Minus-Star Match Reviews: The Undertaker vs. The Undertaker – WWF SummerSlam 1994

What’s better than one Undertaker? Two Undertakers!

If everyone loves a gimmick so much, why not give them more of it? That must’ve been the (tortured) logic behind WWF/E’s decision to put on what is widely considered one of the worst SummerSlam main-events of all time, if not the worst. It’s a match that is mostly forgotten by longtime wrestling fans and even by diehard Undertaker fans. Hell, more people remember ‘Taker’s historically bad WrestleMania IX match with Giant Gonzalez as quite possibly his worst match ever, whereas this…very well might be the only thing worse. At least that one had the unintentionally funny sight of a nearly-eight-foot-man windmilling his arms like a live-action Merry Melodies cartoon character. This match had…an oversized urn with a plane light in it. Gee, what fun.

The Story

The Undertaker had been absent from WWF since January 1994 when he lost a casket match to Yokozuna (due to interference from a small army of wrestlers). ‘Taker missed WrestleMania X and in the lead-up to SummerSlam there were rumors that the mysterious figure was starting to appear again. Soon afterwards Ted DiBiase claimed that the Undertaker had returned and brought out…someone dressed as The Undertaker. But then Paul Bearer interjected and claimed that the DiBiase’s Undertaker was an imposter and that the real one was still aligned with him. For all you younger readers out there, this was the pro-wrestling version of the imposter Spiderman meme.

And thus the stage was set for The Undertaker, perhaps the only gimmick to survive WWF’s dreaded jobs-as-wrestlers era of the early-to-mid-1990s, intact. And for some reason WWF officials thought that this of all things should headline the show…instead of, you know, the much-heralded steel cage match between Bret Hart and his brother Owen.

The Match

This took place on August 29, 1994. It was rated MINUS ONE STAR by the Wrestling Observer’s Dave Meltzer.

Ted DiBiase comes out first and introduces “his” Undertaker, who is dressed just like the original with noticeable grey gloves and boots. Then Paul Bearer comes out with a huge casket being wheeled behind him. Bearer hams up his performance as usual and then he opens this casket to reveal an enormous urn. How much does that fella weigh? The music stops as Bearer opens the urn. An incredibly bright light (which Bearer revealed in a shoot interview years later was a commercial jet light)beams out, signaling to “the spirit of the Undertaker”. Then the lights go out and a bluish hue fills the arena. And then a silhouette can be seen: The original Undertaker.

Thanks to the make-up job and how their hair was done both ‘Undertakers’ look virtually identical, save for the real one’s purple attire and the fake’s grey. Then when the bell rings and the two zombies go nose-to-nose the fake one is noticeably shorter. For clarity’s sake I’ll refer to the fake Undertaker as (Brian) Lee.

‘Taker does the throat slash gesture, blocks a punch, and lands a big stomach kick. Lee ducks a clothesline and charges into ‘Taker but neither man goes down. They have a basic drop-down sequences (and ‘Taker leapfrogs!) which ends with ‘Taker hitting a big boot. Lee falls to ringside and starts stalking Bearer but ‘Taker pulls him back into the ring by his hair. ‘Taker lands a suplex into the ring but Lee sits up zombie style.

Lee gets shitcanned once again but then he hotshots ‘Taker against the top rope. Lee goes for Old School but ‘Taker cuts him off. Lee sits up but then ‘Taker succeeds with Old School. Another reversal sequence ends with Lee hitting a flapjack on the ropes. Lee lands two clotheslines and goes for an elbow drop but ‘Taker sits up. ‘Taker goes for a clothesline out of the ring but Lee doesn’t quite make it over, which leads to more punching. ‘Taker misses a clothesline and falls to the floor, which leads to more slow brawling.

Lee lands more punches and shows a burst of frustration, revealing that he is, in fact, NOT The Undertaker. ‘Taker fights back but Lee counters with a chokeslam. Lee gestures, unsure what to do, and then ‘Taker sits up. Lee follows with a Tombstone but doesn’t cover as he’s waiting for instructions from Ted DiBiase for whatever reason. ‘Taker sits up. Lee tries another Tombstone. ‘Taker reverses and hits his own. Then another. And then a third. One, two, three! There’s the match!

Winner after 9:10: The Undertaker as portrayed by Mark Calaway

Review

Wow that was way worse than I remembered. If anyone was looking for the perfect match to encapsulate Vince McMahon’s worst promotional tendencies – spectacle over substance, sizzle over steak, presentation over taste – look no further than this. The entrances were the best part of the entire 20-minute segment and much of that was carried by Paul Bearer’s unyielding commitment to his gimmick. Everything else, though, was a complete wash. The moment the two characters went nose-to-nose and the real ‘Taker towered over his imposter it should’ve been clear where this was going. No one bought that the fake would win. No one had any interest in seeing this feud continue. Everyone expected ‘Taker to mop the floor with Brian Lee in this one-and-done situation and move on quickly.

Yet for some reason this match had to be even and competitive. The “Underfaker” looked sloppy, even by 1990s WWF standards. His offense came across as pitiful. He lacked believability in what he was doing. He did next to nothing on offense besides punching and charging, though his chokeslam looked passable.

As for ‘Taker, he seemed to coast here doing the bare minimum to get by. Since everyone knew he was winning, none of the fake’s near-falls had any drama. Worse, when the real Undertaker landed his Tombstone it didn’t have that oomph or big pop expected because most fans were just waiting for this to end. And unlike four years later when it took Undertaker three Tombstones to get a three-count on Kane (which protected that monster in defeat), that same finish used here came off as an exercise in time wasting because the “feud” was going to end here.

Final Rating: -****

This was a painfully bad match with few if any redeeming qualities. Undertaker tried to make this work but not even he could make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear with this dreadful material. The Undertaker gimmick is not one that lends itself to work with mirror images or doppelgängers: for him to work he needs either smaller guys to bounce off of him or more well-rounded opponents to work around the character’s limitations. Putting him in the ring with himself is simply a recipe for disaster.

Perhaps the only things worse than this was that lessons weren’t learned from this and WWE re-hashed this same storyline years later at least once with Kane taking on a shorter clone played by Luke “Festus” Gallows. And while this tired rehashing of gimmicks of ages past, both good and bad, has largely fallen by the wayside in this new era of WWE’s, I wouldn’t put it past someone else in the wrestling business to do this kind of thing if they get desperate enough for attention.

Thanks for reading.