Tri-State Wrestling Alliance Summer Sizzler II 08/03/91

Penn Hall
Attendance 562

Previously In TWA…

This is maybe the most well-known TWA show as well as the most acclaimed because of two men and three matches. However it’s only available via a dodgy fan cam recording which makes me wonder how it achieved so much critical adulation.

Best Of Three Series #1 Falls Count Anywhere Match
Cactus Jack vs. Eddie Gilbert

Gilbert flies around like Hennig on Hennessy, even doing the “throwing punches while falling” sell. Double Arm DDT connects early to an impressed “ooooo” reaction. Well that’s enough in-ring nonsense, let’s head outside so Cactus can eat another guard-rail.

We head into the crowd for some hard-to-see action but the crowd seems to enjoy it. A fan near the camera helpfully tells us “Gilbert’s juicing.” Gilbert throws a bin full of crap at Jack and the fans, not affecting the smell. Cactus’ bumps are getting some wild reactions but again, you can only barely tell what’s happening. Jack suplexes a table onto Gilbert, which Sandman would borrow as a regular spot. Cactus bashes someone’s umbrella over Gilbert before that trademark goofy grin gets everyone cheering. Cactus sets up the Cactus Elbow off the apron and onto concrete/the back of people’s heads. Helpfully, Tod Gordon is counting the ref’s pins over the mic so everyone in the arena knows what is happening. Like last time, Cactus tries the Sunset Flip off the apron but only gets two. Sadly you can’t appreciate the brutality of it because you can’t hear or see it. Three mightily impressive suplexes on the floor follow for poor Cactus but he still kicks out every time. Back into the ring, Gilbert sells some more crazy punches but takes a mighty backdrop up and over the ropes so Cactus can fly off the apron with a flying clotheslines to end it at 16:13.

Cactus Jack 1 – Eddie Gilbert – 0

I wonder if people get this match mixed up with their previous FCA match because you could only see half the bloody thing. What we got was pretty sweet and Cactus was taking every bump he could get his hands on in 1991 but at the same time, you look at the ratings this has received over the years and think “really?” Kinda recommended, watch their other match instead.

Madusa Miceli vs. Luna Vachon

Madusa is announced as hailing from Japan. She’d had more matches for JWP and AJW than in America so yeah fair enough.

Luna dominates to start as the crowd dies a death until Luna yells at them. Madusa solidly works over Luna with armbars as one fan explains to another that Bruno doesn’t wrestle anymore but his son does. Luna messes up a piledriver but crowd are polite about it. The other guy seems skeptical so the other explains Bruno was 23 when he won the title from Buddy Rogers in 1963. He was 27 but the fact he knows these ballpark figures is wonderful. The other guy doesn’t care if Bruno’s 60, he still wants to see him wrestle. That’s the spirit. Luna misses a top rope splash as fan #1 talks about Lou Thesz still wrestling so it’s possible.

Madusa messes up a Flair Flop badly and everyone laughs so Luna grabs her to brawl outside because she knows the fans will stop talking about Bruno if she takes a slam. She’s right, instead they talk about Abdullah. Eventually Don E Allen throws Luna a chain and while Woman distracts the ref for five minutes, Luna batters away…but Madusa still kicks out. Crowd are suddenly into this. Madusa and her kicks take away with Luna headbanging after every one of them for emphasis but she uses the chain right in front of the ref so she gets DQ’d because some rules need to be followed.

Crowd actually got into this match despite everything against them and they rewarded them with that fuck finish.

Madusa challenges Luna to a hair vs hair match next time. Crowd pops but she takes ages to leave so a small “We Want Flair” chant breaks out, the “CM Punk” of 1990.

Best Of Three Series #2 Stretcher Match
Cactus Jack vs. Eddie Gilbert

OK we’re back with Cactus clotheslining Gilbert on the outside which again, we can’t see.

