FMW Making Of A New Legend III 09.24.99 DirecTV PPV

Korakuen Hall
Attendance 2,100

Previously In FMW…

Let’s put PRIDE to one side so we can finish off FMW for 1999. This marks the start of a very dodgy period for the company, like “Scott’s rants from twenty years ago” levels of awkwardness. You’ve been warned.

The big news from the last show was the retirement of the Hayabusa gimmick, with Eiji now going by H and looking very slutty.

H attempted to dye his hair white but instead it turned blue for the first few days, which awkwardly was when all the new publicity photos were taken. So don’t be expecting any footage of blue hair H, there will be no refunds.

Show starts with Fuyuki making it clear he isn’t happy with company owner (and Fuyuki lapdog) Arai’s attempts to stop the humiliation of Hayabusa. So Arai is brought to the ring bound & gagged, and then all of Team No Respect surround him and uhhhh piss on him.

Arai is covered in yellow liquid as the crowd…make no noise. I don’t know if it’s because they’re horrified at what they’re watching or they’re being polite but it’s an uncomfortable way to start a show. Especially as Arai wanders to the back by himself, dripping the entire time.

Kaori Nakayama & Emi Motokawa vs. Misae Genki & Yoshiko Tamura

Hey it’s a young Emi Sakura! Hopefully the ring has been wiped.

I gave this to Jabroni, if you can read this text it’s because he didn’t want anything to with this show and after the way it started it’s hard to blame him. I’ll make like the commenters on here who talk about AEW and pretend I watched this.

Armageddon vs. Ricky Fuji & Naohiko Yamazaki

Rosey & Jamal head out to California Love, a song so cool that Cody name-dropped it on Smackdown in 2024. Their official names are Armageddon 1 and Armageddon 2, and they’re thankfully wearing shirts with numbers on so you know who is who. I’m still going to use their WWE names.

Yamazaki being involved gives the game away before the bell even rings because he’s a loser. Jamal responds to the “Rock & Roll” chants by spitting into the crowd and twirling his hips to the beat. Rosey’s only attribute right now is being large. He’s still learning how to be interesting, with Fuji and Yamazaki’s strikes looking very unconvincing to such a big fella. Jamal is much better, landing avalanches and using his crotch as a weapon. Rosey oversells a missed Stinger Splash so much that he bounces out to the outside, causing laughter from the crowd and commentary. Jamal continues to cheap shot and work the crowd while Rosey adjusts his trousers every few seconds. These matches are doing Armageddon no favours because they’re too big to take offence but have to have a long competitive match because that’s how things are done here, but you’re begging for this to be a quick squash. For example, Yamazaki takes a chokeslam off the top followed by a Kobashi-style flying leg drop but neither finish the match cos Yamazaki needs to get something in. Fuji tags in for more unremarkable moves before Yamazaki at least dropkicks Jamal in the face to make him sell. This goes on and on and on until Jamal finally top rope splashes Yamazaki for…the near fall as even that won’t end things until Rosey eventually lands a nifty spinning leg drop to pin Yamazaki at 10:21.

Fuji’s pants are pulled down at ringside and he insists on keeping them down while he brawls with Rosey and checks on his partner. Jamal showed signs of his future goodness but this all felt counter productive.

Hido heads out wearing a Gi and a neck brace and the Theme from Rocky. I’m getting mixed signals. Ah apparently Hido was legit injured during this time so he does a routine involving breaking a wooden board which nearly causes his braces to fly off and then leaves to a silly karate song. Crowd seemed to like it. Next.

Hisakatsu Oya vs. Yoshinori Sasaki

OK Sasaki is rising the ranks and Oya is someone who could take a loss so will we see something tonight? Probably not but at least we get to hear Oya’s new theme with the actual vocalist accompanying him to ringside.

Sasaki uses his strength advantage to bounce Oya around and to ensure no mat shenanigans. Oh wait there they are as Oya ankle stretches for a few minutes. Sasaki ignores it cos it’s only the start of the match and they never matter but Oya tries an Abominable Stretch pin. Sasaki ducks an enziguri but Oya counters the chokeslam into an armdrag as this is competitive. Baldo Bomb very nearly finishes but Oya comes back with a safe backdrop driver as the crowd should be more into this. Enziguri connects which allows Oya to win via crossface at 9:37. I don’t know why I got myself excited for this, it ended up as Just A Match.

