The Motor City Machine Guns vs. Beer Money (and other Dream Matches!)

The new WWE Tag Team Champions! Watch me shamelessly capitalize by looking at their TNA history!

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This week I have some SHAMELESS ENGAGEMENT, as the Motor City Machine Guns of all people just debuted in WWE of all places and then won the Tag Titles on SmackDown! So come see how part of their legend got started during their big feud against Beer Money in TNA! A 2/3 Falls Match for the Impact Tag Titles! Following that, a COMPLETELY TERRIBLE match between Ron Simmons and Tony Atlas in WCW! Come see a disinterested, injured Ron deal with a clunky, aimless Atlas, who either lost his gear or is legitimately wrestling in sweatpants all the time- and he even suffers a wardrobe malfunction to the amusement of the crowd!

Then I do two straight matches from a WCW Nitro on Spring Break, as it’s first Fit Finlay controlling a match against Ultimo Dragon in a classic “Style Mismatch” bout, then another fantastic Goldberg squash as he sends Lodi to the intensive care unit with another insane Spear!

And finally, speaking of 2/3 Falls, here’s a WWWF match from 1972! I mean, once I learned that KARL GOTCH, one of the “Gods of Pro-Wrestling” and originators of the New Japan “Strong Style” had been a goofy WWWF babyface and teamed with Rene Goulet of all people (he of the blond floppy hair as an agent during pullapart brawls during my childhood), I just had to find some stuff. So here’s Karl Gotch & Rene Goulet vs. The Rugged Russians (Ivan & Igor)!

IMPACT TAG TEAM TITLES:
2/3 FALLS MATCH:
THE MOTOR CITY MACHINE GUNS (Chris Sabin & Alex Shelley vs. BEER MONEY (James Storm & Robert Roode):
(TNA Impact, Aug. 9th 2010)
* So for ENGAGEMENT, I’ll take a look at the current WWE Tag Team Champions in their TNA run, as the MCMGs were basically everywhere BUT WWE during their long-ass careers. In particular, Sabin was a recurring name in TNA/Impact but kinda found his calling in a double-team-heavy squad with Shelley, while Beer Money was where post-America’s Most Wanted “Cowboy” James Storm ended up, along with Robert Roode. Beer Money are in matching white trunks, with Roode the more “Hire me, Vince!” of the two regarding physique while Storm has gotten doughy. The MCMGs are in matching “La Parka”-style gear (Sabin shorts, Shelley tights) and are noticeably dwarfed by their big opponents. This is the end of a Best of 5 series, and twice Storm has used his beer bottle to help his team win.

FIRST FALL: Neat bit as Sabin & Storm chain-wrestle, then grab each other’s legs and then carefully place them down to go back into ready-mode. Roode gets a backbreaker on Shelley, but the MCMGs do some of their trademark double-teams, which always look good- very “in the moment” and pre-planned but only on one side- like Roode can’t help but be battered around by their sudden kicks and then they do that “roll up to lift his face up for a running ground dropkick” thing. Roode casually stops that by grabbing Sabin’s head and dragging him to the corner, and Beer Money cheats with a double-team boot on the floor. Sabin keeps making mini-comebacks until an enzuigiri results in dual-tags- Shelley flatliners Roode into the middle buckle (one of the few times that move looks good) and hits a running bulldog while clotheslining the other guy, getting two. He counters a catapult attempt with a forearm, then holds one in a DDT and the other in a flatliner… and Sabin comes off with a missile dropkick to the back to complete the move! okay, telegraphed that one a bit cuz Storm was trapped in position for no reason. But they double-team Storm on the apron, only for Roode to boot Sabin, but he turns around and Sabin vaults off his partner for a dropkick to put Beer Money on the floor, then do stereo dives (Shelley going diagonally so Sabin can do a run-up plancha)! But Storm catches Sabin with a hanging DDT and that leaves Shelley, who gets caught by both dudes- Go 2 Sleep into a back-cracker into the D.W.I. (neckbreaker/powerbomb) pins Shelley at (7:58). First fall- Beer Money!

