Wrestling Observer Flashback – 03.31.97

Wrestling Observer Flashback – 03.31.97

Well this is a big one.

– In our top story, WHOA OH WHOA OH IT’S WRESTLEMANIA. Best summed up by the poll for the show, which has “Bret Hart vs. Steve Austin” as the best match, with “No other match received votes” as the runner up.

– BUT FIRST, Scott Hall reportedly checked himself into rehab after missing a couple of house shows and Nitro. WCW of course played it coy on TV by attributing his absence to “travel problems” because of the snow storms in Minnesota. He most likely won’t be at Spring Stampede, but WCW probably doesn’t have a concrete plan for replacing him or dealing with him being half of the tag champions in any meaningful way. (That sounds like our WCW!)

– Onto the bigger story, as Wrestlemania 13 went in feeling like the least interest in any Wrestlemania ever (probably true) and only one match anyone cared to see (definitely true!). And the main event was awful. But Bret Hart and Steve Austin managed to save the show in a big way with an epic double turn that made Bret into the top heel in the promotion instantly. And then Bret nearly saved the atrocious main event by doing three run-ins as well.

– Dave notes that the WWF has become the World Apology Federation in their quest to go more “extreme”, as they do increasingly edgy material and then walk it back with a “Whoops, my bad!” to sponsors. (My mother always told me it was more effective to beg for forgiveness than ask permission.) Racial remarks from Faarooq? SORRY! Blood drenching the ring after years of a no-blood policy? SORRY! Graphic weapons shots that nearly got ECW kicked off PPV before they even had a show? SORRY! Dave thinks their new motto should be “Politically incorrect, and damn sure going to apologize about it.” (Well at least Vince Russo never apologized. You have to give him that. He never took any personal responsibility for a damn thing that ever went wrong.)

– Dave does note that of course Austin bleeding all over the ring after Vince was clutching his pearls last year in letters to Ted Turner is a tad hypocritical, but hey, that’s wrestling.

– Sidenote: Curt Hennig was supposed to be making a surprise appearance at Wrestlemania, since he’s still technically under WWF contract, and had talked with Eric Bischoff about doing it just to screw with Vince McMahon in order to cover his ass and not jeopardize talks with WCW. Dave notes that Hennig holds the world record for doing stuff to screw with Vince McMahon. Bischoff wanted to put Hennig on Nitro immediately because he’s paranoid about Hennig signing another deal with the WWF (And he was probably right to feel that way) but of course couldn’t legally do it. So he put Larry Hennig on there instead to make it clear what the direction was going to be.

– Back to Wrestlemania, which drew a sellout of 18000, the largest gate in the US since the “1993 Wrestlemania at MSG” (I’m assuming he means 1994 there). They actually outdrew WCW’s Nitro in Chicago from earlier in the year, which ironically Bischoff had booked specifically so they could brag about having the biggest crowd in Chicago that year.

– Dave also complains about people bringing “Austin 3:16” signs because they’re not creative. (Don’t worry, I’m sure that sign thing will go away soon.)

– In the pre-show match, Billy Gunn pinned Flash Funk in 7:05 with a swinging DDT. Funk has been a big disappointment in the WWF. * (Never really got better. He really lost all the passion for the business after that run.)

– The Headbangers won the four-way match over Furnas & LaFon, The New Blackjacks and the Godwinns in 10:39. Match was a total mess but Dave is amused at how much Bradshaw sounds like Stan Hansen. (That’s the only time you’ll hear those two in the same breath.) Match was pretty bad with Henry in it and even worse with Phineas. Mosh pinned PIG with a Thesz Press to win. -1/2*

– Rocky Maivia pinned the Sultan to retain the IC title in 9:45. Honky Tonk Man spent the match on commentary putting himself over at the expense of the match, but Dave notes we weren’t missing much. On Rocky: “No question Maivia has both the look and the athletic ability to some day be what they want him to be, but a lot of folks resent him getting pushed to this degree because he’s not there yet.” (They would all learn to KNOW THEIR ROLE AND SHUT THEIR MOUTH soon enough.). Boring to start and then Rocky won with a rollup. *1/4

– Hunter Hearst Helmsley pinned Goldust in 14:28. They’re both pushed big but they have no chemistry together. Chyna was throwing Marlena around while Hunter hit the Pedigree and got the pin. **1/4

– Owen Hart & Davey Boy Smith went to a double countout with Vader & Mankind in 16:08. Dave thinks that all of Yokozuna’s lost weight was implanted into Paul Bearer. (Well joke’s on him, Yoko never actually lost that weight.) Owen & Bulldog worked the match as babyfaces and it was a good match, but served absolutely no purpose. **1/2

– Bret Hart beat Steve Austin in a submission match in 22:05. Austin got a huge babyface pop here, but so did Bret. An incredible brawl from bell to bell with psychology and timing that you only see when the best go against each other. (Yup.) The crowd was mostly behind Bret for a lot of the match as they brawling, but as Bret got more and more evil and frustrated during the match and especially after, they turned on him. Austin of course passed out in the Sharpshooter while bleeding buckets, and Bret kept viciously beating on him after his win, and then he backed down from a fight with Ken Shamrock and that was the final nail in his coffin with the crowd. “This is one we’ll remember for a long time” notes Dave in the understatement of the century. *****

– The Legion of Doom & Ahmed Johnson beat the NOD in a street fight in 10:45. An all out brawl with good psychology. Dave notes that they were heavily borrowing from ECW here. Faarooq separated his shoulder on a bump from the middle rope to the floor here. Animal pinned Crush after Ahmed hit him with the 2×4 and then they destroyed PG-13 as well for fun. ***1/2

– Undertaker pinned Sid to win the WWF title in 21:19. Shawn came out to do commentary and did the nWo sign on camera, which resulted in a receipt on Nitro where Nash did it back and quipped “Right back at you HBK”. Dave notes that they put in more effort than they did on their house show matches, but Sid still can’t work. “It was so quiet you could hear the spot called”, Dave notes. Bret interfered repeatedly, trying to go after Sid, and distracting him after hitting a powerbomb on Undertaker, and then necked him on the top rope and allowed Undertaker to hit the tombstone for the pin and the title. “They’ve done an incredible job this year destroying the credibility of the title with all the run-ins and screw-jobs in every title match, which probably explains why the title matches mean so little in TV ratings.”