Cactus and Gilbert head into the crowd again where Cactus launches a bin at Eddie and then follows up with another crazy Cactus Elbow to the outside. Gilbert brings it into the ring and dumps the crap everywhere which I’m sure the other wrestlers appreciated. Eddie then smashes a possibly gimmicked (but possibly not) bottle over Cactus’ head in an impressive moment that we can see.

Gilbert vows to kill Cactus so the refs had better put him on the stretcher and get him out of here for his own good or else we won’t be seeing a third match tonight. OK that’s pretty great. And it ends the match as Cactus is indeed stretched out for his own good! Barely anything here to rate but this must have been amazing to watch live.

Cactus Jack 1 – Eddie Gilbert – 1

Gilbert assures us that Cactus will not be showing up later on but promises not to hurt Todd Gordon cos he’s too cute. Gilbert sings “I WON THE MATCH I WON THE MAAAAAATCH” as obnoxiously as possible to really annoy the crowd.

Buddy Landel vs. Austin Idol

Well I wasn’t expecting to see these two go at it considering how flakey their reputations are. They immediately brawl into the crowd but at least they go to the empty side of arena so we can see them. After some more bin shots, they head to the ring for some choking. Fan #1 points out there’s no ref but it turns out there is, he’s just not as athletic as the wrestlers and he took his sweet time returning. As soon as he makes it to the ring, the wrestlers head outside and over the guard rail again which had to be a rib.

They brawl in the exact same spots and do the exact same stuff as I wonder if my copy of the match has skipped. Whoever is recording agrees and skips ahead as we cut to Idol teasing the Figure Four which I guess was supposed to get a big pop (but didn’t) so Buddy kicks him into the ref for the finish. How can you get DQ’d after a ten minute brawl into the crowd? Oh, the ref DQs both men, that’s how. Buddy whips Idol and then they head to the back together. Urgh. Well this was certainly a match.

Jim Cornette & Stan Lane vs. The Fantastics (Bobby Fulton & Tommy Rogers)

Cornette starts this by proclaiming “Stan Lane taught William Kennedy Smith everything he knows” and Wikipedia explains the reference with something they’ve labelled 1991 SEXUAL ASSAULT CHARGE so it’s going to be one of those nights. Tod Gordon announces Cornette as having “taught Pee Wee Herman everything he knows” to a big pop. This is like listening to Rob Bartlett’s commentary on Raw but for sex crimes. Crowd tell the Fantastics they suck so Cornette asks them not to because they’re going to the theatre later with Pee Wee Herman. Tod just used that line! Think of another pervert, you’re in wrestling you should know enough of them.

Cornette flexes to begin, wearing the rubbery black and red ensemble he’d wear in WWF. Crowd chant “STEROIDS” at Cornette. This starts off fairly normal by TWA standards with wristlock exchanges until the crowd demands Jim, who gets all excited on the apron. They do the wonderful “Cornette works over Fulton’s arm several times but then does it without looking and hurts Stan accidentally” spot that the crowd go nuts for. Fulton even heads outside to encourage Cornette to keep doing it. Cornette tries to apologise to Stan whose feelings are hurt so he makes Jim kiss it and all is forgiven. Crowd love this even though it’s already 22:00. We know it’s that time because Fan #1 asks someone because he needs to catch a train. Maybe the decrease in attendance was due to the shows going so damn long.

Cornette finally tags in to start punching Fulton who sells…for two seconds before he goes for him. Cornette takes some silly bumps before surprise, surprise everyone heads into the crowd for a big brawl because not even the manager-comedy tag match is free from it. Thankfully it doesn’t last long and soon Cornette is landing JUMPING ELBOWS to a downed Fulton before distracting the ref so Stan can get the sucker shots in. This goes on and on as Cornette is working like a normal wrestler and the crowd are only interested in the silly stuff. Rogers makes a hot tag and the crowd BOO him. Crossbody gets two as Cornette breaks it up as he’s working hard in the ring tonight, with the white powder getting kicked in his face and taking the pin from Fulton despite coke residue being everywhere. But Cornette sends the fans home happy with a tennis racket shot to Rogers’ back.

