WWF Shotgun Saturday Night – 01.04.97 (Debut Episode)

Welcome to one of the many examples of Vince McMahon’s new toy syndrome. I’ve written this introduction several times, and I still don’t know if there was a clear direction for what Shotgun Saturday Night was supposed to be. Before it became “just another show” that is. The idea to film in exotic locations like nightclubs seemed to be an attempt to attract the more mature audience, but at the same time, there wasn’t going to be blood or crowd brawling (or any other of the extreme nature of professional wrestling made famous by ECW). While keeping a “cleaner” image, it was still designed to be an attraction more than a wrestling show, with comedy and unpredictability being the focal point, and a late-night time slot seemed to be the perfect opportunity to push the envelope. As we’ll see from the first six weeks, there is definitely an effort in moving away from being a PG product, but if you’re going into this with no prior knowledge, I just want you to keep your expectations at a minimum.

With the WWF running Saturday shows regularly, it should come as no surprise that the talent featured on Shotgun wasn’t exactly the A-list of Superstars. Advertised for the show included names such as Ahmed Johnson, Goldust and THE GODWINNS. Yep. We’re trying to look cool in New York City and you brought the f*cking Godwinns with you. To give you an idea of who will NOT be on this show, here are the results from the Stockton, CA live event held that evening: Doug Furnas and Phil LaFon def Razor Ramon and Diesel… Double J Jesse Jammes def Justin Bradshaw… Flash Funk def Leif Cassidy… Faarooq def Savio Vega… Hunter Hearst Helmsley def Marc Mero to retain the Intercontinental Title… Sycho Sid def The Undertaker by CO to retain the WWF Title… Owen Hart and Davey Boy Smith def Mankind and The Executioner to retain the Tag Titles… Bret Hart def Vader by DQ… Steve Austin def Shawn Michaels due to Bret Hart’s distraction.

Taped from the Mirage Nightclub in New York City, Vince McMahon and Sunny are calling the action tonight, with Todd Pettengill roaming around for interviews. Thank GOD we were spared the reunion of Vince and Todd calling the matches (fans who remembered the Action Zone know the suffering). Hyped as potentially holding a standing room crowd of 3,000 people, the reported number came in far lower than that, with one source estimating it was around 350 (based on TV, it’s probably in the neighborhood, maybe a few more if you are being generous). I don’t know how much it cost to produce or if they had to pay to use the location, but I’m assuming they lost a lot of money on this one.

Mr. Bob Backlund is wandering the streets, warning us of sexual activities, violence and crime. “Shotgun Saturday Night! Who’s that good for?! Shotgun Saturday Night should be banned!” We’re 30-seconds into the run of Shotgun and we’re getting our first serving of “I love shoot comments that aren’t meant to be shoot comments”. We’re promised Ahmed Johnson vs Crush, Mascarita Sagrada vs. Mini Vader, and Goldust vs The Sultan on tonight’s show. At least the mini’s might be a good match.

The Godwinns (w/ Hillbilly Jim) vs. The Flying Nuns:
We’re 2-minutes into the launch of this new idea to attract the cool and mature audience, and we’re throwing this nonsense out there. When the WWF advertised comedy and skits, I don’t think anyone thought something like this. First, Vince McMahon addresses that this is a “mixed tag” of men vs. women, suggesting the Flying Nuns are women. Not only that, but it’s hog farmers vs. NUNS! You know how much NYC loves their hog farmers. We throw it to Todd Pettengill, who has done his research on the mysterious duo: They’re from the Himalayas and their names are Sister Angelica and Mother Smucker. We throw it to a 10-second clip of them wandering around the exterior of St. Patrick’s Cathedral, and you know they didn’t get the necessary permission to film that. Lastly, the Nuns are the Headbangers, Mosh and Thrasher, who made their WWF TV debut in the last quarter of 1996.

The Nuns attack from behind, and Vince is ALL IN with the gag, never cracking when mentioning them by name. The lighting is pretty bad especially for someone like Vince, but it does give the show a unique look. The crowd chants “holy sh*t” that Vince tries to dance around. Dude, it’s late-night on Saturday and you’re in an audience with zero kids! Sunny asks if there’s a Nun Wrestling Federation (or NWF) that she wasn’t told about. WHAT DOES HILLBILLY JIM THINK? HE DOESN’T KNOW! “How can they be sanctioned here in the WWF?” Stop asking me questions, I didn’t study for this. We’ve had like 10 blessings from the Sisters and not much else. Suddenly, BROTHER LOVE shows up! You know we’re pushing the envelope when a staple of the Hulkamania Era in the house. The Nuns bow to him as we take a break. I haven’t done any PBP because THERE IS NOTHING TO COVER.

