Megabucks Presents: Saturday Night’s Main Event (November 1987)

Your second flashback of the day! Again, my modern notes are in bold italics, this did come from 20+ years ago so not all of it holds up today, etc. etc.

It’s that time again, for me to reach into my writing vault and update one of my old reviews for Daily Diatribes. This time I will be looking at an episode of Saturday Night’s Main Event, that staple of every ‘80s wrestling fan’s memories (ah, the good old days when I had to pester my parents to remember to set the VCR for 11:30, then an unholy hour indeed for a grade school boy such as myself).

This is the November 1987 Saturday Night’s Main Event. By the way, Danny DeVito will be on Saturday Night Live next week.
We begin with the opening interview montage. With the Twilight Zone theme playing in the background, Randy Savage welcomes us to the “Danger Zone, east of Saturn, west of Jupiter, south of Mars, and north of hell, yeaaaaaah!” He recaps the Guitar Shot of Doom angle (from the last SNME) and vows revenge against Bret Hart tonight. King Kong Bundy and Bobby Heenan are up next to wake us up, and our friends if we have any, because Hulkamania dies tonight and Bundamania is born. Finally, Hulk Hogan rebuts against Heenan and Bundy’s comments. They have to beat the training, the prayers, and the vitamins, etc. etc.

SNME opening, with “Obsession” by Animotion. One of my favorite wrestling theme songs of the time, along with the fabled “film reel” opening from WWF Superstars of Wrestling circa 1986-1989 (anyone who has episodes with this opening, contact me RIGHT NOW. I will shill you like mad here) (Or don’t. First I have no Daily Diatribes to shill you on, and I can see that intro any time I want on YouTube.)

Taped from the Seattle Coliseum for the Thanksgiving weekend.

Your hosts are Vince and Jesse.

Tonight it’s Hogan vs. Bundy for the WWF title, Hercules vs. Bam Bam, and up first, George “The Animal” Steele vs. Danny Davis. Jesse takes exception to Vince calling Davis a “consummate rulebreaker.” Flashback to Spring ’87, where Danny Davis hits the Animal with the timekeeper’s bell, costing him a lumberjack match against Randy Savage. Jesse, as usual, doesn’t buy the heels’ guilt, wondering what Steele did before the footage shown. “Who’s editing and producing this, YOU, McMahon?!”

Dueling interviews: Mean Gene interviews George, who is more occupied with an Elizabeth doll. In a pre-taped segment, Jesse and Danny discuss the merits of banning Steele for life.

1. George Steele vs. Danny Davis – Brace yourselves, I hear this is the match that inspired the Benoits (2002…), Malenkos, Angles, and Steamboats of the world. To wit: George starts with a Greco-Roman bite, which David fights back against with a series of puro-style Shining Dragon Roaring Punches and the Burning Tiger Axehandle ’87. However, the Animal uses his Strong Style to no-sell everything and knock Davis outside, where he uses his Space Flying Stall. Davis then twice tries unsuccessfully to corner Steele, leading to the match’s first (real) wrestling move as Steele sends him back outside with a drop toehold. Having got the wrestling out of his system, the Animal goes for a chair. Quoth Vince: “He wants to sit down and watch Davis run around the ring!” I tell you, Vince is unintentionally funny trying to defend his favorites (earlier, he justified Steele’s biting by suggesting that “He might be salivating on him!”). Anyway, Steele doesn’t get to use the chair, for sitting or any other purpose, as Davis pulls a thin, stick-like object out of his pants and proceeds to jab the Animal with it, as well as stick it in its mouth. And after that call I bet you think I’m talking about the Scotsman. (Memo :Stop stealing my “A” material, you fucking sham! Intended with love- Heel) (1. 2002. 2. What was with the Heel and the Scotsman, as I was clearly catering to his humor?) In the meantime, Jesse comes up with a crazy justification of his own, remarking, “He’s brushing his teeth! He’s going for a bad bicuspid!” However, Steele blocks another shot with the object and gets Davis in the only other wrestling move of the match, the Flying Hammerlock. OK, so he knows one more wrestling move than Trish Stratus. Trish, if it’s any consolation, I wouldn’t prefer to see George naked too. (Again…*2002*. And Trish did of course improve greatly in her in-ring career.) Davis weakly kicks the referee for the DQ, ending this mercifully. You know your match is bad not only when there were two moves used in all, but when George “The Animal” Steele uses them.
BTW, you may have noticed that since my GWF rant, I have no rating system. Not even the X for Y count. Well, the way I see it, you should be able to tell what I think of a match from how I talk about it, so I find that suffices just as well.

