Pro Wrestling NOAH: Destination 2024 Part 1

Hey guys, been a while since I’ve done a NOAH show and we have a pretty big one here today as July 13th was apparently some sort of big deal in puro as we got three major shows with title matches and such. We’ve got 4,196 in the Budokan to watch four title matches, some special main-events, and also the de facto sendoff of a major main-event player. Let’s get to it!

Pretty slick video package opens up the show with slick editing and some generic rock music (sounds like a J-Rock version of Foo Fighters). We introduce our commentary team (four people!) and then we run some video packages for the individual matches as fans file into the building.

Hajime Ohara & Super Crazy vs. Junta Miyawaki & Ninja Mack vs. All Rebellion (Alejandro & Cristobal)

Background: So this is just an opening match multiman cluster deal. Super Crazy is the ECW guy, Ohara is a backbreaker savant, Junta is a floppy haired babyface who keeps being on the cusp of elevating himself, Ninja Mack is a flippy American guy and All Rebellion are part of the big babyface stable but these two guys are mostly losers. Don’t expect too much from this one.

The Match: Well one of the commentators says “we can expect a high speed, flippy match here” to start us off and also that no tag-team but All Rebellion are really a team because “most tag teams in NOAH are breaking up” so it’s good commentary isn’t setting us up for much. Cristobal, Mack, and Ohara do some triple-team headlocks to start until Ninja whines that they should get off him and they uh…do? Cristobal spams his wing flap taunt however. Mack decides we’ve had enough pointless headlocks and does a nice flippy evasion and then Ohara armdrags everybody and does quick covers and then they reset while Cristobal continues to flap his arms. I mean, I’m glad he’s committed to it. All three guys tag out and we got Alejandro, Super Crazy, and Junta. We get some quick stuff but it’s just opening match stuff and they trade rollups and Alejandro begs off against Super Crazy in a cute spot. Alejandro and Junta double dropkick Crazy to go 1v1 until Cristobal comes in and then Ohara comes in and we get stereo surfboards on Alejandro and Miyawaki and then stereo tilt-a-whirl backbreakers. Crazy’s twisting elbow drop sets up Hajime’s arm-trap crab but that’s broken up and after some faffing about we get an attempted Ninja Special and Crazy cuts off Mack. Junta reverses a whip into a springboard plancha, All Rebellion double dropkick Crazy and then Alejandro gets a tope…and then Mack gets the Ninja Special and then a diving headbutt on Crazy. Rebellion get a nice double-team wheelbarrow facebuster/springboard bulldog and Alejandro gets a corkscrew splash on Super Crazy to finish it.

*¾

Well it wasn’t quite the chaotic fun match I was promised, but at least the team that is actually a team wins the match with a double team. It was not good or even decent but it didn’t end as terrible as it was looking at times.

Daiki Inaba, Manabu Soya & Masa Kitamiya vs. REAL (Kazuyuki Fujita & Shuhei Taniguchi) & Takashi Sugiura

Background: These are the steady stable of midcard beefy boys that NOAH keeps around. Manabu just came back after surgery and is looking way different, he dropped weight and has notable abs and gold and yellow and green two-toned gear split down the middle with gray hair dude is tanned too, Daiki has black hair and trunks, and Masa has the full blonde mohawk and capris. REAL are a stable of shooter guys and Fujita is a bald gorilla of a MMA legend in a singlet, Shuhei is a lumpen frankenstein of a man in plain black trunks and Sugiura is a goateed amateur guy in biker shorts who is the most accoladed guy in NOAH history though he is past his prime he is one half of the current GHC heavyweight tag champs.

