WWE Evolve Review 07.23.25

Hey everyone. It’s time to board the crazy train to Orlando, Florida to watch the crazy babies of Evolve break all the rules. I’ll take a shot in the dark and say there will be no miracle, man, in the ring tonight. Allow me to indulge in my sweet leaf, as, after all, I don’t want to change the world. I just want to watch Evolve along with you. RIP, king, and thank you.

THEN. NOW. FOREVER. TOGETHER.

LAST WEEK, Jackson Drake fought off Lince Dorado and retained his Evolve heavyweight title, only to be attacked by Brooks Jensen after the match. The WWE is really lining up the challengers for the Carolina Reaper. Soon, we’ll have the one-legged guy who wasn’t Zach Gowan show up. We also had Jordan Oasis get challenged to find a mystery partner to face Swipe Right, Tyra Mae Steele make her Evolve debut, and Tate Wilder get his first singles win. If that all screams excitement to you, then you’re in the right place. You also may need a new hobby, but we’ll discuss that later.

We are in that part of the Performance Center where the magic happens. I note a fan in the audience shows a strange amount of excitement at the thought of Dante Chen hitting the ring. What did I say about hobbies?

DANTE CHEN VS. EDRIS ENOFE

Enofe has fabulous new theme music to go with his Burger King-looking crown. I’m still a fan, though. This, obviously, has massive stakes, as the loser could not possibly fall further down the ladder. Yes, even I am sensing my own saltiness tonight. Dante hits the side headlock, a shoulderblock, and a low dropkick for two. Edris GOES FOR THE NOSE, but puts his head down and eats a kick to the face, which he way oversells. Dante gets caught by Edris and slingshots him off the top rope. Edris goes to work with basic heel stuff, hitting a reverse chinlock as the graphic tells us his fashion is inspired by no one but himself. I do like the man’s fashion sense. While I type this, Dante gets the fake hope spot, quickly getting cut off by Enofe. We get another reverse chinlock, which Dante eventually reverses into a neckbreaker. Edris hits knees into the corner, and here comes the actual comeback from Dante. We get some slaps, an enziguri, and a boot to the face. Dante goes for the “Gentle Touch” (that’s NOT a good name for a finisher), but eats the top rope again. Dante reverses an attempt at the En Passant (which at least doesn’t sound creepy AF) into a roll-up, which then gets reversed into a roll-up, with a hook of the tights, by Enofe, for the three count. Dante Chen, you are the weakest link. Goodbye.

WINNER: EDRIS ENOFE

MATCH RATING: C – Of all the painfully average matches you’ve seen in your life, this was one of them.

Edris: C – See above.

Dante: C – See above.

Dante is all “he grabbed mah tights” at the ref, and a middle-aged white woman makes weird faces at Edris while he poses outside.

Backstage, Jordan Oasis encounters both It’s Gal and Sam Holloway backstage (where the hell has Sam been?), and tries to hype them up to be his partner because they’re all WWE ID guys. Gal is all, like the hell does that have to do with me, and Sam calls him out as the creepy hobo he is. Cappuccino Jones and WHAT THE HELL DID JACK CARTWHEEL DO WITH HIS HAIR enter the frame and take umbrage with all this. Neither of them offer to partner with Oasis either. The other four decide to face each other in a tag match instead.

Dawn dishwashing liquid has POWERSUDS now, two talking ducks in an ad tell us.

We return with a WWE ID promo, this time highlighting Aaron Rourke, Zara Zakher, and Ice Williams, as well as the success of Sean Legacy and the Vanity Project. I love stuff like this, to be honest.