Highlights of H & Masato Tanaka vs. Kodo Fuyuki & “Hayabusa” 9/18/99

Hey, H’s hair is a bit blue here! Rather like the on screen product, am I right? “Hayabusa” gets the win after breathing fire onto H because he must always be suffering.

Wait, who’s “Hayabusa”?

Oh it’s Mr. Gannosuke, who is still seething after losing in Hayabusa’s last match. “Hayabusa” declared himself the real Hayabusa and in an attempt to sully the good name of Hayabusa he would…appear in a legit porn film. Not a fake silly one like Val Venis, but one you could buy from actual porn stores.

From the descriptions I’ve read online (cough cough), Gannosuke doesn’t have sex in the video but he does finger some women (with the mask on so at least he’s wearing protection). He also attempts to assault women as part of the plot to ruin Hayabusa’s good name and to get him booked in the UK and I don’t think ITR will be running many adverts on this review so let’s move on.

I’ve got to say, in theory I like the idea of stealing someone’s identity and screwing with their reputation as it’s a theme very prevalent in early German Cinema. It’s just a shame it’s done in an insanely seedy way. Then again I’ve always thought The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari could have been improved with some shagging.

Oh this is also how Chocoball Mukai (famous porn star) would make his way into the company which I’m not happy about but we’ll deal with him later so we can all go have a wash and come back to read the rest of this.

WEW 6-Man Tag Team Titles

Masato Tanaka & Tetsuhiro Kuroda & Hisakatsu Oya vs. Kodo Fuyuki & Koji Nakagawa & Gedo (Team No Respect) 9/23/99

Highlights only and it’s just as well as the crowd is very badly mic’d. Tanaka’s team wins after a Rolling Elbow to give us new champs and to remind us of how cheap and crap those new belts look.

Three-On-One Handicap Match

Masato Tanaka vs. Kodo Fuyuki & Kintaro Kanemura & Jado (Team No Respect)

H isn’t the only one with a name change as Kanemura is officially Kintaro Kanemura from now on. It means “Future Great King” and was a nickname given to him backstage due to his Korean heritage. How is that a nickname? Nicknames in England are stuff like “shitbreath”, no-one calls people something as positive as that. Future Great King has also been made the new WEW Hardcore Champion which he wears around his neck to this match. Look at what a good name change can do for you, Max Power was right.

Fuyuki lets us know before the match that the FMW Independent Heavyweight Title (held by Masato Tanaka) and the FMW Brass Knuckles Heavyweight Title (held by H) are now dead (because they’ve been sold) before proclaiming himself the brand new WEW World Heavyweight Champion, so suck it Tanaka.

Also: A reminder that Tanaka still gets fired if he loses any match, hence why Fuyuki is putting him in a three-on-one handicap match out of spite.

Fuyuki stands in the corner and watches as Tanaka batters both opponents around, leading to Fuyuki having to break a sweat with a sneaky running lariat. He sits at ringside while Kanemura throws ladders and chairs at Tanaka but no-one is making a peep. Well done FMW, you found a way to fuck up Kanemura vs. Tanaka. Even Kanemura flying off the top rope to blast Tanaka with a ladder doesn’t get anything. Finally a powerbomb onto a set-up ladder gets a polite pop with the crowd finally coming alive when Tanaka comes back and lands a Rolling Elbow. Jado and Fuyuki run in and both get blasted, leading to Tanaka quickly landing Diamond Dust on Kanemura. Fuyuki attempts to throw a table into the ring but a now-dry Arai runs out to spray Fuyuki in the face with paint to remove him from the match. Tanaka takes a chair shot from Kanemura so Arai pulls his foot as he runs the ropes, which sets up the match-winning Rolling Elbow to a massive pop at 6:19.

DerHitman has the only review for this match on Cagematch that I’m going to post untranslated:

Das Handicap Match ist der FMW Bullshit.

H & Tetsuhiro Kuroda & Flying Kid Ichihara & Yoshinori Sasaki vs. “Hayabusa” & Koji Nakagawa & Gedo & Chocoball Mukai (Team No Respect)

H’s debut at Korakuen Hall. What a horrible line-up for a main event. Kid’s headlining? Sasaki’s doing double duty? Kuroda’s not even here? Oh and it’s also Chocoball’s debut, the porn star who has that nickname because of his testicles. Yes. He tried out for the NJPW dojo in 1985 but was one of the many who ran out in the middle of the night after one week because porn was less hard work.

