhem-driven stipulations. Then some seconds got involved: Rhyno for E&C, Lita for the Hardys, and Spike for the Dudleys. Something had to give, hence, this second-ever Tables, Ladders, & Chairs match.

The Match: A big brawl to start things off. Dudleys flapjack Christian but then the Hardys take over and land a combo move on both Dudleys in the same corner. E&C deck the other two teams with a ladder and then stand on Matt’s crotch in the tree of woe. They drop toehold Jeff into a chair. Matt & Edge battle around a ladder and then Edge uses the open chair as a step stool to clothesline Matt as he climbs. Edge climbs again but Jeff lands a chair-assisted dropkick. The Hardys dropkick another ladder into the Dudleys. Then the Hardys slam Christian down, place him between two different ladders, and land a tandem splash/leg drop combo from atop them both. And this is merely a transitional move. The Dudleys do the WASSUP spot on Edge and they get the tables. Some more random brawling ends with Bubba powerbombing Jeff onto Edge through one of the tables. The Dudleyz stack some tables at ringside and then setup three ladders side-by-side. This leads to all six men atop ladders. Matt & Christian fall off one, D-Von and Jeff off another, Bubba & Edge off the middle one. Then out comes Spike Dudley. He lands a Dudley dog on Edge using the ladder for support and then another for Christian off the turnbuckle through a ringside table. Out next is Rhyno who gores everything that moves, including Matt through a table. Last out is Lita who confronts Edge. Jim Ross: “Lita…jerking Edge off…the ladder”. I couldn’t resist. Rhyno teases a press slam on Lita. Spike hits a low blow. Lita hurricanranas Rhyno and Spike chairs Rhyno in the face which knocks Rhyno into Edge off the ladder. The Dudleys hit Rhyno with a Doomsday Device. Lita chairs Spike in the head. Dudleys hit Lita with the 3-D. D&C hit chair combos on the Dudleys. Jeff pulls out a giant ladder, sets it up ringside, and dives off it with a Swanton Bomb through onto Rhyno through a table. Christian & Edge setup that big ladder in the ring and climb from opposite sides. Both of them fall off as Jeff tries walking across the tops of three ladders. Jeff falls off, climbs back up, and finds himself dangling by the cable holding up the belts. He tries catching a ladder with his feet but Bubba pulls that ladder away – which swings Jeff into Edge who SPEARS HIM FROM ATOP A DIFFERENT LADDER! Matt & Bubba climb the big ladder again. Rhyno knocks it over sending them falling through the four tables at ringside! Then Edge holds D-Von’s feet in place on one side of the ladder as Rhyno helps Christian power up the other side of the same ladder. Christian reaches up and pulls down the title belts. E&C win tag team gold again.

Winners and NEW WWF Tag Team Champions after 15:50: Edge & Christian

Review: ****3/4 Far and away the most exciting chaotic spotfest match I’ve ever seen. This is the perfect introduction to pro wrestling to show non-fans: it’s a wild spectacle with bodies flying around and objects get destroyed left and right. There’s not much in the way of psychology; instead, it’s just mayhem for its own sake. But that makes sense since, according to D-Von, he and everyone else learned that their allotted time was cut in half thirty seconds before the match started. Thus to tell the same story and provide the same quality in half the time, they had to really focus on the most important stuff, meaning the high-spots, combinations, interference, and overall sense of unpredictability. Many wrestlers would’ve fucked up trying to pivot to having their time cut so much and so suddenly, yet these guys not only adapted effortlessly they still put on an amazing spectacle that, despite its showy and at times illogical premise, never truly jumped the shark.

Match #9: Gimmick Battle Royal

“Mean” Gene Okerlund is the special play-by-play commentator for this match and his color commentator is Bobby “The Brain” Heenan. The participants are: Luke & Butch Bushwacker, Duke “The Dumpster” Droese, The Iron Sheik, Earthquake, The Goon, Doink the Clown, Kamala and his manager Kim Chee, The Repo Man, Jim Cornette, Nikolai Volkoff, Michael P.S. Hayes, One Man Gang, The Gobbledy Gooker, Tugboat, Hillbilly Jim, Brother Love, & Sgt. Slaughter.

