Tooned In Shorties

As I await Scott receiving my previously-mentioned Raccoons DVDs, thought I’d try something new here. Instead of just one full review, a few lightning-round-type looks at a couple of various things. Yeah I’m cheating from time to time and including live action elements here and there.

First off is MeTV Toons’ holiday schedule starting this weekend, beginning with The Thanksgiving That Almost Wasn’t.

..and luckily, Warner doesn’t care enough to worry that it’s on YouTube! Being one of, like, ten Thanksgiving Day specials I can name, I figured I would give it a look. The opening would fit one of the action shows better, the frames in the beginning reminded me of the Fantastic Four intro. And take a drink whenever you see that orange/red explosion flash in something, aka the “In the Great Hall of the Justice League” flash from 1973 Super Friends. Anyway, they breeze through the Cliff’s notes version of the first Thanksgiving, because the REAL story is about Jeremy Squirrel, and how he saved that celebration. And to tell the tale are his family of ancestors, and hey, MeTV Toons Fan Group?? That squirrel who has June Foray’s voice has finally returned to the channel!

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…She voices the son of Jeremy’s relatives’ clan. I said “that” squirrel, not THE squirrel. So much of the tale focuses on Johnny and Little Bear, younger members of the Plilgrims and Native Americans who are to feast together today. Trying to one-up each other as master hunters, they get lost in the woods, where they’re guided right by Jeremy Squirrel, who agrees to help them find their families. He enlists the other woodland creatures to keep them safe, and since the two boys want to be hunters, that’s like camp counselors protecting Jason Voorhees. They are threatened by a wolf, but I don’t know why, the worst any wolf in the Hanna-Barbera Universe can do is talk like Paul Lynde and pratfall everywhere. Jeremy warns Johnny and Bear’s relatives, in some broken version of the Rescue Rangers rule. He can speak perfect English to the kids, but just talks in gibberish at adults, who still understand him. The day is saved, all is well, now everyone can sing about eating (including Jeremy, who is among child and adult alike and has the power of speech again!) And oh yes, there’s songs-a-plenty in this one. The one that plays during the title card plays THREE SEPARATE TIMES, twice of which use most of the same animations. So it’s an interesting cornball rare H-B show. The kind that doesn’t look like an H-B show until you get the wacky animals/creatures. And the line “White nut meat, or dark nut meat” will haunt me forever. It must be like a monkey’s paw wish to get a Thanksgiving cartoon, only to have it end with squirrels talking about eating testicles. Only Thorfinn from Ghosts is allowed to do that in my book.

Roughly on the topic, on Sunday I learned/was reminded that Whoville is actually…microscopic? Which means Christmas lovers have been afraid of a villain the size of a green atom? Wait…the Cat in the Hat is anthropomorphic animal size, right? Then how did he meet the Grinch?

The thawing out has completed…

Okay, this is going to be classified as a guilty pleasure, and a necessary one because a female force acting upon me will have it no other way, but…I don’t mind Mariah Carey as much as I used to. She’s okay for 90s+ style music, and well, I do admire her, erm, other feminine charms. We saw her Christmas show a few years back and it was pretty magical. As such, I…actually look forward to these. Doesn’t stop me from digging deeper into it than I probably should.

I mean…the elf could have been turned into a snowman all along? Good bluff MC!

But wait…did she also turn her glam bag to snow?

Wait….the elf did know Mariah can turn people into snowmen on November 1st, didn’t he? Ballsy on his end!

Wait…Mariah just solves her problems by turning people into snowmen? That’s not nice!

Wait…Mariah in a Santa onesie and leotard? What was I talking about again, I seem to have forgotten everything else…

So let’s move onto some commercials…

From the home office in New York City, you probably want to watch the first half/two-thirds, which comes from breaks on Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, DuckTales, and Chip ‘n’ Dale Rescue Rangers, which is in the midst of its mini-series origin story and is in the middle of a contest where you had to identify an object that is flashed during the episode. Remember when TV programs didn’t have logos or advertisements floating on the screen?

