Mike Reviews WWF Royal Rumble 1997

Happy Rumbling Friday Everyone!

As it’s Royal Rumble season, I thought I’d take a look at a classic Rumble pay per view from the days of yore, in the form of the 1997 event. I actually reviewed this one nearly 20 years ago for a website that no longer exists, and the review was pretty awful anyway, so let’s see if I can have a better stab at it all these years later.

In the Royal Rumble itself; Bret Hart, Undertaker, Vader and Steve Austin are all potential winners, whilst in the Main Event we’ve got hometown hero Shawn Michaels going for the WWF Title.

I seem to remember enjoying Royal Rumble 1997 back in the day, even though I’m not sure that sentiment is shared elsewhere amongst the fanbase at large. I’ve not watched the show in full for many years, so let’s see how Royal Rumble 97 stacks up 28 years on from the event.

You can view the card for Royal Rumble 1997 by clicking below;

WWF Royal Rumble 1997 Card

Pictures come courtesy of IMDB

The Royal Rumble is emanating from San Antonio, Texas on the 19th of January 1997

Calling the action are Vince McMahon, Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler

The opening video package focuses on how Shawn Michael’s boyhood dream was ended by Sid, and now he’s looking for revenge.

Opening Match
WWF Intercontinental Title
Champ: Hunter Hearst Helmsley w/ Curtis Hughes Vs Goldust w/ Marlena

Tri had won the Title from Marc Mero back in the autumn of 1996 and had gotten into a feud with Goldust when he’d started making unwanted advances towards Marlena. The WWF had decided that the fans wouldn’t cheer Goldust if they thought he wasn’t straight, so they’d had Goldust proudly confirm his heterosexuality before decking Jerry Lawler on an episode of Raw. Hughes was the WWF trying to give HHH’s act a new dimension by letting him be more of a generic old school Heel with a big bodyguard to help him rather than honing in on the Connecticut Blueblood aspect of the character. This would end up paying dividend for Hunter, but it would take Hughes being replaced by someone else for the pieces to really fall into place. They do a good job early on of getting across the idea that this is a heated issue by having the usually deliberate Goldust sprint down the aisle to attack Tri during his entrance. This is a marked difference from the way Goldust usually wrestled up to this point, and helps push the idea that this is a new Goldust, one that is actually capable of really battering someone if he gets good and peeved enough.

HHH sells well in the early going, with Goldust looking good on offence, and it’s a decent opening section of the bout, with Goldust’s ferocity being something that the Champ can’t handle. Goldust even clobbers Hunter with the ring steps at one stage outside the ring, but the referee lets that go. In all fairness, folks do get thrown into the steps quite a lot without it being an immediate DQ, so you can understand the referee using his discretion to let the bout keep going. However, it would have helped if the commentary team had pushed that idea a bit more for the audience at home rather than just skirting around it. The crowd reactions aren’t especially great for this one, which was kind of an issue with this feud in general most of the time outside of when Chyna would eventually get introduced to it and start throttling poor Marlena. Hunter keeps struggling to gain a foothold in the bout, with him missing a knee attack outside of the ring and colliding with the metal railings, which gives Goldust a target to focus his attacks on.

The Champ sells the leg well back inside the ring, and Goldust even busts out the Figure Four at one stage. Well, his Dad did do that move sometimes in fairness. Goldust eventually misses a running cross body though, and that leads to Hunter finally being able to cut the challenger off and work some heat. HHH shows great intestinal fortitude by doing his trademark bow, even though his leg has been clattered for so long, What a guy! They decide to have a picture in picture interview during this match, because I guess otherwise people might actually pay attention to it or something, which leads to a goateed Tod Pettingill interviewing Collin Ray, who supposedly sings country songs. Ray is at least a solid interviewee, although Tod’s horrible goatee proves to be quite distracting. Hunter stupidly drops a knee, which of course hurts his injured leg, and that allows Goldust a window to make the comeback. It’s a decent comeback too, with Goldust showing good fire.

Goldust has basically just wrestled this one as Dustin Rhodes for the most part, and it’s been an immediate improvement when compared to his usual Goldust match from this time period. Hughes ends up tossing the belt into the ring and distracts the ref, which leads to HHH forcing a smooch on Marlena, this allows Goldust to get the belt and clock Tri with it though, which gets Goldust two when Hughes pulls Hunter out of the ring. Somehow the referee missed that one. Goldust is suitably distracted though, and that leads to Hunter attacking Goldust from behind to get the cleanish win with the Pedigree. They push on commentary that this feud will continue, but Hunter survived Goldust kicking the hummus out of him for a long period of time and then beat him with his move in the middle after surviving a belt shot, so I’m not sure why Goldust would even still be in contention after this in all honesty.

