WWE Evolve Review – 06.02.25

Hey, folks! It’s Wednesday night, and you know what that means! Right now, it means I don’t remember what happened on Evolve last week. All I remember are these yummy Tru Fru chocolate-covered frozen dried raspberries I’m devouring right now. They sure are good, and they’re still technically fruit. You could bathe them in lard, cover them in bacon, and rub Rikishi’s butt on them, and they’d still be healthy, as they are fruit. Enough about me and my HEALTHY FRUIT, though. Let’s get to Evolve.

Then. Now. Forever. Like Britt Baker’s contract.

We are live on Tubi, home to crowd-pleasing television such as “Popeye’s Revenge” and “The Lesbian Homie.” Look it up.

We begin by recapping the story between Lince Dorado and the Vanity Project, dating back to the Evolve title qualifiers. Tonight, Lince and the LWO’s Joaquin Wilde and Cruz Del Toro take on the Vanity Project. That should be a LOT of fun. ALSO TONIGHT, Kali Armstrong and Natalya will hold a contract signing for their Evolve Women’s championship title match. Straight to the ring for our first match.

JAMAR HAMPTON VS. EDRIS ENOFE

Peter and Robert compliment Jamar’s music, which still sounds like it’s ripping off Eve’s “Let Me Blow Your Mind.” Edris cuts an early promo as to how he was grinding following his injury, and he’s not stopping until he makes Evolve his domain. Heel Edris is rocking some colorful tights, let me tell you. I like. Headlock from Edris to start, with Jamar hitting a shoulderblock and making his tiddies shake. Don’t do that. Jamar with a BIG SHOVE to Edris. Edris back with a side headlock, and Jamar gets some serious height on a leapfrog. Athleticism has never been his issue. Big slam by Jamar for two. Jamar misses a dropkick, and Edris follows up with a clothesline and THREE double-stomps. Kevin Sullivan is smiling from heaven. Chinlock from Edris gets turned into a sleeper. Edris with some kicks and a DDT for two. Jamar’s bump on that wasn’t great. Back to resthold city with a legscissors, then another chinlock. Jamar can’t use his strength to get him up, but finally back bodydrops him after some effort. Jamar with the comeback, and he hits another beautiful dropkick. Big splash for one from Jamar. Jamar tries to do squats with Edris on his back, but Edris counters with the eye rake. Both fight on the apron, a suplex to the outside is faked, but Edris takes him down and brings him back in the ring. Big neckbreaker from Edris gets the win.

WINNER: EDRIS ENOFE

MATCH RATING: C+. Solid athleticism from both. Much like last week, though, you had a slightly more experienced performer trying to carry a very green worker. It’s an extremely atheletic green worker, but the lack of experience was obvious here.

EDRIS: B – I think heeldom may be a nice fit for him. It allows him to be a lot more flashier, and he was able to blend in heel work with his regular high-flying very well. Continue with this.

JAMAR: C – He did better than I thought. Obviously, the raw is ability is there in spades. He showed more fire than I’d really ever seen from him, but there is a lot to go here before we know if we’ve got something.

Stevie Turner is backstage with Lince Dorado and the LWO while rocking quite the top. Wilde’s not a bad promo. Dude’s criminially underrated.

Jin Tala and Layla Diggs are coming up next after the break.

Capuccino Jones and Jack Carthweel are backstage. While being late for coffee, Cap realizes the name for their team is Adrenaline Drip. They’re after the Evolve Tag Team titles……the what? I guess that’s going to be a thing, and I’m guessing they’re going to Swipe Right.

LAYLA DIGGS VS. JIN TALA

I’m not sure if Jin knows her stockings are torn already on the way to the ring. I’m also not sure she knows whether she’s working heel of face. They exchange side headlocks and kick-outs to start. Flippy stuff leads to a neckbreaker and powerslam from Layla. Standing moonsault gets two. Jin with a scissors kick. She then rams Layla’s arm into the corner while deciding she, in fact, is a heel. Jin cinches in the armbar pretty decently. One thing she does very well is position herself on stuff like this. That goes back to her LFG days. Layla tries to fight out, but eats a backbreaker for two. A…..full nelson utilizing the legs from Jin gets reversed into a pinfall combination by Layla for two. Layla comes back with some shoulderblocks while still selling the arm. Layla with a cartwheel (not Jack, nor his dripping adrenaline, iiieww) into a shoulderblock to the corner, then followed by a scissors kick (which Layla again does very well) which gets two. Layla can’t slam Jin, though, and Jin takes out the leg before getting the submission off an armbar.

WINNER: JIN TALA

MATCH RATING: C – Similar to the first match, only Layla isn’t Edris and Jin seems too in her own head to connect with the crowd. The athleticism was, again, there, but it couldn’t overcome a strong amount of jank here.

JIN: C – You see the athleticism, and she is clearly trying to make her stuff look effective. While I see the effort to connect, it’s just not happening yet with even this small a crowd. My guess is that she’s in her own head too much. She needs to look up more and just be louder and bigger in all she does. There’s a wrestler in there somewhere.

Layla: C- – The scissors kick sure is pretty, but I continue not to see it with her, and she’s being on the bottom rung of developmental for a while. Maybe you get her a tag partner or something, and I thought we had one with Aria Bennett, but it’s not happening here otherwise.

Chuey is ringside with Jin. Chuey questions Jin cheating to win. Jin says this is about getting wins, and that she’s kicking ass all over Evolve. Chuey alludes to this meaning Jin’s behind the backstage attacks in recent weeks, and Jin doesn’t exactly say no. She seems like a complete sweetheart, and I’m rooting for her, but come out of your shell, my friend.

