Minus-Star Match Reviews: Jerry Lawler vs. Michael Cole – WWE WrestleMania XXVII

You know something is bad when Vince McMahon, who has been around professional wrestling since he was a teenager, calls it “the worst thing I’ve seen in sixty years in this business.” Then again, he really should’ve been looking in a mirror when he said that because he’s the one who booked wrestling legend Jerry Lawler against RING ANNOUNCER Michael Cole at WrestleMania. To this very day many fans call it the worst match in WrestleMania history and think of the volume that covers. And with WrestleMania 42 around the corner I think it’s timely that we revisit this piece of garbage feud to, a) see why it was so bad and b) prepare ourselves mentally just in case the powers-that-be decide to book something similar this year just for the sake of ragebaiting the audience.

The Story

Sometime in 2010 Michael Cole, WWE’s main play-by-play commentator, started shifting away from a position of neutrality towards a clear bias against certain individuals. Many people concluded that he was acting as nothing more than a mouthpiece for Vince McMahon, especially as he mocked Daniel Bryan Danielson for one thing or another. Over time Cole grew more obnoxious in his wording and tone. He got so bad that the Wrestling Observer readers voted him “Worst commentator” four times in a row. On one hand you could argue that him riling people up enough for them to expend enough time and energy to vote like this proved that he was very good at his job. On the other hand, he was also very annoying; personally, I remember having to mute RAW many times back in the day just to that I wouldn’t hear his voice. And I’m sure many people around the world felt the same. Anyways so over time Cole started supporting the heels in an over-the-top manner, especially Bryan’s mentor The Miz. Then in November 2010 Lawler earned a shot at Miz’s WWE title, his first world title shot in WWE, but lost due to interference from both Miz’s protégé Alex Riley and Michael Cole. They faced off again at Elimination Chamber 2011 but once again Miz retained due to an overwhelming amount of shenanigans.

Furious, Lawler tried attacking Cole but was barred from doing so by the (dreadful) Anonymous RAW General Manager. Things got even more heated when Cole mocked Lawler’s mother’s recent passing. This led to Lawler challenging Cole to a match at WrestleMania which Cole accepted. To make up for Cole’s complete lack of wrestling ability he received “training” from Jack Swagger and the match would have a special guest referee in Stone Cold Steve Austin.

The Match

This took place on April 3, 2011. It was rated * by the Wrestling Observer’s Dave Meltzer.

We get entrances for special guest commentators Booker T and Jim Ross. But before JR makes it to ringside out comes Michael Cole dressed in orange like a giant pumpkin ripping JR and Lawler on the microphone. Cole gets massive heat, even as he does the most by-the-numbers cheap heat promo imaginable. Then out comes Cole’s trainer Jack Swagger, followed by special guest referee Austin. Austin almost runs Swagger over with his quad while Cole scurries into his “Cole Mine” plexiglass box for safety. Finally, out comes Lawler looking confident and regal.

Cole stalls in his Mine doing fake stretches so Lawler goes after him. He dispatches Swagger without breaking a sweat. Former world champion, everyone. Cole pleads from his box and extends his hand through a hole in it for a handshake. Lawler obliges and pulls Cole’s hand through it. Lawler easily climbs in and starts wailing on Cole and then smashes him into the podium holding up Cole’s annoying laptop. He tosses Cole into the ring but Swagger attacks him from behind.

Cole lands a baseball slide dropkick and distracts Austin as Swagger applies an ankle lock on Lawler. Back in the ring Lawler works the ankle with basic offense that gets monster heat as Swagger instructs him from ringside. Cole teases a Swagger bomb/Vaderbomb (poor Vader must’ve died a bit inside watching this) but then gets nervous so he does it from the bottom rope…and yet GETS A TWO-COUNT. Cole’s movements around the ring look awful and he proves his lack of knowledge with some small techniques that don’t look all that impactful yet Lawler sells them anyways. Cole pulls down one strap on his singlet and applies an ankle lock of his own but Lawler kicks him off. Lawler stomps him in a corner and begins a comeback of his own. But then Swagger throws in the towel for his charge. Swagger demands the bell be rung but Austin says no and gives him a Stunner. Cole pleads for mercy from referee Austin and then, inexplicably, gets up in Austin’s face. Austin shoves him back, right into a waiting Lawler, who wails on him with punches. 61-year-old Lawler follows with a dropkick and a diving fist drop. He covers, gets two, and then releases his own pin. Lawler and Austin smile at each other as Lawler applies his own ankle lock. Cole taps instantly with both hands but Austin isn’t demanding the bell be rung. Instead, he waits a few seconds before calling for the bell.

We get a long celebration segment with Booker T coming into the ring and doing a Spinerooni, only for him to eat a Stunner from Austin. A beer bash ensues, but is then interrupted by that annoying noise and the flickering lights. Oh, joy, it’s the Anonymous RAW General Manager. Josh Matthews reads the message in Cole’s stead. Apparently, Austin overstepped his authority in the match and so the GM overrules Austin’s decision and rules the match a win for Cole via disqualification.

Winner via Disqualification after 13:48: Michael Cole

You can watch the full match here.

Review

I went into this with very low expectations and it still managed to disappoint. Cole was embarrassing in his role despite his ability to generate nuclear heat. His execution of basic techniques, while sound on paper, failed in practice as he lacked any oomph or believability in what he did. Lawler, who made a career out of being nigh unkillable, was forced to sell for this toothpick in what must’ve been an embarrassing destruction of his reputation and credibility. What should’ve gone maybe five minutes or ten max, went almost fifteen with next to nothing happening for most of it. But despite the awful premise, this feud could’ve been salvaged if it had the proper ending…which it didn’t. As if it being overbooked wasn’t bad enough, it had an awful Dusty Finish with some power-behind-the-throne reversing the referee’s decision to give Cole a win by technicality. Nobody wanted this except Vince McMahon. The paying audience wanted to see Lawler have his moment and win but with Cole winning the feud was extended for another month or so. I get that WrestleMania should end with a mix of babyfaces and heels winning but at the same time this was a feud that should’ve been relegated to a much smaller show. With all due respect to Lawler for his legendary career and Cole for putting up with the snarling demon barking orders through his headset, this was not a WrestleMania-worthy feud. And even if it was, Cole sliming his way to victory didn’t move any tickets nor was it worth any price of admission. It was simply there for Vince McMahon to humiliate others once again by way of Cole serving as his mouthpiece and it was but another reason why WWE in the 2010s was, at many times, so difficult to watch and truly enjoy.

Final Rating: -***

Meltzer must’ve missed a few keys when writing up his review. This sucked then and it still sucks now. It was a dreadful experience that hasn’t gotten better with time. It’s a stark reminder that WrestleMania being promoted as a “variety show” opens the door for garbage to be showcased on it that few in the paying audience would actually want. But given that WWE, like most wrestling promotions, is home to oversized egos, I wouldn’t be surprised if we get a similar time-wasting segment at this year’s Mania. Though there don’t appear to be any feuds right now involving non-wrestling commentators, we should always be prepared for some last-minute addition being added to the card just in case.

Thanks for reading.