SECOND FALL: The second fall starts immediately, so Beer Money just pummel Shelley, but get distracted doing their “BEER! MONEY!” taunt after a double-suplex and that lets him tag for a Sabin double-missile kick to take them both out. Roode gets sandwiched with kicks and a double-team Neckbreaker/Flying Splash combo pins him at (1:34). Well with this video length I knew one fall would be short.

THIRD FALL: Beer Money pounces after the quick one, Roode backdropping Storm onto Sabin on the floor, but Shelley quickly comes back and dives into Storm and now big ROODE decides to do a dive over the top- one of those ugly rolling ones, but still! Back from break with everyone in the ring, Shelley’s rolling elbow getting caught and turned into a double-team uranage (Storm spinning Shelley’s legs to ramp up Roode’s spin) for two. Dual lariats nail Shelley, but he turns a superplex into one of those “flying stomp while they’re hanging upside-down” (at least timed properly so it looks like Storm is actually trying to fight up instead of just sitting there- good on Storm!). Sabin gets the hot tag and goes FULL INDIE with running forearms, a flying rana and a Springboard DDT for two on Roode. Roode’s still dazed, but rakes the eyes and tags out- Storm ends up in a double-team spinning neckbreaker for two. Storm is slow to his feet but they get into a THIGH-SLAPPING SUPERKICK WAR, but Roode sneaks in with a spinebuster into a catapult into a DDT, and Shelley tries a tornado stunner but ends up snagged by the other guy so they do a double-team stunner on HIM. Beer Money try to finish with another D.W.I., but are selling so much they lose him and Sabin ducks a superkick so Roode eats it, and the MCMGs hit their Neckbreaker/Splash… for two! The move that won last fall doesn’t work a second time! Instead of coming up with a new move they just do it again, Shelley covering the other guy so it works at (6:25 shown)- The MCMGs retain the tag titles!

So what we have here is kind of an idealized form of the “all teamups” wrestling style, where dudes are often doing complex double-teams, but the MCMGs are particularly good at making it look like they “just happened” to end up in these positions, or that THEY planned them, and not they and their opponents planned them out that way. It’s a tricky balance to do, but compare this to the “obvious cooperation” you so often see in today’s indie style and you can see the difference. Like Beer Money were actually helped by being portrayed as hapless goons ending up in this stuff, because they always sold confusion and “Wait, what’s he doing now?” instead of “okay, now’s time I move into position here for absolutely no reason”. Though I will say they had a few too many moves comprised of “one guy holds the upper body and the other one holds the legs so they can spin him or assist the move” because like 5-6 times throughout the match that exact thing happens and you start to wonder why they put that many moves with identical start-ups into their moveset. But overall the match was helped a lot by Beer Money’s selling- instead of just rampaging around at top speed for 20 minutes, they actually SOLD and acted like the smaller wrestlers were wearing them down with the repeated offense. The babyfaces were actually WORSE at that, hitting precision high-speed offense at the later point despite all the accumulated damage. But I can see how the MCMGs got their indie legend with stuff like this and their New Japan stuff- their offense is fascinating to watch (if a bit same-y once you look for it) and looks way better than the “set-up The Last Supper with our poses before we do a silly triple-team” by the ratings-slaughtering Young Bucks.

Rating: ***1/2 (very good match altogether!)

RON SIMMONS vs. TONY ATLAS:
(WCW Main Event, Dec. 12 1992 or Jan. 17th 1993)
* Here’s a weird one- I didn’t know Atlas was in WCW at all. Here he’s taking on Ron Simmons- Cagematch says this is right after he lost the WCW Title but the YouTube video says spring 1993. He’s actually a fair bit smaller than Atlas, who is HUGE but looks like he forgot his gear and is just wrestling in his gym clothes. I mean I’ve seen some low-rent gear, but SWEATPANTS? ahahaha oh my god they’re also split in the back so you can see his tighty-whities underneath. Ron’s in yellow trunks and has a moustache at this point.

