WWE Evolve Review – 07.30.25

Hey everyone. I’m a day late with Evolve today, but for good reason, as I caught the true monsters of rock in concert last night. That’s right, we banged our heads to not just Toto, but Christopher Cross and Men at Work as well. In all seriousness, it was really special to watch Steve Lukather do his thing live for the first time. He’s not a name many know, but one that’s left much more of an imprint on modern music than most realize, and he was absolutely shredding last night. Don’t let the “yacht rock” label fool you. Also worth recognizing was 27 year-old multi-instrumentalist Dennis Atlas, who Toto brought on as a third singer and second keyboardist for the tour. The dude’s got some major talent and is a member of a couple of prog metal bands I should do a deeper dive on. A great show. Next up, if I get the nerve to buy a ticket and just go by myself, would be Lyle Lovett next week. If not, we’ll be hitting the bong with Cypress Hill and the Pharcyde in two weeks.

Also, my Yankees traded for every closer in baseball today. If that doesn’t trigger a second locker room Brawl Out at some point, I’ll be shocked.

And now for the real reason we’re here.

THEN. NOW. FOREVER. MARRY ME, KENDAL GRAY. TOGETHER.

LAST WEEK, Keanu Carver made a note of wanting to put an end to WWE ID guys taking food off his plate, as seen with his destruction of Timothy Thatcher and Ice Williams. Sean Legacy calls it all inexcusable and says it ends TONIGHT. I love me some Super Sean, so I hope it does.

We go straight to the ring with our weekly party hosts, The Vanity Project, hitting the ring.

BRYCE DONOVAN VS. MARCUS MATHERS

This should be fun, as Bryce is actually an indie vet and Mathers can flat-out go. Mathers with some serious Lionheart vibes in there as they tie up. Mathers works a headlock and tries to use his speed against the much bigger Donovan. Big shoulderblock and slam from Donovan. Mathers avoids Bryce and hits a crossbody off the top for two. Marcus escapes a tilt-a-whirl thingee, but Bryce don’t give one iota and slams Mathers into the turnbuckle. Mathers goes to the outside, taking out a cameraman in the process. Bryce throws Mathers back in and we be clubberin, baby. Donovan kind of locks in an abdominal stretch, but Mathers flips out of a back suplex attempt and hits some biiiig chops on the big man. Bryce misses a charge into the corner. Mathers with two dropkicks and a clothesline, and was that a Cody Cutter? Yes, it was, albeit called a “variation of the stunner” by Peter Rosenberg. Bryce blocks a fisherman suplex , then hits a powerbomb and big forearm for two. Bryce surveys his prey. Chokeslam attempt gets turned into a roll-up by Mathers for two. Mathers with a sick big kick to the back of the head. Mathers goes to the top, but gets surrounded by the Vanity Project. Swipe Right continues to attempt to interfere. Mathers goes for the big dive, but Zayda stands in front of her compadres. Unfortunately for Mathers, Bryce is waiting right behind him to hit a Black Hole Slam for the win.

WINNER: BRYCE DONOVAN

Match Rating: B Nothing wrong with this one, as both guys played their role to perfection, and Mathers fought valiantly before falling victim to the numbers game.

Donovan: B As the quiet heavy, Donovan doesn’t get the attention the other VP members do, but know what? The dude looks like a decent worker and has a good look. There’s some Big Bill vibes there, and I actually think Donovan could be a better worker than Mr. Morrissey.

Mathers: B+ I’m a big fan of Mathers, although he probably needs to do more to individuate himself from every other plucky high-flyers in wrestling. Squint and you see a young Chris Jericho, though.

The Vanity Project stand over a fallen Marcus Mathers as we cut to the back and Sean Legacy hitting the resistance bands. Timothy Thatcher enters the room, still a little sore, and tells Legacy to not worry about what Keanu Carver did to him. Carver is a dangerous man, and Sean needs to prepare physically and mentally for him. Thatcher expresses his belief in Sean slaying the giant. Tim is great in this role, which surprises me, as I’ve never seen him as more than a scary guy before.