ADRENALINE DRIP (CAPPUCCINO JONES AND JACK CARTWHEEL) VS. SAM HOLLOWAY AND IT’S GAL

Cap shares his coffee with a fan in the crowd (he likes it) as Robert Stone rightfully calls out Jack Cartwheel for his dumb haircut. Holloway now has a beard, and comes out in all black leather, kinda looking like Big Daddy Dork. Cap and Gal start out. Some shoves lead to a side headlock by Cap, reversed by Gal into a headscissors, complete with some push-ups. Cap walks into a fireman’s carry, which leads to Gal doing some squats, but Cap escapes and hits a dropkick. The fashion casualty named Jack Cartwheel gets tagged in and all sorts of flippy stuff happens. Gal whips Carthweel into the ropes, and Holloway holds the ropes so that Cartwheel can hit the outside with a thud. Hollway trucks both Cap and Cartwheel, then hits a SPRINGBOARD ELBOW off the top for two. That was impressive, and Kevin Nash couldn’t have done that even if he possessed Will Ospreay’s body. Gal hits a big vertical suplex, and does more push-ups. Double legdrop by Gal for two. Cartwheel tries to make the hot tag, but gets tossed around by Gal. Holloway comes in and hits a big butterfly suplex for two. Cartwheel can bump damn well, and makes the other two look like gold, I must say. Holloway tries to toss him around again, but the tag is made to Cap. Holloway tries for a chokeslam, but Cap reverses and hits his big kick. Half nelson suplex leads to the “Flip and Sip” by Cartwheel for…..only two. Cap goes to the outside, gets caught by Gal, only for Cartwheel to hit the SPACE FLYING EVOLVE DROP to the outside. If that wasn’t enough, here comes Holloway with the BIG MAN TOPE over the top rope. Holloway hits a big splash up the top, and the pin gets stopped by Cap with a big elbow. Cap and Cartwheel go faster than I can type, and Cartwheel must have gotten ten revolutions on a SpIral Tap for the pin on Gal.

WINNERS: ADRENALINE DRIP

MATCH RATING: A- Indyriffic in the best of ways, with all sorts of crazy stuff, and barely anything missing the mark. Kudos to all four here. Really.

AD: B+ If Cartwheel didn’t show up ready for his 2002 ROH tryout, this may have been an A. Both guys were impressive, crisp, and often too fast for me to even keep up typing with. It’s what you want from the vanilla midgets you sign up for the ID program. Does this have a high ceiling? I’m not sure, but they’re certainly earning their keep.

Gal: B- It’s a pretty low rent gimmick, but he continues to be just fine in the ring. Nothing exciting. You’ll pay to see him get beat up, but how much will you be willing to pay?

Holloway: A- Holloway showed some great potential here, with some serious comfort level with the aerial stuff for such a big guy. That’s pretty rare. The presentation needs a ton of work, but the foundation is certainly there.

Cap and that Tim Horner-looking mofo celebrate.

Brooks Jensen offers his assistance to Jordan Oasis tonight. Jordan wonders if Jensen really wants to go back to tag teaming. Jensen tells him he’s still trying to find himself (his ass better hurry), Oasis agrees, and Jensen shoots a stare after he walks away.

Lots of ads for free IPhone games, as if these ads occurring while you play the actual games wasn’t enough. In order news, Tubi may be hurting in the ad space department, as we got THREE of these in a row.

Stevie Turner is backstage with Marcus Mathers, and he’s angry at Keanu Carver ruining his debut. He wants Keanu, but Stevie informs him that Sean Legacy has first dibs. She offers him a WWE ID Showcase match with Bryce Donovan instead, which Marcus accepts. Kali Armstrong enters the office, and she wants Jin Tala in the middle of the ring next week. Stevie just wants everyone to use their inside voice.

KENDAL GREY VS. ZAYDA STEEL

Zayda’s got the entire Vanity Project, save Jackson Drake, with her…….but then they all go back to the locker room. Ok, then. Apparently, Zayda wants to follow Drake’s league and do it herself tonight. Zayda with the armdrag to start, and she showboats a bit. Hairpull, and Zayda takes her over with a side headlock. Kendal finally takes her down as I consider how she’ll one day be my sixth wife. Crossbody from Kendal for two, and Zayda escapes the Fireman’s carry and hits the outside. Zayda lures Kendal back into the ring, and hits the knees to face. Zayda hits some kicks in the corner, then a clothesline from a hammerlock position for two. Kendal is taking a LOT of offense here, and that’s not particularly great when said offense comes from Zayda. Zayda stomps Kendal’s head to the mat several times for two and continues the attack. Kendal comes back with some punches and a roll up for two. Zayda misses the charge into the corner, and Kendal hits a German suplex. Both exchange strikes, and Kendal gets the best of Zayda. Zayda reverse a crossbody for two. Kendal hits a sloppy Randy-esque powerslam for two, followed by a better overhead belly-to-belly. Kendal takes the straps down, and here’s Wendy Choo to distract. Zayda gets a roll-up for two off of that, but here’s another roll-up from Kendal to finish.

WINNER: Kendal Grey

Rating: C Welcome to developmental, where folks have the right idea, but the execution isn’t all that. Way too look of a heat segment, plus a pointless distraction, killed this a bit for me.

Kendal: C After some early fanfare, Kendal has seemed a bit exposed when asked to do more. The potential is there, but she badly needs her reps. It hurt me to write that, as she’s my current crush not named Stephanie VaquerWren SinclairFallon Henley.

Zayda: C- That was a lot of offense from a thoroughly uninteresting wrestler who at least understands she’s a heel, first and foremost.

