Pro Wrestling NOAH: The New Year 2025 January 1st 2025

Welcome back to NOAH as I review it after a long-layoff and we have a lot to catch up with. A sizzle video set to Vultures! By Rival Tides (which I swear another wrestling show has used this song) gets us pumping with generic rock music. We got five thousand here in the Budokan and some fairly big names, so let’s get at it!

#1 contendership Rumble

Background: Big pre-show rumble with five announced members and eight mystery members. Winner gets a title shot for any belt of their choosing. It’s Royal Rumble style apparently here but apparently pinfall, submission, and DQ are eliminations too.

The Match: Yu Owada and Harutoki start. Owada is just a rookie with black trunks and Harutoki reps Dotonbori Pro but is part of the top babyface All Rebellion stable and is rocking silver and red to match. Basic stuff to start but Owada gets the backflip out of the corner to show off his athleticism and then Harutoki gets an enzuigiri and they brawl before Shuhei Taniguchi comes out. A big raw-boned veteran, he kinda looks and moves like some sort of monstrous ghoul and has a significant athletic background, including a stint in the military and is in plain black trunks. Shuhei just bodyslams everybody for a while. Next out is Tadasuke, the puckish member of RATEL’S, a pack of rambunctious juniors, he’s in black and purple pants and he tries to eliminate Shuhei with the rest of the guys but they get thrown off. Tadasuke works the leg of Shuhei and Yu as he rocks his spinning toehold. Next up is another RATEL’s member, Yuto Kikuchi, the youngster of the group with gray-purple hair and baggy pants. And there is no stable loyalty as Yuto gets a springboard dropkick on Tadasuke and then a handspring back elbow as he’s just going after everybody for a while, but everybody then teams on big-guy Shuhei again. Next up is LJ Cleary as the first ‘surprise’ of the rumble, the Irishman is of course Lyra Valkyria’s fiance, has glorious curly locks, a hairy chest, yellow tights, and maybe weighs 150 pounds. The former Good Looking Guy member gets a flurry of kicks on Yuto and then dances through the ropes against Harutoki and poses a bit for the crowd. Next up is Masao Inoue, who was old as heck when I first started watching NOAH like 5 years ago and he’s just limping to the ring, oh god. After 7 hours he finally steps into the ring and immediately hides in the corner and shoos everybody away.

In the meantime Saxon Huxley makes his return, a big crazy British guy who is ripping everything off from Bruiser Brody. But he also has a cape. He actually runs wild a bit and knocks everybody down and we get our first elimination with him lariating Owada over the top rope and booting Yuto off a springboard for our second elimination! Saxon goes after Cleary but Tadasuke with a back rake and a chest rake to slow the big man down. Next up is Zozaya, a young Spanish wrestler in good shape with curly hair that is full of energy, springboard dropkick to LJ and Huxley and some weird corner charges where he drives his shoulder in the midriff while falling to his knees. Springboard stomp to Saxon but Tadasuke jumps him. Next up is Masaaki Mochizuki, a veteran DragonGate guy known for his ferocious kicks and the crowd pops huge for his theme. Masaki whispers in the ears of Shuhei and Harutoki as the match is kinda crawling along. Next up is Titus Alexander, a California indie guy that NOAH is decently in love with, he’s athletic and has some swagger to him, he flies in with a crossbody and then does his fancy kip-up back kick and the roll-through cravate into a brainbuster as the crowd pops big for him. Tadasuke tries a sneaky schoolboy on the American though as the match is still just stalling out. But as the next theme plays everybody in the ring sells big in fear as we get Dump Matsumoto, being carried to the ring by Shuehi, Harutoki, and Mochi as they’ve slipped out of the ring to put on Dump shirts, okay that’s pretty funny. Anyway, she has her kendo stick and she swats at everybody and they all sell huge. But of course it’s Dump and she turns on her allies and beats them up too before Mochi gets a flash rollup and everybody helps and Dump is eliminated, but before she leaves (to a shower of boos!) she busts Mochizuki in the testicles for his betrayal…to her betrayal. Back in and Shuhei and Saxon just slam everybody in a competition, but Saxon tries to run the ropes and get low-bridged by Zozaya and Titus but hangs on…until Shuhei wipes him out, and then Masao Inoue actually does something and rolls up Taniguchi with assistance! Things are happening! Masao got pinned in the mess too which is honestly for the best. Remaining is LJ Cleary, Zozaya, Harutoki, Titus Alexander, Tadasuke, and Mochizuki. Zozaya works an extended apron spot where he ALMOST keeps getting knocked out and Harutoki joins him in an attempt at Cleary…but Titus flies in with a dropkick to take them both out.