They do the “Hogan/Warrior Lockups” to start, except Ron looks bored and Tony looks like he’s a statue that broke at the waist, as he stumbles around and lurches forward. They’re supposed to be doing a “selling for the stronger man” deal here but Ron is clearly not interested in doing that AT ALL and is just walking around with his head down, haha. Atlas puts him down with a couple shoulderblocks, then does a SPLASH of all things, doing it so suddenly that Ron has to spin onto his belly to take it. Holy god Atlas looks bad- he’s moving like his center of gravity is shifting with every movement. Ron comes back with a boot and his own shoulderblocks. Atlas bails in frustration and oh god now it’s a test of strength. Ron’s not sure about that, with Jim Ross repeatedly pointing on on commentary that he’s got a rotator cuff injury (not that he’s selling it). For such a muscular dude, Atlas has a RIDICULOUSLY bad stance in this- looking like he’s not putting his weight into it in the slightest- just standing there making faces. Instead of powering out, Simmons just boots him and AHAHAHAHA the two ladies in the front row have noticed Tony’s pants ripping and are pointing it out and laughing.

The two middle-aged women in the front row noticing Tony’s pants have split and start pointing and laughing their asses off.

Ron hits a suplex and just gobbles him up with punches, not even selling a counter-punch, but he leaps at Tony and hits his shoulder into the corner! Tony tries to “dump” him but Ron just takes a splat into the mat by the ropes like “Nope” and now the ref is checking on him, haha. Atlas pounds away and stretches the arm of a disinterested Ron, hitting a “headbutt” off the second rope, then trying another so Ron just “dodges” him and dumps him to the mat for a gentle bump. Ron finally hits a back elbow to bring Tony down, but Atlas goes to the eyes… and runs into the Powerslam, Ron not even bothering to fully cover him for the win at (6:00).

hahaha oh man this was BAD. Ron was completely uninterested in putting in any effort, and Atlas was so bad and ungainly there was no chance it was gonna be anything good regardless. Atlas made King Mabel look like prime Sean Waltman in there. He moved like there was an invisible man climbing on him- just shifting weight at random. This made all of Tony’s bumps look bad, as he’d hit the mat super-delicately, and Ron himself seemed to be actively fighting against doing anything, doing stuff like taking a bump to the mat instead of being dumped to the floor. He looked like his shoulder was legitimately killing him, necessitating a major slowdown of the match and the ref getting involved, and sure enough it was over quickly afterwards. Major issues between both guys here, looking terrible and soft considering it’s two monstrous powerhouses in there.

Rating: DUD (just terrible, but in a fascinating sort of way)

FIT FINLAY vs. ULTIMO DRAGON:
(WCW Nitro, March 16th 1998)
* YES!! The sweet glory of WCW’s cavernous midcard morass brings us two totally disparate guys you’d never have thought would work together! I forget how long Ultimo was in WCW but it sure seems like they forgot him at some point. Finlay’s into his “bleach-blond buzzcut” era by this point, and Ultimo’s in all gold. This is another bout from the great “Spring Break Nitro” set.