Bunch of Tom & Jerry nonsense to keep the crowd amused in between crowd brawls that was effective until they started doing what everyone else had done so far.

Fulton heels it up on the microphone afterwards and tells the crowd “the greatest tag team in the world appreciate the support” and vows to return. Crowd boos them and they wouldn’t.

Cornette explains he thought he was going to be wrestling in a standard tag team match and was surprised when he found himself using bins and dropping elbows.

Best Of Three Series #3 Steel Cage Match
Cactus Jack vs. Eddie Gilbert

We cut to the ref sanctioning this match with a taped-up Cactus storming the cage to attack Eddie. Just as well or they would have set this cage up for nothing. Alright, the chances of a cage match having a crowd brawl are like 30% so c’mon lads I have faith in you. Eddie tries to escape from Cactus’ wrath which gives us the story of the match and I’m thankful as it’s a dead art nowadays. Cactus smacks around Eddie until he’s satisfied and then climbs over the top of the cage, but Eddie pushes him off and Cactus eats shit plummeting through a table at ringside.

Crowd doesn’t react in a YEAH THAT RULED kinda way, more of a JESUS CHRIST IS HE OK? way. I’m with them, that looked and sounded horrible.

Eddie leaves the cage and the bell rings because I guess Cactus won after landing on the floor so we get (SIGH) another crowd brawl because technically the cage match is over so it’s OK.

After heading to the outside area for a bit both men…head back inside as this match is still going on? And Cactus goes for pin-falls? Crowd are completely done. Cactus misses a top rope elbow before missing the Cactus Clothesline into the cage. That wouldn’t have worked anyway mate. Some fans are yelling “STOP THE MATCH” but I don’t know if it’s because they’re concerned for Cactus or they want to go home. Cactus takes a wonderful Flair Flop into the cage wall and gets stuck so Eddie uses this opportunity to hit him in the dick.

The ref takes a clothesline (of course he fucking does) so Doug Gilbert can enter the cage and beat Cactus with a chain with Eddie thankfully getting the mic and telling everyone who Doug is because no-one popped for him. Was he a name in 1991? The local lads try to save but Doug knocks them all off like when you’re climbing the cages in Super Mario World. So we end with another beatdown until Bam Bam Bigelow (who had been the special guest ref earlier in a match not recorded) saves Cactus.

Cactus Jack 1 – Eddie Gilbert – 1?

This of course sets up Cactus Jack & Bam Bam Bigelow vs. The Gilberts.

Oh wait no it didn’t. Doug would never show up again and Cactus would leave for WCW not long after this.

Overall: Excess at it’s most excessive. The matches have grown to legendary proportions because all 562 fans must have had WON subscriptions. As an interesting look at what Cactus was and how he’d develop, it’s fine but to watch as something you can enjoy? Yeah nah. Like I said, watch their previous Falls Count Anywhere match instead.

Fan responses from the WON:

I’ve been following pro wrestling for more than three decades and to say that I’ve never seen a more poorly run show than the one I witnessed in Philadelphia on 8/3 would be the truth. I travelled about 1,000 miles to see the trilogy of matches between Cactus Jack and Eddie Gilbert. The fact Joel Goodhart held a $35 front row seat for me was appreciated, at least beforehand. But what did I get for my $35? Well, for one thing, I got to see a whole bunch of rear ends, four and five deep, in front of me. The security was non-existent, at least in an active sense. There were several suited men with “Security” emblems on their pockets but their conversing in the back took precedent over the fact I couldn’t see a thing in the ring. At about the 5:00 mark of the first Gilbert vs. Cactus match, I walked out. The only way I got to see the second and third matches was by retreating to the bleachers. While I never got to see the first match, the other two were very good, but the conditions under which I got to see them left a lot to be desired.

