Kurt Angle vs. Marty Jannetty (and other Dream Matches!)

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This week, I get to something that’s fascinated me for ages but I just never got around to- the great SmackDown! match between Kurt Angle and MART JANNETTY of all people in 2005! Watch as Jannetty proves he’s still got a lot left in the tank and puts on a phenomenal performance, immediately before proving he is still Marty Jannetty and ruining his career one more time!

Next up, it’s a rematch, as Demolition take on Paul Roma & Jim Powers in mid-1987! They’re not quite the “Young Stallions” yet, but the rookies are sorta being given a micro-push and even PROMO TIME! Then it’s all three matches the WWE Vault just uploaded of “Earthquake’s Dark Matches”!- come see him as John Tenta vs. Sam Houston in 1989, as flannel-wearing “Earthquake Evans” of the Yukon (with Slick as his manager) against Paul Roma later that same year, and as a much, much skinnier Earthquake in *2001* on a dark match before Sunday Night Heat! Then it’s Mortis vs. La Parka on WCW Pro in 1997!

This man is 26 years old.

KURT ANGLE vs. MARTY JANNETTY:
(WWE SmackDown!, March 17th 2005)
* It’s time! This was a fairly legendary match for the time, given that people didn’t think Marty would have had ANYTHING in the tank at the time (this was 5 years after his run as a WCW Jobber ended), yet the match was good! I had just recently rewatched it out of curiosity and found it mostly holds up, but in different ways. Angle cuts his “sadistic monster”-type of promo from around this time, suggesting there’s no way to prepare for an Olympic gold medalist. “I know you an rock- let’s see how well you can TAP”. And now Jannetty, a 45-year old man (then seen as impossibly washed up for nearly any wrestler), comes out to the ROCKERS THEME SONG, but thankfully swaps in blue shorts and a sleeveless black shirt for gear. The camera barely catches him put his gum on the corner post before the bell rings.

Marty gets a chant going and is immediately an old pro at moving around the ring, doing sidesteps and backsteps- Angle shows dominance just through the lockup, putting his hand across Jannetty’s forehead and then pulling him to the corner and yanking the hair with a big smile on his face. He fireman’s Marty out of a hammerlock but lean in for the headscissors, having to pop up but he misses an elbow. Angle gets caught with a kick and escapes a piledriver, but Marty counters a backdrop by grabbing his legs and ducks clotheslines and armdrags him, but kips up easily after being shoved off and we’re at an impasse, sold perfectly with this look of annoyance and frustration from Angle (watch him try to “blow it off” after being temporarily stunned). And thus the match’s psychology is set- Angle is a champion on the mat, but Marty is no dummy and can counter him with speed and experience. Angle hauls him down with a headlock and they work that, Angle calling spots, dropping down back into it off a shoulderblock, then Marty eggs the fans on and mounts a comeback with another armdrag. He works the arm, but Angle shoves him down from a fireman’s to the mat (looked like Marty was struggling so Angle just improvised, but his grip-switching here was incredible), only for Marty to counter an armbar. Angle muscles him to the corner and hauls him down with a front facelock, incredibly sliding his arm under Marty’s when he tries to brace aganst Angle’s leg, spinning him over via a half-nelson for two. Marty keeps countering him, establishing further that he can hang, and in our first big spot, Angle dumps him, but Marty hangs on and brings him over the top with his legs! Dropkick & flying axehandle make it very “1988” in here, but we’re back from break with Angle controlling again via matwork, having smashed Marty into the post.

Angle’s Anklelock was one of the most legit submission finishers of the era.

Angle keeps working covers off a knee, wearing him down with that and a suplex. Forearm, side-breaker and bodyscissors as Angle continues to dominate, making sure to heel it up by gouging the face and pulling hair in addition to legal things like griding his forearm. Cue the comeback just as Marty picks something out of his mouth, lol- Angle’s eats a jawbreaker but hits the overhead belly-to-belly and smells blood, getting cocky, and sure enough Marty counters the Angle Slam with a beautifully smooth armdrag and slugs away in the corner! But Marty misses a charge and eats a release German for three two-counts, then puts on a reverse bearhug to AGAIN try and wear the guy down. They work pins off of that, Angle switches to a camel clutch with more gouging, then shoots the half for two (hey hey’s real good at that- you think he’s got experience?). Marty elbows free of a behind bearhug and strikes away, then counters a backdrop with a DDT! That’s a double-down, and Marty misses a clothesline but spins around into a great back elbow. He charges into a boot but this time hits a roundhouse kick that floors Angle- he goes for the ten punches, and when Angle tries to powerbomb him, hurricanranas him over! Another ’80s Rocker spot! Speaking of, a flying crossbody (which was SUPER rare in this era) hits but Angle rolls through for two, then release Germans him to buy some time. Angle pulls down the straps, but Jannetty escapes the Angle Slam and O’Connor Rolls him for two, but Angle catches a kick and threatens the Anklelock- Jannetty spinkicks him out! A schoolboy gets such a close count the fans pop (jumping up like “Come on, ref!”)- a sign the match has worked! Mary argues and gets caught in the Anklelock! Marty struggles, but pulls Angle into the corner to break! And that sets up his finisher, the Rocker Dropper, but OH NO- that’s right where Angle wants him! He trips up a limping Marty and slaps on the Anklelock again! Jannetty kicks Angle down, but he just rolls through and locks it in- Angle uses the bodyscissors and Marty has nowhere to go.After some AWESOME selling and near-tapes, he finally taps out at (14:44).

