Megabucks Presents : UWF (Crockett) Halloween ’87 episode

Piggyback time, as Scott of course just looked at the beginning of the UWF’s 1987, and I took that opportunity to handle something I meant to do for awhile : an episode from the latter part of the year, as well as the latter part of the UWF’s existence in general. See, I was actually thinking of this out of an odd nostalgic Halloween memory, since our local channel picked up UWF ala Crockett around the time we were getting ready for spooky season. Second, Thanksgiving is almost here, which up until 1987 also meant Starrcade, and as such, it and Survivor Series are part of my nostalgia for that holiday. So what better way to capture both of these than with the episode that actually aired on October 31st, 1987, and was starting the build to Starrcade ’87?

Since I was on my own yesterday evening, I watched this as well as the WWE Vault’s WCW channel and their World Championship Wrestling 6:05 upload from 1986, also starting the build to that year’s Starrcade, which began with the infamous Jimmy Valiant in the Alley promo. And all the squashes reminded me of that one fan letter to Wrestling ’86 magazine that tried to explain why WWF was better than the NWA, which according to them, only had TV matches where “some wrestler hits a guy a few times, then pins them.” They’re also hyping the show with the tag team cage match Magnum WON’T appear in. Oh yeah, Baron Von Raschke’s face turn too.

MeTV Toons update. I saw Casper’s First Christmas and lived to tell the tale. And yay, Yogi’s First Christmas, time to laugh my ass off seeing Chip and Dale’s “cameo”. Oh in non-holiday news, this weekend they showed THAT ’87 Mighty Mouse episode. Yep, the flower. And 1987 again, see how it all ties together? There was also a DTV style cheater episode with old Terrytoons clips set to music, gee, I wonder if someone refused to get new episodes done on time even then? Nah, it was clearly somehow all Nickelodeon’s fault! BTW, I am reminded that the John K. worshippers back on rec.arts.animation were borderline like the Snyder Cult. Their hero was totally in the right, and anyone else deserved to be insulted and harassed (i.e. their insistence on calling Billy West “Billy Wuss”).

I’m also going to try and make Hanna-Barbera having A Christmas Story too make sense. Goober was one of the Bumpus Hounds and the cartoon was a spinoff. Now can you fanon how Goober went from a hound dog who sounds like Zummi Gummi and became a skinny blue dog who sounds like Zummi and chases ghosts?

So back to the UWF. I guess most of us already know the story of the 1987 Crockett Expansion attempt, also including the Florida and Central States regions, culminating in their purchase of the former Mid-South territory from Bill Watts. Spoiler: what happens next is on par with the inVasion Angle, mostly. Be that as it may….

Cold Open: a video tribute to Steve Williams, set to some Queen song I don’t recognize without “We Will Rock You” playing directly before it. Each song is like Jackie Daytona’s toothpick in reverse: take it away and I don’t know it’s really Laszlo Cravensworth.

We’re apparently in New Orleans.

Our hosts are Magnum and Missy, and dammit I was ready to laugh hysterically if it was JR and Missy instead. We’re made aware of the Sheepherders winning the UWF tag team titles, Missy is Stepford Wifey happy to talk to Dusty Rhodes, and our main event will be Nikita Koloff vs. Eddie Gilbert, a situation Magnum says “is coming to a head.” Missy: “I hope so!” And perfect timing, because we throw it to JR on commentary with Jack Gregory.

But first! JR is interviewing the Sheeps and some other guy not worth mentioning. Butch brags about being the new “world bloody wrestling champions,” which may be a new title AEW will introduce for Moxley to fight for. They say we’ll see them at Starrcade. Spoiler: we did not. I know it’s not the Starrcade we like to rebook, but 1987 should have just been headlined by a triple main of title vs. title matches. You have the TV titles already, keep the world titles on the Rock ‘n’ Roll and have them go against the Sheepherders, and don’t do the Garvin title switch and have Flair vs. Williams on top. That way you have Flair still going over a babyface and winning something. It was said in Scott’s review’s comments that Flair felt wanting to go for the UWF title was beneath him. So…didn’t work for him, brother? And it’s not like Flair would ever go to a company relying on the curiosity of him being another world champion.

So now our first match features the not-yet-official-Freebirds, Michael Hayes and Jimmy Garvin, but during the intro we get our first plug for the Nassau Coliseum show on November 25th, headlined by War Games with Dusty, Ronnie, Barry, and RNR vs. Tully, Arn, Midnights, and Bubba, a matchup I’d LOVE to see turn up on the Vault if someone bothered to record it. Tell me Ricky Morton was first in, and had to face the inevitable heel team advantage! The jobber team are a pair of masked men: Red Devil and The Enforcer, who I guess is not former Mid-South job guy Marty Lunde. And can Precious slap Red Devil so I can say he just got paintbrushed by her? JR comments that Devil would say “Amen” to the skills of his opponents…I dunno, he doesn’t seem the type. Basic stuff ends with Garvin dropkick into Hayes bulldog.