The Match: Soya and Fujita start with a lockup that goes nowhere and Fujita transitions to a headlock and we get a shoulderblock on Soya. We get some more shoulderblock trading as Soya does a full Scorcese of facial emoting and finally knocks down Fujita who seems legit shocked at this and in comes Inaba and Shuhei. Slugfest and Daiki gets a jumpkick but Shuhei ain’t selling that and shoulders him down and calls for his tag team members to come in to get slammed by Shuhei onto their opponent and Sugiura wants NO part of that. Lockup with Daiki and Sugi and Daiki gets a cheap shot in the ropes and Daiki is all over the vet with a brainbuster and then a headbutt into a backdrop driver and in comes Masa. We get a double-team from the two younger guys that ends in a Masa senton on Takashi and then Sugiura continues to get his clock cleaned when Masa gets a Samoan Drop. Sugiura finally gets something going with a yakuza kick out of a run and gun and then the delayed second-rope superplex. But Masa counters a kitchen sink knee with a kneebreaker, Sugi gets a desperation lariat though and in comes Fujita to no sell everything and suplex Masa. Fujita pulls down the straps and loads up the powerbomb but Masa backdrops him and slugs it out before spearing Fujita but Fujita ain’t gonna sell that and lariats Masa and we get Shuhei and Soya. Shuhei slams Manabu and Sugiura reluctantly gets into the ring to be slammed by Shuhei onto Soya and Sugiura drags Fujita into the ring to eat the same. Shuhei loads up a chokeslam but Soya slips out and gets a jumping lariat, a brainbuster, and then a short-range lariat but Shuhei’s teammates break it up, but Soya’s jumping DDT gets 3 anyway.

**¼

Mostly just the regular big meaty guy match but this absolutely made Soya look like a total killer and you gotta think that he’s a favorite to go deep in the N1.

AKIRA, Eita & Shuji Kondo vs. Ryohei Oiwa, Yoshinari Ogawa & Yu Owada

Background: So Oiwa is a New Japan young lion who is on an excursion in NOAH and turned heel on his tag partner Kaito, he’s a beefy guy with a blonde fringe mullet and gold pants, Yu is a NOAH young guy in black trunks with no styling on him, Ogawa is an older guy with long greasy hair who has been wrestling since before WrestleMania 3. He’s an old heel in zebra tights. Their opponents are the GHC junior tag team champions, the small and conniving Eita in a t-shirt and baggy pants, jacked up Kondo in his tassels gear, and old but supremely jacked junior AKIRA, who is rocking a vest and velvet pants.

The Match: Shuji and Yu start and Kondo gets a headlock to grind out the rookie. Yu gets free and gets the backflip out of the corner and we tag out to Eita and Ogawa…but AKIRA wants to come in and Eita obliges him. The two old guys trade stuff until AKIRA gets a flurry of agility stuff (Cartwheels! Headscissors!) but Ogawa slithers out and and we go to a headlock again from ratboy but AKIRA’s too fast and Ogawa scrambles to tag. Eita and Oiwa, Eita tries a few power spots but Oiwa is too big and blocks it all. Eita keeps trying to go for a bodyslam and it backfires again and again even after Eita does some tricky nonsense. Oiwa tags in Yu and the rookie does basic stuff but gets caught going up and he’s thrown off the ropes and in comes AKIRA to work over the rookies leg. Kondo comes in next to stomp very slowly on Owada. Owada gets a sunset flip and a dropkick for a comeback and tags in Oiwa who hits a shoulder and the falling splash and EIta flies in and gets gutwrenched, AKIRA gets bodyslammed, and Kondo gets dropkicked before Oiwa front flips forward. But Oiwa’s German suplex gets countered by Kondo and AKIRA comes in to do some speedy stuff on the New Japan guy before Oiwa gets a double-arm suplex lets him tag in Ogawa to post AKIRA and then DDT him as ratboy does his usual sneaky stuff. AKIRA gets a running enzuigiri though and Oiwa breaks it up and the old guys tag in Eita and Owada. Eita gets sneaky stuff to gain control but Owada is too athletic and gets a bridging fisherman’s suplex. Owada blocks Eita’s Imperial Uno in a slick spot but Kondo’s running lariat lets AKIRA splash the youngster and they block the opposing squad and the Imperial Uno lands and Eita pins Owada.

**

Just sort of a match, had some decent sequences but it wasn’t anything beyond that and didn’t set anything up or do anything interesting. It was totally fine and that’s all I can say.

