Tri-State Wrestling Alliance Spring Spectacular 03/31/90

McGonigle Hall, Philadelphia
Attendance: 2,000

After a video package of incomprehensible action thanks to the filter making everything look like Stockholm Syndrome by Muse we get our first look at Temple University’s murky gym hall. It says there’s 2,000 fans here but the picture quality is the same as the live feed of the jets bombing Baghdad in Desert Storm so who knows.

Jules Strongbow vs. He-Man Randy Lewis

Jules is Jay’s brother but not really. He’s not only a two-time WWF Tag Champ but also a legit Native American unlike that Pretendian Chakotay. Randy is really jacked so the ever-classy Philly fans taunt him while he grabs his dick in their general direction.

Randy wonders how a fatboy like Jules can expect to win but he’s only barely audible over the fans yelling slurs and “BORING”. Randy complains of an ass grab during a hammerlock and slowly saunters around the ring until we get the announcement that five minutes have passed. We’ve had a whole lot of insults and one hammerlock so the fans explode when Jules finally lands a punch. Randy goes back to staring at fans with Jules happy to stand around doing nothing. He’s been going since 1973 so he needs the rest. Randy goes after a fan in the second row and pushes another fan down because it’s the best chance of anyone taking a bump.

We get the announcement that ten minutes have passed so Randy applies an armlock to take Jules to his knees. Jules takes a clothesline to give us our first move involving wrestlers. Randy misses a follow-up elbow and contemplates going for a pin anyway. Jules hears there’s only four minutes remaining and REVS UP THE INJUN with a few chops in the corner, but throws the ref out the way when he tries to stop it for the DQ at 11:48 hahahaha oh man. I love there’s a no-finish in the opening match of a Philly indie in 1990.

Then Jules is declared the winner? For pushing the ref?? And then Frank Talent (sat next to Tod Gordon) announces Randy is fined $5,000 for his conduct???

Both men attempt to brawl afterwards with Jules’ stick but both lads are on different pages with regards to who is supposed to be beating up who so it ends up being hilariously dramatic and awkward with Randy eventually walking away. Amazing scenes here, 10/10 no notes.

Rockin’ Rebel vs. CN Redd

Uh oh not Rebel. His life had a sadder ending than The Plague Dogs. Redd is a local guy who would briefly be a part of early ECW before moving on to nothing.

Redd is happy bumping outside and then inside the ring for Rebel who dishes out the firey babyface offence of hip tosses and arm drags. Even though he nearly falls over doing them, the crowd are happy to see something resembling effort. Redd feels the effects of a double noggin knocker with his evil manager Some Guy as Rebel as I notice future ECW referee John Finegan is reffing this one before he got fat and turned into Steve Pemberton.

Redd counters a backdrop attempt by casually stopping to kick Rebel in the face and the rotten Philly fans enjoy that. Redd’s elbow drops are awful, maybe deliberately so maybe not, but they fit the character and the crowd are into it so good for him. Rebel hits a splash he was supposed to miss before making his third firey comeback. I think he’s doing every move he knows at this point, including pulling off the Superfly blind leapfrog. A big lariat and bulldog set up a knee drop off the second rope before Redd is finally allowed to get something else in, which is a ten punch in the corner that wouldn’t have put a dent in a bowl of rice pudding. Rebel lands a pretty decent Piledriver and legdrop but it’s somehow not the finish. Redd misses a shot with the Foreign Object to set up a top rope clothesline for the popular victory at 12:59.

I mean it’s not like Rebel was any good before he killed his wife so early footage of him is like watching a monkey play a guitar: you’re just impressed he’s able to hold it properly. Redd was good because he was crap.

Taped Fist First Blood Match
Johnny Hot Body vs. Tony Stetson

Two local Philly guys that would have a million matches together before becoming a team in ECW.

Tony clotheslines Johnny on the outside as he’s making his entrance before delivering a suplex because Johnny’s a bumping machine. Tony tries for a chair shot but Johnny begs off and it actually gives him enough time to run away. It’s not often you see that. A fan near the camera is happy Johnny is wearing a vintage Metallica shirt.