ORIGINAL COMMERCIALS! A Nike ad uses Beatles’ “Revolution,” remember when their music didn’t cost an arm, leg, and vital organs to use? I should probably take that back since we’ve got that one ad that uses a cover of “In My Life” now. Meineke mufflers and I thought King Kong would be the main draw, but then we get Match Game ’90 regular Ronn Lucas and one of his puppets. Then we get the plug for the Nassau show, which is one of those weird wrestling things I could still hear/recite parts of during the next 40 years. Does ANYONE know what song they’re using in the background?? Crazy Eddie is there too, so you know this is the New York area indeed.

We return with a STARRCADE UPDATE. This week the tag team title match is announced, it’s the Road Warriors challenging in their character hometown. What could possibly go wrong? Paul Ellering complains that they haven’t had a title shot yet…I do remember the LOD against Rude and Fernandez, and before then the Midnight Express. Wasn’t LOD vs. Russians NWA vs. AWA tag titles too? Back with Tully and Arn, and the 1987 NWA tag belts are probably one of my favorite designs, and I actually hold them up in the area of the Winged Eagle and Big Gold. Tully is complaining back about the deck being stacked against them, while Arn is more reasonable, saying Chicago is just a place and won’t stop them looking for credibility as champs.

Next we got Ronnie Garvin, vs. “Gorgeous” Gary Young. Yep, the world champion in the second match, and half of it has JR and Jack just going over the Starrcade matches. Young still has the bright red hair dye he’d also have in WCCW and the GWF. Most of the match is just Gary ducking and begging off, until he escapes a rollup attempt…only to walk into the hands of stone.

Throbbing synth music brings us a spot hyping War Games. It includes the tease of the cage being constructed for the first match, and I always thought the blonde welder was Lex Luger.

Back with JR and Ronnie, who talks up his Starrcade match and says “Let’s get it on” repeatedly, like he was begging Mills Lane to sue him.

Sega Master System commercial, narrated by Ernie “THE LOOOOOOOVE BOAT” Anderson.

Recap of Paul Jones’ mishaps with Mighty Wilbur. What’s strange about this segment is that they show two different points of the storyline, and Paul reacts differently to each as if they were at only that point. Long story short, Red Bastien promised Jones a new talent, and it turned out to be a typical friendly hillbilly type. The first clip has Wilbur defeating a jobber, but he doesn’t attack him after the match. Jones returns and says he needs to follow his instructions and get a mean streak. And oh yeah, to not call him “puddin’ head,” as he does in this clip too. So far so good. But then we see Wilbur’s official face turn, and Jones goes into “revenge” talk instead, ending by telling WILBURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR to beware like some demonic Mister Ed.

This transitions into the next match, with Jones’ army of Warlord and Ivan Koloff vs. Davey Haskins and Terry Jones. JR and Jack keep laughing throughout the match and carrying on like “Puddin’ Head” is the most hilarious thing ever. Outside of that, Jim calls Warlord “NFL Sized,” he can’t help himself even when football has nothing to do with it. Both heels do the legdrop on Haskins, who has red kneepads and yellow tights….hmmmm….Randy Hogan hadn’t debuted yet, I take it. The Army wins with a Canadian backbreaker\forearm combo. What does the back of Warlord’s tights say? I got to see Barbarian’s “Mess with the best, die with the rest,” what was his partner’s slogan?

You know it’s an 80s commercial break when you see Lee Press-On Nails. There’s a pair of Hostess spots for the fruit pies, the secret weapon of DC and Marvel’s legions of super heroes, as well as the new snack cake, Choco Bliss. May I take this moment to rebut to Scott about the Pudding Pies? They were most certainly NOT disgusting. The vanilla flavor was one of my go-to convenience store snack-and-Apter-mag purchases back in the day, and I’ve been clamoring for their return for 4 decades now. While we’re at it, we have like every variety of Oreo these days. Why not the Oreo Big Stuf?

Barry Windham and Sting are here for more Starrcade hype. JR insists Barry waited his whole career for a UWF title shot. Well, seeing as the UWF was a thing for just a year plus, I doubt that. Sting shouts a lot and his calling JR “Rossy” is in place. Barry says he’s got challengers for his Western States title trying to decapitate him. Kind of overdoing it trying to make the title seem important, but it’s the Western States title, so it checks out.