Some highlights :

0:00… WHO is that supposed to be on the TMNT commercial outros/returns?

2:54… yes, the Honeycomb Hideout! Let’s be real, the Andre the Giant ad is the highest point this series of commercials would ever achieve. Maybe the one from the 70s with the Hulk. But usually a good time. Here we get a monster truck driver who may be a time traveling Heidenreich.

4:23… why yes, I do have to review C.O.P.S. some day! And I HAD to point out Sgt. Slaughter plugging his Marauders, as opposed to calling attention to his Privates, for G.I. Joe. DiC era, obviously, and Sarge is still firmly AWA. Give it a year, and seeing Joe reruns will become really awkward. And oh yeah, I should find the “best” examples of DiC Joe for future Tooned Ins. The drug lord vs. faces and heels (which DiC Hanna-Barbera’ed itself from the C.O.P.S. episode)? Cobra Commander as a standup comedian? CC gets assaulted by a kindergarten class? Which do I choose??

8:46… Ursula is here! And oh yeah, that Ariel girl and the rest. This of course would end up being a big deal, Disney’s next boom period and all.

9:46… because if you can’t trust Kirk Cameron not to fall for Group Think, who can you trust?

11:57… ah yes, the Toys ‘r’ Us Grand Opening Meet and Greets, where you can meet your favorite characters in person-in-giant-suit form. He-Man and Skeletor for me, by the way, and it wasn’t even at a TRU. Well, here, there’s Tom and Jerry, except the Tom suit looks more like another gray mouse. Tuffy/Nibbles probably got to replace him after, I dunno, he and Jerry GOT TOM DECAPITATED AT THE END OF THAT ONE CARTOON??? There’s also “*a* Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle,” no specifics. Luckily it isn’t 1996 or I could see TRU try to foist Venus de Milo on us this way. And the Noid? Total missed opportunity here…they could have hyped a battle at the store between Michelangelo and the Noid for the honor of pizza. It practically writes itself!

15:27… “I was wrestling with my uncle, then..it felt icky.” Which Grizzly Smith relative did that voice over? Anyway, a PSA that lives rent free in my head, as Webster tells us what to do about bad touching.

18:46… see the other two Cinnamon Toast Crunch bakers before they mysteriously disappear and, totally coincidental, Wendell appears promoting the new, better tasting Cinnamon Toast Crunch, now with new secret ingredients.

A break for some fun and games…

…with the host you don’t f— with, Jack Barry. Come to think of it, with all the AI Price is Right clips invading my reels, I am shocked some ex-member of post-apocalypse alt.tv.game-shows hasn’t tried to create videos with Bill Cullen tossing potatoes at contestants (it would be a funny), or PIR audiences being entertained by elderly lady of the evening, Ida Mufferbids. Anyway I mentioned this because this episode features the unintentional hilarity of a picture of Adam West as Batman meant to “strike fear into the hearts of criminals.” And I think Jack wanted to create his own Kids Say The Darndest Things under the guise of a game show, between this and Juvenile Jury. Since most of the attraction of JJJ was what the kids would say next, such as the girl in the first game who wants to get married specifically at the age of 38, but does NOT want kids because “it would be too much work feeding them”.

Now one last gasp of Halloween, coming from the Hot Rod…

“Kids mean something to me”….yeah, that’s what Duke Droese said.

Basically, Piper ends Prime Time giving the usual trick-or-treating tips: he starts by saying to watch out for “idiots” in cars…his words, not mine, and he really goes off on this part. Furthermore, only go to houses with the lights on, remember to say “trick or treat” (As any Garfield fan knows, “Gimme” will do too), and have your parents check your candy. Between this and months later when he does his Santa rant against Bobby Heenan…was Piper’s new gimmick going to be some kind of champion of all the holidays? I am disappointed we never heard him clap back at Heenan suggesting kids trap the Easter Bunny and make him into a festive rabbit stew. Or maybe refute Bobby telling people on Valentine’s Day that romance is a joke, and all the various one-liners about weddings he’s used? Insta-feud with the Bolsheviks on the Fourth of July?

Ponder that, and other things, till next time…