A very good example of a guy calling an entire match, dominating most of it, but the opponent being right there with him. You can tell everyone was maybe side-eying Marty because Angle dominated nearly EVERYTHING, and is very careful to feed Marty his head or a limb to counter things, then cues the comebacks. But Marty was good to go- he could easily hold those counters, his positioning was excellent, he doesn’t get blown up despite his age, and his pace is also very good. Marty was a fuckup but a NATURAL. And when it was his turn to go, he hits like 4-5 straight minutes of perfectly-executed shit like armdrag reversals, ranas and spinkicks, and when Angle slaps on the Anklelock, he knows exactly how to sell the “near-tap” stuff, like juuuuuuuuuuussssssst about tapping, but pulling his arm back in to fight through it, thrashing around, shouting “no!” but ultimately having nowhere to go and submitting. I liked the “little things” they were doing to enhance moves- Marty didn’t just lie there in the headlock; he had his forearm across Angle’s face almost constantly, as if grinding at him or to prevent him from gaining a position (also to hide him calling spots, lol). Marty would counter moves just by grabbing part of Angle to prevent a lift, and Angle would “plus” every hold by grinding a forearm or blatantly cheating to ensure his perception as a vicious, merciless heel. A tremendous carry-job by Angle for the first 3/4, and then a GREAT comeback run by Marty that tricked the fans a couple times and made him look great in defeat.

So this match was considered a minor miracle when it happened, as Marty had a GOOD MATCH at this stage in his career/life, and he immediately got signed to a new contract. Now, one might wonder what a 45-year old Marty Jannetty could accomplish in that era of WWE, but HOO BOY- turns out he got arrested almost immediately and was then fired. This is the most “Marty Jannetty” thing possible- I mean, who is but Buddy Landel could have fucked up on that kind of a scale? Dude gets the chance of a lifetime and a real shot at some notoriety again and within WEEKS cokes out or something for a fuckup. Absolutely glorious.

Rating: ***1/4 (very slow and steady to start with some great chain-wrestling, then an excellent comeback into a dramatic finish- amazing work by Jannetty, who was with one of 2005’s top wrestlers every step of the way)

DEMOLITION (Ax & Smash, w/ Mr. Fuji) vs. JIM POWERS & PAUL ROMA:
(WWF SuperStars, June 6th 1987)
* So when I was doing my look through “early Demolition” I came across an April 27th match featuring these four, but there was ALSO one from only a month later. The Young Stallions still haven’t formed. Demolition’s makeup is still a shit-show at this point, Smash wearing mostly silver with red & black over his eyes, while Ax still has mostly black all over his face, with tiny bits of red. This looks AWFUL on TV but I suppose does hide his identity and play up the “mystery” of the team. Powers & Roma, “in the ring to my right…”-ed, are in matching red trunks and look impossibly generic smiling and pumping their arms.

In an odd bit of continuity, Vince actually mentions that Roma & Powers ASKED for a rematch, and they get an honest to god INSET PROMO stating why- “We didn’t know you were gonna bend the rules that you did”, while Roma flat-out admits “We may not be able to beat you, but you’re gonan KNOW you were in the ring with us”. haha, these dorks. Great “jobber losers” vibe, but also a showcase that they were getting micro-pushed. Ax shoves around Powers to start, but Jimmy whips out the legendary “dropkick, then clap” to set him to the floor! The Fink does a voiceover pitch as Powers is caught by Smash, but Roma dropkicks them over- this is a weird combination of “kinda featured” and “totally ignored”. Like you don’t see jobbery jobbers trading off on Smash’s arm like this, or doing double-teams. But then Smash does one of my favorite Demolition things- just scoops Powers up mid-strike and carries him over to the Demolition corner for an ass-beating in the corner, haha. So low-tech. Demolition trade off repeatedly until Ax misses a falling headbutt- Roma actually gets a HOT TAG, beating on Ax and even dropkicking Smash so bad he goes back to the apron, but in a HILARIOUS ending, he whips Ax into the corner and just gets MERKED with a clothesline and pinned. Hahaha a Survivor Series ending- fuck you, Roma (2:52). Dude was in the ring for like 20 seconds of the match and a CLOTHESLINE pinned him. Doesn’t even get Decaptation.