Final four of Tadasuke, Cleary, Titus, and Mochizuki. LJ and Titus team up as white guys against Tadasuke and Maassaki and the local guys take over…before Mochi takes out Tadasuke and then tries to team up with Titus and Cleary…but they’re not falling for it and a two-man brainbuster sets up a standing moonsault by Titus for the pin. Tadasuke, Titus, and LJ are left. And now LJ is drawing upon alliances as he chants G-L-G to get former Good Looking Guy Tadasuke to remember the good times and maybe take out Titus…and Alexander just superkicks Tadasuke instead. Flash rollup on LJ gets 2, and then an international leads to another monster Titus dropkick but a Fireman’s Carry is avoided by Cleary. Titus continues with his Big Ugly German suplex, but Cleary gets another counter into a victory roll for a very near 2 count. LJ with another springboard cutoff by Titus’ dropkick, and the American loads up his handspring cutter but LJ gets a springboard Canadian Destroyer and lariat to take out Titus, and Tadasuke immediately tosses the Irishman for the win.

**¼

Okay the first half was a slog but from Dump onwards it’s pretty fun with a decent final four.

Post-match Tadasuke gets a giant poster and then something from the sponsors…but Dump is in now to cut a promo about how they got her music wrong…but just wishes people happy New Year instead and shills for the Netflix show about her.

RATEL’S (HAYATA & YO-HEY) (c) vs. AMAKUSA & Junta Miyawaki vs. All Rebellion (Alejandro & Kai Fujimura) – GHC Junior Heavyweight Tag Team

Background: So this is going to fast-paced junior business and super spotty. RATEL’S are champions and have basically dominated the juniors division in some fashion for years now, YO-HEY have feuded, teamed, and feuded and teamed in a million variations, but right now they’re doing their husband and wife deal. HAYATA is the sadistic and sinister one, while YO-HEY, the High-Flying Playboy, is the goofier and smaller one, both have the black and purple getup and bleached hair. AMAKUSA is the closest thing to a babyface ace of the juniors, he has a Spanish missionary gimmick (don’t ask) with baggy blue and white pants to hide the kneebraces and is teaming with perpetual “are they going to finally do something with him?” junior Junta, another Japanese guy who got reps in Mexico and is young and has beautiful 90s floppy hair and his “Orange Riot” gear. All Rebellion are technically the top babyface stable in NOAH but Alejandro is ANOTHER Japanese guy doing a fake Mexican gimmick with a mask and tassels and Kai Fujimura is just sort of a goofy rookie. They’re in the silver and red of the stable.

The Match: Kai, YO-HEY, and Junta start. They do a series of pretty standard junior spots until the challengers take out YO-HEY with a double dropkick and they speed it up a bit with armdrags before YO-HEY heads back in but now everybody tags in and we get Alejandro flying around and then the All Rebellion team clears the ring and hits stereo topes. Poetry in Motion then a double cartwheel into stereo kicks to YO-HEY but AMAKUSA breaks it up and slips up doing a springboard armdrag/headscissors. Junta then with a John Woo dropkick to RATEL’s in the corner but Kai breaks that up and they slug it out until Kai gets a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker and then brings in Alejandro with a slingshot splash on Junta and a DDT on YO-HEY. It all breaks down again into another missile dropkick by Junta takes out YO-HEY and Kai, and then a triangle plancha to get ‘em again on the floor. AMAKUSA does the upside down tope and then a 450 on YO-HEY and Junta gets a judo-style over-the-shoulder throw into a driver but the pin is broken up. All Rebellion and the Lucharesu guys duke it out next with Alejandro and Junta fighting over a sunset flip while their partners kick them back and forth. Kai comes in again with a diving lariat on Junta but YO-HEY gets a leg lariat and then HAYATA comes but more All Rebellion double teams sets up a tilt-a-whirl DDT into an inverted DDT/frog splash combo but AMAKUSA breaks it up. Alejandro with a skytwister press on HAYATA but HAYATA dodges…and Alejandro dodges the diving GAMEN-G by YO-HEY, but the Playboy recovers by dropkicking Kai out of the air, RATEL’S gets a wheelbarrow cutter double on Alejandro for 2.8 but HAYATA’s 403 (jumping Implant DDT) gets 3 on Alejandro to retain.

**¼

Mostly just a trainwreck but I liked the finishing sequence as the champions basically outlasted the more dynamic opponents and isolated their weakest opponent. The meat of the match was pretty sloppy and confused though, but I like this style a lot less than most people.

Team NOAH (Atsushi Kotoge, Go Shiozaki, Hajime Ohara & Mohammed Yone) vs. Black Menso-re, Kazuyuki Fujita, Shuji Ishikawa & Tetsuya Endo – LIMIT BREAK Eight Person Tag Match

Background: So this is the sad midcard babyface stable. Atsushi Kotoge is a junior turned heavyweight with a terrible creepy mustache, fight shorts, and the moveset of Jakked wrestlers. Go of course is the former babyface ace of NOAH but his body is falling apart on him, Hajime Ohara is a junior who loves backbreakers, and Mohammed Yone has a giant fro and loves dancing. Their opponents are all outsiders, Black Menso-re is a goofy guy in a mask that has followed Shuji around for a while, Ishikawa is the Last Big Dog of the Japanese Independents but had long runs in All Japan as a big scary monster guy, Fujita is a veteran MMA guy, and Endo is an ex-DDT guy and a pretty established champion there, he’s very jacked and very tan. As to the name of LIMIT BREAK it’s a sort of branded NOAH sub-show where NOAH talent wrestle exterior talent in low-storyline, straight wrestling matches, so you have the NOAH guys going up against the outside guys with Fujita as their leader.