Well it wasn’t vintage yet, I guess. Johnny gives himself a knee injury getting in the ring a la Vince at Royal Rumble 2005. He’s so desperate to bump he’s willing to bump off himself so Tony slams him on the ringside tables until Johnny retaliates by choking him with a microphone cord. This is the kind of senseless violence the crowd were gagging for even if there’s nothing to be typing about. Hot Body takes two (count ’em) two back body drops onto the concrete before taking one from in the ring to outside. Crowd are like “YEAHHH GO EAGLES” until both men end up braining themselves by both going for a Stroke-type maneuver and the camera looks away while we try and figure out what happe- oh it’s so both men could gig and gig HARD as the match is declared a draw at 11:26.

The only thing more amazing than a draw in a First Blood match is a claret-covered Johnny being thrown into the crowd and landing on top of a shrieking woman who wants none of this.

Both men continue to brawl and bleed with a fan yelling “alright, better than the NWA!” Not sure about that but Body’s bumping was impressively risky.

Tom Prichard vs. Cheetah Kid

And here’s Paul E showing up to a hero’s welcome and the sounds of Bon Jovi’s Wanted Dead Or Alive. Paul E tells everybody cheering him to shut up because “Cheetah Kid is as useless as a woman from Philly”. Crowd still love him. Prichard is the current “American Brass Knuckles Champion” but I don’t know what that’s referring to and Google isn’t helping but it’s a real title. Cheetah Kid is of course the future Rocco Rock.

Paul E dislikes the “PAUL E SUCKS” chants and promises to leave if they continue. Tom comes back for stalling and apparently he’s been wrestling since ’79? Jesus I assumed he was simply a naturally rough looking young guy when he was in WWF. Cheetah Kid keeps on getting the better of Tom so he complains of a hair-pull and heads outside repeatedly as the heat is crazy for Paul E so they might as well milk it for all it’s worth. Prichard delivers some hard chops to Kid but crowd are too busy booing Paul to notice. Paul gets a cheeky shot with his giant phone at ringside and half the crowd cheer.

Kid shows off his agility by backflipping over Prichard and delivering a back suplex. Kid lands an in-ring Asai Moonsault before landing a Monkey Flip as the crowd don’t even know how to react to that. Prichard blocks a Sunset Flip and clotheslines Kid with such force that he flips over the top and into the crowd and over a table. Bumping onto a table? Yeah like Kid will be doing that again. Kid comes back by re-entering the ring OVER Prichard before sending the Doctor outside and following with a Quebrada which is nuts for this period.

Ref gets hit on a slam attempt so misses a two-count before taking another hit to the face so Paul can smash his phone over Kid for the Doctor to retain whatever title he has at 16:40.

A decent mix of Paul E getting amazing heat (both positive and negative) along with Kid showing off all the cool moves he could do. Prichard’s hair was fluffy.

I Quit Match
Larry Winters vs. DC Drake

At this point, Joel had ran two wrestling shows on the back of his meet-and-greets and was already building momentum courtesy of rave reviews in the Observer thanks to these two guys.

So no pressure lads.

Drake was already a local legend by this point but is probably best remembered for being the bait-and-switch in the Funk In The Box angle. Winters I don’t know anything about apart from starting in ’79 and being dead.

Drake is lead to the ring via dog collar and is ready to fight everyone in the front row. We get clips of Larry defeating Drake at the last show’s stretcher match which apparently went forty-nine minutes (!) but Larry’s arm is in a cast so Drake drops a table on it before surfing on top. Drake just dogs Larry’s arm before dragging him up the stands. Oh wow yeah there’s loads of people here so maybe the attendance isn’t bullshit. They head to where the scoreboard is hanging up and Drake teases killing Winters by throwing him off and the camera shows how crazy high they’re up.

Women are shrieking but Larry still refuses to quit despite the promise of a quick death. Drake heads back to the ring so we can get a good look at the crazy Philly fans enjoying the action. Winters smashes a chair into Drake’s back but the ring announcer reminds everyone it’s I Quit so Drake gets a completely legal choke and a brutal arm-behind-the-slam on the gym floor. Drake kills a lot of time by staring at the crowd but he’s got a cool goth look so it’s effective. After braining Larry with a piledriver on the outside, Larry is motivated by the fans yelling “GET UP” to get up. A few chair shots have no effect on Drake so he takes a DDT on the floor as these guys are allergic to bumping in the ring. Drake’s face is busted wide open and with the awful picture quality he looks like he’s had a Looney Tunes cigar blow up in his face. Larry piledrives Drake and repeatedly knees him in the face but when asked if he quits he yells “NAAAAH.”