Vanity Project is in the locker room. Hondos ensue.

An ad for the Swiffer Power Mop sets me up for disappointment were I ever to buy one. Drip Drop is also apparently the only way to hydrate before a workout. Someone alert Logan Paul.

Stevie Turner is in the rign with contract in hand. WWE Evolve Champion Kali Armstrong is out first, followed by Natalya, always looking like pure class. Natalya’s got them red-bottoms on and, as Cardi B taught us, those are blood shoes. Next week Kali will defend her title against the BOAT herself, and multiple-time world champion. Kali knows what Natalya’s resume is, asks for the pen, and immediately signs. Natalya takes the mic, and talks about having a ton of respect for Kali. Natalya notes, however, that Kali has been very rude to her since her arriving. Kali calls Natalya disrespectful for staring at her belt and stealing the pin during their tag match last week. Natalya calls Kali selfish, and says she’s been carrying the women’s division on her back for eighteen years. Evolve needs a champion, and not a selfish, spoiled brat. Natalya signs, and they both come out from behind the table. Natalya can lead everyone else into the future, but she ain’t leading Kali. Kali goes to attack, misses, and Natalya gets her into the sharpshooter and Kali, naturally, taps. Kali’s going to learn a ton from being in the ring with Natalya. Know who else would benefit from a program with a strong vet? Jin Tala.

Sean Legacy and Timothy Thatcher are in the locker room. Thatcher tells Legacy he’s in a no-win situation, and tells him to use his passion to train harder, and not find himself in stupid situations like last week’s gauntlet match. Legacy thanks Timothy for saving him from Keanu Carver last week, but Thatcher fears no man and will bring it to Carver when they wrestle next week. RIP Timothy Thatcher, who really is killing it in the player/coach role.

Keanu’s doing them bicep curls, and he’s going to embarrass Thatcher next week. Chantel Monroe thows some shade at Masyn Holiday, and says it’s only a matter of time between Kali’s belt is around her waist. I’m surprised she’s still got that last name.

It’s main event time, and here comes the Vanity Project

VANITY PROJECT VS LINCE DORADO, CRUZ DEL TORO, AND JOAQUIN WILDE

Quality’s probably about the pick up bigtime here. Lince comes out to the old Lucha House Party music. I have no clue how the LWO aren’t right there at the top of the Raw tag division when they do nothing but impress every time. You don’t lose the JTTS stank unless you’re booked consistently to lose the JTTS stank. Smokes and Lince start out. Lince with some kicks and nice mat work. Lince slaps Smokes around as the graphic reminds us that Lince is a fomer 24/7 champ. Dude, I’M PROBABLY A FORMER 24/7 CHAMP. Wilde and Baylor are in now, with Wilde hitting the headscissors before tagging in Del Toro for some double-team action. Moonsault off the second rope gets two as all six men enter the ring, and it is BREAKING DOWN as we cut to break.

We have a Candy Crush battle royale game, but you can see the rest of your opponents’ faces as they play. Michael looks like a total creep.

We are back, and Baylor is in control against Wilde. Quick tags to Smokes and, finally, Drake, ensue. Drake takes control with some kicks in the corner. Wilde fight back, but eats more strikes from Drake. Drake goes for the small joint manipulation, taking Wilde down with a fireman’s carry, then tags in Smokes. Quck tags keep Wilde in the corner, and I agree with Peter that there’s some nice old-school action going on here. Drake is in, with Wilde teasing the hot tag. Wilde eventually reverses out of a back suplex attempt, and tags in Lince. Lince with some kicks and a german suplex on Drake. Lince with a somersault into a cover, then hits the big dive to the outside. Lince misses a moonsault, eating Drake’s shoes (not literally.) Drake goes for the cover, but Lince had tagged in Del Toro, who hits a springboard bodypress for two. Del Toro and Drake go around the ring trying pin combinations, before Del Toro finally stops and gets two. Baylor in, and a Hart Attack dropkick leads to a swanton from Drake, with the pin broken up by Wilde. Joaquin with a big DDT on Smokes. Baylor hits a Roddy Strong backbreaker on Wilde. Drake takes down Del Toro, and goes to the top, but gets kicked . Lince goes to the top and hits a rana on Drake onto the other two members of the Vanity Project. The LWO hits stereo dives on Baylor and Smokes, and Lince hits a splash off the top on Drake for the three, obviously setting up a future match by pinning the champ.

WINNERS: LINCE DORADO AND THE LWO

MATCH RATING: B+ – I had a hard time keeping up with this one while typing, as it was all action, with the LWO doing their high-flying as they always do, and the Vanity Project really getting some solid old-school tag action in there. Solid match.

VANITY PROJECT: A – Not much to say here, as we know all three guys can bring it already. Swipe Right are really starting to come into their own as a team even more, with relative size being their only negative. Drake was crisp and solid as always.

LWO: B+ – They’re the vets here, so there’s not much to rate. I do feel like they held back from some of their more eye-popping stuff, probably just out of a lack of room in that small studio to perform it in. I love a world in which Lince Dorado is #1 contender for a top title.

OVERALL RATING: B – It was a bit too much of the LFG Also-Rans show at first, but this is developmental, and you get what you’re going to get. Both Jamar and Jin have potential, but they are beyond raw right now. The main event, though, brought the goods, and Kali/Natalya should be very good. Seriously big kudos for Natalya for taking the time to help out at this level. She’s an absolute gem.

See you all next week. Back to my raspberries.