Nikita Koloff vs. Eddie Gilbert – Of note, during the last interview, Gilbert just enters the ring behind without incident. Never mind that one of his Starrcade opponents is being interviewed. For background, Nikita and Terry Taylor are of course wresting at Starrcade, NWA TV title vs. UWF TV title. Taylor and Gilbert ganged up on Koloff on World Championship Wrestling and stole his title, so Taylor has both belts and is thusly considering himself the Unified TV champion already. Eddie starts with the Memphis Special (lots of stalling) before they lock up and do the brick wall spot. A right hand from Koloff makes Gilbert drop down, and out of the ring as we break for JR explaining War Games’ rules to the WPIX viewers. To his credit, he doesn’t have to say “Well, it’s like a Yankees game but with more blood” to make it make sense to them. Back in, and Nikita keeps a side headlock on FOREVER. We then cut to another plug for the Nassau show, and we get the entire rundown of the show, which was as follows:

The Canadian Kodiacs (who?) vs. Ron Simmons and Sting
Kevin Sullivan vs. Larry Zbyszko (ah yes, Sullivan’s short-lived tweener run before the Varsity Club, when he was taking on heels but he was giving cryptic interviews warning Dusty about his enemies…)
Jimmy Valiant, Bugsy McGraw, and Mighty Wilbur vs. Ivan Koloff, Warlord, and Black Bart (Dadgummit! Sorry, reflex. And Valiant vs. Jones, the never-ending feud. I hear Jimmy carries a Ouija board to indy shows so he can contact Paul and bother him. Speaking of, check this out. He even mentioned the Last Ride. How did WWF miss out on explaining that Undertaker was the reincarnation of the Boogie Woogie Man? Oh yeah, because he’s still alive.)
Michael Hayes and Jimmy Garvin vs. the Jive Tones
Sheepherders vs. Lightning Express (UWF tag team title match)
Steve Williams vs. Rick Steiner (JR HAVING to mention both were All-Americans of course!)
Nikita Koloff vs. Eddie Gilbert (yes, the match you’re watching RIGHT NOW. The chance to see a neverending chinlock live? SIGN ME UP!)
Road Warriors vs. Ric Flair and Lex Luger
War Games of course being the main event.

Back to our main event, Eddie gains the advantage using the ropes. A Double KO spot occurs, but Nikita is up first then Rushes Up. He hits the corner, giving Gilbert a chance to get an object out of his tights. His attempt to use it is dodged, then Nikita hits the Sickle, only for Terry Taylor (with suspenders) to run in for the DQ. Dusty comes in for the rescue, allowing Nikita to run off the heels and get his TV title back.

We then go down to Missy (JR: “As opposed to when Missy went down to me…” STOP!) who is with both Superpowers. Dusty talks about Lex and follows suit with Ronnie earlier by telling him to “get it on.” Nikita talks, and I can’t not hear Thorfinn from Ghosts when he talks. He says the UWF TV title will belong to him. And indeed, I believe he still owns the actual ring-used belt.

Lex Luger vs. Dale Lapeyrouse follows, and it is shorter than the jobber’s last name as the powerslam and Rack make quick work for the Total Package, who is interviewed after by JR along with JJ and Ric Flair. More plugging for Nassau, and I forgot they were calling Flair and Luger the “Dream Team.” So between 1987 and 1988, both the WWF and Crockett had a Dream Team, Twin Towers, and Powers of Pain (Paul Jones tries to take the name for his stable after Warlord and Barbarian leave).

One last set of commercials, and what’s with all the Pepto Bismol and Alka-Seltzer ads? Is this part of the stereotype of wrestling fans being overeaters? We also get a pair of movie TV spots: Patrick Swayze’s Steel Dawn and Less Than Zero with Robert Downey Jr. and JAMI GERTZ! Go see it! Weemawee High’s adopted little Guatemalan child, Rosarita, is depending on the ticket money!

Jive Tones vs. Ron Simmons and Shane Douglas…Hmmmm, 3 minutes left, “Folks we’re out of time!” ending imminent? And give it seven years and the face team will be a future world title match-up. That there’s no Shaska Whatley promo time involved makes my interest go way down. Shane starts hot but gets double teamed, then he’s back dropped by Tiger. But Douglas fights to his corner and makes the tag, allowing JR to start dropping FSU trivia. JR also says Ron could be one of the greats some day, and is in fact “one of the top black athletes.” He should know better, considering what happened when someone said that to Pez/Shaska. Also what we apparently learned from D-Von makes that hit differently. The announcers are already plugging next week’s show, and yep, we gotta go, see you next week.

So yeah, it’s pretty much now another non-descript NWA syndicated show, and was all about hyping Crockett’s attempts at entering New York and pay-per-view. Only angle advancement was Nikita getting his belt back, really.