WWE Evolve – 03.25.26

Welcome back to some more Evolve as we seem firmly looking into the future as both our long-term champions, Kendal Grey and Jackson Drake, have relinquished/lost their championships (respectively) and have graduated to NXT. What’s next for Evolve? We’ll find all that out and more!

And we have our commentary team of Pete Rosenberg and Blake Howard running down the card before we have a COMMOTION IN THE RING as the “Sheriff of Justice” Tate Wilder is calling out Kam Hendrix and Harley Riggins for ambushing him in the parking lot, all because they blame Tate for costing them the big Team ID vs. Team PC match because Tate called it down the middle and Kam couldn’t get the job done, so Tate asks them to come out and see if they can beat him legit…and Kam, accompanied by Harley and Kai Kavari (who I’m pretty sure used to be Cyrus, he’s sorta shrimpy but is apparently some football guy, slot receiver maybe?) accompany him. Kam and Harley do their cliche mean jock stuff as they mockingly wish Tate well and are glad that he’s back as they guffaw like good goons. They seem to be upset about Tate betraying “PC guys for ID guys” (ugh, let this feud end!) and they do some more bad lines about putting Tate in the hospital again. But while they’d love to beat Wilder up, there’s a long line of guys that want their chance first, and Harley calls Wilder “Tater Tot” and brings up that Wilder messed up Kai’s debut, putting him down in front of his kids, his parents, his wife, and how despicable that act was…and Kai takes his shirt off, runs in, and gets immediately put down by Tate’s dropkick…and we have a match!

But before we get there, I would like to put over just how gloriously 80s this was, maybe it’s just the studio-style setup, but Tate’s “gosh darn it” babyface fire and Kam and Harley being straight out of Revenge of the Nerds as far as obnoxious, deliberately unfunny jocks was pretty entertaining.

Tate Wilder vs. Kai Kavari w/ Kam Hendrix and Harley Riggins

Background: So Tate was the referee for the Team ID vs. Team PC thing and called the win for Team ID…so Kam, the Team PC leader is still irked. Kai is a hapless goon, not a great build and some ugly tattoos while Tate has a good if generic build and is some sorta high-flying daredevil cowboy type.

The Match: Wilder just whips Kai into the corner and beats him down before tossing Kavari into more buckles before Kai throws a back elbow…that gets him nowhere as Tate continues to toss him around and commentary brings up both being Pac-12 (RIP) football players. Back suplex slam by Wilder (wait, isn’t that Kam’s finish?) and Tate stares down Kam. Kavari comes up short on a whip and powders and begs his buddies for help, they don’t oblige, but when Tate tries to drag Kai back inside Kavari snaps the neck on the ropes and comes in with a lariat for 2. Kai slugs away and gets a sloppy kick and a vertical suplex for 2. Cobra clutch by Kai but Tate fights out, Kai gets a short-arm forearm and then goes back to a single-arm choke but now Wilder fights off for real now with a three bump comeback with flying forearms and then a whiplash neckbreaker and the Wild Ride (top-rope moonsault) gets 3.

*

As the seasons change the winter crops will be giving way to summer squashes like zucchini and pattypan. Kai doesn’t have much physical credibility, but he was a stumbling and a bumbling like a quality goon.

Post-match Wilder tosses Kavari over the ropes and he just pratfalls all over the place. Bless him. The heels fume and it seems like it might be Harley Riggins next on the list.

Mike Cunningham vs. Lince Dorado

Background: So Mike is one of Cody’s students, and he has…Main Man Energy, he’s a jacked up guy who does a “rips the pants off” thing for his entrance and he’s a bouncy energetic guy that seems maybe like he’s on the cup of turning heel as the line between “sincerely energetic” and “insincerely obnoxious” are razor-thin here. Lince of course is an established veteran of many promotions and is a sorta player-coach now from what I gather, this match came about as sort of both guys being jerks…or maybe just poor actors. But Mike sorta obnoxiously asked for a match and Lince big-leagued him before telling the rookie he was fine with it. Dorado has the cat mask in a blue shade, and tame on his left arm.