The Match: Go and Fujita start with a lockup, Fujita wins but Go gets the shoulders flying and then Fujita tries the punt before we get a double tag to Kotoge and Endo to do some standing grappling and Tetsuya ties Atsushi in the ropes…but Kotoge gets a bunch of headbutts and brings in Ohara for some more slick grappling. But Endo gets Hajime at his own game and gets a powerbomb backbreaker and brings in Black Menso-re…but that immediately goes badly as Ohara gets the double-dropkick and tries some backbreakers but Menso-re pokes some eyes. Yone tags in though and he takes out Endo with some clotheslines but Endo gets a handspring upside-down kick and brings in Shuji for the big-man standoff. Corner splash and second-rope stomp by the Big Dog Shuji tries for a powerbomb but it gets stuff and Yone gets an armbar and Kotoge abdominal stretches Menso-re…and Endo just strolls in and repays Atsushi’s headbutts with one of his own. Nice character beat there. Tetsuya and Kotoge brawl outside as Yone and Ishikawa brawl inside and they’re just throwing snug forearms before we get a double-lariat into a double-down. Menso-re flies in with more eyepoikes and Go finally tags back in. Shiozaki obliterates Black Menso-re’s chest with chops and everybody flies in to fight and the outsiders toss out Team NOAH to set up an Endo Sasuke Special. Back to Menso-re and Go and we get a ropewalk eye poke from the masked man and then some flash rollup attempts and more eye pokes, and Go FINALLY gets a short-range lariat for 2.9. Go removes the arm sleeve and gets a running lariat for Menso-re for 3 to follow however.

**½

Not bad! Decent little mini-stories in the match and then the big babyface finally isolates on the heel team’s weakest member. Just solid multi-man tag wrestling.

Post-match Fujita is still there and we have…another match!

Kazuyuki Fujita vs. Daiki Odashima – One Minute Survival Match

Background: So Daiki is a small rookie who is trying to prove himself, in this match he’s just trying to survive one minute with Fujita. Daiki is in red trunks.

The Match: Daiki is on fire out the gate throwing a ton of strikes but Fujita takes him down…but misses the punt! And Daiki gets his OWN punt! And he teases a German suplex and the crowd is HOT for this. German fails and Odashima runs the ropes…only to fly right into a lariat and an arrogant pin by Fujita…and that’s 2.9 as he weakly kicks out. Fujita picks up the rookie for a powerbomb and time expires!

**

I mean yes, not really a FULL match but it did what it was trying to do well enough.

And post-match Daiki is selling the powerbomb HUGE and gets rolled out of the ring.

El Hijo del Dr. Wagner Jr. vs. Galeno Del Mal – Brother vs. Brother

Background: Well these guys are brothers, and they’re facing each other. It’s EHDDWJ’s last match in NOAH (for now) as he’s going back to North America but he of course got hugely over and won basically everything there was for him to win. His brother is about a decade younger and taller and massively bigger, he’s still pretty green but we’ll see what they can do. Galeno has a black kabuto and tusked mask thing to do a sorta samurai entrance garb, underneath Galeno has a turquoise and black singlet. Wagner has a gorgeous silver and green getup to pay tribute to Misawa and I’ll admit I’m a bit teary-eyed knowing that this is his final match, paying love to the Japanese fans who love the heck out of him is pretty sweet.

The Match: Headlock stuff to start and Galeno gets a shoulderblock before they do some lucha sequences…and big bro gets the first strike but Galeno goes up first with a diving armdrag and then a flying headscissors to send Wagner outside for the tope. Back inside and Galeno gets a few pin attempts and then goes for his Galeno Special but Wagner blocks it. Wagner then gets his spot where he no-sells getting booted in the face off of corner charges do the power of the magical mask…and then Galeno does his own mask-powered no-sell and Wagner is taken aback. Okay, that’s pretty funny. Big bro gets a springboard armdrag and then a cazadora to take Galeno over the ropes. Wagner follows with a moonsault off the top turnbuckle to the outside. Back in and Wagner tries a la magistral for 2 and then tries his Michinoku Driver…but Galeno is too big. Wagner with an eyepoke and a reverse springboard but he gets snatched and we get another attempt at a Galeno Special is evaded by the elder and Wagner gets a flurry of strikes and some arm work before he gets a springboard ropewalk codebreaker and then the Michinoku Driver…for 1 as Galeno kicks out with authority. Run-up knee strike by Wagner as he’s doing ALL his stuff here and he gets another Michinoku Driver for 2.8. And I want to stop here for a second, the Wagner Driver and the Michinoku Driver are the same move, but commentary puts over that EHDDWJ wants to rep Japan so he calls it the Michinoku Driver instead…but they sometimes slip up and call it the Wagner Driver, it’s the same move. Anyway, Wagner goes for a Best Moonsault Ever but it only gets 2.8 and he’s now begging to the ref. Another flurry of strikes from Wagner is shrugged off and big bro does a backflip reversal out of a lariat to load up a piledriver of all things…and he gets backdropped out as Galeno is hulking up. Slap fest and then a lariat battle as Galeno takes his head off. Galeno with a second-rope moonsault and we need to understand this guy is easily 300 pounds. Galeno’s straps are down and we finally get the Galeno Special for 3.