Finlay immediately batters Ultimo with strikes, whipping him into the corner and hitting a bull-charge, but Finlay falls to his corner-headstand (getting kicked in the back) and goons for his “step aside then kick him in the ass” move. The kick combination has Finlay down and complaining, but he fights dirty to come back, with some eye-pokes and stomping the fingers, just brutalizing the smaller guy. Dragon uses his speed to try and come back, repeatedly botching landing on his feet- oh this is Dragon, alright. He’s at least quick enough to recover that people can’t laugh at his botched kip-up for long, and he eats shit trying a pescado. Finlay beats on Ultimo outside as I realize the fans are literally standing right beside the huge pool with only a rope between them and the water, so arena security has to have a million guys standing out there in the “Cross-armed serious guy” pose to maintain order. Finlay hits his rolling fireman’s carry as Larry Z is doing REALLY well at explaining the necessity of different kinds of strategy (like not using too many of the same moves against a veteran, who will catch on- you have to have a large repertoire). Finlay is taking his time, but suddenly gets pulled into the Dragon Sleeper- he knees Ultimo in the nose to break but gets kicked in the back, only to catch him charging in with a lariat. And as I’m about to say “Man, he’s gobbling him up in here”, Ultimo goes behind on a suplex and hooks the Dragon Sleeper, and Finlay has nowhere to go- he taps at (6:42), Ultimo winning!

A very interesting little match, mostly for Finlay having a counter for every little move Ultimo made- it kinda reminded me of Goldberg/Regal in that the Euro guy was super crafty and clever, interrupting moves and breaking every comeback, except this wasn’t confusing the other guy. Instead, Ultimo just does the “Randy Savage Template”, which is funny considering he was often a big “gobbler” of offense, getting his massive repertoire of shit in if guys let him. Instead, Finlay totally dominated the match but lost a last-second one as he had no escape from a submission.

Rating: **1/4 (very interesting, one-sided match of different styles)

BILL GOLDBERG vs. LODI (w/ Riggs, Sick Boy, Reese, Hammer, Saturn & Kidman):
(WCW Nitro, March 16th 1998)
* Not only is it a Goldberg squash, but it’s a SPRING BREAK Nitro Goldberg squash! Lodi, in his long leather pants, comes out with signs including an “RF Video” one (INSIDER-Y!) and has the Flock sitting in folding chairs next to ringside (between the fans and the ring).

Lodi holds up a sign saying “Goldberg is a Meathead” and dances around like a dipshit, but Goldberg calmly shuffles referee Mark Curtis out of the way, snatches the sign, then chokes Lodi with one arm, Lodi flailing around like a doofus. Goldberg press-slams him, then does an ugly whip off the ropes (trying twice before just SHOVING Lodi off so hard he almost stumbles) and hits one of the HARDEST SPEARS EVER, catching him mid-run like a full-blast NFL tackle. Services for Mr. Lodi at (0:47). The Flock then attacks, Kidman getting caught coming off the top and powerslammed, Riggs getting punched, and Sick Boy eating a vicious Spear that has the full “cut his legs out on impact” one and goes halfway across the ring.

Rating: 1/4* (another do-nothing squash with zero offense for the jobber, but Goldberg just SLAUGHTERED him with that Spear and Lodi’s selling was excellent- whiny and pleading like a good bottom-feeder)
Karl Gotch: A legend in Japan and a founder of the New Japan house style, but a minor guy in North America! Also: Tag partner to Rene Goulet!

WWWF TAG TEAM TITLES:
KARL GOTCH & RENE GOULET vs. THE RUGGED RUSSIANS (Ivan & Igor, w/ some Russian guy):
(WWWF, Jan. 22nd 1972)
* A look at the Newborn UWF led me to look at the origins of “Shoot-Style”, which was itself inspired by Karl Gotch. Upon learning that he had actually wrestled for the *World Wide Wrestling Federation* of all places, I immediately had to look it up! And he’s teaming with famously flaxen-haired Rene Goulet, too! Gotch is a “God” of wrestling in Japan, where he personally trained Antonio Inoki, Tiger Mask and others, developing the “Strong Style” of New Japan, but wasn’t a big star in the US, where he lacked the theatrics. He was trained in the shooter gym at Wigan, England, though. Ivan is Chilean wrestler Pedro Godoy, and Igor is Spanish wrestler Juan Sebastien, both of which look the same in this video. Both are designated as Russians and wearing masks and terrible body-covering red singlets that do nothing to help their pudgy bodies. Everyone but Goulet was only around the WWWF for a year or two.