WINNER AND STILL CHAMPION: HUNTER HEARST HELMSLEY
RATING: **1/2

Thoughts: They did a good job of getting across the idea that Goldust was far more aggressive than usual due to him defending his woman from Hunter’s unwanted advances. The crowd didn’t really get that into it, and the extended babyface shine might have actually started to hurt the match after a certain point, as the crowd didn’t really care about Tri taking a battering, whilst going for a more traditional structure where Goldust sold in an effort to get the crowd invested in the contest might have worked better. The finish was VERY Triple H as well, as he couldn’t just hit Goldust from behind and get a crappy win with a tights assisted roll-up or something. He HAD to hit his move first, which began a trend that would last for DECADES after this. As an overall match though I thought this was decent for the most part, and with a few tweaks it might have been better

Bret Hart says that he might be a marked man tonight, but that’s nothing new for him and he won’t take any more steps back in his quest to win the WWF Title.

Mankind says that most see the Royal Rumble as a chance to get a Title shot at Mania, but he just sees it as a chance to hurt as many people as he can, even including the people that he likes!

Both of those promos were short but good, like half a pint of Guinness!

Match Two
Faarooq w/ Clarence Mason, Crush, D-Lo Brown, JC Ice and Wolfie D Vs Ahmed Johnson

Faarooq had initially entered the WWF in 1996 as some weird kind of gladiator typed character, with the big aspect to draw heat being that he was managed by pretty white girl Sunny. However, when that character flopped, they decided to repackage him as the leader of the Nation of Domination, which was a group modelled on the real life Nation of Islam. Seeing as both Farooq and Johnson were pushed wrestlers of the same minority group, wrestling law dictated that they either had to feud or team, so this was during one of the periods where they were feuding. The two supposedly legitimately didn’t like one another in real life, with Faarooq being surly at Johnson due to Ahmed injuring Faarooq for real at one stage. For some reason they’re having one wrestler make their entrance before then playing the video package, which means that one of the wrestlers has to stand around in the ring like a plum waiting for their opponent whilst the video plays. I’m not sure why they decided to do it that way.

Ahmed is the old house-a-fire to start, as he batters Faarooq and the crowd seems more into this than they were the opener. Faarooq sells well and it sounds like there’s some live rounds getting fired out there as well. Ahmed is soon breathing pretty heavy, as I’m guessing that he’d not been working much of a regular schedule prior to this? A quick visit to Cage Match suggests that Ahmed had started wrestling again in mid-December and had mostly done sub 5 minute matches with Crush, which isn’t exactly the best prep for a big pay per view match on a show like Royal Rumble. Faarooq slams Ahmed kidney first onto a chair outside the ring and adds a chair shot following that, which I believe made its way onto the FMV opening for WWF War Zone on the PSX. Ahmed sells well during the heat, with Faarooq mostly going after the kidney area, which plays into the storyline of Faarooq injuring Ahmed.

Faarooq does the usual dumb Heel tactic of getting cocky though, and that allows Ahmed to power out of a Camel Clutch and then fall backwards. Faarooq was excellent during that sequence, being a loud mouthed cocky Heel and then slowly realising the trouble he was in before begging for mercy from the guy he was just pummelling. Tremendous. Ahmed catches Faarooq with a Powerslam following that, but Faarooq replies with a Spine Buster, but then stupidly stands around jawing with the fans again, which allows Ahmed to fight back once more, getting a Spine Buster of his own. This leads to The Nation running in and that’s the DQ. Normally I’d be offended by that finish, but the payoff was a Street Fight at WrestleMania 13, so doing a DQ here was a logical build to the eventual conclusion, so I’ll allow it.

WINNER BY DQ: AHMED JOHNSON
RATING: *1/2

Thoughts: Not a great match due to Ahmed getting blown up about 5 minutes in, but it had decent crowd reactions and Faarooq was actually really entertaining as the tough guy cocky Heel who wasn’t quite as tough as he thought he was when matched up against a big scary man like Ahmed. This was a feud that the fans seemed to care about, and the eventual twist later in the year where Ahmed went Heel and joined up with Faarooq could have been a really effective way to add some steam to the storyline, but then Ahmed got hurt (I know, I’m as shocked as you are) and they almost immediately reverted back to the status quo with Ahmed as a babyface again coming after The Nation

Ahmed batters The Nation following the match, putting one of them through a table. Faarooq of course flees whilst his minions get killed because, unlike them, he isn’t a clueless chump. Gotta have that hierarchy in a stable! Interestingly it was the French table and not the Spanish one that got destroyed. I’d make a joke about croissants going flying, but it’s the French-Canadian table really, so one about cups of scalding hot Tim Horton’s flying all over the place would probably be more appropriate. Please feel free to make your own lame gags about the province of Quebec in the comments section below!