**½

I’m close to going N/R for this match. When I first watched this match live when I was sleep deprived and tired, I kinda hated it, watching it a month later I…am still not sure I like the match but I guess I appreciated just how hard Wagner tried to get Galeno over. Lil bro got to one-up Wagner’s taunt, he kicked out of his finish at 1, he won the match, he just did everything he’s supposed to do to put a guy over, and like…I LIKE the idea of Galeno and his tag work is fine. But he didn’t exactly show out to the degree that maybe he should. A giant guy that can do lucha stuff is neat, but he needs more than that to work. Anyway, good luck and all the love to El Hijo del Dr. Wagner Jr. This was just a loving effort to put a sibling over and I’m not sure it worked but Wagner sure did try.

KENTA vs. Kenoh

Background: KENTA is KENTA, former NOAH guy who went to WWE and had an underwhelming run and then went back to Japan…and signed with NJPW. Fanbase kinda hates and resents him and he’s played a heel during most of his New Japan run, just a cheating jerk who kicks people. Kenoh is ALSO a jerk who kicks people, but he doesn’t cheat as much anymore, Kenoh, despite being an outsider who hated the company for a LONG time has now embraced his babyface status and wants to bring KENTA back into the fold of NOAH. Additionally Kenoh has modeled a lot of his offense over KENTA so there is a mirror-match element as well.

The Match: We actually get a handshake of respect to start and Kenoh fires up the crowd. We get some standing grappling into the ropes and then a break, and then we get a lockup and Kenoh wins and then slaps KENTA in the ropes. KENTA slaps back and Kenoh drops him in return. Back outside and Kenoh beats on KENTA with kicks around the ringside area and then goes for a diving stomp, but KENTA evades and then gets a snap powerslam on the mats. Back inside and Kenoh is huffing and puffing as he’s selling and getting blasted with kicks and then locks in a headscissors. Ropebreak and then KENTA does the fakeout head kick and then when Kenoh fires up KENTA DDTs the guy and gets a knee drop and is back to the disrespectful kicks. And Kenoh is asking for real kicks as he’s taunting the New Japan man and rising to his feet, and we have a kick fest and Kenoh finally drops KENTA. Kenoh gets his legsweep into a flying knee to the back of the head, and then an anklelock and KENTA immediately makes the ropes. Kenoh for a Dragon Suplex but it gets broken and they slug it out. Kenoh with the pele kick and then a double-down with a double Yakuza kick. Back up but another KENTA DDT drops Kenoh again, and then KENTA follows with a diving stomp for 2. G2S attempt but Kenoh reverses into an anklelock. Kenoh turns that ankelock into a lift and kick to the gut but KENTA can’t bump for it right so it looks ugly. Kenoh gets a PK anyway and the PFS follows but it whiffs and they fight over an omoplata crossface and KENTA takes it before Kenoh makes the ropes but he’s selling big but gets a desperate high kick and then a Dragon Suplex for 2.5. Another PK but KENTA kicks out at 1, then ANOTHER PK and that gets 2 and Kenoh tries for the omoplata crossface again but KENTA rolls through and both guys are just slapping each other. KENTA wins and follows with the Busaiku knee for 2.8 and then hammers away at Kenoh with buzzsaw kicks…for 2.9. KENTA exposes his knee and a G2S gets 3.

*¾

I did not like this. The mirror-match stuff was sloppily done, KENTA was sleepwalking through the match, and there’s no reason for this carcass to beat Kenoh. Kenoh tried his best, but man, I did not enjoy this, the work was technically fine if glacially slow while being no fun at all.

Post-match Kenoh points to the NOAH logo and extends the hand and KENTA just walks away.

Daga (c) vs. Eita – Lucha Rules Match for the GHC Junior Heavyweight Championship

Background: So these guys have been feuding for a while and had beef all the way back from the Los Perros del Mal vs. Stinger feud. Anyway, Eita is an ex-DragonGate guy and he’s a cheeky scamp of a wrestler that is very familiar with lucha stuff, Daga on the other hand is actually a luchador and is a cheating jerk that is part of the new Team 2000X stable. Eita is small even for a junior and has baggy black and gold while Daga is in black trunks. Lucha rules in this context mean two out of three falls.