– So remember how Steve Williams was arrested with ALL OF THE DRUGS last week and his career was in jeopardy? Yeah well, Giant Baba flexed on his behalf and got him into Japan for the annual Champion Carnival. The reasoning was, get this, that Doc may have had all those other drugs, but he DID NOT have any weed, and that’s what got him kicked out of Japan in 1995.

– Great Sasuke suffered a broken orbital bone in his eye after a stiff kick on the 3/22 Michinoku Pro show, but Dave is pretty sure he’s gonna tape it up and work through it since he’s scheduled for the J-Crown and ECW PPV and a bunch of other stuff. (And indeed he did, I believe still suffering through after effects all the way through his matches with TAKA in the WWF in fact. He’s a crazy son of a bitch.)

– Jerry Lawler announced on Memphis TV that Brian Christopher had just signed a new WWF contract and would be going there shortly on a permanent basis. Actually, Dave notes, he signed a deal about two years ago and just never gets used there.

– As a followup on the New Jack story from last week, the spin from Paul Heyman was that the victim was a wrestler from Soul City Wrestling, who called New Jack “the dreaded N word” while conversing with him. (He called him “Nice”? No wonder New Jack beat the shit out of him. Would have destroyed his rep.)

– To WCW, where Duluth was sold out weeks in advance for Nitro, but a major snowstorm kept the crowd to 5200 in the building. But the crowd was HOT for a show with no major matches or angles.

– Dave thinks Mortis has potential despite the stupid gimmick. (Story of the man’s life.)

– Kevin Nash has been very vocal backstage about selling too much and putting too many people over, so he got to destroy a bunch of people in the main event of Nitro. (Goddammit this feels like lobbing a softball at me but I have mad respect for him this week so I’m gonna cut him a break and move on.)

– Despite the RAW after Wrestlemania bump, Nitro still beat them 3.0 to 2.5 this week.

– On WCW Saturday Night, Dusty Rhodes got all confused because he thought Ciclope was La Parka due to him having horns on his costume. Of course, the guy with the horns on his costume is actually Psicosis, so he’s 0 for 2 there.

– Rick Fuller was on the show and actually got to win. He shows potential. (Swing and a miss.)

– Dave notes that if you read something in the National Enquirer about Rey Mysterio being linked with “one of the women from Friends”, it’s 100% a work. (WHAT?!? I thought that the Jennifer Aniston relationship was an actual, albeit brief, thing? Did they work themselves into a shoot or something?)

– Apparently there are pretty major battle lines between drawn backstage between the Hogan/Nash/Hall side and the Kevin Sullivan side. (That sure changed dynamics later on.)

– The New York Daily News had a story on Mets manager Jeff Torborg having a son named Dale who was trying to break into the pro wrestling business. (Don’t worry, I’m sure he’s got a bright future if he doesn’t overthink it. You know what they say: KISS. Keep it simple, stupid.)

– After firing Disco Inferno last week, Bischoff told him “for the rest of his life he’d never get another job making $80,000 a year” as a parting shot. (Here’s a parting shot: In 1999 as a part of the famous WCW lawsuit, Disco was revealed to be making THREE HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLARS a year. So I guess Bischoff proved himself wrong.)

– Also Dave clarifies that Disco has a very lengthy non-compete as a part of his contract, so although he might be the logical choice to be Honky Tonk Man’s secret protégé, it’s not going to be him.

– To the WWF, where Dave suspects they’re going to start seeing TV show attendance numbers catch fire like WCW soon. (Nope, not for a while. In fact by November things were looking pretty dire.)

– The RAW show was built around the continuing Bret Hart heel turn, as he gave an amazing promo about how America “glamorizes criminals” like OJ Simpson and Charles Manson. (Come on, what’s the worst that could happen to the country?).

– Shawn Michaels also got an unintentionally hilarious line in retort, telling Bret that “he didn’t get upset when fans booed him” in a tremendously short memory moment.

– WWF made an offer to the bodybuilder from Roddy Piper’s trainwreck segment, which actually drew real heat from WCW guys.

– WCW booked the LA Forum on 6/28, so the WWF booked the Anaheim Pond on the same day. “Expect more of this in the future” notes Dave, 28 years before the upcoming All In weekend insanity.

– The Slammies revealed that Sunny is out and Sable is in as their latest sex symbol project of the future. The “Tackiest Comment” award should probably go to Hunter, who quipped that “Sunny is only good for one thing, and he’s heard from his best friend that isn’t even very good at that.” (To be fair, she’s also good at drinking and driving.)

– And finally, Kama will probably be back soon, as he’s been managing a topless bar in Las Vegas since he’s been gone. (WAIT A MINUTE, that gives me an idea for a gimmick that just might work for him! Let’s bring back Papa Shango!)

– AND THAT’S THE NEWS AND I’M OUTTA HERE!