Terry Funk says that the Royal Rumble is happening in his home state, and he’s ready to rumble!

Faarooq and the surviving members of The Nation of Domination are in the interview area with Tod Pettingill. Faarooq yells at some of The Nation members that had the temerity to run away from Ahmed rather than being meat shields for him. You tell em Faarooq, they need to understand who the meal ticket is in this operation you’re running!

Match Three
The Man Called Vader Vs The Undertaker

Vader was initially supposed to be getting the shot at Shawn Michaels here after winning the WWF Title at Survivor Series, which would apparently have led to Vader’s manager, Jim Cornette, showing up to the press conference in an oversized cowboy hat in order to rile up the local Texans. However, Shawn Michaels disliked working with Vader, so Sid got the gig instead and Cornette was taken off the road as a manager due to his commitments in the writing team following an onscreen attack from Undertaker, leaving Vader manager-less for the time being. I’ve never been a massive fan of this match, with my preference always being to the bout they had at Canadian Stampede, but let’s see if time has been kind to it.

Taker gets the better of things in the early going, and even busts out a version of the Rocker Dropper at one stage. The action isn’t bad, but it also feels like they’re working at a gear below what they’re capable of, perhaps because they’ve both got to come out again for the Royal Rumble itself later on? Taker tries going Old School (although at the time it was Current School of course) and Vader is able to counter that and then seemingly low blow Taker in full view of the ref. The ref just lets it go though, and the match continues. Was the referee supposed to miss that then and just forgot? Tod Pettengill interviews a babysitter in the crowd who came from Alaska to watch the show because she loves Shawn Michaels so much, whilst Vader works over Taker with the usual.

Taker had started to sell a lot more in 1996 during his feud with Mankind, which allowed him to have more normal matches around this time, so his selling during the heat is decent and the crowd gets behind The Deadman as a result. Who could have predicted that selling like a regular wrestler and not being a lurching non-selling zombie would lead to better matches eh? We get our second instance of “Heel goes for a move and gets caught with a Powerslam” on the show tonight, which you don’t normally expect from the WWF as they’re usually better at agenting matches in order to make sure that the same spots don’t get repeated like that.

Taker then does a Hogan and no sells a Vader Powerbomb before making the comeback, with the crowd continuing to be into the contest. Taker looks to have things well in hand, but former manager Paul Bearer shows up in order to cost Taker the match by first distracting Taker and then clocking Taker with the urn when Vader comes to Bearer’s rescue. They did at least distract the referee during that Bearer urn attack. Vader gets the Pump Splash following that and gets arguably one of his biggest WWF single match pin fall victories.

WINNER: VADER
RATING: **

Thoughts: Not an especially exciting match, and nowhere near as good as Canadian Stampede, but the crowd was into it at least. I have to say that the blatant low blow from Vader was awful, but every match so far has had a spot that should normally be a DQ just getting waived off (the steps in the opener, the chair in match two, the low blow here) so maybe the WWF was trying to go with a more ECW styled approach where the rules were a bit more relaxed?

Vader and Bearer leave together following that, with Bearer managing Vader on and off up until the summer of 1997. Taker decides to beat up the referee in order to get his heat back, and to be fair the referee did make a right mess of officiating that one. I wish something like that would happen to guys like Mark Clattenberg after they had terrible performances back in the day. Yakubu being allowed to destroy him with a Tombstone Piledriver after an awful Derby game performance would have been wonderful.

Stone Cold Steve Austin thinks that the TV guys always have the camera’s where they don’t belong. Stone Cold isn’t talking to anybody until he wins the Royal Rumble later on.

Meanwhile, British Bulldog is going to win the Royal Rumble later, because he’s bizarre. I knew someone who swore that for years he thought Bulldog actually said “I’m the czar” there, because he was going to win the ROYAL Rumble and all. I guess that isn’t any DUMBER than saying he was bizarre, so I kind of see the logic being used.