The Match: And before the match starts we cut to Jha’quan McNair in the VIP lounge. We have a lockup and some standing grappling before Lince flips out of a hammerlock, but Mike gets a shoulderblock and celebrates before the vet gets a hip-toss and an armbar. Mike gets to his feet and catches a float-over by Lince but Dorado slips free and gets a dropkick for a cover and some strikes, but when the vet goes for a whip his shoulder goes out and he grips it and Mike takes advantage with an armwringer and a shoulderbreaker. Lince gets a boot up to block a charge and goes up…but Cunningham dropkicks Lince to the floor and follows with a twisting plancha and glowers at the camera before sending Dorado back inside. Big running lariat gets 2.5 as Mike poses before going for the cover. Cunningham goes at the arm and even rips at the tape but Lince gets some chops…but runs into a big back body drop. Thrust spinebuster gets 2.7 for Mike and Cunningham does his Main Man Energy taunt and gets some jabs between his posing and dancing…but he whiffs a leg drop and Dorado goes for a reverse springboard but Mike hits the arm again and now lands the leg drop for 2. Mike with some kneedrops to the shoulder but puts his head down too early off a whip and Lince gets a kick and then a twisting headscissors takedown that I think was supposed to send Mike into the ropes but he bumps too early and tries to salvage it by selling it like he clipped the ropes…good effort kid. Dorado strikes away and now Mike pinball bumps off a clothesline, jumping heel kick, and then when Lince flips out of a back suplex attempt the crafty vet gets the Hulk Hogan memorial backrake, and then a lungblower for good measure. Mike powders but Lince measures it and hits a tope con hilo before sending the rookie back in for a big diving crossbody for 2.5…and immediately goes for a juji-gatame that Mike breaks with a rollup…but Dorado gets a big head kick and then a back handspring stunner for 2.9. Lince goes up again but he’s limping and that lets Mike get a big uppercut to cut him off and then Cunningham gets an avalanche falcon arrow for 2.9. Mike goes for a powerbomb but Lince slips out and a cazadora into a victory roll with crossed legs gets 3.

**¼

So I think they were probably like 2-3 big kickouts too many for what this match was, but Mike is a LOT more tolerable as a jerk with his Main Man Energy routine and Lince is a serviceable vet.

Post-match Mike looks pretty upset and frustrated. Chuey Martinez is out to interview Lince and drops a little Español before letting Lince put over Mike Cunningham as a “pretty cool cat” (uggggh) with hunger, passion, and potential. Mike wanders over and says that Lince is so quick…like a cat, and while Mike is allergic to cats (hrmmmm) Cunningham wants to thank Dorado for teaching him some valuable lessons, cause Mike doesn’t lose, he only learns…and we have a handshake.

So no official turn yet, but I can smell it, like the smell of a litterbox that hasn’t been cleaned in a while.

And now we have THE FOREMAN Timothy Thatcher yelling at somebody over the phone, and in a slight digression, I need to put over THE FOREMAN’s office. We have a red tool box on his desk, one of those pen cups with like…the saddest Bic pen and a few pencils in it, some other pencils (mostly broken) lying around on the desk, some crumpled up paper, an Evolve-branded hardhat, a plain while old school rotary telephone, and a shadeless lamp with an Edison-style (though clearly a modern LED variant) bulb. Incredible dedication to the bit in a gloriously hokey fashion. So Timothy Thatcher puts over Kendal Grey for setting the standard for work in Evolve and earned her way to NXT…and now they need a new standard. So in three weeks (April 15th) they’ll have an eliminator gauntlet to determine the new champ. Two start, and every two minutes a new competitor enters, eliminations can come by pinfall, submission, or DQ (for any of you that was irate with WWE’s overuse of Gauntlet Matches…my condolences) and whoever survives is the champ, no shortcuts. Next week we’ll have a fatal 4-way between Nikkita Lyons, PJ Vasa, Wendy Choo, and Laynie Luck to determine who comes out last in the gauntlet (I also assume those four are the gauntlet participants). Additionally next week we’ll be getting some new talent, and a triple threat between some of these new cats…given that they mentioned something about big Euro stars a while back, I have some suspicions about who might be showcased.