FIRST FALL: Goulet immediately calls in Gotch for a double-taunt to annoy the Russians, then charges in and engulfs them to further rub it in. He works the arm of one guy and embarrasses him with “amateur wrestling” (ie. spinning around a lot and gesturing big while the Russian pratfalls), nails the other Russian out of an International, then we get the dreaded “pithold” to rest further. The heel keeps pulling those glorious blond locks, but Goulet enacts a criss-cross and armdrags (check him clapping to signal the time to charge in for the move, haha). Gotch comes in and holds a full nelson on the other guy, having fun repeatedly ducking his counters to lock it back on. This also leads to repeated pit-holds as my god these fans are patient. Even heel cheating results in one Russian nailing the other and getting beaten up by Goulet. TEN MINUTES IN, the Russians use eye-gouging to take the lead, the illegal man slamming Goulet’s face on the ring apron outside and angering the fans. Goulet can’t get back in the ring, cartoonishly flailing around as he’s booted from the apron repeatedly, but he sneaks behind the heel and delivers a ton of slams, Gotch twisting the neck and slamming him for two. Gotch, contrary to his reputation in Japan, does a mock boxing stance to intimidate his rival, then distracts him by pointing to the ceiling and gut-punching him. The Russian sails across the ring a few times, and when he begs off by putting his hands behind his back, Gotch just boots him in the gut and pumps his fists for the fans. Gotch does a hilarious cartoonish beatdown on the heels, sending them both reeling and the fans are INSANELY hyped for this. Alas, Karl runs into a devastating boot and is rolling over defeated already, enabling the Russians to pummel him while he kicks his feet in pain and is pinned with a kneedrop at (15:05)! The Russians take the first fall!

SECOND FALL: Karl embarrasses the heel to start, but quickly eats strikes and starts getting openly strangled while the ref does nothing. But Gotch counters with Greco-Roman punches to the face, the knocks the other Russian over the top rope with a European uppercut in a big bump. Gotch takes out the other one, but ends up slammed into the turnbuckle a few times until he dodges a second kneedrop (PSYCHOLOGY!) and hits an abdominal stretch for the win (3:15)!

THIRD FALL: Goulet tries an abdominal stretch of his own, but heelish cheating knocks him down- Gotch throws uppercuts into the Russian, but the other pulls Goulet off his bridging pin. The heels double-team Goulet in the corner, bringing in the ref who gets SHOVED OFF and my god they’re doing this finish, hahahaa. He indeed calls it for the champs via Disqualification at (1:37), which is good enough for the fans- ah, for the time when a DQ win still got a pop if it meant the babyfaces won.

oh my god what a ridiculous cartoon squash this was for the first fall. It’s hilarious watching the Northeastern fans just go BANANA for ultra-phony bonking the heels on the head to send them pratfalling around the ring while the babyfaces pump their fists and dance like dorks. THIS COMPANY took over the entire North American scene! This was like a 20-minute squash, the heels getting only a minute or two of offense and even failing at most of their cheating. Which makes it all the funnier that they win the first fall, Karl Gotch running into a boot and being helpless as they crush him with strikes. Like he’s completely devastated by the heel offense even though they took 13 minutes of a beating and are now fine? And then Gotch gets his heat back with the next fall, dodging the move that beat him and immediately submitting the guy. And the next fall is ultra-short, meaning we had like 14 minutes of babyface offense, then 4 minutes of even-stevens work as if the heels hadn’t been injured at all. I feel for the heel wrestlers in the WWWF, though, as the babyfaces get to take very few bumps and mostly pose and dance while the heels have to take 20+ bumps per match and writhe in agony all the time.

Rating: 1/4* (13 minutes of pitholds then 5 minutes of cartoon bumping off of goofy strikes, haha. But the local fans loved it!)