The Match: Very physical to start as Daga goes for his finish early but Eita slips out, gets a flying headscissors and goes for a tope but Daga cuts it off. Outside and Daga gets a tornado DDT off the barricade and then gets his own tope as he’s just ragdolling Eita. Diving stomp and Diablo Wings by Daga gets 3 and that’s our first fall. That was a MAULING. Outside and Daga just beats down Eita again and chokes him against the barricade as he taunts the crowd, we even get some biting. Military press drop onto the ring apron and then Daga pulls a table out to wallop Eita and when the referee complains before Daga yells something about “lucha libre rules” and I guess the ref buys it. Daga sets up the table and we get a Gotch-style piledriver through it. Eita has gotta NO offense in this match. Eita crawls back inside and when Daga goes to pick the bones we have a flash jackknife pin for 3! Eita ties it up! Daga gets a running dropkick/stomp to the back and then some blatant choking in the corner but Eita reverses and gets a jump kick in the corner but Daga gets a victory roll for 2 before getting blasted by a trio of dropkicks knocks Daga outside and Eita gets his own tope. Commentary talks about how Eita and Daga first met in the ring in 2012 and that’s pretty cool. Back in and Eita tries a crossbody but Daga catches him and then gets a flurry of strikes and a 2.99 count for a German suplex. A lariat by Daga follows but Eita gets the FIGHTING SPIRIT no-sell and lands his Imperial Uno superkick and we have a double-down. Backup and we got a chop fight but Eita runs into a powerbomb lift that Daga turns into a high-angle scoop powerslam but EIta rolls through an inside cradle for 2.7. A running forearm by Daga puts Eita down again, but the crowd is just going BERSERK for Eita and Daga flips out a little bit. They go up to the top-turnbuckle and Eita fights back and slips out to set up a powerbomb out of the corner, but Daga fights that off and dives back into another Imperial Uno, but Eita isn’t satisfied and goes for the Trauma (pumphandle lift spun into a knee strike) and that gets 2.8. Daga is actually selling fear here and backing into the corner, and when they fight to the top rope Daga goes for DIablo Wings again off the top but Eita slips out, lands ANOTHER Imperial Uno and gets a top-rope victory roll for 3.

***¾

Well that was a fantastic time. I still don’t like how weak the second fall was, it really didn’t feel like Eita suckered him in as much as Daga just sorta walked into a pinfall. But still, outside of that quibble, just a really fun, physical well-worked match between two guys with distinct styles and personas.

Post-match HAYATA comes out and as commentary reminds us that he beat Eita for the junior belt the last time…in Eita’s first defense, we get “I’m next” and we have our first defense set up. Effective!

Manabu Soya (c) vs. Masa Kitamiya – GHC National Championship

Background: So this is another mirror match between two very similar guys with very similar careers. Both beefy brawler guys, with Masa having the advantage on the mat and Manabu being the better power wrestler, both have won a boatload of tag-titles, both were part of KONGOH and later on feuded with their leaders…but Soya dropped weight, got a six-pack, and won a singles title, something Masa has NEVER done in his career. We have beef vs. beef, and can Masa finally win a singles belt. Kitamiya has the blonde fauxhawk deal with the black capri tights and as commentary lovingly puts it “Masa won’t just bruise, he’ll hit you so hard you’ll fly out your shoes.” Soya is in the yellow and blue trunks.

The Match: Shoulderblocks to start and then just both of them trading forearms, and trading forearms, and trading forearms and then Soya finally gets dropped. Back to the shoulderblocks and Manabu wins and follows with a brainbuster. Commentary lets us know that this is their 4th match together and Soya is 3-0 so far. Chop fest now and Masa does his jowl-shaking hulk-up and goes back, and then Manabu mocks it and continues chopping him. Double-chop by Masa takes Soya down and then does some running charges and a Samoan drop to set up a running senton. Masa picks up Soya for a brainbuster but they fight over it and Manabu gets some chops and a flying lariat. Soya puts Masa on the top rope and gets a super powerslam for 2.5 but they continue to brawl and Masa finally gets a chopblock and then a bulldog and then the challengers keys in on Manabu’s legs. Kitamiya gets the Prison Lock as commentary goes over his accolades, and apparently Elgin has been blacklisted from NOAH. Masa flexes and Soya chops away and eventually breaks the lock but Masa keeps on the knees with stomps but his spear is stuffed and both trade brainbusters…before Masa gets his spear and then Soya pops up with his own and we get a double-lariat into a double-down. Back up and Masa gets another lariat for 2 and then goes for a side suplex that Soya blocks but Masa gets a closed-fist strike, stuffs another Soya spear and then gets the implant DDT (Soya’s move). Manabu kicks out at 1 then gets the side suplex…and Masa kicks out at one. Move stealing, oh boy. Fireman’s carry by Manabu is slipped out of and Masa gets another chopblock but a second attempt is lariated down for 2. Soya hulks up and tries the jumping DDT…but Kitamiya turns that into a kneebreaker and then a piledriver for 2.8. Masa gets the Prison Lock again and Soya cries in pain and crawls for the ropes, Masa tries to block it but the champ eventually gets the ropes. Masa gets a side suplex attempt again, Manabu slips out and gets the DDT attempt. Masa blocks again with a kneebreaker but Manabu rides through the pain and gets a short DDT again for 2. Three headbutts by Manabu set up the jumping DDT and that’s enough to finish.

