3PW The Show Must Go On 15.01.05

Pro Pain Pro Wrestling
New Alhambra Sports & Entertainment Center
Attendance: 225 (Observer says 150)

The least memorable resident of the Alhambra Arena refuses to be evicted despite another barely attended show. The 2005 shows are fairly uncommon in tape trading circles so I was happy to snatch this up out of curiosity.

If you remember or care about Philly drama you may already know about this show from reputation alone as this is the one where financial backer Jasmin St. Clare no-showed, which meant no money for the wrestlers:

Joey Matthews didn’t come because he still hadn’t been reimbursed car fare for driving in for the canceled December show. Booker Tod Gordon also wasn’t at the show, leaving the building early when he found out there was no money to pay the people he had booked. There were definitely qualms about him not even staying to tell the wrestlers himself what happened. Even Brian “Blue Meanie” Heffron said when he told Gordon about the problems, he put the line-up sheet on the table and left, saying he “didn’t want to be the one to have to tell the boys they weren’t getting paid.” Mike Kruel, Gary Wolf and Jack Victory also left.

The opening music video is no longer set to Wolfpac’s Something Wicked This Way Comes which is engraved into my brain forever because of the amount of times it aired on The Wrestling Channel. No idea what the new song is, something about having no apologies. Meanie had probably ran out of them before the show started.

N8 Mattson vs. Monsta Mack w/ Damian Adams

N8 was featured in a World Of Wrestling Magazine from 2000 about being a future star so his name has always stuck with me even though things didn’t turn out the way he expected. But the same can be said for most of us. Mack was the first wrestler to message me about enjoying Botchamania so I have a soft spot for him.

Oh wait fuck Mack, N8 makes his entrance to The Wildheart’s Vanilla Radio so I hope he wins. I didn’t realise that song made any headway in USA. Crowd doesn’t look that bad because everyone is at least sat opposite the hard cam and the audio is aaaall the way up like all of Smart Mark Video’s recordings so it sounds like a Steelers game.

Mack uses his size to launch N8 around the ring until N8 realises he has to use his speed to get anywhere. Four dropkicks send Mack outside so N8 can land a plancha. N8 gets cocky and tries to chop Mack who gives him a disapproving look before sending him into one of the load-bearing pillars (Taue) in a wild moment. Mack follows that by press slamming him into the other one (Kobashi).

Mack teases he’s going to send N8 into the crowd but instead sends him into the ring, which the fans bought and boo the hell out of him in response. That became such a cliched spot that I’m happy to see people reacting with genuine annoyance. Damian chokes N8 behind the ref’s back while I sadly notice Green Lantern Fan is front row. Of course he is, his ankle bracelet probably sets off if he steps ten yards away from the Arena.

N8 powers up and lands a Tornado DDT but Mack rolls under the ropes to prevent a pin, giving him enough time to spike N8 with a neck-first Powerbomb. Mack hurts his back doing it but insists on going for the coast-to-coast which he had absolutely not been hitting with any consistency. But he does land it! To the shock of the commentators! Mack takes so long recovering from doing the move that N8 is able to get his foot on the ropes. Damian yells at Mack for being a dumb-dumb which allows N8 to roll up Mack at 11:32.

This felt like a match for TV with an ongoing storyline but featured enough meaty bumps from the stick-thin N8 for me to appreciate it. Plus Mack actually hitting his trademark move make this a good match by default, it’s like seeing Kidman taking a powerbomb.

Rockin’ Rebel (current whereabouts: Hell) lets the fans know there will be changes to the card but bravely allows Commissioner Bill Apter to inform the fans that Low Ki will not be in the main event due to “backstage turmoil.”

When Heffron, trying to save the show, asked Low Ki if he could get him to stay and work, Low Ki said he’d stay if they paid for his rental car. Apparently Heffron misinterpreted, because he left, and then when coming back, found out Low Ki meant paying his rental car was in addition to his regular pay. When Heffron said that wasn’t doable, Low Ki lost his cool and punched a hole in the back door of the Arena. When Heffron said he needed to apologize to the owner of the building, Heffron stated that Low Ki started making threats. He later apologized to the owner of the building.

Instead, Christopher Daniels will defend his title against Chris Sabin, AJ Styles & Slyk Wagner Brown. I couldn’t find what the original match was supposed to be (think it was Daniels vs Low Ki) but that’s a fine replacement all things considering.

Also Apter un-bans April Hunter but makes her match tonight a Bra & Panties match. April isn’t happy. Crowd call Bill a bitch.