Kendal searches for Wendy Choo under the ring to no avail. However, she does find Chuey Martinez. Kendal shows some nice fire during her promo, but pronounces the word “problem” as if she were Donald Duck.

Sean Legacy and his fine collection of Bonobos-looking short sleeve shirts is backstage, and he wants Keanu Carver. While Keanu was grinding on the gridiron, Legacy was already grinding in the ring. He wants Keanu in the ring next week. I actually think it’s the shirts, Sean. Keanu wants to fit in one of those slim fits, but they don’t make the 3XL.

More free IPhone game ads. For the love of god, already.

Chantel Moore segment. Kylie Rae needs to get out of her way, as she’s cost her a title shot twice. Chantel can go all day as to what she sees when she looks in the mirror, but all Kylie sees is disappointment. Good promo, but Chantel’s playing an NXT 2.0 character too much here.

The forementioned Keanu Carver/Sean Legacy match is next week as the Vanity Project hits the ring, this time with the champ in tow rather than Zayda. Blake Howard and Referee Hottie watch on.

SWIPE RIGHT VS. HOMELESS JORDAN OASIS AND JUST ABOUT THERE BROOKS JENSEN

Jensen is making his Evolve debut here as we get the big match intros. For a second there, Jensen gave a little look in the ring which actually made me see him as a serious wrestler. I wonder if anyone else felt that. Jensen and Brad Baylor start. Side headlock by Jensen. Oasis comes in and hits a neckbreaker, then an armdrag takedown on Ricky Smokes. Oasis gets his head down, eats a kick, but YOU DO NOT KICK JORDAN OASIS IN THE HEAD. Chops in the corner by Oasis, followed by Jensen bringing Brad Baylor in for stereo chops. Big slam by Oasis, followed by a kick to the back of the head of Smokes, and a senton for two. Oasis can’t overcome the double team distraction, and Smokes takes charge with some kicks as we go to break. We get ads for Pampers and Buick (reaching all demographics, I see) before returning to Swipe Right double-teaming Oasis. Baylor hits some shots to the chest, as we are told they are the current Wrestling Open Tag Champs. Oasis gets a small package for two, but gets caught in the corner again, as Smokes gets tagged in again for more double-teaming. Baylor comes back for more body shots. Oasis gets back up and hits a big overhand chop. Oasis tries for the hot tag, hitting a backbreaker on Baylor, but Smokes has taken Jensen out as Oasis goes for the tag. There’s your first sign of dissention. Hart Attack dropkick from Swipe Right gets two as Jensen is back on the apron. More kicks by Baylor as long heat segments are the thing today. There’s only so much excitement you’re going to get from Jordan Oasis, folks. Oasis hits more overhead chops, but the eyerake from Smokes leads to Oasis hitting the opposite corner AGAIN for more double-teaming. Baylor comes in and hits the Randy Orton chinlock. Man, the kids love them some Uncle Randy. Oasis finally reverses into a powerbomb, and hits a blackout cannonball instead of the hot tag. as the sledgehammer of plot thickens Jensen finally comes in, takes out Smokes, drags Oasis to the corner, and tags himself in. Jensen hits the lukewarm comeback as Stone cites Barry Windham and Buzz Sawyer as Jensen’s idols. Jensen then Oasis back in, yells at him, then leaves, completing the obvious turn we saw from a mile away. Swipe Right quickly hit their finisher on Oasis fo the victory as Jensen looks on.

WINNERS: Swipe Right

Match Rating: C You’ve got a legit good tag team in there, a guy who is, at least, a cromulent indy worker, and then you’ve got Brooks Jensen. That adds up to a decidedly average developmental match.

Swipe Right: A You could easily make the argument that Swipe Right’s the best tag team in the WWE outside the main roster right now. We’ve seen them enough in the ring already that the lack of size isn’t as notable anymore. These two know what they’re doing.

Oasis: C There’s ID guys for whom you can see the next step, and then you have the guys who are just kinda there. Oasis continues to the latter, doing everything decently enough, but never enough to be interesting.

Jensen: C- We know what Jensen can and can’t do. His peak was the tag team with Josh Briggs, and neither dude has come close to being interesting since the breakup. Josh has a puncher’s chance without Jensen, though, while Brooks is just DOA.

No one attacks anyone to end the show.

Overall rating: C A very developmentally developmental show. The ID showcase match was a ton of fun, and Swipe Right are just fun to watch. The rest was a collection of green talent (I love you, Kendal) and nevergonnabes going through the motions. Next week looks pretty damn good with Legacy/Carver, notgonlie.

See you all on Sunday for LFG.