**¼

The finish was good, but man the meat of this match bored me in a way that Masa’s matches always bug me. Just using puro cliche shorthands, finisher theft, kicking out at 1, constant fighting spirit no-sells. I did like that they established a “whomever hits the finish first wins” thing with the side suplex versus jumping DDT thing, but so much of the match made me roll my eyes. And Manabu didn’t really sell the legs at all.

But as I write that, in the post-match situation Manabu uses the ropes to get to his feet and limps his way into a handshake between the two of them.

Naomichi Marufuji & Takashi Sugiura (c) vs. Team 2000X (Jack Morris & Omos) w/Yoshitatsu – GHC Tag Team Championship

Background: So Team 2000X is the new heel stable of weirdos and misfits, this particular collection is Scottish Jack Morris (who was a fluffy babyface before kinda turning tweener with GLG and keeping that trend here) and then WWE-borrowed Omos, a 7’3” goliath, with them is AJPW veteran Yoshitatsu with half-facepaint. The champions are two super notable veterans, Marufuji, whose in-ring style was probably the biggest ‘crossover’ from NOAH’s peak in the early 2000s in the anglophone IWC though he’s vaguely implied this is his last run, he’s spent his time having dream matches with Ospreay and Styles and such, his partner is mid-50s Sugiura, who was the dominant ace of NOAH post-Misawa and kept the lights on in a dark time. He’s a squatly built amateur wrestling guy whose style did not crossover into the anglophone IWC. Not much real history/animosity here other than two guys representing the heart of NOAH trying to fend off these outsiders.

The Match: We get both teams faking who is starting before we settle on Omos and Sugiura and the crowd pops big for Omos just stepping over the top rope. We get a staredown and then a test of strength but Omos is JUST TOO TALL and Takashi gets booted down. The vet goes for a German suplex but Omos is too big. Sugiura gets a bit of success stomping on the big man’s feet but the Killing Machine goes for a suplex again and is swatted down and a corner splash absolutely pancakes Takashi. Jack in to pick the bones but he immediately eats a brainbuster from Sugiura and now Marufuji is in to chop away, but he runs the ropes and gets wigged out getting close to Omos and Jack takes out Naomichi’s legs and stomps away and in comes Omos again. We get another staredown and the height difference remains striking. Maru with more chops and Omos just laughs them off. Corner splash is cut off but a big boot isn’t and Maru tumbles to the outside and Yoshitatsu chokes him with his cane. Omos drags him back into the ring as Maru takes a pretty crazy bump off of it. Jack back in and he clubbers away at Naomichi but Marufuji gets his strike combo to knock the Scot into the corner and he brings in Sugiura once again tries his hand at the Nigerian Giant…but Omos brushes it off and teases getting into the ring but the ref cuts him off. Sugiura follows with the delayed superplex on Jack, but Morris counters the spear into a schoolboy and lands his Good Looking Knee to slow down the vet. Kitchen sink knee by Takashi lets him tag in Maru and the champions double team Morris. And Maru even gets a shot in on Yoshitatsu. Morris finally gets a breather with a spinebuster and then takes Sugiura off the apron and then they set up a frog splash off of Omos’ shoulders for 2.8 when Sugiura breaks it, Omos chokeslams Takashi onto the apron for such impudence and Morris loads up a tiger driver on Marufuji but the Genius of the Ark slips out and gets a kick flurry but Jack tags in Omos regardless. Omos backdrops Marufuji through the roof and then gets the tree trunk slam for 3.

**½

Well boy this was a debut for Omos. Jack Morris had to sell for two and kinda looked like a putz, but overall this was successful as what it was. Almost too long as they didn’t want to totally eat up Sugi and Maru, but it was completely solid for what it was.

Post-match Morris poses on Omos’ shoulders and Team 2000X all pose and preen together and talk trash to the cameras. Hope nothing messes up this title reign and Omos can repay this dominant win down the line.

Shinsuke Nakamura vs. Ulka Sasaki

Background: So we got a lot going on here. Both guys are prodigies of a sort, though of a different sort. Nakamura of course was the youngest IWGP Heavyweight Champion once upon a time and had a decent MMA career, and Ulka was in UFC and is an old rookie as he’s in his mid 30s and still in his first year (or maybe second now technically). But you have two flamboyant MMA guys with connections to a Japanese legend (Nakmura of course wrestling Mutoh in his retirement bout and Ulka being handpicked by Mutoh to get a monster push in NOAH). Additionally they apparently train in the same gym and have a mentorship between the two of them. This is a big showcase for Ulka of course as Nakamura has been supremely protected in NOAH. Both guys absolutely have their presentation down as Ulka has red hair and the Tengu getup and the ornate robes and Nakamura is doing his Dark gimmick with the facepaint and the mask and some pretty sick all-white gear.