Another flashback where Bret Hart costs Randy Savage the Intercontinental Title in a match with the Honky Tonk Man, leading to the degrading of Elizabeth, the Guitar Shot of Doom, and the formation of the Megapowers. Mean Gene is with the Hart Foundation, and some old-style heel hilarity ensues. For example, Okerlund takes them to task for their evil practices, to which Bret retorts, “Practice makes perfect!” Jimmy then goes into a rant about how Honky had to shove Elizabeth because she is a “daughter of the devil” who was trying to bewitch them. And when bringing up the Guitar Shot, Jimmy gives his famous comment, “He’s (Savage) just lucky the Honky Tonk Man doesn’t play the piano!” Great stuff.

The Harts make their ring entrance as we go back to footage of HTM’s heinous act of shoving Liz, which of course led to the other storylines I summed up above. Mene Gene interviews Randy Savage and Elizabeth. Vengeance is his, sayeth the Macho Man!

2. Randy Savage vs. Bret Hart – As Randy and Liz make their entrance, Vince and Jesse get into their classic “Elizabeth looks lovely!”/”Pay attention to the match, McMahon!” spiel. (Hey, and for those unaware, learn about what THAT means in my Superstars of Wrestling from ’87 ep.) (First, the link no longer exists, Heel. Second, even the Internet Archive version doesn’t allow access to it. Third, you got me in trouble shilling the Islanders interview from that episode to OVP Podcast, as they weren’t impressed by Tama threatening to have Tito Santana end up with one nostril.) Savage doesn’t let Liz into the ring to keep the heels from harming her, but when he enters the ring, Jim Neidhart and Jimmy Hart try to surround her. As Savage fends them off, we go to commercial, and when we return, we get an inset Honky Tonk Man interview asking the Hart Foundation to save him a little bit of the Macho Man.

Savage once again keeps the other Harts away from Liz, then proceeds to do a number on Bret outside the ring, throwing him shoulder-first into the ringpost. Hart stalls a bit, selling the shoulder. When he re-enters, Savage is back on him and tries to throw him into the corner, resulting in a double reversal sequence that ends in Macho missing a charge and Bret taking over with punches and kicks. Hart puts Savage in a chokehold, then snapmares him and hits the forward elbowdrop. Bret whips Savage into the ropes and ducks, only to be hit by “a nice manuever” according to Vince (actually a kick). Macho gets Bret on the apron, and despite the ref trying to hold him back, Savage slingshots him and we get…..THE APRON TO RAILING BUMP OF DOOM!!!!! Before he can capitalize, however, Neidhart and Jimmy are up to interfere and get a double noggin knocker for their troubles. Savage goes for the top rope to arena floor axhandle and winds up getting hit with the megaphone. Neidhart attacks the floored Macho Man, and the announcers point out how Liz is reluctant to check up on Randy. In an interesting comment, Jesse remarks how Liz can’t defend herself like a man. This caught my attention the first time I reviewed this show because SummerSlam ’99 was coming or just passed, and one of the issues was how Gov. Jesse Ventura would deal with the interference of Chyna when he refereed the main event.