We come back from the commercial and we get a genuine wrestling sequence! “Notice the goatee on Sister Angelica!” We’re getting the worst of Vince because he’s got so little material to work with as far as comedy goes, the match means nothing to the grand scheme of the company’s direction, and there’s not a lot of action to call either in case there was anything good to get hooked on. The Nuns get the heat on Henry and it’s at least looking like a wrestling match now. Sunny says we might have future champions here. TECHNICALLY CORRECT. Mother Smucker misses a flying leg drop, allowing Phineas to get the hot tag. Almost ZERO reaction. Crowd actually jeers Phineas when he runs wild! Brother Love hops on the apron, then hops down because someone likely missed their spot. He ends up whacking Phineas with the Book of Love, and one of the Nuns covers for three at 9:33 (shown).

Post-match, Todd gets a word from Brother Love. He heard Brother Backlund talk about the filth and slime here. He says they’re two of the most divine heavenly bodies and calls them virginal. They haven’t been touched by human hands except their own. From now on, they shall be known as The Sisters of Love. Brother Love dares any team to bring their best, because the Sisters of Love will teach them all about love. What… the… F*CK WAS THIS? Ignoring the quality of the match, none of the jokes landed, the crowd didn’t enjoy the wrestling, and we wasted nearly 15-minutes of television when all was said and done. This was the one and only appearance of the Flying Nuns/Sisters of Love, retiring undefeated. If this followed the mantra of putting your best foot forward, I don’t want to know what to expect next.

The WWF is ON TOUR! Los Angeles on January 5th! Fresno on the 6th! San Jose on the 10th! Anaheim on the 11th! Las Vegas on the 12th! El Paso on the 13th! And the Alamo-Dome for the Royal Rumble on the 19th! I remember a day where the WWF advertised 2 or 3 shows per date. “Hercules will be in action in Duluth!” Those were the days…

Todd Pettengill is in the VIP section where Rocky Maivia is hanging out. Goldust and Marlena are there as well. Bob Backlund comes in screaming about indecent exposure and asking where her mother is. “THAT’S CLEAVAGE LADY! GET THAT OUT OF HERE!” Vince McMahon fawns over Marlena being “stunning” and asks Sunny if she agrees. She does not agree, in case you were wondering.

NEXT WEEK: Shotgun comes from the All-Star Cafe in downtown New York City!

Goldust (w/ Marlena) vs. The Sultan (w/ Mr. Bob Backlund):
I love that Goldust was just chilling at a table in full gear AND entrance attire like 2-3 minutes ago. The Sultan is a repackaged Fatu, and someone thought giving him Bob Backlund AND the Iron Sheik as managers was a brilliant idea. Goldust opens with rights, knocking Sultan out of the ring and giving him a taste of the ring steps. Back inside, Goldust grabs a sleeper as Todd questions Backlund. “I can’t hear without my glasses on!” Crowd chants “Fatu” at the Sultan. Todd throws it “back to ringside” despite being literally next to the ring. “Let’s Go Dustin” chants now. I don’t think Vince wanted this kind of crowd. Sultan with a leg drop and powerslam for a pair of near-falls. Todd comes over to Vince asking how you can have a conversation with a crazy man. God bless Goldust trying to get the crowd into this chin-lock escape. They take it to the floor, where the crowd boos the referee for stopping them from using a chair. Goldust comes off the ropes with a bulldog for two. Sultan does the big over-sell off a clothesline for two. Sultan catches Goldust with a Samoan drop and applies the Camel Clutch. Marlena hops on the apron and removes the straps of her dress, and the crowd loses it while Backlund freaks out and tries to shield Sultan’s eyes. Goldust knocks them out of the ring and Backlund takes his man away for the cheap count-out at 9:31. Todd announces the winner of the match is Marlena. “I mean Goldust.” Sunny wants to know what kind of publicity stunt is that. They actually tried to have a wrestling match out here, but Vince wanting to put the focus on Backlund so much killed the flow of watching the action, and the finish was another of the infamous stories coming out of these early episodes of Shotgun.

