Live Feed Mania – WWF Monday Night Raw 08.24.98

Philadelphia, PA – Corestates Center – August 24, 1998 (14,727; sell out)

It’s the Raw before Summerslam and the WWF is hotter than Hell!

WWF Shotgun Saturday Night 08/29/98

El Merenguero vs. Scott Taylor

The future Jesus takes it to Scotty. I assume so, this is highlights only as even the dude recording this didn’t care about Super Astros. Merenguero wins somehow.

Max Mini vs. El Torito

Crowd loves the mini action from the get-go. Watching more of these matches from this period makes me wonder if WWF dropped the ball on this concept. Mini busts out a plancha and the crowd loves their minds. This is highlights only as well, I didn’t realise satellite fiends did their own editing. Torito dominates to boos. And then Mini busts out a Frankensteiner off the top for a huge cheer.

Commentators walk out to Guns N’ Roses. “J.R. you got a Road Warrior pop for your entrance.”

Skull & 8-Ball vs. Ace Darling & Devon Storm

The future Crowbar looking goofy as hell. Cornette: “Howard Finkel hates DOA matches because he doesn’t have steps to get out.” Crowd chant “LOD” at DOA and I don’t know or care if they were feuding. The Nazis dominate while the commentators check their headphones are working OK. Assisted Powerbomb wins at 2:31.

Armando Fernandez vs. Sho Funaki

Fernandez is the future Toscano who is still wrestling at age 52 because he’s a REAL ASS LUCHADORE. Crowd weakly chants “U-S-A”. Fernandez lands a beautiful top rope dropkick and Asai moonsault. Funaki gets on offence but it’s basic stuff, maybe because he’s wearing shorts and a hoodie. Fernandez takes the Jannetty/Goldust/Rikishi sell from a back elbow. Crowd don’t care. Funaki misses a top rope elbow and takes a Butterfly Suplex Into A Facebuster. Finish got a mild “yay”, rest of the match was silence.

Bob Holly vs. Dick Togo

This match would have ruled in the 2010s. Commentators keep on saying “what about Bob?” derisively. Togo lands a rolling senton off the apron while the crowd continue to not care. Bob slams Togo off the top rope Flair style. Commentators mock Yamaguchi-San’s height. “Stand up! Oh he is.” Bob slams Dick a few times as I wonder why WWF bothered hiring all those luchadores and M-Pro guys to be booked against guys they had no chemistry with. Kneeling Powerbomb sets up a tope rope leg drop win for Bob at 4:26. Next.

D’Lo Brown vs. Dustin Runnels

Dustin is “already in the ring to my left” which is brutal for a guy who would wrestle at Summerslam. Oh sorry, I meant on the Sunday Night Heat before Summerslam. Crowd loudly chants “D’Lo Sucks” which isn’t true. Dustin lands a “modified backdrop” which translates to Dustin forcibly backdropping a reluctant D’Lo. “Jesus” remarks J.R. D’Lo is of course wearing his body armour here as the crowd chant “Goldberg Sucks” for some reason. Crowd lose interest despite D’Lo’s best efforts. D’Lo fakes a knee injury, Dustin falls for it and he wins with the Lo Down at 4:46.

The Headbangers vs. The Pitbulls

WWF’s middest vs. ECW’s middest! Oh sorry, The Pitbulls were done with ECW by 1998 and no-one else wanted them so here they are selling for the Bangers in their only WWF try-out. Both lads take armdrags and whatnot from the goths until #1 lands a sneaky belly-to-belly behind the ref’s back. They’re in Philly and there’s not even a polite “E-C-Dub” chant? Oh wow they were done-done by this point. Pitbulls on offence gets no reaction at all despite their speed and size because they still do basic bitch offence. Crowd so quiet you can hear the ref tell them to go home. Yeah, forever. Pitbulls set up the Superbomb but The Bangers stop it and land a fucked up Stage Dive at 5:59.