The new Charmin tears so much better. That’s good news for your ass. Also, Maya is head chef apparently getting a 143% ROI through SOFI. I think what she’s saying is SOFI is a good place to sell drugs. IDK.

Back to the action, and here comes our Evolve Women’s Champ, Kali Armstrong, with a mic in hand. Kali ain’t here to waste no time, and calls out Jin Tala. Kali faces all her competitors face to face, while Jin tries to get ahead by sneaking up on people. Music hits, but it’s Tyra Mae Steele instead of Jin Tala. Tyra reminds Kali that she won a triple threat for a title shot two weeks ago and demands respect. Kali decides to give zero respect, and here finally comes Jin Tala. Jin is her usual riveting self during her promo. Tyra reminds Jin that she won LFG while Jin got eliminated. Jin pushes Tyra into Kali, hits a big kick to Kali, and throws Kali into the corner. Not a bad segment for developmental, I guess. The beatdown from Jin was good, but she continues to be pretty all-time bad on the mic.

Chuey Martinez is backstage with Jamar “Didn’t get the memo on Hulk Hogan” Hampton, hitting the resistance bands. They love the resistance bands on Evolve. Jamar’s all smiles while Chuey puts over his athleticism. Jamar will be facing the Fashion Disaster, Jack Cartwheel, tonight. That…..will be interesting. It’s Gal then enters the frame and, you won’t believe this, but he starts hitting the resistance bands. He throws some shade Jamar’s way as well.

JAMAR HAMPTON VS. JACK CARTWHEEL IN A (W/ CHEAP FUR COAT AND CAPPUCCINO JONES)

Peter calls Jamar’s entrance music a “bop” and claims it reminds him of Toni Toni Tone. I hope Raphael Saadiq slaps the craps out of him one day for that. Jack, as usual, kinda looks like an idiot, but we do love him in the ring. Cap’s got his coffee cup on the outside. They lock up, and Jack flips a lot while we learn that Robert Stone goes to Jamar Hampton for fitness tips. Jack works a side headlock, but meets a shoulderblock from Jamar. Jamar no-sells a dropkick, then hits a gorgeous Japanese armdrag and 180-dropkick. This kid’s got the athleticism in spades. Cartwheel hits some more flippy shit for two. Cartwheel attempts some kinda heelish small joint manipulation. They exchange blows, then Cartwheel hangs on Hampton’s leg and applies one of those bridging STF things. Jamar powers out and kicks Cartwheel off. Cartwheel attempts to strike Jamar more, but he’s not here to play. A series of shoulderblocks and a standing blockbuster get two, as Jamar’s boot laces become clearly untied. Jamar goes for the dive outside, but Jack dodges, goes back in, hits his weekly Space Flying Tiger Drop, followed by an inverted slingshot frog splash for two. Hampton uses his power to fight him off, though, and they both go to the top. It’s Gal comes out, though, with those damn resistance bands, and distracts Hampton, leading to Cartwheel hitting a Phoenix Splash for the win.

WINNER: JACK CARTWHEEL

Match Rating: C+ The ending was kind of crap, as Jamar was dominating this all the way through and deserved to go over. The boot lace thing was definitely distracting, but didn’t wind up making too big of a difference in things. Both guys had some great flashes.

Hampton: B- A tough one to grade here, as the lace stuff would have gotten him yelled at bigtime on LFG. Jamar had some real eye-opening moments here, and showed some personality in the ring for the first time. It’s slowly starting to come together, I think, and that’s not a bad thing, as this guy is the model Create-A-Wrestler.

Cartwheel: C+ The aerial stuff is always impressive, but I’m starting to get the feeling we’ve seen the entirely of the Jack Cartwheel experience. There needs to be some growth here. The look is so, so, so bad indie as well. I’m a fan, but I’m not as much as a fan as I used to be.

Seems like our main event is up next, as we’re getting a 45-minute show tonight. Forty-four minutes and forty seconds, actually, to be exact.