So Larry drags him up the other side of the hall which ends up with him taking yet another Piledriver and another tease of getting thrown off something high. I can’t tell exactly where as the cameramen are losing the battle with the crowd so the video quality goes all Cloverfield. So after several blurry minutes, the fans are told to stay in their seats by Frank Talent and that gets an understandably loving reaction. A Figure Four can’t get Winters to submit so Drake distracts the ref and DRAKE’S MANAGER YELLS “I QUIT” WHILE IMPERSONATING WINTERS TO END THE MATCH AT 37:00 AHAHAHAHAHAHA HOLY SHIT.

Oh man what an awesome indie finish. Drake suplexes the ref afterwards for the crime of being dumb. Then a dozen lads run out to brawl and shove each other into the front row as Frank Talent tries to stop them.

I mean it was a spectacle and something I would have loved if I’d seen it in 1990. But in 2024 it’s simply fascinating to see what Philly fans were lapping up long ago.

Misty Blue Simmes vs. Kat LeRoux

Misty Blue sounds like a brand of cigarette you can’t buy anymore. Both women have been tied together since ’86 in places like AWA and CWF in what looks like a truly miserable time for American women’s wrestling.

Kat heels it up while they roll around with the crowd chanting for “blood” and “boring”. No wonder Abdullah would get booked so frequently, he provides both and he’s got tits. Blue gets a pop by crotching Kat across the bottom rope and getting a front row fan to help stretch her out. Blue locks in a Figure Four before Kat takes over with no transition. Crowd are too busy being Philly to care about any of this as they’re more invested in yelling while coming down from the near-40 minute bloodbath we just finished. “KAT’S A SLUT” chants set up an Airplane spin and a top rope splash from Misty at 9:52. Yeah OK.

Paul Orndorff vs. Austin Idol (w/ Paul E. Dangerously)

Paul was in-between NWA appearances and before Herb came calling. Idol was appearing at USWA but barely. He’s 41 here which in 1990 years is the equivalent to being 141.

Orndorff encourages the crowd to chant “PAUL E SUCKS” as the fans are more than happy to get involved with the pantomime if it’s someone they respect. Paul E doesn’t like those chants and vows to leave if the fans carry on. So he does, until Idol has to restrain him from getting in the ring to take on Orndorff himself. Idol gets ten seconds of grappling with Orndorff before retreating again as the crowd are eating this up in like a giant cheesesteak. The five minute announcement occurs and I doubt either men are even sweating, and if they are it’s from the smell of the fans.

Idol challenges Paul to an Arm Wrestling contest because there’s no way Paul is stronger than him. Ten minute announce occurs as both men get on the mat and prepare for it as Paul tries to get the fans to be quiet to avoid putting off Idol. Idol realises he can’t beat Paula so he cheats and throws Orndorff outside so Dangerously can bash him with his immobile phone. Idol works over Paul slowly as Dangerously riles up the crowd who respond with “PAUL E’S A (redacted)” This motivates Orndorff to escape the sleeper hold and start a comeback with one minute left. Paul prepares the Piledriver as the crowd lose their mind but sadly Dangerously interrupts, allowing Idol to use a pair of brass knucks… for two! Dangerously instead flies off the top and accidentally strikes his man to give the win to Orndorff.

Afterwards, Paul E gets a bit too carried away with his anger at Idol who responds by decking his manager and locking in the Figure Four, only for Jerry Lawler to show up and bust out his magnificent punches on a defenceless Idol because it’s always the ’87 Feud Of The Year.

Match and post-match was wonderfully hamtastic and a great display of doing little for a lot.

You’d think that would set up Kerry showing up to kickstart the next match but uh no, we get a break and full entrances instead.

USWA Unified World Heavyweight Title Match
Jerry Lawler (c) vs. Kerry von Erich

Both lads were taking time out of their busy Memphis schedules for this. Kerry heads out to Tom Sawyer by Rush as I completely forgot he used that theme and it wasn’t just a thing for the movie. Lawler’s using Rockin’ In The Free World which is hilarious. Lawler starts ragging on the fans and proclaims how great his belt is but you can’t hear anything over the boos. Lawler tells a guy yelling at him that he’s the the result of incest. Crowd love that (the insult, not incest) and evil heel Lawler starts the match to respectful applause.

