WWE LFG Review – 07.20.25

Hey folks! Come join me as I recap the latest episode of WWE How Much Can You Truly Get Away With When Boning The Rock’s Daughter, or WWE HMCYTGAWWBTRD. Let’s…..just stick with LFG for short. No life update today, although I just took my first dose of Zepbound. If I turn into a werewolf during this, you now know why. Yadadamean?

Season 2, Episode 5, “Size Matters.”

I hope this doesn’t feature a naked Eric Embry backstage.

TONIGHT, the future greats will have to work either big or small to their advantage. The jokes just keep on writing themselves. Just think about baseball, Chris Island. Everyone hammers this concept home, and Summer Sorrell will take on Bayley Humphrey in the main event. I predict a Sliced Bread #2 somewhere.

Intro. The future starts now.

It’s a new day at LFG, and Shawn Michaels has gathered everyone in the gym for a major announcement. Shawn makes more size jokes and calls over the Undertaker, who pulls down his pants. No, he doesn’t, but Shawn notes their obvious size difference to hammer this home. Shawn actually says that the size story is not told right anymore, and certainly not like Shawn and Taker told their story in 2009. Know what else was big in 2009, Shawn? Yeah, “Party Rock Anthem.” This also should come complete with a quick shot of Brody King crying at home. Clips from Shawn beating Taker follow. Chris Island has watched this match over 25 times, apparently. BJ Ray hasn’t watched any of their matches and, of course, is over all of it. Tonight will feature big versus small matches.

The legends decide on matches for tonight. Bayley versus Summer is booked. Booker offers up Chris Island, and he’ll be facing Drake Morreaux. Michelle offers up Panina, and she’ll be facing Dani, again. Elijah Holyfield, who Bubba admits is a tweener in this argument, will face Anthony Luke. There’s your match to watch tonight. Bubba notes to his folks how passionate Shawn is about this topic, and then launches into Wu-Tang.

Dani, in her outfit, rides one of those super-cardio bikes that absolutely kill you as we prepare for our first match.

ELIJAH HOLYFIELD VS ANTHONY LUKE

Oh, hell yeah. We start with the developmental goods. Luke cuts a backstage promo as to how handsome he is. Luke is definitely more the “big” here. Insert Maxxine Dupri joke. Luke mocks Elijah’s boxing gimmick to start, and Elijah counters with an eye poke. Awesome. Great athleticism here, as Elijah hits a nice clothesline, but gets caught trying a dive from the apron. Back in the ring, big lariat from Luke for two. Taker notes Elijah trying to stop the overthinking in the ring as Luke continues to mock him while he’s down. A couple of big slams, with more showboating, from Luke for two. Booker notes Luke working a bit too slow. Luke hits a biiiiig vertical suplex for two. More beatings from Luke follow, as it’s been time for the comeback for a while. Elijah blocks another suplex, meets a kick, escapes a third suplex, and blocks the big charge into the corner from Luke. Elijah comes back with a big shoulderblock, showing some great fire. Elijah misses a charge, but hits a body blow, followed by a half-nelson uranage for the three.

WINNER: ELIJAH HOLYFIELD

MATCH RATING: B+ Some timing issues aside, both guys really took it to the next level in their presentation. Moves were crisp, and both guys have put in the work in going beyond moves and into getting you to not take your eyes off of them.

Holyfield: A- I think we’re watching a superstar blossom here. Everything he did, he did with the precision of a worker like Apollo Crews but, unlike Crews, Elijah’s been working on the entertainment side. His movements in between moves were so damn cool, almost video-game-like. It was an awesome package.

Luke: B+ I think the heat segment lasted a bit too long, but I’m seeing more heel Marc Mero in Luke every time he works that style. He’s a great shittalker, and people are going to want to watch him get his ass kicked. The only question is whether they’ll want to watch him win as well.

Panina cuts a promo on Dani, saying no one ever came to watch the cheerleaders. They came to watch the players, and cites her rugby career. Nice.

P. NASTY VS DANI SEKELSKY (best of ten million series)

I’d love to see what a heel Dani looks like, as she is so white-meat babyface. Panina throws Dani around to start, but Panina goes for the ankle, and we get a series of “little person fights off big person” spots before the Samoan drop hits for two, or at least I think it did because a giant Duck Dynasty graphic took over the screen. Panina with an abdominal stretch, which triggered a 6.0 earthquake from Gorilla Monsoon rolling in his grave. This is a lot of scrapping and screaming by Dani. Standing spear by Panina, but she’s slow to go for the cover, and Dani gets the Hell’s Gate locked. Panina tries to fight back, but can’t, and has to tap.

WINNER: Dani Sekelsky

MATCH RATING: B There was a bit of sloppiness, maybe due to both working at very different speeds, but each knew their role to a T.

Dani: B – I think Dani was trying to work a bit too fast for Panina’s methodical style, but she was every bit the relentless scrappy underdog here. Everything she did made sense. The Hell’s Gate is a fantastic finisher for her as it gives her a lot of edge to counteract the rest of her presentation. I see some Thea Hail in there.

Panina: B – Again, they were working at slightly different speeds, but Panina knew her role pretty well. I don’t know what the ceiling still is here, but she rarely embarrasses herself in there.

Ominous music plays, but it leads to nothing. Drake cuts a promo which, while it has some intensity, still can’t let go of the whole hokey Cajun thing. Someone should tell Drake that Lash Leroux was never world champ.