There’s no point in covering who eliminates who at the start, besides Repo Man lasting maybe three seconds. Lots of slow, plodding punching. Some bodies fall out of the ring so daintily you’d think they were children being put to bed by their parents. The final four are Sheik, Hillbilly Jim, Slaughter, & Brother Love. Then in quick succession Slaughter eliminates Love, Jim eliminates Slaughter, and Sheik eliminates Jim. Though watching Sheik waddle around the ring it was clear he wasn’t going over the top rope unless WWF was fishing for a lawsuit.

Winner after 3:50 because he can’t take a bump over the top ropes anymore since his knees have become the jabronis: The Iron Sheik

Post-match, Slaughter puts Sheikie in the cobra clutch for old time’s sake.

Review: DUD A comedy nostalgia match for those who didn’t need to use the restroom and a certified bathroom break for those that did. Moving on.

Match #10: The Undertaker vs. Triple H

Background: HHH was on a tear at the time, running through the fans’ favorites like a hot knife through butter. He claimed to have reached the top which, naturally, roused Undertaker’s ire. HHH threatened to cripple ‘Taker which led to ‘Taker getting arrested for demolishing a limo and a restraining order filed against him by Stephanie. Working around the conditions, ‘Taker sent Kane after her and then he used her as a bargaining chip to get a WrestleMania match against HHH.

HHH comes out first and is played down by a live Motorhead performance which almost didn’t happen because, as the story goes, Lemmy and all of them got to gorilla like ten seconds before. It also very much sounds like Lemmy didn’t remember the lyrics and was just singing whatever he felt like.

‘Taker comes out and the brawling starts before his entrance theme is done playing. They brawl around the ring for a bit until HHH lands a Tsuruta jumping knee in the ring. ‘Taker gets right back up and resumes punching. He lands a body drop and some corner clotheslines followed by a powerslam. HHH dodges an elbow drop but ‘Taker hits back with a huge flying clothesline. ‘Taker attempts Old School but HHH throws him off. HHH follows with a neckbreaker and some shots to the head. HHH lands a neckbreaker which leads to a series of two-counts and HHH shoving the referee (and the referee shoving back). Hey, remember when referees had spines? Good times. ‘Taker responds with a volley of body shots but then HHH lands his counter knee facebuster. HHH grabs his trusty sledgehammer but the ref pulls it away. This leads to a convoluted distracted ref spot, a Pedigree reversal, and ‘Taker slingshotting HHH into the ref in the corner. ‘Taker answers with a HUGE chokeslam for a two-count so ‘Taker attacks the referee. How is that not a disqualification? Even HHH didn’t actually touch the ref, only got in his face. ‘Taker launches HHH out of the ring and they brawl through the stands towards a technical station. HHH chairs ‘Taker’s head and shoulders several times as they fight onto an elevated camera platform. HHH raises the chair but ‘Taker hits first with a chokeslam out of sight. HHH disappears from camera shot and is next seen writhing in pain on the floor. Not satisfied, ‘Taker jumps off with an elbow drop to HHH’s chest. Slowly but surely they make their way back to the ring and through all of this the referee hasn’t moved, nor has a replacement come down. ‘Taker grabs HHH’s sledgehammer but before he can swing it HHH kicks him in the balls. A slugfest ensues. HHH attempts a Tombstone but ‘Taker reverses into his own and lands it. He gets more than a visible three-count so he goes for The Last Ride. Except HHH has the sledgehammer in hand and decks ‘Taker with it before the powerbomb completes. NOW the referee wakes up in time to do a slow-count – which of course ends in a two-count. HHH follows with one of the dumbest moves in wrestling, the second-rope corner punches. He all but telegraphs ‘Taker’s counter and, sure enough, ‘Taker lands The Last Ride to get the win and advance to 9-0 at WrestleMania.,

Winner after 18:27: The Undertaker

Review: ***1/4 This was well on its way to being an exciting if not repetitive brawl until the ref bump. As I’ve stated before, I hate, loathe, and despise ref bumps. They’re clichéd, never done properly, and open a Pandora’s Box of logic gaps that never justify their use. In this case the two wrestlers brawled for a good five minutes while the referee basically took a nap, only awakening when convenience called him to. It’s lazy storytelling at its finest and, apparently, a defining characteristic of Triple H matches and ones he books. Yes, it gave these guys the freedom to go brawl into the crowd, but since they were going to use weapons anyway, why not find some other avenue to get there without relying on bad wrestling trope #1? That aside, the brawling was fine, the high spots were cool, and the closing two minutes were better than I expected. But any time you have a referee selling a simple collision for five minutes it’s an instant downgrade. I don’t like flagrant stupidity in my storytelling regardless of type and neither should you.