This was a funny little squash- Powers gets shoved around, then the future Stallions get a modicum of offense, but Demolition just starts ignoring it and does their own stuff. Then Ax finally sets up the hot tag, Roma comes in, and 10 seconds later he’s crushed by a transition move. Like Smash couldn’t have kneed him from the apron or something? Ax couldn’t clothesline him THEN hit their finisher? It’s such a funny brush-off after seeing them treated like they were improving and controlling so much of the bout.

Rating: 3/4* (A fairly quick little mini-match- far more competitive than most but kind of ends before it gets going)

MORTIS (w/ James Vandenberg) vs. LA PARKA:
(WCW Pro, 1997)
* I went looking for more Mortis vs. Lucha content (and so realized that Mortis/Juvi match I accidentally reviewed twice, haha), and came up with this one. It’s on Pro so it’s the lowest-tier possible show- easy money, I guess.

Mortis again does his usual “MMA” pose to start, but just backs La Parka into the corner, where he mule kicks him. He adds kicks in the corner but runs into a spinkick and… more kicks. Parka puts his head down and eats a rocker dropper & side kick, but dodges a flying elbow. Parka waits for him to get up so he can do a “my kick gets caught so I spinkick him” dealie, then does his awful spinning shoulderblock off the top (Mortis somehow landing ON him). Parka goes up again but misses a flat-back missile dropkick and Mortis finishes with the Flatliner (Samoan drop off the 2nd rope)- Mortis wins at (3:00). This was a funny look at Mortis still figuring out his moveset fairly early in his run- lots of random “martial arts” kicks and then pulling out a flying elbow of all things. I think he had to work his way up to convincing guys to take his weird stuff. Neither guy was even bothering to play up anything, just silently walking to the corner to hit moves with nothing behind them while commentary just discussed the angles of the day. Low effort nothign all around.

Rating: * (totally low-effort nothing match, constructed almost entirely out of clumsy kicks neither guy was particularly good at)

JOHN TENTA’S DARK MATCHES:
* Oh man, the WWE Vault continues to be TREMENDOUS, giving us a trio of John Tenta dark matches. I’ve covered an early “Earthquake Evans” match previously, in which he wears a brown version of his 1989 singlet and beats Paul Roma (who’s also featured here).

JOHN TENTA vs. SAM HOUSTON:
(March 8th, 1989)
* Quake’s first opponent is skinny 1989 JTTS Sam Houston (now in black trunks), and he’s actually already in his baby-blue outfit with the Canadian flag… but is under his REAL name here. And billed from “British Vancouver, Canada” at “an even 400 lbs”.

Houston responds to Tenta’s bullying by shoving and smacking him, but Tenta shoves him into the corner for a beating, sold well by Houston, who’s like “OHHHHH!!!” “AHHHH!!!” as Tenta nearly knees him out of the ring. Houston eats a high-angle bodyslam but sneaks under him for some dropkicks but Tenta easily launches him after a grapple attempt. Tenta clubs away, then easily catches Houston flying at him and… drops him on his knee. Huh- no “head-tuck powerslam” yet! Tenta works a couple bearhugs, but Houston BITES free and goes to work. Tenta does really good with his “sell, but not so much it looks weird”, lightly stumbling back off the skinnier man’s clotheslines, and Houston locks on a sleeper (nearly pulling Tenta down because he hooks him on the drive-by, haha- good thing Tenta’s got that sumo training!). But Tenta just flings him over the top rope, slaps himself awake a bit, then easily blocks a sunset flip attempt. A Belly-To-Belly Suplex finishes at (4:48). An interesting look at Tenta’s early offense! He’d later add jumping kicks, the avalanche, the powerslam and his iconic finisher. This is one of his first attempts at working heel, and he did okay- and good “little things” like trying to slap himself after taking a sleeperhold.

Rating: * (perfectly okay squash, if not exactly exciting. Houston didn’t do much but looked fine)

Tenta doesn’t actually get a job from this, and another six months later…

EARTHQUAKE EVANS (w/ The Doctor of Style, Slick) vs. PAUL ROMA:
(Sept. 20th, 1989)
* Now given a new name, Tenta has SLICK as his manager! He’d have been Slick’s third fat guy and Jimmy Hart hadn’t added a top dude yet, so I can see why they made a switch. His gimmick is more “lumberjack” at this point, with a big plaid button-up shirt and blue jeans and… haha is his belt a DRAWSTRING? He’s now 420 lbs., and billed from “The Northern Yukon Territory”. This is “Jobber Babyface” Roma, in black trunks.