The Match: Ulka with some slaps Shinsuke with some kicks and nobody gets anything solid as they’re definitely doing some UWF stuff here. Commentary does a LOT to talk about both of these guys MMA records as they both dance around some more. Ulka finally tries to shoot the leg but Nakamura stuffed it and they roll on the mat before Ulka gets a butterfly guard. But Nakamura gets some slaps to the face and they go back to standing. But soon enough Nakamura does an ankle pick and stomps on Ulka. Sasaki tries to squirm away and he manages to duck a stomp and goes for a heel hook but Nakamura instantly makes the ropes and then powders, Ulka chases and Nak tags him coming back in and the WWE guy goes to work, launching Sasaki into the ring barricade and ripping him apart on the outside. Knee lift onto Ulka splayed across the apron. Back in and Ulka tries to fight back but Nak gets his kick combo and Sasaki is selling pretty well here. Nakamura just obliterating a punch drunk Sasaki. Gourdbuster onto the top rope by Nak and then an axe kick as he’s toying with the rookie now. Ulka finally starts kicking but Nak drops him with one and then gets the PK and a knee drop before cranking in an armbar. Ulka gets to his feet again and shoots Nakamura off and gets a jumping chest kick Sasaki now gets his strike combo but runs into a kitchen sink knee…and then ducks the next Shinsuke shot and drops him with a cutter. Strike exchange but Ulka breaks out a German suplex to drop him, Shinsuke recovers though and jumps off the second rope into a high kick and Ulka pulls off a flying triangle armbar but Nak gets his foot on the rope and crawls outside, but Ulka pulls him in with a rear naked choke. Sasaki almost has it locked in before Nakamura gets another knee strike to drop the smaller wrestler. More stomping in the corner as Ulka is getting shredded again. Backdrop suplex by Nak and Shinsuke is grinning like a lunatic. Bomaye attempted but Ulka finally squirms his way into a rear naked choke but Nak is still on his feet and launches Ulka into the corner to break it. Landslide attempt by Nakamura but Sasaki transitions into ANOTHER flying triangle but the ref is hit in the struggle and Nakamura gets the poison mist, a Styles Clash, and then a Bomaye to the back of the head and then another one to the front and that’s 3.

***¼

Man, Ulka actually sold his butt off here as he faced a stronger, more skilled, more terrifying opponent and tries a ton of flash offense in the mix of actually working Ricky Morton. Also I love that Nak had actually gotten got before he ate the poison mist before it happened. Fun stuff as Nak had a guy who actually knew how to take all his martial arts offense.

Kaito Kiyomiya (c) vs. OZAWA – GHC Heavyweight Championship

Background: So OZAWA is the new hotness from NOAH, a rookie came back from excursion and is basically a psychotic weirdo, bringinging up that top babyface ace Kaito Kiyomiya is behind the scenes a bully and a hypocrite. OZAWA plays himself as a manic lunatic, with a creepy mustache and the manner and dress of a cartoon mobster, he’s the leader of Team 2000X and is a supremely disrespectful, iconoclastic wrestler mad at the world and everything about it. Kaito of course is our prettyboy babyface ace and champion, respectful to the past, nice to the children, all that sort of stuff, it’s the clean-cut ace vs the scrappy punk heel rookie. OZAWA has baggy black pants and calls himself the Real Rebel versus Kaito’s All Rebellion stable. Kaito of course has blonde hair and silver and white trunks.

