Tooned In: Hulk Hogan’s Rock ‘n’ Wrestling (WWE Vault upload, 10.11.25)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AINFsTjYDGY

THE ART OF WRESTLING

It’s painting day at the gym, which seems to amount to them painting over the weights and workout equipment. Hogan does such a good job, one of the black outlines on his dumbbell disappears for a moment! Captain Lou comes in and shoves the still-wet punching bag into Andre, starting a few paint-related gags. I thought we’d find that he was mad about something to drive the plot, but no, so maybe the Captain is just a big jerkass? Big because…wait, the cartoon as usual does my work when Lou agrees to help paint and pulls out condiments to use on his hot dog…

Wendi walks in on the antics and announces that she needs a model for her art class. And since Rick Martel was in the AWA at the time, she asks Hulk, who is all “That don’t work for me, brother,” until Richter threatens to ask Roddy Piper instead. Hogan is introduced at the class, and actually gets a total non-reaction on par with what happened at the first Netflix Raw. And the first of his many hissy fits begin when he is asked to wear what he describes as a dress, which Random Mean Gene Cameo similarly expresses surprise over. To be fair, Mr. Nanny WAS 8 years away. Wendi explains it’s a toga, and being compared to Julius Caesar interested Hulk. Well, they were both pompous royalty whose friends all wanted to betray them. Either that or the toga made Hogan feel empowered to steal someone’s WrestleMania world title match. The other wrestlers make fun, and of course Wendi has to patronize Hogan by saying they’re jealous. The jokes continue and Hogan threatens to quit again. Geez, it’s not like your friends were asking you to job to them or anything.

Meanwhile, Captain Lou eats wax fruit because, again…

When he uses his condiments, he creates a perfect Hogan portrait, only to piss him off when he adds a rubber band to his face. Then Andre makes a Hogan version of the Statue of Liberty out of clay. You’d think remaking the country in his own image would appeal to the Hulkster, but no, this pisses him off too. As does hearing that everyone’s work will be on display at the museum, making Hogan dread being made a fool of in public. Oh brother, you don’t know the half of that yet. Wendi follows the show’s writers’ fat shaming of Captain Lou when she says he wouldn’t know art from salami (Lou: “Yeah, salami tastes better…”) And okay, I overworked Scotty this review so far. He places his lunch on a nearby pillar, where ladies mistake it for an exhibit, pre-dating Is It Cake? by decades. Andre and the gang call art weird after thinking of the word to use, and it’s a good thing Ulitmate Warrior wasn’t around yet. The episode ends by recycling two previous end gags: where someone wants to buy Wendi’s unusual painting (the fashion show episode) and offers “five” but actually means $5,000 (the used cars episode). This naturally makes all the wrestlers art fans all of a sudden.

Live Action Break has Sheik, Volkoff, and Freddy bragging about their haircuts. So help me, I was trying to predict the punchline would be because they went to a pet groomer. Nope…the two wrestlers turn around to reveal their heads are covered in bandages.

BLUE LAGOONS

Oddly enough, Hogan on the title card is close to real-life accurate with the yellow shirt and red tights. Hulk is on the beach listening to the DiC Dub Over Music. A storm comes and he hears what to the rest of us is a very familiar voice at sea. Hogan comes to the rescue and it’s the Iron Sheik, who actually is about to say “Thanks be to….” then realizes who’s here and finishes with, “…HOGAN?!!?” His name standing in for a deity invocation DOES work for him, brother! Surprisingly, Hogan continues with the rescue, though Sheik complains he’s invading his private yacht,and…wait. Did I just say YACHT?

Hogan and Sheik are swept away by a tidal wave, leading us to the trope of the good guy and the bad guy needing to work together. Will Sheiky reveal that he has no loyalty to Roddy, it’s his power he wants? Will Hulk and Sheik team up against a drug lord? It’s DiC, if the show was around for another 5 years they’d do it like on C.O.P.S. and G.I. Joe. Then again, knowing what we know now, the heels and faces would sooner join forces to rebel against drug testing.

Hogan ponders the wild animals as we hear the generic roar wrestling fans will recognize as starting Sable’s theme music. Various cartoon antics ensue when the two wrestlers try to cope with their situation, including Hogan saving Sheik from quicksand and snakes, the latter which is weird because I thought he never worked with snakes. WHY ISN’T THIS LOST MEDIA ALONGSIDE THAT SNAKE PIT EPISODE??? Sheik continues to not show gratitude, and so he divides the island before falling into the lake. Shouting “stupid water” like he was about to make it humble does seem like something the actual Iron Sheik would have done. His next strategy is to sabotage Hogan’s campsite, which never works out. As Hogan struggles with the words to “It’s Raining, It’s Pouring,” Sheik returns and agrees to a truce, which of course Hogan will only accept if, amongst his rules, he agrees that HE’s the boss. They see a ship, but Sheik gets the signal fire extinguished, leading to them both finally breaking down and getting into a TV-Y7 fight. My ears piqued when Sheik shouted, “I break you…” but alas, it only ends with “…in half.” Hogan revisits Thunderlips when he calls Sheiky a “meatball.” Ironically, it’s the fighting that is enough for them to get noticed by the passing ship, and they return to civilization, where they Grease their versions of the stories. Maybe Sheik really drowned and his ghost is going to take Hogan back to the hereafter in a flying car too. Anyway, it ends with all the heels taking a pratfall into the water, and Hogan just tossing in a rope and leaving. Now that’s the Hulk we all know.

Hopefully none of the baddies drowned and will be back next week…