Roma gets shoved off from a couple lock-ups, slugs away to little effect, then gets clobbered with big overhand blows against the ropes. They promptly do an international, and Roma hits a MOTHERFUCKING ARMDRAG into an armbar! hahaah WHAT? I don’t know what’s funnier- that Roma of all people did an armdrag to Tenta or that Tenta went down for it 100% perfectly. Like that was SMOOTH- just effortlessly spun over him and swatted his arm on the mat for impact. They do the “catch/sidebreaker” thing from the first match and Roma bounces around from getting clobbered and takes a big show-off bump hitting the corner. They do that again, but Tenta finally charges into the corner to set up a comeback. Roma does increasingly-high single-arm axehandles then a spectacular dropkick that gets so much air one foot is OVER Tenta’s head. That gets two, then Roma drops him with another one and goes up, Tenta DODGING him (lol wtf) and flattening him with a Big Elbowdrop at (8:17).

Roma’s easy to mock, but the boy’s in SHAPE. That’s a standing dropkick and Tenta’s a shoot 6’6″!

A longer, more arduous match this time, which was half-full of Roma hot-dogging and hitting great-looking offense, which isn’t really the point of a tryout match (I’m never curious why Roma never got greater pushes than he received, haha). Having Tenta prove his unnatural agility by taking armdrags and doing a bunch of bumps, then DODGING a high-risk move was pretty funny, but he did it with aplomb. His offense looked pretty puny here, though- he really needed to add up some slams and squashes into his repetoir. The big elbow looked vicious, but come on… an ELBOWDROP? uh, ignoring that the top two babyfaces were packing a legdrop & splash.

Rating: *1/2 (Roma looked good; Tenta looked agile but weaker on offense)

EARTHQUAKE vs. TANK MELOCHE:
(WWF, Dec. 22nd 2001)
* Earthquake in *2001*! This isn’t long after his run as “Golga” was over, and he loses some weight and gets another dark match, looking MUCH more svelte. Wow, what a difference. And the crowd POPS for him, too! Well that’s heartening! His opponent is some big guy in a black singlet top and Bushwhacker pants. Holy crap, he’s nearly as tall as Tenta, too! He has the dreaded “black text for his name on Cagematch”, marking him as a nobody.

Earthquake gets in Tank’s face to start, then boots him in the gut and drops a big elbow for two. They actually do some NO-SOLD SHOULDERBLOCK spots, Tank bringing Quake down with a clothesline & shoulderblock for two. A clubbing blow and corner clothesline keep it up, then he does two chops and a HIPTOSS (!). Dude casually just bodyslams him for a one-count, then Tank clotheslines him down again as a small “Let’s go Earthquake!” chant starts. Tank ducks two shots and cross-bodies Quake for one, then Quake FINALLY makes a comeback, Tank selling a shoulderblock like shit (“wugh!” then barely takes half a step back) and then getting DROPKICKED down, Tenta somehow managing that one! Earthquake with an avalanche, but Tank reverses a whip and runs into a boot and a falling clothesline gets two for Quake. A big splash misses and Tank Russian legsweeps him and hits a vertical suplex for two, but goes up and is Flair Tossed off. Earthquake follows with a big legdrop and the old Running Vertical Splash for three (5:05). And the crowd POPS! As soon as he was in position for the stomps, they were going nuts! They remember!

Well that was very “tryout”-y- it looks bizarre to see some clumsy nobody do more than 50/50 with the mighty Earthquake, but this is kind of the point of matches like this- agents are gonna want to see how a guy SELLS, how he bumps, how he moves around, etc.- I don’t think it’s a mistake that Earthquake of all people was missing splashes, taking back bumps, getting flung with vertical suplexes, etc. He’s telling them “I CAN DO THIS WITH ANGLE- DON’T WORRY!” Alas, he didn’t get the job- Bruce Prichard has apparently said “he didn’t look like Earthquake anymore” (ie. he was skinnier) but he’d have still been a goliath in the company… but that style of wrestling was kind of out of fashion at that point, unfortunately. I feel like from the mid-90s until Umaga’s run was this dead zone where too many smarks online were “Workrate Fans” and didn’t go for big power guys or brawlers, and Umaga having good matches kind of helped change that course a tad. I recall people thinking Haku was uncarryable garbage in that era (you can find Scott Keith rants stating that! I swear!) and suddenly 2005 or so hits and everyone’s like “Hey, Haku should have gotten an even BIGGER push!”. But yeah… in 2001, he would have sadly been kind of a relic. Of course… Viscera still had his job at this point so they coulda done SOMETHING. As for the match itself, Earthquake was a big more spry and agile than his 1991 self, but I find that almost detracts a bit given how huge and powerful he is.

Rating: *1/2 (not a squash so much as a mini-match. Tank was pretty useless and a poor bumper, but Earthquake looked decent, if a bit awkward trying to fling himself around)