Match Four
Una Caída Lucha de tríos
Fuerza Guerrera, Heavy Metal y Jerry Estrada Vs El Canek, Hector Garza y Perro Aguayo

Guerrera is the father of Juventud. Heavy Metal was a heavily hyped star who supposedly used to easily out wrestle Rey Mysterio Jr back in the day, but personal demons hampered him from reaching his full potential. Estrada worked primarily in AAA, although he did have a run in SWS, so if you want some info on that then Maffew has you covered. El Canek is on the small list of people who successfully body slammed Andre The Giant. Garza had runs in WCW and TNA, and was another great talent that sadly couldn’t get out of his own way. His relatives now wrestle in WWE as Los Lothario’s. Aguayo was a huge star in Mexico and famously Main Evented the When Worlds Collide show against Konnan. This match was an attempt for the WWF to try and combat WCW and their Cruiserweight division, by bringing in some Mexican stars to wrestle on WWF cards and do a more exciting high flying style. It didn’t really work, owing to WWF/E fans historically just not caring about lighter weight wrestlers due to years of being told that they don’t matter.

They even have a Mexican referee for this one, just to make it authentic. I personally quite enjoy the action in this one, but it’s not a sentiment shared by the crowd or by most other reviewers. I guess if you’re used to watching actual lucha, then these guys getting in here and working at a slower speed than usual in front of a near silent crowd probably doesn’t really stack up. I don’t think the luchadores here at Royal Rumble were seen as stars by the WWF audience, and in the WWF that’s always been more important than the action in the ring. It’s rare for folks to essentially come in off the street without any build and win WWF/E crowds over, and that proves to be the case here. I’m okay with this though, as luchadores get into the ring, taunt, slap one another, and then do some flips, and it entertains me. Heavy Metal and Garza seem like the two best wrestlers on their respective teams. Canek and Aguayo seem a step slower than everyone else, which hurts this a bit if you’re trying to use it as a marker in the ground from the WWF that they can offer the same sort of exciting lucha action as WCW can. Garza eventually gets a TOPE CON HILO onto Garza and Guerrera, which allows Aguayo to come off the top with a Double Stomp to Metal back inside for three.

GANADORES: CANEK, GARZA Y AGUAYO
CLASIFICACIÓN: **

Pensamientos: Crowd didn’t care for it, but I found it watchable in a frenetic “lots of bodies flying around” kind of way. I’ve never been a huge lucha guy personally, so I can’t really comment as to whether this was actually an authentic trios match experience or not, but I found it fun from an in-ring perspective, with the morgue-like reaction from the crowd being the only thing to really take it down. Even though the two veterans on the winning team slowed it down a bit, they still at least brought something to the match, with Canek doing power moves and Aguayo going for wild brawling. Obviously it wasn’t close to the quality the WCW crew were providing, with the lucha match at SuperBrawl VII blowing this match out of the water, but it was still an okay outing

Howard Finkel confirms that we’ve got over 60,000 in the building tonight, which was apparently not a massive inflation for once

Match Five
The 1997 Royal Rumble
Mankind Vs Jake Roberts Vs Phineas I. Godwinn Vs Mil Mascaras Vs Vader Vs Marc Mero Vs Savio Vega Vs Owen Hart Vs The Sultan Vs “Diesel” Vs Cibernetico Vs Hunter Hearst Helmsley Vs Terry Funk Vs Crush Vs Bret Hart Vs Ahmed Johnson Vs Steve Austin Vs Flash Funk Vs Bart Gunn Vs Faarooq Vs Jesse Jammes Vs The Undertaker Vs “Razor Ramon” Vs The British Bulldog Vs Goldust Vs Jerry Lawler Vs Henry O. Godwinn Vs Rocky Maivia Vs Latin Lover Vs Pierroth

On the off chance any of you have never seen a Royal Rumble Match before (unlikely, but every review can always be someone’s first I guess), we start with two wrestlers in the ring and then every 60-120 seconds later (depending on what the WWF wants to go with) a new wrestler will enter until 30 have had 30 enter in total. Elimination occurs by being thrown over the top rope to the floor. Both of your feet have to touch the floor in order for you to be eliminated.

#1 – Crush enters the Royal Rumble

#2 – Ahmed Johnson enters the Royal Rumble

So this continues the Nation Vs Ahmed feud, and I doubt either of these two will still be there at the end. I can only imagine the strain on Ahmed if he were forced to wrestle for 60 minutes. They actually roll around on the mat throwing punches at one stage, like it’s the worst MMA fight of all-time or something. Crush targets the kidney’s of Ahmed and almost manages to throw Ahmed out, but Ahmed holds on.

#3 – “Razor Ramon” enters the Royal Rumble

Sadly they botch the countdown clock somehow, so “Razor” just randomly walks out at one stage without his music to join the match. I’m guessing there was some kind of rare technical issue for the WWF production team there? “Razor” was the WWF’s attempt to show that they still owned the character despite WCW signing the real Razor in the form of Scott Hall. Thus they stuck Canadian grappler Rick Bogner in the Razor Ramon outfit and told him to wrestle like Hall as best he could. It didn’t get over, and indeed, Ahmed bounces the un-over “Razor” from the ring with ease for our first elimination of the night. Ahmed then spies Faarooq coming down to the ring though, so Ahmed stupidly eliminates himself in order to give chase.