Fink lets Philly know they’ve been selected for Wrestlemania XV and they’re thrilled. They won’t be when they watch it. Fink hypes up the Brawl For All hype packages on the Titantron as the finals are tonight.

Lawler heads out. Ross mocks his slow pace. “Fuck, unless there’s a woman there he ain’t hurrying.”

Raw is War – aired live

Lawler goes wild implying Kane and Undertaker are in cahoots. Oh, here they are to start the show! Except J.R. says it’s “Kane and Mankind” seconds into the show. It’s live, pal. Vince heads out, very happy. “Finally Kane & Undertaker have come out of the casket!” Vince says this is better TV than Bill Clinton’s mea culpa because he told everyone so. He knew they were in cahoots! Vince asks for Undertaker’s friendship cos he knows Undi will need it to win the WWF Title. Vince says we will know by the end of the show. Paul Bearer heads out to ask his son Kane if this is true. He’s always loved him unlike his mother “that sleazy whore!” Bearer asks Kane to attack Undertaker for his daddy, but Undi big boots Paul. Mankind wanders out to do something but the Brothers Of Destruction give him a spike Tombstone which I don’t recall them doing many of. Looked nice. Vince reminds Undertaker that Austin exists and HERE HE IS oh maybe not as Kane uses his wall of fire to attempt to BBQ Austin. Oh God are we still doing fire powers for Kane? Austin stays on the ramp and says he’s all choked up seeing the family together again. Austin knows he can’t beat both of them so he’s going to take one of them out tonight to even the playing field. OK well, some stuff was explained and a lot wasn’t. We don’t know why there’s a Hell In A Cell hovering above the ring but we know Kane and Mankind are the tag champs but hate one another. It’s 1998, baby.

Ken Shamrock vs. Dan Severn

They refer to this as “Shamrock vs. Severn III” due to their previous matches at UFC VI and IX. And ha ha at this match starting the show while Brawl For All headlines. We’re shown clips of a three way involving Owen Hart, with Severn doing nothing until the finish where he took Ken’s back and won with a Dragon Sleeper.

HHH’s crotch chops are sponsored by Stri-Dex! Also Mankind is stretchered into an ambulance despite his protests.

Ken misses a kick as Dan enters the ring, so Dan scores a takedown while going for the leg. Both men attempt ankle locks and are trying their damndest to make this look as realistic as possible considering the period. Oh and then Dan casually Powerbombs Ken so I guess that bit’s over. Front suplex and a fireman’s carry isn’t getting the crowd into this. Dan powerslams Ken for two. Dan struggles with Ken in the ropes, with the ref getting distracted yelling at Dan. Owen attacks Ken but he fights back in front of the ref so this is a DQ win for Ken at 2:54. Owen locks in the Dragon Sleeper on Ken but even more jacked and scary Blackman saves with a pump kick.

And then Blackman gets too close to Ken who snaps and suplexes him. But Blackman pops up and suplexes him because it’s 1998 and no-one’s getting along. Apart from Kane & Undi, maybe.

Mankind is shown having escaped the ambulance and is hanging out backstage. The pace of this show is faster than the 90s Spider-Man cartoon.

After the break, Mankind rides his stretcher back to the ring. Mankind feels that Kane isn’t the nice guy he thought he was, so he challenges him to Hell In A Cell tonight. Mankind asks what kind of idiot would challenge Kane to that type of match? “I know I’m going to get my ass kicked.” But Mankind is willing to do it to turn that “big burned bastard into the world’s biggest pin cushion.” Ah Foley.

We get vicious clips of previous Hell In A Cell matches with Foley’s colossal bumps. Foley’s nuts enough to take a crazy bump a week before one of the biggest PPVs of the year, sure.

Sable is here and she sadly has a mic. Oh wait she’s a ring announcer?

Kurrgan (w/ Sable, Luna, & the Oddities) vs. Marvellous Marc Mero

J.R. plugs ICP’s upcoming performance at Summerslam. That’s sadly removed from home releases. Mero isn’t accompanied by Jackie so he demands Kurrgan be a man and remove his freaks from ringside too. J.R. “It’s OK King, you can stay.”