Nine Man Battle Royal

Rockin’ Rebel vs. Amish Roadkill vs. The Blue Meanie vs. Simon Diamond vs. N8 Mattson vs. Monsta Mack vs. Damian Adams vs. Don E. Allen vs. CJ O’Doyle

Winner gets to referee the Bra & Panties match later. Simon refuses to participate because even with a card change, he still can’t main event so he’s leaving. Roadkill calls him a “chickennnnn” to a big pop. Don E. Allen takes a beating before Simon runs back out to send Roadkill out the match. Mild boos. Meanie with a clothesline but Allen ducks so he’s out too. O’Doyle lands a “modified jawbreaker” that looks terrible and voided the jawbreaker’s warranty. Match is nothing until Allen wins the match by everyone else eliminating themselves, giving him his first recorded victory this century.

Highlight was Simon’s casual Ace Frehley shirt.

Simon Diamond vs. Roadkill

Simon refuses to emerge from the back because it’s not the main event, until we hear the sound of Roadkill pounding him. Both men emerge from the back with Roadkill hitting Simon with the mic while yelling “tater! tater!” Well someone had to bring them now that Low Ki isn’t booked. Simon declines to fight and demands a Body Pose Challenge. Crowd are strangely into this. Roadkill gets the cheers so Simon of course hits him with a chair. Simon beats on Roadkill while explaining the rules of wrestling. “Rule #1, don’t turn your back on your opponent! Rule #2, kicks to the stomach hurt!” Roadkill makes a comeback with his four moves of doom before ending with a Top Rope Splash at 9:32.

Simon was a passable comedy guy and it helped that the crowd adored Roadkill, even with both lads having all the enthusiasm of a toll booth worker.

The Blue Meanie vs. Damian Adams w/Monsta Mack

Meanie spends the whole match Meanie-ing about the place and wrestling like an even camper Bushwhacker. Crowd eat it up. Mack grabs Meanie’s foot, allowing Adams to take over with a messy plancha. Meanie lands a suplex that takes him longer to recover from than Adams, which tickles the commentators. Adams misses his moonsault and then Meanie mostly hits his but not really at 7:03.

I have nothing to add or say.

Bra And Panties Match (Special Referee: Don E. Allen)
April Hunter vs. Talia

Both women get stripped but then attempt to wrestle with April Hunter winning. Highlight was Allen’s horrible attempt at counting.

Apter then clarifies with Frank Talent at ringside that Allen never signed a contract to be a legit official so that match doesn’t count. Urgh. The legendary Hunter vs. Apter feud continues as the crowd stare at the ceiling while waiting for smartphones to be invented.

Rockin’ Rebel vs. CJ O’Doyle

Rebel challenges Frank Talent to a fight. Talent gets on the apron and dares him to do something but Rebel decides Talent’s too old. Talent would live longer than Rebel so he won that war.

Rebel starts off basic yet solid but the crowd isn’t buying O’Doyle no matter how many moves he takes. It doesn’t help that CJ’s chair shots are weak, so when he misses a top rope legdrop the crowd laugh at him. Rebel delivers a pre-Benoit chairshot of death (sadly not the only way you can compare Rebel to Benoit) but CJ kicks out. A pissed off Rebel piledrives CJ off the apron through a table to an impressed reaction at 7:11.

Rebel’s dickhead act was over but CJ was nothing.

Well there was very little on the undercard to talk about so now seems a good time to insert New Jack’s thoughts on his run in 3PW:

He worked in 3PW for Blue Meanie and Jasmin St. Claire as Jack calls her a skank then counters Jasmin’s claim of him snorting coke with her getting fucked by over 350 guys in one day as he would rather be in the snorting coke line as he said he heard Jasmin had to “ice down her pussy” after the gangbang shoot. He talks about being asked to put over Bam Bam, who he had no problem with, but Jack said he put Bam Bam over several other times, including the high school auditorium he graduated from and didn’t want to do it again. He then said he was on a flight from Atlanta to Philly, that Jasmin ended up giving him the wrong information for, that got delayed due to the weather in Philly. Jack then said he kept calling Jasmin hourly to give her updates and then realized he was not going to make it then the next day on the internet, Jasmin posted that New Jack double booked himself and that was why he did not arrive and that the Blue Meanie, who Jack refers to as a “bitch-ass” and how his claim to fame is the boyfriend of Jasmin and how Bam Bam was shooting on Jack in the ring about how he didn’t want to job to him as Jack said in reality Bam Bam was probably pissed that he couldn’t get any cocaine that night as Jack also said he was snorting cocaine “like a hoover” at that time. Jack then wishes for Meanie to “die of AIDS.” He says that Jasmin as a pussy the size of the “Delaware River.” He then laughs and tells Rob that he wanted a shoot and the only thing missing is a gun.

3PW Heavyweight Title Four Way Dance

Christopher Daniels (c) vs. Chris Sabin vs. AJ Styles vs. Slyk Wagner Brown

Daniels has been champ ever since 3PW Five-Star Four-Way in August 2004. Also this match is happening the day before TNA Final Resolution 2005 and three men here are competing on it. Will they only give half the effort? Let’s find out!