Ahmed Johnson (1) eliminates Razor Ramon

Ahmed Johnson eliminates himself

#4 – Phineas I. Godwinn enters the Royal Rumble

Phineas was a wrestling hillbilly who tagged with his storyline brother Henry. Crush and Phineas have a boring slugfest that the crowd doesn’t care about.

#5 – Stone Cold Steve Austin enters the Royal Rumble

The crowd interest picks up a bit now that Austin is in there, although Phineas quickly stomps Stone Cold down, which means we have to endure more of Crush and Phineas going at it. Austin ends up accidentally clotheslining Crush, which allows Phineas to chuck out Crush. However, Stone Cold quickly catches Phineas with a Stunner and sends the hog farmer to the floor.

Phineas I. Godwinn (1) eliminates Crush

Steve Austin eliminates (1) Phineas I. Godwinn

#6 – Bart Gunn enters the Royal Rumble

Bart has previously tagged with storyline brother Billy as a pair of cowboys, but now he’s a singles wrestler. Bart is in great shape but his wrestling isn’t great tonight. Austin tries flinging Bart to the floor, but Bart gets tangled in the ropes, so Austin has to throw him out again and manages it this time. Rough night for Bort there. Austin has the ring to himself again, and taunts the crowd, showing some real star presence.

Steve Austin eliminates (2) Bart Gunn

#7 – Jake “The Snake” Roberts enters the Royal Rumble

They have managed to sort the countdown clock now at least. Ironically Jim Ross was just talking about Austin winning the 1996 King of the Ring prior to Jake coming out, which is relevant because Austin defeated The Snake in order to win the tournament. Roberts gets the better of Stone Cold at first, using the rare technique of working a wristlock in a battle royal, although it seems to work and Austin’s run of having the ring to himself ends for now. However, just as the music for the next entrant hits, Roberts supposedly gets thrown out off screen

Steve Austin eliminates (3) Jake Roberts

#8 – The British Bulldog enters the Royal Rumble

Austin had been attacking Bulldog quite a lot during the build-up to this show, so Bulldog is full of pish and vinegar here, leading to an exciting little exchange until the next guy enters.

#9 – Pierroth enters the Royal Rumble

Pierroth is representing the AAA promotion from Mexico, and is apparently a total Rudo if Jim Ross’ commentary is to be believed. Pierroth mostly just punches and kicks in there, and it’s fine but not a good baromoter for whether he was actually a good wrestler or not.

#10 – The Sultan enters the Royal Rumble

Sultan is Fatu/Rikishi playing a Persian royal who doesn’t have a tongue, complete with pointy boots and Iron Sheik as his manager. Sultan and Pierroth have a pretty one-sided battle, with Sultan getting the best of things, whilst Austin targets Bulldog’s leg and knee.

#11 – “No Yob” Mil Mascaras enters the Royal Rumble

Mascaras is a legendary figure in wrestling both in Mexico and Japan, renowned for being one of the most selfish performers in wrestling history due to his refusal to make his opponents look good. Not much happens, as we’ve hit the trademark Rumble Lull quite early this year.

#12 – Hunter Hearst Helmsley enters the Royal Rumble

Ego’s collide, as Tri and Mascaras go at it, but Mil was higher up on the wrestling totem pole at the time and Hunter is a pro, so Mascaras just mostly beats HHH up. Bulldog manages to clothesline Sultan out though, and Sultan wouldn’t enter a Rumble again until 2000, where he did considerably better as Rikishi that year and actually got to play the Diesel role.

The British Bulldog (1) eliminates The Sultan

Austin and Hunter do a little bit together and it’s good, go figure.

#13 – “The Slammy Award Winning” Owen Hart enters the Royal Rumble

Owen and Bulldog were Tag Champs at the time, but they were having some problems, which become even more pronounced when Owen eliminates Bulldog, although Owen claims he was actually trying to eliminate Austin because Austin and Bulldog were tangling on the ropes at the time.

Owen Hart (1) eliminates The British Bulldog

#14 – Goldust enters the Royal Rumble

Goldust of course goes in there and targets Hunter, but Austin decides to drag Goldust away from his vendetta so that they can do an entertaining little sequence together. Mascaras tries to eliminate Owen, but The King of Harts manages to hold on.

#15 – Cibernetico enters the Royal Rumble

Cibernetico is another Mexican guest star, and he goes straight for Mascaras, which goes about as well for him as you’d expect.