The Match: OZAWA immediately powders as Kaito wants to lockup, back in and OZAWA definitely displays his tranquility so to speak as OZAWA rolls away from a lockup again. Kaito asks for a test of strength, and OZAWA backs into the ropes and Kaito finally yanks at the rookies hair and the crowd boos him MASSIVELY for such an offense and the ref breaks it up. Another tease at a test of strength and OZAWA powders again and plays to the crowd. He gets on the apron, slingshots in and then powders again and when Kaito takes chase OZAWA gets inside first and gets a rake at the eyes, Kaito is STEAMING mad now and just takes his head off with a forearm and sells the eye…and OZAWA kips up and taunts. OZAWA with some armdrags and a flying headscissors to send Kiyomiya outside but he fakes out the tope and dances a little bit and does some breakdancing and Kaito is furious and runs back in and gets taken down again and OZAWA backflips into a taunt and picks his nose. This all feels very…13 year old’s idea of cool so far. O’Connor roll by OZAWA and then a standing moonsault and the crowd is hot for OZAWA. Kaito finally sends the challenger to the corner and gets a dragon screw and then a flying knee and Team 2000X pops up for a distraction as OZAWA is dumped outside, when Kaito finally follows, Yoshitatsu clubs Kaito and THAT gets boos from the crowd. OZAWA then grabs his crutch and breaks it over Kaito’s back and Kenoh runs over to support Kaito but gets decked for his troubles. Kiyomiya gets whipped to the barricades and when Kaito hits a reversal he gets rope-a-doped into the barricade regardless. OZAWA chokes Kaito on the barricade and licks him and he never stops taunting. Back in with a cravate by the challenger. Kaito finally gets loose and rebounds off the ropes into a flying clothesline and he sells his back on a double down and we finally get Kiyomiya with a comeback but when he goes for the springboard corkscrew elbow Yoshitatsu pops on the ropes to mess it up and OZAWA takes advantage…but Kaito’s fighting spirit is aroused and he dropkicks OZAWA outside, kips up, and gets a somersault plancha onto everybody. The seconds finally all brawl to the back and it’s just Kaito and OZAWA back in and the challenger begs off and then tries the sneak attack with the broken remnants of the crutch but Kaito sees it coming and knocks it out of the challengers hands with a dropkick. Kaito corners OZAWA and does some mounted punches to massive boos and then gets a big bridging German for 2. Shining Lancer (bicycle Shining Wizard) attempt by Kaito is blocked and after a sunset flip sequence OZAWA wins with a dropkick. Another big running dropkick into the corner by OZAWA and he goes up for a missile dropkick for 2. OZAWA follows with a flurry of spinning kicks and then a very lackadaisical cover and Kaito kicks out with authority. OZAWA calls for the end and goes for a gutwrench but Kaito flips out and they start a slugfest, OZAWA drops Kaito with a spinning heel kick and Kaito comes back with a Shining Lancer and we have a double down. Kaito up first and he gets a Tiger Suplex for 2.5, Kaito keeps it up with his half-suplex lift into a TIger Driver for 2.8, and Kaito, still focused, loads up the framing taunt for the Shining Lancer, but instead he runs into a pop-up reverse STO (I think, it was sloppy). Rolling fireman’s carry into a moonsault, but when Kaito dodges OZAWA lands on his feet and then gets a standing SSP instead, gutwrench into a kneeling powerbomb for 2.8 and Kaito is still alive. OZAWA goes for the Phoenix Splash but Kaito cuts him off and crotches him on the top rope and clambers up for a super rana but OZAWA bites Kaito and then gets a superbomb for 2.99. Phoenix Splash and Kaito rolls away and OZAWA crashes and burns and we have ANOTHER double down. Both get back up and we get a dropkick from Kaito, then a shining wizard to the back of the head, and a shining wizard to the front but these are just regular Shining Wizards so they’re not pinning anybody. The springboard reverse Shining Wizard gets 2.9 as OZAWA is laughing…before he faceplants as Kaito sets up another move. Kaito has enough and goes for another Wizard but OZAWA throws the ref in the way, OZAWA goes for the low blow but years of fighting House of Torture have prepared Kaito for this and he blocks it. And then Kaito goes for his OWN low blow and gets an uppercut into the takoyakis. Shining Lancer and Kaito gets like a five second visual pinfall but the ref is out and now Omos is coming down! And then OZAWA gets a punt into the uprights so to speak, he gets a field goal, he lands the penalty kick. But OZAWA realizes the ref is still out and then steals the framing taunt and dances and gets the Shining Wizard of his own, and the revived ref counts 1-2-and Kaito kicks out. Another lick by OZAWA and a dropkick sets up a pumphandle powerbomb for 2.8 as Kaito is kicking out of everything. But OZAWA gets the Phoenix Splash and that gets 3.

***

Well on some levels this wasn’t a very good match, but it was decently fun, and for those that pine for the days of the Attitude Era and it’s Sports Entertainment stuff this is probably a great time for you, I was entertained even if I thought that they probably could have shaved 5-8 minutes off of it. I was very impressed with Kaito, who played the Bret Hart heel to perfection as he really did everything possible to put over that OZAWA is a cool, dangerous, rebel who doesn’t respect anybody, and Kaito did his best to keep the match going and fill in the notes between sequences because I’m not actually sure OZAWA knows how to wrestle a full match, he has the spots, he has the gimmick stuff, he has the taunts, but when it was time for him to do a little heat segment, he really didn’t seem to know what he was doing. But at the same time, when Kaito was where OZAWA is right now, he didn’t really know how to fill the gooey middles of matches either. Kaito knew how to shine, he knew how to do a finishing sequence, but maintaining interest during a heat segment wasn’t something he could do in his first reign. As far as OZAWA’s gimmick is concerned, I think it’s trying a bit too hard, it feels like if Gabe Kidd was an Igobernable, but I think the cartoonish of it might be the point. Not to pontificate too much, but I still think Jake Lee did the best work as a too cool for school outsider who didn’t care about the rules, but I know I’m on an island on that front. Still, the match was fun, it was well-constructed and tightly agented in a way that you rarely see from NOAH matches as they timed ref bumps and interference and manager shots very well. I remain unconvinced of OZAWA but I’m willing to see where charisma and athleticism can take him.

Overall that was NOAH’s big show, it uh…wasn’t fantastic overall, nothing on here would be a MOTY contender, there was some really bad stuff as well, it was overall too long, but it was not bereft of highlights. I will say looking back at it now, the booking decisions they made in just this past 6 weeks makes this show make less sense, but hey, that’s NOAH baby.