Brown tags himself in to take on Styles but doesn’t appreciate the variety of headlocks he gives him so quickly tags out. Sabin and Styles get ready to tear it up so Brown tags himself in to take on Sabin who also bounces him around. Brown asks for a tag to Styles but AJ punches him instead, with both lads teaming up to elevate a dropkick into his mush. Daniels tags in to land springboard legdrops as so far the crowd has eaten up Brown’s destruction. It’s also giving this match a story which is welcome. Big Arsed Clothesline & kitchen sink gives Brown the advantage. Styles tags in to give us Daniels vs. Styles for the 500th time. This year.

Impressive delayed suplex has all the snap and poise you’d expect from 2005 Styles. Sabin lands an elevated elbow in the corner with the commentator saying it was a tribute to Roadkill, which I hope is true. Sabin and Daniels go at it but the crowd is tired now. Sabin hears the silence and starts throwing rolling swantons. Daniels’ nifty tilt-a-whirl backbreaker allows Brown to blind tag in for the boos to kick in. Sabin tries a schoolboy rollup but Brown’s big arsed dropkick shuts him up.

Daniels remembers he’s the champ so makes more of an effort to put Sabin away with exploder suplexes. Brown smashes Sabin’s teeth with another Big Arsed Clothesline. Styles mouths off at Brown to not do those anymore, maybe in character but maybe not. Crowd want AJ because Sabin is chopped liver as he takes another lariat from Daniels. Brown and Daniels team up to deliver backbreakers to everyone until Brown’s elevated leg lariat nearly pins Daniels. He remembers who he is though and finally gives the crowd what they want by tagging in Styles who gives Brown a hefty spinning leg kick with all his weight on it. Styles follows up with a sheer-drop Brainbuster as Styles is having none of Brown. Oh wait a plancha from Brown takes out Styles. Daniels takes out Brown with an Arabian Moonsault to the outside, setting up stereo dives from the other two. You can tell the crowd appreciates the action because they stop calling John Finegan fat for ten seconds.

Back in, Sabin nearly wins with a sweet Tornado DDT. Commentators say that was a tribute to N8 Mattson, the man who trained him. Is Sabin a 3PW fanboy? Sabin sees Styles’ moonsault-into-a-reverse-DDT so converts it into a gnarly Crucifix Driver. This only reminds Styles of our Lord and Saviour’s demise which powers him up into delivering the move properly this time. Crowd is stunned when Sabin kicks out because it looked so damn good it could have ended things.

Brown launches Styles into a humongous Full Nelson backbreaker. Brown’s Strait jacket powerbomb almost wins until the champ breaks it up. Angel Wings is set-up, which Sabin takes advantage of to land an enziguri. Brown clotheslines Sabin & Styles outside so he can pop-up powerbomb Daniels for a near-fall that saw the referee counting three so there’s a few boos. Daniels wriggles out of a Splash Mountain to deliver Angel’s Wings to retain at 20:27.

This wasn’t a show-saving match but Volk Han vs. Necro Butcher couldn’t have done that. It was a lot of fun though, as well as interesting in an extremely nerdy way seeing how the TNA guys could work smarter not harder so they didn’t mess themselves up for the PPV. So they did their trademark moves but also made the 3PW regular the focus of the match and built the action around him so it wasn’t just a spot-fest. Worth a watch for free decades later but not something you should hunt down and tape trade. What, are you crazy?

Overall: A show you’d only watch to see what happens when a company has to scramble to produce something under awkward circumstances. The equivalent of having nothing in the fridge and being forced to make a meal out of stale bread and some lumpy onions.

Heffron later claimed that St. Clair wasn’t there due to a personal issue, but had given him the word she had wired money through Western Union to cover everyone’s pay. However, by the time Heffron went to Western Union, he had just missed the 5 p.m. closing. He then went to another Western Union office that he found out was open and missed the 7 p.m. closing. The story holds up to this degree, there were Western Union offices that closed at 5 and 7 near the ECW Arena. However, there were two other Western Union offices near the ECW Arena that closed at 8, but he must not have known that. He then said he got the money the next morning when he went to Western Union, but were able to pay the ring crew and the wrestlers got a decent percentage of what they were promised just from the live gate that night.

This somehow wouldn’t be the last 3PW show but it would be the last time the Observer would mention the company until JBL treated Meanie’s head like it was a cop’s wife. By that point 3PW was very dead which is probably why Meanie was so eager to accept a brief stint working for WWE and an easy payday to cover his debts. And also to not y’know, blackball himself from the biggest wrestling company in America.

Only other 3PW content on the BOD is Mike Fitzgerald’s review of Three Men And A Bodybag in case you wanted to see the company in it’s uhhh prime.

I’ll let you know if I get any more 3PW 2005 shows in case you’re having issues sleeping.

Until then, I’ve been Maffew and I’m probably struggling with sleep as you read this.