DRAKE MORREAUX VS CHRIS ISLAND

Drake wipes his ass with his beads. Alrighty then. Chris comes out in white boxing shorts, which already looks better than the whole singlet thing. Bubba argues against Island getting so close to Drake during his entrance. Island goes right after Drake to start. Island lands some punches in the corner, but meets a big boot from Drake. Drake misses a splash. Chris can’t land a German, and Drake nails a kick. Bubba references how red Drake’s ribs are, as it seems Island wasn’t pulling his punches much. More punches from Island, and Drake……oh lordy. Drake seemed to go for a fallaway slam, but damn nearly kills both of them in the process. They recover well enough and get back to the script. Drake nails the standing splash, doing almost nothing to protect Island. Was that a receipt, or is Drake just not that good? Is Roxy the Rock’s eighth cousin, twice removed? The coaches notice. Drake with a clothesline for two, then goes to the chinlock. Island with an Angle Slam for two, as I’ve checked out of this mess, mostly. Island misses a nothing off the top, and meets a bad chokeslam for three.

WINNER: DRAKE MORREAUX

MATCH RATING: D – Woof. Neither guy looked good here, both doing little to protect each other, and with multiple botches. Pretty embarrassing stuff, although not to the level of last week’s disaster.

Drake: D – It’s not working. The gimmick is bad. The work is sloppy. There’s just zero personality. Whoever was truly at fault with the botches here, they ultimately made Drake look worse. Some major intervention is needed here, and quick. He doesn’t get an F due to them actually recovering decently after the first botch.

Island: C- – He gets a slight pass, as he definitely has some semblance of a personality, and didn’t outright flub much himself. I blame him just as much for not jumping into that final chokeslam, though. There’s more potential there, but probably also better high-flying prospects.

There are fans with signs outside. The room is full of empty bleachers. WHY ARE THEY OUTSIDE? Let them in.

Jeremy Borash is way too intense in telling us size matters. We don’t want to know, Borash.

TIME FOR OUR MAIN EVENT!

SUMMER SORRELL VS BAYLEY HUMPHREY

Summer’s only been here five months, her mother is in attendance, and her gimmick is “I’m Not Dani.” Bayley’s getting the Chyna mannerisms down more as she enters the ring. She’s also only been here five months. Taker’s telling us it’s “time to eat.” Then eat, sir. Referee Hottie is calling the match, and the fans let Summer know that Bayley’s going to kill her. Summer acquits herself well with the usual side headlock spots. Bayley throws her around, Summer escapes, and we get the usual wristlock shenanigans from both. Both ladies are thus far doing far better than the two men before her, although you can literally see Summer’s brain going into overdrive in her facials. Bayley cinches the bearhug, then drives her into the corner. Bayley misses a charge. These two are doing a lot with the pure basics here. They understand the assignment, as the kids say. Bayley with a BIG slam for two. Gutwrench backbreaker is sold well, with Summer trying to reverse it into a roll-up, but failing. Bayley misses the big elbow, and here comes the comeback. Roll-up out of the corner by Summer for two, as Summer is rightfully fighting for everything here. Crucifix for two. Summer tries for a crossbody, but meets backbreaker for two. Package powerbomb into a powerslam (yes, you heard right) ends for Bayley.

WINNER: BAYLEY HUMPHREY

MATCH RATING: A – Take a bow, ladies, You did damn well, considering both your relatively low levels of experience. These women went out there, told a story, and didn’t try anything that was beyond their experience level. This resulted in a far more fluid and crisp match than even the two men in the first match were able to pull off.

Bayley: A – There’s still work needed in turning her into a complete worker, but she just continues to nail the stuff she’s going to need to do to get over. There is a VERY high ceiling here if she’s able to move beyond monster and into someone who you want to see going 12-15 minutes with a top star. I think she can get there.

Summer: A – Like Haze Jameson last week, we’d only seen Summer get squashed on Evolve appearances. There’s been work going on in the PC. Like Bayley, she didn’t try too much beyond her experience level, but she knew what to do, and played her part perfectly. It’s way too early to see what we’ve got here, but kudos.

The judges meet to award points. I’m going Elijah and Summer (but flip a coin between her and Bayley on the latter.). But wait……is that Dani in a mask next week? And is there some major brawling between Drake and Elijah? This looks fun. Michelle praises all four women, but gives Panina her vote on the women’s side. Bubba goes Panina as well. I’m not seeing this, but I’ve also never stepped into a ring. Taker buries the latter match a bit, but gives Panina the vote again, and it’s a clean sweep with Booker. I’m entitled to be wrong. Tune in next week when I’m right again.

On the men’s side. Michelle gives Anthony the vote for Elijah looking good. Taker gives Elijah the vote, as I’m not going crazy, apparently. Booker tells Chris Island there’s a lot of work to do, and that it’s Anthony’s choice whether this season is his or not. Elijah gets Booker’s point. Bubba goes Elijah as well, and he gets the overall point. He damn well deserves it.

The standings are now Team Booker at three points (with two coming from Elijah Holyfield), Taker and Bubba tied at two (with Sirena getting the two points for whatever team she’s on), and Michelle at one. Michelle claims she wouldn’t have been able to go home with her husband had she not gotten a point.

Drake feels the lightbulb is starting to go off. Summer wants to further prove herself. Bayley wants to further cement her legacy. I think two of those things are probably true.

NEXT TIME, we work outside of our comfort zone, complete with Dani as La Chiquita Americana. Should be interesting.

OVERALL RATING: B – Good show this week, as even the bad parts were less due to someone just not giving one bit of a crap (and where WAS Tatyanna this week?), and more due to this being developmental. The good was great, and we’re really beginning to see a couple of shining stars come forward. I don’t think Bayley wins the season, but she’s setting herself up for a nice push once she escapes this place.

I will see you all Wednesday for Evolve. Remember, it’s not actually the size of the fish, but the motion in the ocean.