Yuji Nagata vs. Kenoh

Background: Nagata is Blue Justice, an old New Japan (primarily) guy who kept the lights on in New Japan during the dark days of the early 2000s. He’s one of the handful of guys who has won the top belt in NOAH, All Japan, and New Japan and is a pretty beloved elder statesman whose freelance shows get tons of people to work on them. He’s of course in blue trunks and I will say the way he shuffles to the ring does not super encourage me. Kenoh is the beloved cartoon duck of NOAH, a tremendous troll who loves to piss people off, he’s a huge babyface as a kicking, sneering, disrespectful clown. He’s also wrestled a TON of Japanese legends and Nagata is next on the list.

The Match: Hot start as they trade strikes and roll outside where Kenoh works Nagata over on the barricade but Yuji responds with an exploder on the mats. Nagata gets some kicks and rolls Kenoh back inside and Nagata goes at Kenoh’s arm and gets a hold that Kenoh gets a rope break for. More arm work and Kenoh gets the ropes again. They trade kicks and Kenoh is just flopping over with the busted arm but eventually gets a high kick to get a bit of space. Legsweep, standing stomp and running knee to the back of the head for Kenoh and that’s enough to set up an ankle lock. And because Kenoh is a jerk, he does the eyes rolling back headshake Nagata taunt that fires up the vet and he slips out of the hold and we have a Nagata Lock II attempt that Kenoh shakes off into a Kenoh Special but Yuji rolls through for the Nagata Lock II. But Nagata breaks it to set up the Shirome armbar instead and the eyes roll back and the crowd goes banana for it. That was cute. Kenoh squirms to the ropes and he’s selling with full, gasping breaths as he recovers his energy. Nagata gets a super exploder next and that sets up a backdrop driver but Kenoh desperately prevents it with slaps, but Nagata fires back with one slap to drop the blond jerk and a few kicks to keep him down. Backdrop driver attempted again but Kenoh gets a high knee and Nagata’s rope-rebound German has Kenoh flip out of it. Pele from Kenoh sets up a Falcon Arrow and a penalty kick for 2.9. Kenoh climbs up for the PFS but Nagata cuts him off with another super exploder attempt, but Kenoh gets a nasty headbutt and the PFS follows…for 2.8. Kenoh doesn’t hesitate though and goes up and gets the Enrin/Flaming Circle (moonsault knee drop) and that gets 3.

***¾

Maybe I’m a sucker for Nagata but this was tremendous fun. Nagata got to look tough as nails, Kenoh struggled through a match and was able to gut out a win with a crazy high spot he rarely uses.

Post-match Kenoh offers respect and after a bit Nagata gives a handshake (while Kenoh clutches his busted arm to his side) and then they fistbump.

We then get a big announcement for the N1 and we see the blocks! And we got a guy screaming everybody’s name and yelling out nicknames or descriptors beforehand and it rules.

A Block: “Galaxy View” Kaito Kiyomiya, “Go For Broke” Masa Kitamiya, “Sublime Every Time” Jack Morris, “I Am NOAH” Go Shiozaki, “King Of Air” Dragon Bane, “New Japan Pro Wrestling” Ryohei Oiwa, “WWE NXT Super Star” Josh Briggs, “DragonGate” Lewis Mante (okay it’s Luis but I’ll let it pass).

B Block: “Mr. “—-” Kenoh (it was something in Japanese I couldn’t catch), “——-” Manabu Soya, “Aztec Warrior” El Hijo de Dr. Wagner Jr., “Future Franchise” Titus Alexander, “The Machine” Alpha Wolf, “——” YOICHI, “WWE NXT Super Star” Tavion Heights, “Tengu” Ulka Sasaki.

GLG (Jake Lee, Tadasuke & YO-HEY) vs. GLG (Anthony Greene, Jack Morris & LJ Cleary) – GLG Final Match

Background: So Jake Lee, the leader of the Good Looking Guys, announced that the stable was breaking up with the assumed idea that he’s jumping to NJPW, and considering that he was NOT part of the N1 announcement I feel more confident announcing that (and of course since then we’ve seen him as part of the G1). The gaijin GLG members are jacked up movezy Scotsman Jack Morris with white bicycle trunks, hairy Shawn Michaels impersonating American Anthony Greene in black and white chaps, and hairy tiny Irish LJ in sparkling white tights. The Japanese GLG members are the small, lean but in incredible shape YO-HEY with blonde hair and a dyed tongue, husky blonde-haired brawling Tadasuke with a bodysuit, and the Good Looking Emperor, Jake Lee with his Jack the Ripper getup.