We come back from the commercial and Sunny is still mad at Marlena and makes a promise for next week. “If Pam Anderson can do it, so can I. I’m going to bring you one of my home sex videos.” She promises to show everyone footage of herself doing “the wild thing.” Insert your own Marc Mero joke here.

Ahmed Johnson vs. Crush (w/ The Nation of Domination):
The Nation (for tonight’s appearance) is made up of Clarence Mason, the yet-to-be-named D’Lo Brown, and two other goofs. Crush with the bum rush and Ahmed throws him to the canvas. Crush ends up on top of the brawl. Whip to the ropes and they blow whatever-the-f*ck they were trying. That ends up being the story of the match. I didn’t notice at first, but the side of the audience facing the hard-camera is on a platform that is right next to the ring, allowing a cool spot where Ahmed sprints across and dives over the ropes, hitting Crush with a clothesline. Crush with a low blow and boot to the head. Todd is with Clarence Mason. He ignores Todd’s question and asks his own regarding the Nation of Domination. Crush with a belly-to-belly suplex. Ahmed goes low to escape a Full Nelson and “hits” a scissors-kick. D’Lo hops in the ring to save Crush from the Pearl River Plunge and it’s a cheap Disqualification at 3:55. Ahmed plants D’Lo with a spine-buster but now Crush saves him from the Plunge. The Nation swarms Ahmed, holding him in place as Crush blasts him over the head with a chair. OUCH. Goldust and the Godwinns come out and even the odds. Ahmed shrugs off the assault, giving chase into the parking lot, and gives poor D’Lo a Pearl River Plunge on the roof of a nearby vehicle! Another memorable moment, but the match itself stunk. Thankfully it was kept short.

Mascarita Sagrada vs. Mini Vader:
It wouldn’t be the Vince McMahon Comedy Hour without some little people. BUT FIRST… We throw it to footage at the Port Authority Bus Terminal where Mini Vader needs to use the urinal and isn’t tall enough, suggesting Jim Cornette needs to offer assistance. HIGH-LARIOUS. According to Vince, Mini Vader had to ride a bus from Mexico to New York for two straight days because Cornette is too cheap to spring for air fare. We waste more time with Todd inviting Sunny into the ring to dance the “Mascarita” (think Macarena), with jokes about Sagrada’s height, Madonna, and “He comes from a place where you shouldn’t drink the water.”

Mini Vader finally gets the match started by jumping Sagrada at the bell. Cornette joins commentary to give us a synopsis of everything we just saw and heard about before the match. We get the usual mini’s lucha libre work that is impossible to call, but can be exciting to watch. Cornette calls timeout and gets in the ring to dress down his mini-Vader as we go to commercial break. We come back with Sagrada diving over the ropes, and we barely see it thanks to using as far away a camera shot as possible. Vader punishes with headbutts as we hype Marc Mero vs Big Daddy Cool Diesel for next week’s episode. Sagrada sends Vader to the outside and dives off the top rope with a corkscrew plancha! Back inside, Sagrada with a hurricanrana and missile dropkick for the three-count at 3:50 (shown). Cornette is displeased and challenges Sagrada to fight, doing his over-the-top comical theatrics. What happened to you, Jim? You used to understand it was OK to have fun. Vader sneaks up on him and they do the school yard trip routine before removing his pants. Packed into a small window of time (no pun intended), it was probably the best effort for the amount of time they had to fill.

Dok Hendrix is in the WWF hype room to advertise the return to Madison Square Garden on January 25th. We’re promised 9 matches, including Sycho Sid vs The Undertaker for the WWF Title, Shawn Michaels vs Mankind, Bret Hart vs Vader, Steve Austin vs Goldust, and Ahmed Johnson & Savio Vega vs Crush & Faarooq.

The show closes with Sunny again promising her “sexy home video” and Jim Cornette attempting to get a cab while in his underpants.

Final Thoughts: I know he didn’t officially join the writing team for a little while longer, but this felt like if Vince Russo had full control over an hour of WWF television with minimal filter for quality control. Almost every comedy routine failed to amuse except for about 6-seconds of Jim Cornette’s shenanigans. The wrestling was hit and miss, though considering the circumstances, it’s hard to be that mad because half the time the focus was away from the ring, and one of the longest matches was a long comedy bit that no one found amusing save for one or two people. With that said, the word-of-mouth of what happened, like the Pearl River Plunge spot and Marlena’s top coming off did generate interest for me, but hell if I could find it on my local cable provider. This was an hour-long car crash and definitely something different, which is as positive a spin I could put on it.