H gets a polite reaction, but Chocoball honestly gets a bigger pop. Oh no. Chocoball demands to start so he takes a shoulder tackle from Kid before doing a leapfrog to the crowd’s amazement. Chocoball lands some solid looking kicks and locks in a standing cradle submission as the crowd go wild. H breaks it up and the crowd BOO THE ACE oh my god. Commentators laugh at that.

It breaks down into a ringside brawl with H taking a frigging powerbomb on the concrete from “Hayabusa” which the cameras miss. This allows “Hayabusa” to drag Kid’s valet Sena Wakana into the ring and put a dog collar around her. Kid saves the day-oh wait of course he doesn’t because he couldn’t catch a cold so TNR give him a Superbomb. Oh so Chocoball tries to save the day instead and attacks his own partner with “Hayabusa” angrily lariating the porn star turncoat.

Chocoball also gets a Superbomb for having a conscience. Chocoball gets thrown into some chairs which leaves Sasaki to try to do something with Gedo. Which he doesn’t win cos we’ve established he can’t even beat Oya. This match is a dozen things happening at once and they’re all weird.

H and “Hayabusa” finally go at it with both showing they still have chemistry regardless of their new gimmicks. H attempts to unmask his doppelganger with causes more booing. Everyone else brawls outside while H tries for ages to remove the mask as the crowd lose interest. Look I know it’s going to be a long time rebuilding the character but it’s still nuts to hear how dead the crowd is for a Hall main event. “Hayabusa” lands a Reverse Fire Thunder Driver because Gannosuke’s finisher was the Fire Thunder Driver and he’s a different guy so OK yeah I get that logic. They also like Sasaki’s attempt at chokeslamming Koji but getting pushed off the apron through a table by “Hayabusa” instead.

TNR work over H to little reaction until he starts popping off Frankensteiners and Falcon Arrows. You know, like Hayabusa would do. Koji spots Ricky Fuji at ringside and delivers a Kamikaze (one of Fuji’s trademarks) while grinning at him in a wonderful moment of poohousery. H takes a Superbomb but kicks out cos of the support of maybe three fans clapping. Fire Thunder Driver doesn’t finish H but a powerbomb (showing off H’s lovely gluts) sets up a splash that Gedo can’t finish because everyone is distracted by the arrival of Kuroda on a motorcycle carrying a flag and a baseball bat! And fuck me is that bike loud as the revs drown out everything while Kuroda lariats everyone

Sasaki chokeslams everyone for good measure, leaving Gedo open for the H Edge to end this at 18:38.

This was a weird match that wasn’t dull but was vigorous in it’s attack on the senses with so many angles and oddness occurring at once. A set-up match with none of the usual high-quality action you’d expect so unless you’re really into Chocoball skip this.

Post-match, H issues a challenge to “Hayabusa” for next month and oh no it’s this one, get ready. H requests an ANAL EXPLOSION match where the loser has to have a firework fired out of their arse. “Hayabusa” accepts and the show ends with Chocoball falling off the fucking top rope.

Overall: I mean…it was different, I’ll give it that. It’s not often you see a show with piss, porn, new titles and dog collars but at the same time very little of it was entertaining as FMW seem to be trying anything and everything regardless of sense. It’s a hell of a thing to observe from a distance though, while insisting to your fellow wrestling fans “no no, I never watch FMW honest, I can’t even spell it!”

In Other News…

FMW decided to try the relationship with ECW again so they can get some cool dudes for the big Yokohama show coming up. What’s the definition of insanity again? Anyway, ECW agreed but only if they can get Masato Tanaka back. So ECW announced Taz vs. Tanaka for Anarchy Rulz but Tanaka was only able to be there part-time and Taz was leaving for WWF so they can’t put the belt on him and…what’s that? Who’s freshly uninjured?

Awesome and Tanaka would both eliminate Taz in a thrown together three-way before both lads destroyed one another in yet another crazy match, with Awesome winning the ECW World Title to give us a few wonderful months of Mike looking like King Shit when he had a small army of people willing to bump like crazy for him. Taz would awkwardly return for a bit longer after WWF bumped his debut back until January, and he put as much effort into that run as Andrade did in his last year in AEW.

Muta defeated Onita in the main event of a very lowly regarded NJPW show. NJPW claimed 48,000 though so fuck ’em. After the loss, Onita would retire The Great Nita gimmick for the first of many times but at least both lads looked cool.

Next Week:(Gordon Solie voice) Two words, thirteen letters: Anus Explosion.

I’ve been Maffew