THE FOREMAN’s schtick is very amusing for me, and it’s funny that Timothy Thatcher of all people has turned his sorta awkward anti-social non-charisma into an entertaining gimmick.

Masyn Holiday w/ Layla Diggs vs. Kali Armstrong

Background: The New Tik Tok Twins are back as dance enthusiasts Masyn Holiday and Layla Diggs continue to me pretty edgeless fluffy babyfaces. Meanwhile Kali Armstrong is the recently returned to heel status first Evolve woman’s champion who is shall we say…on the warpath and ready to rip people’s heads off to regain what she thinks is rightfully hers. Pray for Holiday.

The Match: Kali immediately double-legs Masyn into the corner and fires away with punches and then drives her shoulder into the midriff, and then hits a big rebound shoulder thrust. Masyn flips out of a suplex and gets some some of her own rights and then speeds it up with some rope-running and leapfrogs…but flies straight into Kali’s arms for a scoop powerslam and then Armstrong hits the Kali-Connection (THE POUNCEEEEEE) for 3.

**

Hahahahahaha, oh that was glorious. I don’t even have squash facts! Researching squash facts is longer than that match.

Post-match Kali talks some trash and asks for Thatcher while commentary brings up that Kali might be irate that she wasn’t in the gauntlet match.

Another vignette on Braxton Cole, who bemoans the fact that the common riff-raff think that Cole has never had any difficulties in his life. How wrong they are! Defrosting his Bentley on New Hampshire mornings. Only going 100x on his crypto portfolio. Taking commercial flights…to Cabo. Having last season’s truffle oil. Lobster with too much butter, filet mignon that’s too thick. Most people couldn’t do what he can do, because he has hard work, perseverance, and a giant trust fund.

Okay, so he’s just doing Blue Blood Hunter now? Well if there’s one way to get a push. I will say leaning into more comedy is fine for me.

Cappuccino Jones vs. Brooks Jensen

Background: The rubber match! Capp beat Brooks in an elimination gauntlet match (okay they ARE getting quite popular, aren’t they) but Brooks avenged his loss with an one-sided gimmick match. Jones does his bad coffee puns in a promo and Brooks responds by reminding Capp he made the mistake of his life calling out the bad man from Ala-bam-bam-bam-bam-bama. This is a good old fashioned blood feud here!

The Match: Brooks starts the match by shooting for a double leg but Jones sidestepping and raining down rights. Brooks grabs the much smaller Jones but Capp flips out of a suplex and peppers the bigger man with more rights until Jensen shoves him down. Capp avoids an alley-oop slam by vaulting to the top rope (and possibly slipping up as we get some editing magic) and gets a diving jawbreaker and then then a dropkick to send Brooks reeling to the apron and another dropkick knocks Brooks outside and we cut to commercial! Back with Brooks and Capp fighting on the apron and Jones sending Brooks down again, but now when Cappuccino follows with a baseball slide Brooks catches him with the ring skirt and hammers away. Brooks finally tosses Jones back inside and Capp tries to come back with strikes but goes up again and now Jensen cuts him off and lariats him to the floor. Jensen with clubbing blows to the jaw and then works Jones over on the apron and then heads back inside to just stomp the guy. Capp is up and tries throwing hands but Brooks drops him with a strike with his braced knee and then just tosses Capp’s neck first towards the ropes and then uses the ropes to choke Capp and uppercut the man in the back of the head. Brooks with a snapmare but he whiffs the elbow, and then a second elbow, but Brooks catches Jones with a neckscissors and sets up a sorta…double-stomp/neckbreaker twist with his feet (has to be a better name for it) and uses the ropes to hit a second one. Arrogant cover gets 1 for Jensen who gets a full-nelson and grinds out Capp (I apologize for the pun). And at some point Jones busted his mouth open as he slips free from the full-nelon, but Brooks just throws elbows to the neck and then cinches the full-nelson back in as Brooks looks at the camera and asks Thatcher to watch what he’s doing. This self-distraction lets Jones slip free from the hold though, and then Jensen whiffs a crossbody and he bounces off the ropes as Jones has his second-wind. Pump kick, clothesline, slingshot elbow, more running strikes and Capp goes for a second-rope springboard but slips and Brooks IMMEDIATELY jumps on him to stomp him down and then whips Capp into the corner, where on sturdier group Jones springboards back with a back elbow…sniffs, it’s beautiful. Capp goes for his Decafinator but Brooks shoves him off and Jones NOW hits the middle-rope back elbow for 2.5 and Jensen slaps himself to wake up. Cappuccino goes for the Decafinator again but Jensen blocks and they slug away, Jones takes over with a superkick to send Brooks into the ropes and Jones hits a big crossbody to send both ringside where they slug away…until the ref tells them to get back inside and both guys shove the ref for the DQ.