#16 – “Wildman” Marc Mero enters the Royal Rumble

Whilst Mero is making his entrance, we have three people get eliminated in roughly 10 seconds, as Mascaras and Pierroth team up to dump Cibernetico, only for Mascaras to then throw out Pierroth. Mascaras then decides that he won’t let someone eliminate him, so he just dives out onto the two other luchadores in order to eliminate himself. It just goes to show that some of the biggest marks in wrestling can sometimes be the people in the locker room.

Mil Mascaras (1) and Pierroth (1) eliminate Cibernetico

Mil Mascaras (2) eliminates Pierroth

Mil Mascaras eliminates himself

Goldust and Mero both hate Hunter, so they team up briefly and Goldust then clotheslines Tri out in order to keep their feud going.

Goldust (1) eliminates Hunter Hearst Helmsley

#17 – Latin Lover enters the Royal Rumble

Latin Lover is a big star from AAA who I believe ended up starring in soap opera’s as well as in Pro Wrestling. Lover and Owen do a decent bit together, but sadly it soon gets broken up by Goldust, as it’s time for Goldust to be thrown out, and indeed Owen does the honours soon after.

Owen Hart (2) eliminates Goldust

#18 – Faarooq enters the Royal Rumble

Poor Latin Lover quickly gets soup canned by Faarooq, after barely getting a chance to do anything. What a waste of a cameo.

Faarooq (1) eliminates Latin Lover

Faarooq and Austin do a quick bit together, and it’s genuinely intense and exciting action, but before things can get too interesting, Ahmed Johnson runs down with a 2×4 and Faarooq bails.

Faarooq eliminates himself

Austin spies that Owen and Mero are fighting on the ropes, so he stomps over and shoves them both out, giving Austin the ring to himself for the second time in this thing.

Steve Austin (5) eliminates Marc Mero and Owen Hart

#19 – Savio Vega enters the Royal Rumble

Austin and Vega spent a good chunk of 1996 feuding, so Austin is less than pleased to see his old Puerto Rican foe show up. As usual when these two match up, the action here is good, with Vega getting the better of it for the most part due to Austin being tired after his previous exploits. However, Savio gets too eager and that leads to Austin getting the Stun Gun (the move, not the item) before sending Vega to the showers.

Steve Austin (6) eliminates Savio Vega

#20 – “The Real Double J” Jesse Jammes enters the Royal Rumble

The WWF has tried pushing Jammes as a singer whose song got stolen by Jeff Jarrett. Shockingly that didn’t get Jammes over, and Austin quickly throws Jammes out to once again control the ring by his lonesome.

Steve Austin (7) eliminates Jesse Jammes

#21 – Bret “Hitman” Hart enters the Royal Rumble

Austin’s reaction to Bret’s music hitting is fantastic, as he’s first shocked, then scared, then up for a fight in all of 10-15 seconds. That’s some great acting right there. Austin and Bret have a fantastic exchange, with Bret getting the better of things and stomping a mudhole in Austin.

#22 – Jerry “The King” Lawler enters the Royal Rumble

Lawler gets in the ring but is quickly eliminated by Bret, which leads to Lawler heading back to the commentary desk and pretending none of it happened. That was really funny and this match has really picked up once we got to the second “Austin clears the ring” section of the bout.

Bret Hart (1) eliminates Jerry Lawler

#23 – “Diesel” enters the Royal Rumble

“Diesel” is Glenn “Kane” Jacobs playing a fake version of Diesel for the same reason that Rick Bogner was playing a fake Razor Ramon. Jacobs was actually better at being Diesel than Bogner was at being Razor, and I wonder if that helped Jacobs eventually get the Kane gig later in the year? “Diesel” clobbers Bret a bit but not much else happens.

#24 – Terry Funk enters the Royal Rumble

I believe this run for Funk didn’t last long, as he decided to go home to tend to a sick horse and was back in ECW again about a month later. Funk looks good here for the most part, although he doesn’t quite manage to Piledrive Bret.

#25 – Rocky Maivia enters the Royal Rumble

Rocky hadn’t enjoyed his ill-advised Intercontinental Title win by this point, so the fans had yet to truly turn on the youngster as he wasn’t totally over-pushed at this exact moment. Not much happens once Rocky gets in there.

#26 – Mankind enters the Royal Rumble

Mankind and Funk of course go at it, with Funk managing to survive an elimination attempt. There’s a decent collection of talent in there, but it’s mostly just guys laying on the ropes.