Back in the ring, Bret’s trash talking to Liz. He hits a legdrop, then ties Savage to the tree of woe and works on his midsection, which Vince points out is still hurting from the megaphone attack. A Hart piledriver gets 2. Hart misses another shoulderblock to the corner, and Savage rams it again before hitting a top rope axehandle for 2. I share the Heel’s love for this Old School Savage move. BTW, Jesse points out that this makes the third time Bret’s shoulder met the steel in this match. Say what you will about their ineptness at calling moves, but Vince and Jesse did a good job getting the psychology over here. Hart takes over again with a side backbreaker. He goes to the second rope…could it be the FIVE MOVES OF… oh wait, it’s an elbowdrop. It misses, and Savage gets his KICK-ASS jumping over the ropes neck snap for another 2 count, my other favorite, as if you couldn’t tell. Anyway, with Hart on the ropes, Savage charges and gets dumped over, taking a HUGE bump to the floor. It is then that he sells an ankle injury to the point that Liz has to help him take his boot off. When Savage crawls back in, Bret is merciless in attacking the bad ankle, punching and stomping it, then ramming it into the ringpost and kneedropping it. Hart goes for a spinning toehold, but Savage takes advantage of his opponent’s Achilles’ heel and kicks Hart into the corner, sending him once again shoulder-first. He gets a rollup for 2, but Bret’s back on the leg with an anklelock, then a half-crab. Savage reaches the apron, lunges at the other Harts, and when Bret tries to slam him back in, Macho rolls him up for the pin! I usually don’t use star ratings, but I’m not arguing with the *****’s for this match. Post-match, Savage runs the heels out with the megaphone but collapses trying to walk out of the ring. The announcers sell this as a career-threatening injury.

(Indeed, one of SNME’s best. And people who read Bret Hart’s autobiography, with tears in their eyes no doubt, will remember the story behind it. Vince entrusted Bret to tell the new story the match would have, around Savage’s leg injury, and he took it as a challenge to deliver in the ring.)

Mean Gene is with King Kong Bundy and Bobby Heenan. Heenan promises a surprise…a BIG surprise…a HUGE surprise! Hmmmmm…Heenan, Surprise, Big, Huge…I am not sure I can figure out what this may be yet. BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ! Allen Ludden: “Do you have it at home?” (Yep that schtick is now old enough to drink)

Bundy enters the ring, and Heenan brings out his surprise, who besides being big and huge, is in fact 7’4’’, 525 pounds. Could it be…Andre the Giant?

Allen: “Is it Andre the Giant?”

DING DING DING! You win the $100!

Ahem, game show fantasies aside, Mean Gene interviews Hulk Hogan about this turn of events. Hogan is in his shredded bandana phase. He says he has a 24-gun salute for the heels, as well as his “secondary survival system” that will fill him full of training, prayers, and vitamins if Bundy, Heenan, and Andre beat him up so bad that his heart is barely beating. I’d like to say I’m making that up, but sadly I lack the creative genius that Mr. Bollea possesses.

3. WWF CHAMPIONSHIP: Hulk Hogan vs. King Kong Bundy – Jesse points out that the referee is Joey Marella, who can best be described as being to Hogan what Tommy Young was to Ric Flair. (The Ambiguously Protective of the World Champion Referee role, in other words) Hogan tries to floor the Walking Condominium with a couple of shoulderblocks, but no dice because Bundy’s JUST TOO FAT! A kneelift, however, gets a 2 count for Hogan. Hulk must have shared secrets about the Power of the Knee with a young Paul Levesque, no? He tries a bodyslam, but if you’ve watched any Hogan vs. 400+ pound opponent match, you know this leads to Bundy getting a 2. Bundy takes over with his obese offense, but misses the big splash. Hogan hits three elbowdrops for 2. He ducks, however, and Bundy comes back with a forearm and a clothesline. He hits the chinlock, which the announcers sell as deadly because of his weight. The arm goes down once, goes down twice, will it go down for the third time? No! It’s Superman comeback time! Hogan breaks out of the hold! Big crappy boot! Will it be the Big, nasty, smelly Legdrop? Wait, Andre trips Hogan, and Marella calls for the bell. Vince thinks disqualification, but instead, Andre is ejected and the match is ordered to continue. Andre refuses to leave, but Heenan eventually convinces him to do so, but not before beating up a cameraman out of frustration going into commercial break.