Kurrgan does so and mocks Mero’s boxing stance. Kurrgan lands clotheslines and a little dance, none of which gets a pop. Crowd cheer for a bear hug (!) and a double-armed chokebomb. Doesn’t matter, Jackie appears wearing a rasta wig to attack Sable. Who isn’t affiliated with The Oddities. Unless she is and the commentary team didn’t explain it. You’d think this would end with Kurrgan getting distracted and rolled up but no, Mero simply kicks him low and that’s a DQ at 1:40. They couldn’t get Kurrgan to lose to Mero?

X-Pac builds hype by pissing on Jeff Jarrett’s boots backstage. I wonder if he knew he was being filmed. “Ah another harmless X-Pac rib!”

The New Age Outlaws (Road Dogg & Billy Gunn) vs. Southern Justice (Mark Canterbury & Shanghai Pierce)

This filler tag match is brought to you by JVC Kaboom Box, Castrol GTX, WWF The Music Vol. 2, and 10-10-321! Oh sadly LOD Hawk is here to pretend to be drunk and ramble all over the sponsors which is risky business. “Remember when you told me to sell the Piledriver and I didn’t?” The commentators ignore this sad time.

Jarrett runs out before the match (without boots) to grab J.R.’s head-set and demand X-Pac come out and warns the ref to not shoot him below the waist. Urgh. Canterbury manages a reverse Powerbomb for all the good it’s doing this match that is mostly being ignored to focus on Double J. Dogg gets all the love busting out his funky punching. Justice get distracted by Jarrett’s yelling, allowing Gunn to piledrive Shanghai for the pin at 3:15.

Justice are pissed and help Jarrett in shaving the cameraman bald because he showed the world Jarrett’s unbooted socks. Oh and because it’s X-Pac vs. Jarrett hair vs. hair at Summerslam. And this angle is cut away from as quickly as possible to move on to something else as this period is tiring considering how many moving parts there are in every segment.

Hell in a Cell

WWF Tag Team Champion Kane vs. WWF Tag Team Champion Mankind

Mankind takes out the refs who are stopping him from climbing the cage. Kane takes a knee charge into the doorframe but Foley struggles to get a chair to the top, scaring Lawler.

Mankind tries climbing again but Undertaker shows up and throws him mid-way off the Cell through the announce table. Crowd erupts for that before chanting for Austin. Yeesh. Kane bounces Mankind around the Cell before heading inside to smash the 400lb ring steps around. Kane then busts out a frigging plancha which I do not recall him doing many of. Mankind cracks Kane in the head with a chair but it’s not enough to stop him while Foley prepares the thumbtacks. Foley lands his pull-up piledriver with Kane bouncing off it and landing in the un-set up thumbtacks in a bump I don’t know was intended. Kane has tacks all over his arse now which he casually no-sells to chokeslam and Tombstone Foley. Undi demands more so Kane brains Mick with two devastating chair shots before a Tombstone on the chair finishes…by Austin appearing from under the ring for the DQ at 7:41. They did the shitty DQ before The Fiend match? Huh. Austin beats the hell out of Kane while Undi climbs the cage to get in via the roof, but the Cell starts raising with Vince being shown as the reason. I think. Anyway, match was a cover-mounted CD preview of Foley’s other 1998 Cell so as a display of how many bumps Foley could fit into a small space of time with a tenth of the impact of the PPV, it was impressive. In any other way it’s just part of this absurd blur of a show that is tiring me out way harder than the modern PLEs.

Post-match, Undi vows he’ll end Austin tonight, not Summerslam. Not much to it.