#27 – Flash Funk enters the Royal Rumble

Bret catches Austin with a Piledriver, and it’s a beauty. Flash would be better known as Too Cold Scorpio, and he gets to dive onto Funk and “Diesel” at one stage, which “Diesel” doesn’t appreciate. Flash has drawn the lucky number here, although no one wins with it anymore so the point is moo. I do wish they’d let someone win from #27 again actually

#28 – Vader enters the Royal Rumble

The ring is getting a bit full now, so there’s not much space to do stuff, although Austin and Vader do an entertaining quick bit together that Vader gets the better of.

#29 – Henry O. Godwinn enters the Royal Rumble

Henry gets to knock down Vader in order to show that he’s a big scary man that should be respected. Vader and Funk scrap in the corner a bit following that, which is probably the most interesting part of this section

#30 – The Undertaker enters the Royal Rumble

Taker is in a BAD mood, and he quickly starts punching everything that moves, with Vader even taking a Choke Slam at one stage. Taker even clocks “Diesel” at one stage, which would take on a different connotation a year later. Rocky bravely directs some punches at Taker, whilst Vader FLINGS Flash to the floor.

Vader (1) eliminates Flash Funk

The Bone Street Krew EXPLODES, as Taker and Henry go at it, in a battle which eventually goes Taker’s way. Austin and Funk scrap together at one stage, and it’s a shame that Funk wasn’t 10 years younger as 1988 Funk Vs Austin for the WWF Title in 1998 would have possibly been great fun. Taker gets tired of Henry’s insolence and throws the hog farmer over the top to the floor, bringing their brawl to a conclusion.

The Undertaker (1) eliminates Henry O. Godwinn

Rocky tries a springboard move of some kind, but Mankind catches the youngster in the Mandible Claw and then throws Rocky out. They would have a more infamous battle at a Royal Rumble event in 1999 of course.

Mankind (1) eliminates Rocky Maivia

Mankind targets Funk next, with the two brawling on the apron following a Cactus Clothesline from Mankind. Funk gets back into the ring, but then gets suplexed to the floor in a spot you can actually do in the N64 THQ/AKI games. Mankind doesn’t get much time to enjoy it though, as Taker throws Mankind out pretty quickly.

Mankind (2) eliminates Terry Funk

The Undertaker (2) eliminates Mankind

This leads to Mankind and Funk brawling outside of the ring, which is very important as it distracts the referees. This means that the referees miss when Bret throws out Austin, which allows Austin to sneak back in. Taker and Vader are fighting on the ropes like the two huge monsters they are, but that allows Austin to use their momentum against them and chuck them both out. Whilst that is going on, Bret eliminates “Diesel” to ostensibly win the match, but because the referees didn’t see Austin go out they still think he’s a legal participant, which leads to Austin then throwing out Bret to win the Rumble, thus sadly robbing “Diesel” of his runner-up award (although he would eventually claim that honour in 2001).

Steve Austin (9) eliminates The Undertaker and Vader

Bret Hart (2) eliminates “Diesel”

Steve Austin (10) eliminates Bret Hart

WINNER: STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN
MOST ELIMINATIONS: STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN WITH 10
RATING: ***

Thoughts: Austin was the undisputed star of this Royal Rumble, with the best bits coming from when he took control of the ring. Aside from that, it wasn’t a terrible Rumble, and there was some genuinely impressive talent in there at points too, but it wasn’t an especially great one either. The big problem was that they filled the ring with too many people once they hit the 20’s onwards, and that made the match feel a bit dull and overstuffed because there wasn’t enough space for the more talented wrestlers to work in. The finish was an interesting twist, and was apparently executed the way it was because the WWF thought that Bret Hart winning was too obvious so they wanted to SWERVE people. Bret winning actually made the most sense if the end game was Bret Vs Shawn for the WWF Title at Mania 13, but the WWF had a way of getting things back on course at the February pay per view, but then Shawn injured his knee and threw things out of whack again. In retrospect, they probably should have just had Undertaker win this, seeing as he was the guy who eventually got the Title match at Mania 13 and knowing that Taker was definitely going to be in the Main Event would have given the WWF something to consistently promote for that show even with all the other bollocks going on in the build-up, but everyone’s hindsight is 20/20 as they say

Bret Hart is very angry about that result and yells at the commentators.

Earlier today, Shawn Michaels tells Jim Ross that he has the flu, but it’s not going to stop him winning the WWF Title later on. Shawn does look pretty rough here actually, as flu is no joke.