When we return, the match indeed continues, and Bundy brings the ATLANTIC CITY VIOLENCE! (I should try a few knife-edge chops on card dealers when I lose at the Sands next time) To which Hogan responds with ANABOLIC VIOLENCE of his own, yet misses an elbowdrop allowing Bundy takes over with his Usual Offense. He gets the Avalanche (actually, he kind of half hit it, so it looked more like a shoulderblock) and a big splash, but it’s Superman II (KNEEL BEFORE ZOD!). Hulk up, punch, punch, bodyslam. Bundy rolls out of the ring and Hogan follows to beat on him some more. He throws him back in, but wait! Heenan grabs Hogan’s foot, causing him to be counted out. BUNDY WINS! BUNDY WINS! So much for the usefulness of that “match must continue” angle. I mean, if there wasn’t going to be a clean winner, why tease it by doing the whole Andre thing? Other than that, just your average Hogan match circa 1984-1990. Post-match, Hogan sets a good example for all the little Hulksters by being a sore loser and attacking Bobby Heenan, “injuring” his neck. With heroes like that, no wonder all us wrestling fans grew up to be such freaks. (Especially “Mr. 8 Minute (R)Ab(ie)s” The Scotsman. You must be a CRAAAAZY person if you think I’d ever disrespect either of those smug, pathetically sell-out…er…fine, fine young men. I was gonna attend Scotsman’s housewarming party, but I hear it was a dog…d’oh! By the way, I vote we name Scotsman’s dog “Limpy”. Hopefully, you got that.) (Someone PLEASE fill me in on all these Scotsman references the Heel was using…)

Dueling Interviews: Mean Gene interviews Hercules about his match with Bam Bam Bigelow and his lack of “Brain” power due to the previous incident. When Herc enters the ring, Mean Gene is with Bam Bam, who yells a lot.

4. Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Hercules – This was partly the aftermath of the “Battle for Bam Bam,” where Bigelow screwed over all the heel managers to sign with Oliver Humperdink. (Or as Joe Marotta would call him, King Koopa…) We start with a staredown, Herc poses, and Bammer shoves him. They lock up, and Bam Bam gets the better of it again. Herc tries a shoulderblock, and they sort of repeat the Hogan/Bundy match, as Bigelow is impervious to the shoulder but is doubled over at least by knees. Herc misses a charge to the corner, however, and Bammer regains the advantage until he clotheslined over the top rope. But Bigelow pulls him out and they brawl to a double countout, but Bam Bam gets on the mic and demands the match be restarted so there could be a clear winner. Herc apparently agrees (according to Vince), and we have that after commercials, which I must note here as one of them is the Energizer ad starring Jacko (OY!) who is playing Santa by delivering the new Energizer batteries. I used to love that guy when I was young. In fact, on the SNME where I was upset when Andre choked out the Hulkster, my mom tried to make me feel better by pointing out a Jacko commercial right after that segment. But I am getting nostalgic there again. (And fucking strange, kid. 😉 –Heel, who seems to be INVADING this post. +hack hack+ I seem to have mastered this technique.)

Bam Bam vs. Herc, Take Two. Begins with a three-point stance contest, no one goes down. Hercules goes for another, but Bigelow cartwheels out of the way (yes, that was his big “novelty” highspot back then) and hits a shoulderblock. A dropkick misses, and Herc drops two elbows and a kneedrop. Herc goes to the top, but is caught and press slammed. One slingshot splash later, and Bigelow wins the match. Kind of like Hogan vs. Bundy Part Four, and granted it had the clean finish after the restart, but nothing special.

Mean Gene is with Bundy and Andre. They set up the rematch for next SNME, with Andre standing in for Heenan. In an odd moment for me, Bundy refers to his “millions and millions of Bundyholics.” Well I can see why he’s “larger than life,” if you smelllllllllllllll what the Kong is eating.
After a commercial break, Mean Gene is with Hulk, who accepts the challenge. The rematch, BTW, is significant for two reasons. First, it sets up the angle leading to WrestleMania IV, as Andre chokes out Hogan, thus setting up the prime time Main Event WWF title match. Sometime in between, Ted DiBiase buys Andre’s contract and, well you know the rest. The other significance is that it was the end of Bundy’s first WWF run. He did make an appearance as a substitute at a Madison Square Garden card, but other than that, he was pretty much out of the spotlight until returning in 1994.

One last commercial break, then Gene, Vince, and Jesse sign off. But first, Gene has an update on Bobby Heenan’s condition: “Who cares?”

Closing credits recap Andre’s rampage.

Bottom Line: The Savage vs. Harts stuff made the show. It would probably be less trouble to ask a tape trader (may I recommend yours truly) (Heel says, allow me:Visit Daily Diatribes Video Inc.) (No don’t! It’s not around anymore! And tapes, what’re those?) to give you the Bret vs. Savage match separately. Not much more wrestling-wise, but as always great for nostalgia. And isn’t that’s what counts?