Match #11: WWF Championship Match: The Rock [c] vs. “Stone Cold” Steve Austin

Background: Stone Cold Steve Austin and The Rock. The twin icons of the Attitude Era. Their feud was perfection. Their intensity, chemistry, verbal barbs and in-ring intensity were what defined this period. Even now, 25 years later, many fans see the “My Way” hype video for this match as THE example of WWF/E’s storytelling perfection. It gave off “end of an era” vibes. You needn’t look far to find people saying things like “it’ll never be this good again”. It was the perfect mix of right time, right place, right people, and right circumstances…that is, except for one thing. Steve Austin wanted to turn heel, thinking that his babyface character had run its course. Except NOBODY wanted to boo Steve Austin, be it in Texas or anywhere else on the planet. Yet it seems like Austin knew he couldn’t continue this same character forever, and so he began teasing that he’d win the WWF Championship back from Rock no matter the cost.

Words don’t do this video justice so here it is for you to enjoy once more time:

The Match: Austin comes out first and he’s moving more heelishly than normal. JR is still perplexed from the unexpected announcement that this match is now No-DQ. Rock finishes posing in one corner to find Austin waiting for him. Austin lands the first shot and the fight is on. Austin misses a belt shot and lands a Thesz Press and some elbow drops. Rock lands a counter neckbreaker. Finishers are blocked and countered. Rock is sent flying to the floor. Lots of brawling ensues at ringside and in the stands. In the ring Austin lands a running press into the ropes for two. Austin lands a superplex for two so he removes a turnbuckle pad. Rock lands a big overhead throw for two and clotheslines Austin to the floor. More brawling. Austin uses the ring bell as a weapon. Rock is busted open. Another exchange in the ring ends with a swinging neckbreaker. Austin stomps on and chokes Rock in a corner. Rock answers with a big clothesline and more punches. He uses the ring bell on Austin which busts him open yet only manages a two-count. More punching and forearms. Rock with a forearm club on the apron. Austin counters with a smash into the barricade with his own to regain control. Austin smashes Rock ribs-first into the barricade and catapults him onto a ringpost. Then he smashes one of those big monitors onto Rock’s head. Austin covers in the ring but only gets two. Rock blocks a Stunner and locks in a Sharpshooter. Shades of WrestleMania 13. Austin gets a ropebreak. Austin blocks a second attempt at the same hold and locks it in on Rock. Rock powers out. Austin locks it in again. Rock gets a ropebreak but there’s no DQ so Austin can keep it cinched in as long as he wants. Austin lets go when he runs out of energy so he locks in the Million Dollar Dream instead. Rock’s arm drops down once…twice…thr – no, Rock fires up. Rock does the Bret/Piper counter from WrestleMania VIII/ Rock follows with a counter Stunner on Austin for two. Both guys are down as Vince McMahon makes his way to the ring. Austin lands a counter spinebuster for two. Rock lands his own spinebuster this time. Rock lands the People’s Elbow. One, two – Vince pulls Rock off. Rock chases Vince and walks into a Rock Bottom from Austin. Another two-count. Austin goes for a Stunner. Rock blocks and sends Austin colliding with Earl Hebner. FUCK. ANOTHER GODDAMN REF BUMP?! Austin takes advantage with a low blow. Then Austin points to Vince, who grabs a chair. STEVE AUSTIN AND VINCE MCMAHON ARE WORKING TOGETHER! THEY’RE IN CAHOOTS! Austin holds Rock in place as Vince chairs Rock in the head. Austin covers Rock but there’s no ref. Why can’t Vince make the count since he has supreme authority anyway? Vince awakens Hebner and he counts one…two…Rock kicks out. Austin goes for another chair shot. Rock counters with a Rock Bottom. Vince distracts Hebner so Rock pulls Vince into the ring. Rock beats up Vince but then walks into a Stunner but it only gets two. Vince hands Austin the chair again. A chair shot to the head gets Austin another near-fall. Austin loses his mind and drills Rock with eleven chair shots and covers. One, two, three! Austin wins with Vince McMahon’s help!