Main Event
WWF Title
Champ: “Sycho” Sid Vs “The Heartbreak Kid” Shawn Michaels w/ Jose Lothario

Sid had defeated Shawn for the Title back at Survivor Series after clocking poor Jose with a camera to distract Shawn. Sid then attacked Jose’s son on an episode of Raw in order to get Shawn really steamed, leading to this match being booked so that Shawn could go for revenge in his hometown. That storyline at least helped them squeeze an acceptable crowd into the building, although apparently they needed to use discount tokens from Taco Bell in order to sell the last 20,000 tickets required for a respectable crowd number. Those poor fans, not only do they now have to sit through a Sid Main Event but they also had to eat Taco Bell for the privilege of being there.

This is the usual “babyface Shawn Vs a talentless big goof” match, wherein Shawn uses his speed to put Sid on the backfoot in the early going in order to pop the crowd, with Sid taking his usual awful bumps for everything. Sid gets either our third or fourth instance of “countering a move off the ropes into a Powerslam” spot of the evening, as it almost has to be a running joke at this stage seeing that we’ve seen it so many times. The boys probably had a wager going where everyone had to fit that spot in somehow. Anyway, Sid targets the back following that, working in a tight looking Camel Clutch, which is at least a hold that makes use of the size difference between the two, although it chumpafies The Sultan that his finisher is being used as a rest hold by the Main Eventer’s here.

Shawn’s selling is really good (yeah, I know, Shawn Michaels being good at selling, how unforeseen) and Sid keeps his offence simple enough that he doesn’t do anything too terrible looking, so it’s an efficient heat segment that gives the flu-ridden Shawn plenty of chances to rest when required. Normally I’d be annoyed at so much resting in a big match like this, but I also know how horrible flu can be, so if Shawn needs to stand around in a bearhug for a bit in order to get through this one, then fair enough. It’s not like he could have pulled out of the match when it was in his hometown and most of the crowd would have come specifically to see him. Plus, Sid sitting around in rest holds gives him less chance to embarrass himself by trying stuff he can’t so, such as wrestling at a level higher than a guy on his second wrestling lesson (Sorry for being so mean to Sid, this was written before his passing. I’ve left it in as a reminder to myself to be a bit nicer when doing these things).

Shawn eventually fights his way out of a chinlock and gets a body slam before heading up top for the big elbow drop. Sid manages to block the follow-up Superkick though and sends Shawn to the floor, where he gives Shawn a Powerbomb onto the pretty blue mats. This leads to Sid attacking both Jose and his son, but Shawn breaks that up before things can get too gnarly, which leads to the referee getting squished in the corner back inside the ring. Sid gets a Choke Slam, which gets him a two count from a replacement referee, which leads to an annoyed Sid clocking the replacement ref. Sid tries going after Jose again, but Shawn grabs hold of a nearby camera and clocks Sid with it, which is the same thing Sid did to Shawn back at Survivor Series. Shawn gets a two count from that, but now he’s fired up and the Sweet Chin Music follows in order to give Shawn the Title.

WINNER AND NEW CHAMPION: SHAWN MICHAELS
RATING: **3/4

Thoughts: A little bit too much resting, which was a result of Shawn being ill so it can be forgiven slightly, but it did lead to the match eventually feeling like it was dragging a bit. Still, Shawn sold really well, Sid’s crappiness was hidden well (again, sorry for me being so meanhere, I feel like a monster), and Shawn got revenge for Survivor Series and sent the crowd home happy with another Title win. Overall it was an acceptable Main Event considering that one of the wrestlers had flu and the other was utter mince (That last one was just unnecessary)

Shawn celebrates with his belt, as the San Antonio crowd is very happy. Shawn of course takes a moment to shake his bum in Vince McMahon’s face, which Vince is all too happy to see. Find yourself someone or something to love as much as Vince McMahon loved Shawn Michaels in the mid to late 90’s.

In Conclusion

Royal Rumble 1997 is a very middling show. There’s nothing here that I would say is really bad, but there isn’t really anything that’s especially good either. The majority of the matches are in the ** to *** range, with nothing threatening the upper echelons. I found the show to be an easy enough watch but there’s not much to really recommend you going out of your way to see here. 1997 was a bit of an odd year for the WWF, as most of the “Big Five” shows that year were pretty forgettable from a match quality perspective, outside of a few notable exceptions of course, with the better wrestling usually to be found on the In Your House events.

What doesn’t help Royal Rumble 1997 is how inessential it is as well. Stone Cold wins the Rumble and Shawn Michaels wins the WWF Title, and the Main Event of WrestleMania 13 ended up being…Sid Vs Undertaker. When the two big matches on a Rumble event end up not really mattering in the long run in regards to that years Mania, there’s not really much point going out of your way to watch it because ultimately the results didn’t really matter in the end.

Not a recommended show