WWE Evolve March 18th

Welcome back to more Evolve action as we have the FINAL EVOLUTION of Jackson Drake as he defends his title against Aaron Rourke, will we have a new champion crowned or will Drake be able to walk away and relinquish the gold?

We start with The Vanity Project’s Jackson Drake, Brad Baylor, and Ricky Smokes in their frathouse talking about how Evolve made them and they hype up their achievements. Jackson Drake says that he’s fine with a Final Evolution as he’ll happily embarrass Aaron Rourke and show why Vanity Project is the foundation of Evolve and the future of WWE.

Entrance theme! Faces! Posting! Science! Moves! Evolve!

Kam Hendrix w/ Harley Riggins vs. Dante Chen

Background: Kam is an arrogant athlete dude who has sorta slid down the card after losing in a big title match, but he’s come back with arrogant athlete dude Harley Riggins as a jerkwad jock team. Dante Chen is the GATEKEEPER and a guy who resents how these heels do heel stuff, so here we are. Chen is a relative veteran, while Kam is a greenhorn crawling up the card.

The Match: Lockup goes Kam’s way and they bluster and break before Hendrix takes the vet down and poses. Kam gets a wristlock and works the arm while posing before taking over with a counter and posing back. Kam is mad and runs into some armdrags and Kam powders while Chen taunts. Dante goes outside but gets distracted by Harley and Kam gets a punch and tosses him into the post and celebrates on the inside. Dante is back inside and gets stomped and beaten down by Kam with some running clotheslines into a 2 count and then a chinlock. Dante fights out so Kam goes for his corner clothesline offense again…and Chen counters into a German suplex. Chen fires back with some rights, a pump kick and some uppercuts, then a thrust kick lets Dante clothesline Kam outside and then the man from Singapore gets a tope, tosses Hendrix back in and it’s a springboard chop and some chest beating before Chen sets up for his Gentle Touch…but Harley runs in, Dante puts him down and the Showtime Kick (jumping side kick) from Kam sets up Lights, Kamera, Action (back suplex side slam) for 3.

*½

What a mess of a match. Just two guys doing their sorta squash routines with none of it actually interacting and then somebody won. I get the criticism of modern styles, but if you want to be a throwback, we don’t need two 2006 OVW guys going at it in the big 26.

Post-match Kam and Harley talk trash at Tate Wilder.

We know cut to Evolve’s FOREMAN Timothy Thatcher who says that he’ll deal with the vacant women’s title next week, but he has found some new talent from Europe and America that he’ll showcase in two weeks. IT’S GAL interrupts and wants to know what’s up for him, so Thatcher tosses a ball of paper at his head and tells him to reframe his question. IT’S GAL ads a mister and sir and asks what his plans are, so Thatcher informs him that if GAL wants attention (which apparently he does) then he’ll have some time two weeks from now…and also IT’S GAL needs to hit hte bricks.

Thatcher’s awkward crustiness is a fun GM characteristic as we believe he can fold these fools in half if needed. Good work from THE FOREMAN and It’s Gal is always a delight.

And we’re back as Braxton Cole is reading Aristotle and contemplating how much his superior Ivy League education makes him better than the rest of Evolve. He’s the Epitome of Privilege, the Eclectic of Excellence, and a top of the class Brown student and an all-league DE. He’s the perfect combination of brains and brawn.

Oof this is…generic. But it’s at least a path to maybe something.

Laynie Luck vs. Zena Sterling

Background: So Laynie is a sorta indie vet who has a party girl gimmick and is TOO TURNT or something, she has messy tattoos and is sorta scrappy I guess. Zena is a very jacked up blonde Ukrainian lady who flounces in a somewhat disconcerting way.

The Match: Lockup goes Zena’s way and she cranks in a headlock for a takedown and Sterling gets a quick cover but Laynie gets her and they trade pins and do the indie reset and go for a shoulderblock sequence…but Zena asks for a handshake and kisses the ring? Sterling then gets a wristlock into a takeover and gets a weak armbar but Luck fights out…but gets shouldered down and we have a half-international into Zena doing some takeovers and we run the ropes and Zena gets an O’Connor roll for 2 and then Luck kicks out to send Sterling into the buckle and fires off some knees. We do some evasions and Laynie gets a rope-hung codebreaker into a slingshot stomp before a crossbody through the ropes gets 2 and the indie vet cranks in an armbar. Zena elbows out, ducks a punch, and gets a backdrop suplex for a double-down. Both slug it out with Zena taking over with chops and an inverted DDT for 2.5. Zena with a fireman’s carry but Luck slips out, fires off some kicks, and gets her own fireman’s carry for a DVD for 3.

*¼

Oh boy. So I at least get the sense of Laynie Luck being some sorta indie vet with a ‘deep bag’ and busting out a series of unusual moves, but I have no idea what Zena Sterling is. She’s jacked but doesn’t do power spots, she’s sorta…coquettish with a skirt and some flouncing but she doesn’t really work that, she just sorta does things? I get that Evolve is rebuilding the roster but this wasn’t a great showcase. * for the work, quarter for Laynie kinda showing her character in-ring.

We cut to previously this week as Lince Dorado leaves the PC and Cade Cunningham follows him and compliments the vet and says that he watched Lince in the cruiserweight classic and how Lucha Lit is basically Main Man Energy. Dorado kinda seems like he wants to skip out but Mike brings up how he wants a match to learn and LInce seems amenable.

Somehow both guys came across as heels? How odd.