The Match: All six guys go and put their hands together and it is definitely a bit emotional. Commentary talks up that Jack Morris might be upset that Jake is blowing up this stable and after a bit of hotdogging we get a lockup that Jake wins and he does his very slow clean break and follows it up with a bow. Jack has had enough and slaps Lee who goozles the Scot but Morris gets an enzuigiri and Lee gives us a great wobble-leg sell and all of the gaijin GLG members triple team Lee. Jack keeps up the aggression and brings in Greene to hammer on Jake with chops and then LJ Cleary tries his best but even on his way out of the company Lee ain’t selling for LJ and we get a Jake slam and in comes YO-HEY. They do some junior stuff and LJ gets a nice springboard armdrag and YO-HEY gets a nice backflip taunt but LJ kicks him and now we have Greene back in to work over the Japanese junior with a fist drop but Tadasuke comes in and him and YO-HEY do some doubles on Greene and do all the GLG taunts in what is obviously bittersweet for them all. Tadasuke gets the feint DDT and Greene’s headband flies into the crowd but Greene ducks the Tadasuke lariat and gets a superkick in response. Jack and Jake back in and we more Morris flying around with a clothesline as he’s just fired up. Jake tries to be defensive but Morris smacks him around and ends with a springboard dropkick and loads up the Tiger Driver but Lee backdrops out and gets a kitchen sink knee and Jake begins his methodical heel routine, he stretches out his jaw, gets another knee in the ropes, and then gets another another knee, and as Jake ramps up the heeling he does a feint penalty kick, points to his head to indicate his intelligence and locks in a chinlock. Morris fights out and they slug it out, with Lee making sure to adjust Jack’s hair before a strike as he’s being totally heartless about the breakup that’s rendered Morris inconsolable. But emotion has power and Morris gets a big Falcon Arrow and that lets the gaijin triple team Jake but the Good Looking Emperor backdrops everybody out of the ring…except tiny LJ who rebounds back in with a stomp on Jake, which sets up Greene’s ropewalk crossbody and Jack’s frog splash, but Jake kicks out of LJ (the legal guy’s) pin. Jack puts Jake in the corner as he’s clearly pretty angry and Jack loads up for his version of the Face Break Shot, but he grandstands and hotdogs too much and YO-HEY and Taddy pull the other guys out of the ring and Lee gets a monster Giant Killing knee on Jack. LJ with a flurry of kicks on Jake, YO-HEY with a fantastic dropkick on the Irishman, Greene with a fancy set up into a rolling cutter, Tadasuke lariats Anthony, Jack gets the Good Looking Knee on Tadasuke…and one on Jake! But Lee gets a desperation high kick and we get a double-down. Lee gets up first and gets the FBS on LJ Cleary and does a cross-armed pin for 3.

***½

Okay, this might not be 3.5 worth of work, but as a final moment for GLG this had a lot of the feelings involved for a stable I didn’t even adore. Jack being this emotional is the most I’ve ever cared about a guy I’ve been cold on and this display of emotional stuff fits Jake Lee as the puroresu Roman Reigns.

Post-match Jack is still upset even if the rest of GLG seem decently friendly and respectful about it. And as Jake gets on the microphone, Gedo runs down and beckons to Jake. Lee passes the mic and Gedo insults the crowd and offers a Bullet Club membership to Jake Lee who takes it. This pisses off Jack Morris tremendously who uses some naughty words in anger at Jake’s decision, but Lee chokeslams him in response and we get Jake’s official position.

“Goodbye NOAH.”

Welp.

The other GLG members try to help Jack out, but Morris fights them off and walks off alone.

Well, this review is getting long already so I think I’ll all it here and we’ll get the rest of it very soon. I promise.