Winner and NEW WWF Champion after 28:08: “Stone Cold” Steve Austin

Post-match the unthinkable happens as Steve Austin celebrates with his newly-won title…and with Vince McMahon. Jim Ross captures it better than I can: “STONE COLD IS SHAKING HANDS WITH SATAN HIMSELF! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD SOMEONE TELL ME THIS IS NOT HAPPENING!”

Review: ****3/4 While this match was a bit oversimplified for my tastes with the action limited to strikes, finishers, weapons shots, and the odd wrestling move here and there, I’d be lying if I said this wasn’t a tremendous match. It was a prime example of wrestlers’ presence and physical charisma saying more than a deep repertoire of moves. Austin and Rock were so charismatic that they could more than get by with about a handful of different moves. But it worked for them because they were such masters at visual storytelling. They knew how to complement each other. They knew how to work the audience. They knew how to sell a captivating narrative. They were masters of control who broke typical alignments and each made themselves the center of attention when facing down anyone else. They were both special, once-in-a-lifetime performers and they faced off here in a basic but exciting match that lived up to the expectations of its time. It was far more melodramatic than either the traditional grappling that came before it and the MOVEZ-heavy stuff that followed it. Yet this is a perfect example of the Attitude Era condensed into a single contest: a dramatic encounter of big personalities using charisma, limited offense, and high drama to tell their story. Even though 25 years have passed, this is still one of the best matches of modern times, which is high praise given how these guys got away with doing so little compared to what was happening around them.

In Conclusion

Overall Show Rating: 9/10

25 years later this is still one of the most exciting wrestling shows in modern times, top to bottom. It’s not perfect – such a show doesn’t exist – but this one came incredibly close when it first happened and still holds that near-perfect quality a quarter-of-a-century later. There were only three real low points: the women’s title match was an underwhelming squash even by the standards of the time; the six-man tag between RTC and APA & Tazz could’ve been better; and the hardcore triple threat wasn’t as funny or memorable and dragged on for a bit. Those points aside this show is as close to an instant classic as one can get. The opener is great and could’ve been even better with a bit more time. Test/Eddy was okay and had an unexpected surprise lesson in adapting to unexpected errors. Angle & Benoit were amazing as always. The McMahon match was the ultimate guilty pleasure contest. TLC II was, and still is, arguably the greatest spotfest of all time. The gimmick battle royal was a cute way to appreciate the heroes and villains of yesteryear. Undertaker/Triple H was on its way to being better than expected but they got bogged down by bad creative choices. And the main event between Steve Austin and The Rock is the ultimate encapsulation of the various elements that made so many people wrestling fans in the first place.

With all of this in mind, what can we take from this show, the chronological endpoint of the Attitude Era, and apply to WrestleMania 42, following Pat McAfee’s expressed desire to bring this era back? Will WrestleMania 42 pass by at a silken pace with quick transitions between matches, angles, backstage segments, and promos? Hell no; WWE under TKO wastes tons of time with infuriatingly long entrances, bloated commercial breaks, and blatant product placement that would make even the most transparent of 2000s-era DX blush with embarrassment. Will WrestleMania 42 have the authority figure(s) get what they deserve? Unlikely: I can’t remember the last time an obnoxious WWE authority figure – either legitimate or on-screen – actually took an ass kicking as convincing as Vince McMahon did here. Will WrestleMania 42 have a variety-show structure that’ll give every sort of fan something to enjoy? MAYBE: they’re clearly casting as wide a net as possible and likely won’t give something for everyone in the same way as WrestleMania X-Seven. The most likely concept to take from WrestleMania X-Seven will be the controversial ending: just like in this show with Vince & Austin and last year with Cena & Travis Scott, I wouldn’t be surprised if some sort of badly-executed angle takes place that’s meant to generate controversy to carry the shows forward. In other words, history repeats itself so be prepared for something dubious or dissatisfying to close one or both nights of WrestleMania, just like it did twenty five years earlier.

Thanks for reading.