Next we get Cappuccino Jones making his way to the ring and hypes up Aaron Rourke’s title match tonight and says that Rourke has all of their support. But before that, there’s something that’s been ‘brewing’ for weeks (sigh). Cap calls out Brooks Jensen and says that while Jensen is a student of the game and can remember all these matches, but can’t remember that Cap beat Brooks in the gauntlet match…and could only beat Jones when Cap had an arm tied behind his back. Team ID vs. Team PC is over (thank the good lord) but this is personal and this is about Cap whooping that behind…and here comes Brooks Jensen to tell everybody that making this personal with the Bad Man From Ala-bam-bam-bam-bam-bam-bama isn’t just calling Brooks out, this is Jones ending his career.

I’m a Brooks mark and Cap is fine when he doesn’t overserve the coffee puns, I like this “I wanna fight you” “those are fighting words lets fight” stuff myself.

Now we got Chuey Martinez with Luca Crusifino in a sit-down. Luca gives Chuey a bracelet and is talking about how he’s blessed and shining and talks up Kendal and Sean Legacy for going through Evolve and how happy he has that same chance. He says more half-cooked hippie stuff and I think he’s maybe going for a Superstar thing maybe? So Luca rhymes and dimes and talks about PLUR which is Peace, Love, Unity, and Respect which is the cornerstone of raving. Luca talks about how Evolve lacks that and how there are too many egos and posturing and guys like Kam Hendrix and Harley Riggins who are ‘vibe killers.’

Okay, I don’t buy this at all, but I do wonder if maybe an insincere version of this gimmick could work. Guys, I’m hanging on a thread for my Luca fandom here.

Jackson Drake w/ Brad Baylor and Rickey Smokes (c) vs. Aaron Rouke – Evolve Men’s Championship

Background: Drake is an annoying arrogant heel who is also super dominant and sort of an indie moves god. Aaron Rourke is also an indie guy but is a sorta flamboyant gay babyface with face glitter and a fancy robe. Drake is an indie guy that sold out the other indie dudes and Rourke is tired of Jackson for sorta pooping on the brand and exploiting Evolve and its talent for his own ego. Drake is the most dominant dude in Evolve history (well this version of Evolve) and has a parade of goons to help him as well while Rourkie is sorta just a midcard guy with chutzpah.

The Match: We start with some wristlocks and counters as we get some early pin attempts before Drake throws a strike…but Rourke flips out of a suplex and boots Drake to the floor and the champ pouts and it’s a break. We return with Aaron taking the champ down with a neckrbeaker and a suplex, but he gets distracted by the Vanity Project for a bit but still gets a headscissors on Jackson. Drake counters out and it’s all the indie special so far. Drake finally reverses out into a single crab and some stomps on the head and slugs away at Rourkie. Knee drop and a cover doesn’t even get 1. Some armwork and a Russian legsweep by Drake gets cover before it’s a chinlock and this is…beige so far. Rourke drives Jackson into the corner to break but misses a strike, and Jackson gets a diving stomp to the back. Fisherman’s buster by Drake follows for 2.7. The champ poses and preens and paintbrushes the face before getting some mounted punches…but Rourke slips out and gets a tiger feint kick to knock Drake’s legs out and the man from Sparkle City gets a three-bump comeback with an elbow, clothesline, and side kick. Rourke tries a German, but Drake slips out so a superkick by Aaron helps him land the German. Rourke gets his handstand headscissors and then an Eat Defeat for 2.8. But Rourke runs into a Jackson German into the buckles to cut off the flurry. Drake then follows up with a corner charge…and Rourke gets the Samoa Joe release slam out of the corner in a spot that doesn’t really fit his build but whatever! Rourke with a Vader bomb elbow for 2 and we have a double-down. Both guys slug it out on the apron and Drake gets a suplex off the apron and it’s a TV break! We return with Rourke diving back inside and Drake kicks away and then tells Aaron that he does not belong here. Rourke fights back with a double boot and then a half-crab with some stomps and he fires up…but runs into a Michinoku Driver onto Drake’s knee and a PK…for 1 (?!) and Rourke fires up with a pop-up powerbomb for 2.7. Both slug away and Drake accidentally elbows the ref and Rourke gets a big kick but Swipe Right runs in and hits the Super Swipe…for 2.9. And Drake is perplexed! Bamboozled! Confused! Rourke backdrops Drake into Swipe Right and follows with a moonsault onto everybody…but Drake, who catches Rourke with a knee coming back inside and sets up for the Burning Hammer and the Unaliving to the back…for 2.9. Drake misses a charge but gets some kicks and goes up dives into…an Aaron Rourke spear (that move looked rough, could have been Shades of Grey by Drake for all I know). Rourke goes up and the Dimepiece hits Over the Rainbow (Molly-Go-Round) for 3.

***½

Hey this was good stuff, Drake hit ALL THE STUFF but it was reasoned and escalated well, and the scrappy underdog fought his way through and hit a few big moves and we’re boss with the red sauce. This was legitimately emotional as Rourke pulled it off and hey, maybe Jackson Drake is more than a twink dink.

Post-match we all celebrate but Mike Cunningham accidentally knocks the title to the mat…huh well, hrm, well, particular.

Okay, the first two matches, not great, the last match, pretty good! And that’s Evolve, I’d be upset if it was pure workrate stuff, we need dodgy matches between shaky amateurs.

Thanks for reading, and thanks for supporting Evil Gay Aaron Rourke!