Lawler insults more fans which Kerry uses to get a schoolboy roll up near fall before the bell has even rung. Ha! Lawler’s magnificent here, leaning Kerry up to the ropes while yelling “CLEAN BREAK CLEAN BREAK” before whipping him across the ring, taking a clothesline and flying across the mat. We get a good look at some of the Hawaiian Shirt Guys that would make up ECW’s front row for the next few years as Lawler takes a hip-toss. Lawler claims it was a hair and tight pull (“YOU IDIOT”) which is an amazing way for him to get his breath back while generating heat. After he argues with the ref he yells more insults at the fans because they don’t know the difference between a wristlock and a wristwatch. Was that line ever new? Lawler asks Frank Talent if the mortuary knows he’s borrowed their suit. Talent was getting old jokes thrown at him in 1990. Lawler resumes action with some more amazing punches before jumping directly into the Claw. And look at Lawler kicking his legs and crying in pain, selling that fucker harder than Jim Carrey’s slap. Even when he gets the ropes to break it up it’s only barely.

Lawler gets a chain on the outside so he can dangle it out his tights so the crowd can yell “REF REF CHECK HIM.” Kerry wants a test of strength so Lawler punches him with the chain which the ref is oblivious to. Kerry tries to protest but Lawler bashes him with the barely-concealed item. Kerry’s rocking and rolling with these shots until Lawler drops the chain and oversells as Kerry batters him with it. The Claw gets reapplied but Lawler WARRIOR 98’s Kerry for the DQ at 22:50

God, Lawler in his prime was something else. Even on a gym show like this his routine is non-stop fantastic, from the insults to the overselling to the invisible objects. Whatever you can do, Lawler can do with even less.

Steel Cage Match
Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Tully Blanchard

Bigelow had just finished a NJPW tour and this is his stop-gap before his brief NWA run that sucked. Tully was full-time in AWA which by 1990 means he only wrestled four whole times that year. At least he’s well-rested.

Bigelow gets polite applause but Tully is BELOVED. There’s no way Tully’s the face? No way. God bless Philly. Pinfall or escape to finish so as soon as the bell rings, Tully is half way up the cage until Bigelow catches him. Bam hears the crowd reactions and decides to heel it up by telling the fans to “SHUT UP”. It works and the crowd explode in chants for Tully. I honestly don’t know the last time I saw Tully as face during his full-time career (if 1990 counts as that). Tully tries a Full Nelson but Bam overpowers and charges into the cage wall to shrug him off. Bigelow is wearing that crappy flame gear that looked considerably cheaper than his other, superior gear. Tully oversells a shot into the cage so Bigelow can yell at the crowd some more. Tully is flying around the ring like a mad ‘un from these shots, recovering to crotch Bigelow on top of the cage and rubs his flaming balls into the grating so they look worse than his head. Crowd chant “FAT SHIT” at Bigelow and he tells the fans that words hurts. Ha! Tully is able to lock in the Figure Four with help from the insensitive fans but Bigelow rolls around so it starts hurting Tully. “Oh God oh God” he yells, thinking he’s still at Church. Bigelow tries to escape through the cage door but ends up avalanching the ref in the process. Crowd cheer wildly for that, the Santa hating goons. Bigelow picks up the ref so he can yell at him which results in Tully dropkicking him into the ref a second time. Bigelow misses a diving headbutt off the top which allows Tully to climb over the top and kick a charging Bam Bam away to win while being mobbed by happy fans.

This was a lot of fun purely because of the bizarre sight of babyface Tully. Bigelow was professional enough to make it work and the fans ate it all up. Solid and interesting main event!

Overall: Fascinating as an insight into what an overloaded Philly indie show looked like long ago. Completely washed old people, young wrestlers happy to bleed and bump for forty minutes as well as some of the best in the business showing how great they can be at half-speed.

I wonder what would happen if TWA noticed everything the fans wanted and gave them so much of it that they became desensitized? Well we’ll find out next week as we watch Summer Sizzler ’90!

i’ve been maffew