This promotion appears to have no rules at all. More often that not, the contestants were not in the ring, which, by the way, was the most unnecessary prop in the building. Most of the matches consisted of the wrestlers doing little more than dancing around the arena throwing kicks, punches and chairs. When it was time for the Buddy Landel vs. Austin Idol match, I returned to my front row seat, foolishly believing that I’d finally get to see some wrestling. This time I had no problem seeing the ring. Within five seconds of the bell, Landel threw Idol out of the ring and over the security railing. The two then beat a path up the aisle and out into the lobby. I then spent the better part of ten minutes enjoying an unobstructed view of the ring. Unfortunately, it was an empty ring. I don’t think it should be my responsibility to run a marathon in order to see a match I spent $35 to watch from the front row. By the time the two made it back to the ring, I couldn’t have cared less. This match was announced with no special stipulations, so what constitutes a count out in this promotion? A count of 5,000? As far as the group’s slogan, “We Wrestle. We Brawl. We do it all.” Well, I’d say you’re one-third right.

I had to sit through Goodhart spewing the biggest load of bull I’ve ever heard. He claimed he had reached a working agreement with New Japan and that all of their top stars would start appearing on his shows. Why would New Japan transport their stars across the world to appear in front of a handful of fans without even the benefit of television. He claimed that next month’s show would have Owen Hart vs. Takayuki Iizuka. The blood-thirsty low-lifes that attend his shows will shower Hart with a chorus of “boring” like he’s never heard before. However, he went on to say that by the end of the year, Jushin Liger and Muta would also appear. Who does he think he’s kidding? The night Joel puts these two in his ring, I’ll come back and shine his shoes right in the middle of the ring. He went on to claim that next month he’d have Ric Flair (albeit unnamed) vs. Terry Funk. If Flair appears here it will be the all-time low point of his career. As far as Funk, we have a mutual friend. When I returned to Texas, I spoke to him and he told me that Funk knew nothing about this. Goodhart completed his pablum-puking by saying “Just remember, Goodhart delivers!” I’d suggest Joel starts bypassing the local race track stables with his shovel and pick-up, in order to pick up what he’s delivering.

I’d been told in advance that Goodhart had one of the smartest group of fans in the country. After viewing them, it suddenly dawned on me that smart fan in a proclamation as phony as Hulk Hogan appearance on the Arsenio Hall show. Bobby Fulton, who had been resoundingly booed throughout the Fantastics vs. Stan Lane & Jim Cornette match, came across with the funniest and most truthful line of the night. After the match, amidst a chorus of continuing boos, he picked up the house mic and said something to the effect of Listen all you kayfabe sheet readers, The Fantastics are one of the best tag teams around and you’re too stupid to realize it. It was funnier than anything Cornette did or said during this match.

Cactus and Gilbert had the best brawls imaginable. My complaint is directed at the conditions under which I had to view it and in no way is directed at their performance.

Freddie Fargo

Dallas, Texas

A wise old man once said, “Find a need and satisfy it, and you’ll become wealthy in America someday.

Such will be the case with TWA promoter Joel Goodhart. Goodhart has been unjustly maligned in previous letters in the Observer, and he always does his best to take care of the hardcore wrestling fans in the Philadelphia area.

According to Don Laible in Wrestling Eye, “Joel listens to what the fans in his wrestling community have to say and does his best to accommodate their wishes. Joel is to wrestling what room service is to hotel patrons, delivering a much awaited meal or match with as much professionalism and delight as possible.”

The recent Cactus Jack vs. Eddie Gilbert matches are a perfect example of this.

Chuck Langerman
Runnemdede, New Jersey

I’d be remiss in not saying something about Joel Goodhart’s 8/3 card with the Eddie Gilbert vs. Cactus Jack matches. If the second of their three matches was the single best match of 1991, I can be proud to have seen it live. The first one was an easy 4 3/4 star match. You can knock Joel Goodhart for the excessive amount of blood matches, which is valid, but he puts together matches like those that will be remembered for a long time. Perhaps if there were more wrestlers in the business like Eddie Gilbert and Cactus Jack, the business in this country wouldn’t be in this sorry state of affairs. Thanks, guys.

Paul Hanlin
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Next week: TWA’s Autumn Armageddon II and the beginning of the end!

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