Last week, The Nation assaulted HHH with a ladder and left him bloody. Chyna is furious and wants Rock to answer for his crimes. Black Adam? The IC Champion heads out to massive “Rocky Sucks” chants. The rest of the Nation head out (including Owen, which makes me wonder if this counts as Dan Severn being a friend of the Nation vicariously). Rock knows this is a set-up so D-X can show up and ruin his new $500 shirt. So he tells her to know her role and watch the screen…showing D-X locked in their locker room due to forklift being stuck in the door. That’s how you do that one puzzle in Grim Fandango. Rock climbs the ladder while talking about how great he is and how nice New York is. Weird seeing Rock say his 900 catchphrases without the crowd joining in. Rock knows Chyna wants him “and he can’t blame her for a second.” Chyna tries to attack Rock but The Nation “put her on her knees where she belongs” because it ain’t Russo without women being attacked or called a whore. Rock changes his mind about kissing a piece of trash like her and makes Mark Henry kiss her instead, with Shawn Michaels making the save with a chair. Shawn then celebrates being a friend to the womenfolk by flexing his hips on the announce table. Rock looked like a big, big deal.

Val Venis vs. Taka Michinoku (w/Kyoko & Yamaguchi-San)

Oh a perfect follow-up to teased sexual assault, Val fuckin Venis. Venis took on Kai En Tai in a gauntlet match last week but lost to TAKA as the last guy. TAKA’s the current light heavyweight champion but hasn’t brought the title with him. He lands a wonderful Asai Moonsault before coming inside to take the Money Shot for the finish because…HHH runs in to chair shot both lads at 1:07 for the DQ win for ah who cares. HHH vows to show Rocky his role this Sunday. This Raw is just chair shots to the head and DQs.

Highway To Hell video package. Tons of re-using footage from the Raw intro and I’m OK with it because it looks grand. It doesn’t end with Brian Johnson hitting Angus Young with a chair so it’s *****

X-Pac vs. Gangrel

This is Gangrel’s third match for WWF so the commentators emphasise his uniqueness. Also he’s a vampire so he attacks X-Pac during his entrance because the lights are off and that’s when he’s strongest. Gangrel has way more snap in his step than he would in 2000, landing slams and missing dives off the top rope. That’s enough action, Edge is shown watching from the crowd being miserable. Bronco Buster connects but Jarrett is here to break guitar #456 over X-Pac for yet another DQ at 1:36.

And then Edge attacks Gangrel. You don’t usually see Goths fighting each other, must have ran out of White Monster.

Brawl for All Finals

Bart Gunn vs. Bradshaw

We get clips of Bart knocking out The Godfather and Steve Williams while the crowd actually makes noise for him. These early fights got a very negative crowd response so it’s even crueller hearing Bart actually get himself over doing this and get jack-shit out of it in the long term.

Neither guy is a world class striker but Bart looks like Marvin Hagler next to Bradshaw who is knocked down after ten seconds and clearly out on his feet. Ref asks him if he’s OK multiple times before Bradshaw weakly responds with a quiet “…yeah.” Bart sparks him out seconds later with two giant unnecessary-yet-somehow-necessary shots.

Bart wins $75,000 as J.R. pretends to give a shit about him. Screw his spiteful ass, I wish D-Von Dudley had KO’d Dr. Death instead.

Vince tells Michael Cole that he’ll get the answer he wants tonight. That’s interrupted by Latin chanting. Undertaker Latin, not Los Boricuas. That lasts longer than most of the matches tonight before Undi finally enters the ring to say he’s winning the belt at Summerslam. He didn’t need three promo segments tonight to say the same thing. Vince heads out to know if they’re friends or not and the show ends with Vince taking a chokeslam. Austin jumps out of Undi’s casket to square off but the Kane comes out of the same casket Austin was just hiding in to attack Austin. What? Were they cosying up together? How was that supposed to work? Whatever, Austin makes a runner cos he knows he’s going to spend the rest of the year feuding with the pair of them, and then the entrance ramp sets on fire to let us know WE’RE ON THE HIGHWAY TO HELL WE’LL SEE YOU THIS SUNDAY ON PPV GOOD NIGHT.

Overall: What an annoying blur most of this was. Just the same segment repeated endlessly with so much happening yet meaning so little. Ten year old me would have loved it, or would have at least appreciated Bradshaw getting knocked the fuck out.

I’ve been Maffew.