**½

Well, sorta weak finish aside (though I don’t really hate DQs) this was a pretty bracing match. They wrestled like they hated each other and it was mostly just two dudes punching each other in the face, Jensen in particular has really fun, grindy, old-school offense, and while Capp showed some good fire, if you want to do springboards, you cannot botch multiple every match unless your uncle is a regional promoter. I assume this sets up a gimmick match as the REAL payoff, but as a territory throwback deal I have no issues with these guys extending the animosity and heat.

Post-match both guys continue to brawl and refs come out to drag Capp off…and Brooks then blasts him from the blindside with a bullrope. GEE I WONDER WHAT IS NEXT!

We cut to Kali stalking the backstage area as she barges into THE FOREMAN’s office and wonders how after missing one week Kendal isn’t champion and Kali isn’t in the match to determine the new champ and doesn’t have the chance to avenge her loss. Thatcher tells Armstrong she has this wrong…Evolve isn’t where rivalries end, it’s where they start, if she wants Kendal, Kali should try to move up to NXT and go after her there. But if Kali wants to prove she’s still championship material, she should be after the gold, so to be fair, Thatcher is adding Kali to the 4-way next week.

Next up is Aaron Rourke’s championship celebration! Rourke has distressed jeans, no shirt, and a robe. He talks about how great it is that he’s standing in front of the crowd as the new Evolve champion. And while the crowd only sees the Dimepiece, Rourke talks about how he wasn’t always confident, how he was mocked and ridiculed in school cause he preferred action figures to football. Their words were mean and venomous and they made him hate himself. But he had wrestling, which was his escape, which let him be everything he always wanted to be, to be like the heroes he grew up, heroes like Ric Flair (crowd woos) who inspired Rourke’s robe. Heroes like…the 14-time women’s champ, Charlotte Flair, Rourke’s favorite wrestler (smart pick!). Rourke has the confidence to say these things and compare himself to these people because he’s earned it, despite people doubting him. Rourke didn’t try to fit into a mould, he broke it, and made his own. Be yourself! Believe in yourself! He’s different, he’s outlandish, that’s what got him here, and to all the people watching in the warehouse and on Tubi, the love and support means the most to him. He loves us guys and he’s honored, nay, PRIVILEGED to be our champion! So sit back and enjoy the show that the Dimepiece Aaron Rourke will give us.

…and nobody comes out to attack him? Well that was a very sincere and heartfelt promo. Good babyface stuff, but I have to imagine he’s not holding it long.

…and just as I say that we cut to backstage where Harlem Lewis is watching and seething and tells Rourke to enjoy his title cause soon enough, it will belong to Lewis.

Well, some people might be down on this show for being mostly squashes, but after some ‘big’ shows and big callups and big matches, you kinda need to restock the deck. I mostly enjoyed this, but I also enjoy the squashes and short promo segments and sorta building tension part of wrestling.

Thanks for reading and hope to see you all next week.