You can play the World Series of poker on your iPhone, and those sure are some fine Hiltons you could stay at with your free points if you collect them until you’re 207. Actually, that’s not true, as my ex-wife once collected so many Aveda points we got a free weekend at a resort in Antigua. She was only 204 at the time. Also, the girl in the Candy Crush Saga ad is kinda cute.

Back to action, Zara Zakher knows she’s undersized, but she’s got courage. She wants to see if she measures up, and it seemed like she was going to issue a challenge to someone, but didn’t.

NEXT WEEK, Carlee Bright will try to get revenge against Wendy Choo, and Kali Armstrong will finally defend her Women’s Championship against Jin Tala.

KEANU CARVER VS. “SUPER” SEAN LEGACY

We get the main event intros, but no Referee Hottie this week. Legacy stares a hole into Keanu as he hits the ring, and the ref has to separate Keanu from Sean. Keanu’s also dropped some decent weight since his NXT debut last year, which bodes well for him. They lock up. Legacy goes for the go behind, gets Keanu into the corner, but a chop from Legacy gets no-sold. Keanu explodes out the corner and takes Legacy down. Legacy goes hard into the turnbuckle. A second attempt leads to Legacy avoiding the corner, then hitting a low dropkick followed by a regular one. This flurry doesn’t last long, as Keanu hot-shots him over the top rope. Fallaway slam by Keanu and we be clubberin! Legacy gets the false hope attempt, but gets choked in the ropes by Keanu. Legacy continues to fight back. Keanu attempts to throw him outside, but Legacy skins the cat and headscissors him outside. Legacy gets caught on the dive, but escapes and sends Keanu into the post. The dive to the outside then hits as we go to break. When we return, Keanu misses a charge into the corner. Legacy tries to flip out of the corner, but he meets nothing but the POOOUNCE from Carver. Legacy fights out of a chinlock but meets a backbreaker for two from Keanu. Keanu needs some better offense to go with the pounce and fallaway slam. Rosenberg tells us the air has come out of the room, which I don’t believe, as no one in the audience is suffocating. Yet. Keanu continues the beatdown and applies a bearhug. Legacy breaks out, but the big man playbook dictates that Keanu hit a World’s Strongest Slam for two. I sense a Sidewalk Slam coming. Keanu misses a splash, though, and here comes the actual comeback. Two clotheslines don’t take Keanu down, but a pop-up powerbomb gets reversed into a DDT and Carver is finally down. Kicks from Legacy aren’t doing a whole lot as Keanu is back up. Keanu misses a charge in the corner, and Legacy works for a German suplex for two. Legacy goes for a springboard move, but gets punched out of the air. That gets two from Keanu and a “whatamatch” for Robert Stone. Keanu tries the knockout blows he hit on Timothy Thatcher on Legacy, but those don’t work. Legacy gets a springboard dropkick for two. Legacy actually tries Shambles on Carver, and even Stevie Wonder would tell you that’s not happening. Keanu hits a slingshot suplex into a powerbomb position into a powerslam (yes) for the win.

WINNER: KEANU CARVER

Match Rating: B I can vibe with this. You had the fearless white-meat babyface against the big man who wouldn’t go down. A surprisingly convincing victory here against Legacy, who we know they think highly of.

Carver: B The look and presence are certainly there, and the pounce is a thing of beauty. We need to vary up the moveset, though, as a lot of this is “Big Man Greatest Hits,” and it’s not as compelling as it should be.

Legacy: B Standard Sean Legacy. Everything hit crisp, and he knows who he is. We need a new gear for him, though, and I don’t think he’s going to find it in Evolve. Sign him up and move him up.

After the match, as the announcers wonder what the endgame here is for Carver, now that he’s beaten Legacy, we learn that Carver’s endgame is Jackson Drake and the Evolve Men’s Title. Not sure how that heel/heel match works, but we shall see.

OVERALL RATING: B- Certainly a downer of a show booking-wise, but no one outright embarrassed themselves. Bryce Donovan was a bit of a revelation, and you see the wheels turning a bit with Jamar Hampton, who hopefully is still employed next week following poo-poo’ing all the Hogan tributes.

I’m not even sure LFG is on this weekend, with Summerslam and all, so I’ll see ya when I see ya.