Tooned In: Taz-Mania (1993)

Happy Saturday Morning! It’s sure been a while, hasn’t it? But what better to coax me out to another review than another installment of…

THAT’S SPORTS ENTERTOONMENT!

More on that in a bit. Time for today’s MeTV Toons Forbidden Door Update first. On March 30th, The Super Mario Bros. Super Show makes its debut on the channel weekday mornings. And I must say, that forms a quite indy station daytime lineup block, between that, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Real Ghostbusters, Captain Planet, and Police Academy: The Series. Only downside is that the Zelda episodes seem to be excluded for some reason, but Link isn’t the one with a movie sequel upcoming.

Taz-Mania is another topic where I assume little explanation is needed. It’s an early ’90s Looney Tunes spinoff featuring the Tasmanian Devil, complete with the humor and meta jokes you’re used to from Tiny Toon Adventures and Animaniacs. Taz is now the protagonist, alongside his immediate family and wacky friends and acquaintances in his homeland, where “the sky’s always yellow in rain or shine.” Speaking of which, Banger Theme time:

Before our matter at hand, the first story of the episode is ANTENNA DILEMMA, where everyone in Tasmania is obsessed with their favorite prime time animated series, The Makimpsons. I wonder what they’re parodying, and what does their version of Family Dog look like? “Bart” from the off-screen dialogue is presented as a megalomaniac who wants the town on its knees and causes at least one explosion, so predicting Stewie Griffin by 6 years? As opposed to the 6 years times four that the Stewie spinoff will come too late. He also likes saying “No way, I’m outta here!” a lot. Anyway, the Platypus Brothers are enjoying the program, when Taz comes knocking because (interpreted from his usual Taz gibberish) of a power outage at his house. An impromptu ceiling leak repair leads to Taz pulling the antenna off the roof, in turn leading to the Platypuses (imagine Daffy Duck + Urkel + the Goofy Gophers, and you’ve got these guys) insisting that Taz help them fix that too. Hilarity ensues. Meanwhile, Public Domain Thor and Odin appear, and goaded by his dad, Thor finds a moving target for his lightning bolts: it’s Taz on the rooftop of course. He blasts him back to his own home, just as the Platypuses get their TV back. The thunder gods also watch The Makimpsons, by the way. Taz’s Bing Crosby-inspired dad Hugh tells him that, ironically, the power came back shortly after he left. But not to fear, because he taped the episode for him, so that the episode could have a happy ending. Regardless, Taz decides to eat the tape instead and then recites “Bart’s” catchphrase to close us out.

Now, onto our main event: AUTOGRAPH POUND. And besides being about wrestling, as an added bonus it is centered around the ABSOLUTELY ADORABLE Constance Koala, the maid at Hotel Tasmania, where Taz has a job. Ever since I started re-watching the show, she’s joined Melissa Raccoon amongst my fur crushes. Here, we open with Constance fangirling about some celebrity staying at the hotel. She’s too shy to ask for an autograph, though, so of course she gets Taz to do it, despite the pain and suffering it’s inevitably going to cause. And especially in this instance, for said celebrity is the world heavyweight champion of whatever wrestling company is based in Tasmania, Rex the Wrecker. Rex looks like a jacked up Teijho Khan, and his whole thing is he hates noise. Which Taz finds out when he accidentally steps across a squeaky floor and ends up in Rex’s Wrecker Pretzel finisher. Repeat a few times, then Constance finally musters enough courage to try herself…only Taz wants to keep her out of harm’s way, which leads to him getting back in harm’s way, again. When Constance mentions the autograph, Rex overhears it and says he never gives out autographs…but he’ll make an exception this time, if Taz can beat him. A stocky, vicious guy named Taz in an orange singlet as a wrestler? Nah, it’ll never work.

Match time, and Taz is more like Tazz as he gets destroyed by Rex. When Constance asks if he’s really hurting him, Taz has one of his funny out-of-character moments of lucidity, muttering “One might say that.” It is then that she realizes that “it’s not pretend,” because we have to have some reference to that in kayfabe era cartoons. Which means wrestling IS a shoot in the Taz-Mania Universe, or Rex is a big unprofessional jerk who takes liberties with his opponents and gets in real fights outside of the ring. Well, Constance is mad now, and so a new challenger appears:

The Masked Ballerina kills bitches dead.

The announcers complain that Constance’s appearance “is not in the script.” DAMMIT VINCE RUSSO, YOU KEEP SNEAKING INTO THESE CARTOONS. Taz breaking character before checks out too as such. She destroys Rex, culminating in throwing him through the announce table, two years before the WWF started that trend. Taz can get the autograph as a result…only now Constance doesn’t want it because of seeing what a jerk Rex was. Constance Koala wrestling is to me what the Tokyo Dome is to Dave Meltzer. Five stars.

And here’s highlights from the match: