MLW Underground TV Review – 04.21.2003

Last week on Underground TV… We’re still killing time waiting for the next show to take place (that will be May 9th at the Tabu NightClub in Orlando, FL), so several matches taped in September from the Manhattan Center are packaged together, including an over-booked mess between Terry Funk and Chris Candido, as well as the match between Satoshi Kojima and Jerry Lynn to crown the “1st” MLW Heavyweight Champion (Shane Douglas’ reign and involvement is erased from history)… The brackets for the Global Tag Team Championship Tournament are announced: Dr. Death and PJ Friedman face Mike Sanders and Jimmy Yang, while Jose and Joel Maximo take on CW Anderson and Simon Diamond… The Samoan Island Tribe are furious over being snubbed for the tournament… Paul London, CM Punk, Mike Awesome, and Masato Tanaka are new names advertised for May 9th… Raven has a problem with Vampiro… La Parka attacks Bill Alfonso and challenges Sabu to a Mexican Massacre.

“Earlier Today…” Steve Corino pulls up outside a random building. Considering this was probably taped recently and we haven’t taped new arena footage since December, he probably found the nearest empty parking lot and got someone to hold a camera for him. He keeps dunking on Terry Funk, calling him white trash that drives a ‘72 Ford pick-up and living on a dirty farm with disgusting animals. He needs to sell ugly t-shirts traveling from town-to-town to make the payments on the double-cross ranch. Funk need to hand over the torch, and in a few years, Corino says he won’t pass it on, because he’s retiring with it. There’s going to be violence on May 9th, but it won’t be happening to him, it will be inflicted on Terry Funk.

Joey Styles welcomes us to the program from “the War Memorial in Fort Lauderdale, FL.” Styles runs down some of what happened last week, including the announcement of Sabu and La Parka’s Mexican Massacre Challenge.

“Earlier This Week…” P.J. Friedman is on the road to the Dojo of Dr. Death Steve Williams, doing a mentor and protege gimmick to try and get Friedman over, using Williams’ name value amongst the hardcore audience that would likely show any interest in MLW. Friedman is frustrated about being followed at 3 in the morning, accusing Joey Styles of arranging such conduct. He tells us to come back next week if we want to know how they’re preparing for the tournament. That was the most wooden delivery I’ve heard in a promo in a long time.

Global Tag Team Championship Tournament Match:
“Dr. Death” Steve Williams & P.J. Friedman vs. Jimmy Yang & Mike Sanders:
All matches this week are from MLW King of Kings, taped on December 20th, 2002 from the War Memorial Auditorium in Fort Lauderdale, FL. Yang and Sanders are both late-era WCW guys who were briefly under contract for the WWF, working primarily in their HWA development system before being released. Sanders would find a regular home in NWA: Total Nonstop Action, while Yang would bounce around (including a few appearances for TNA) before returning to WWE in the Fall of 2003. Friedman and Yang start. Lockup and Friedman with a slap in the corner. Yang counters a hip toss and stiffs Friedman with a clothesline. Sanders with a sliding knee across the chest for a two-count. Williams comes in for a save and casually plants Sanders with a Powerbomb. Sanders gets dumped to the floor and sent face-first into a padded folding chair. Williams smacking him over the head with a filled beverage cup probably hurt more. Sanders gets put through a table while the referee just plays dumb.

We cut ahead with Williams and Friedman hitting Sanders with a double suplex for two. Sanders tries fighting out of the corner, but they cut him off. Whip to the corner and Sanders surprises Friedman with a school-boy roll-up for two. Styles mentions EZ Money and Julio Dinero advancing to the Finals of the tournament… um… WHAT? CageMatch has the match listed as part of the GHC Tag Team Championship Tournament, so who knows the truth of what was taped and how it was repurposed here. Yang with the tag, hitting Friedman with a missile dropkick for a two-count. Friedman straddles Yang across the top turnbuckle to block a moonsault. Yang briefly fights off a double-team until he’s hit with a press slam and snap elbow drop combo. Sanders ducks a double clothesline and hits a double dropkick on the rebound. Williams cuts him off again and connects with a Doctor Bomb. Yang takes WILLIAMS down with a spinning head-scissors, but Williams recovers quickly and puts Yang away with the back-drop driver at 7:30 (shown). Sanders and Yang were perfectly fine as plucky babyfaces, but Friedman is awful and you’re just getting the greatest hits from Williams at this stage of his career.

Joey Styles begrudgingly hypes the debut of CM Punk on May 9th, saying he’s got a bad attitude and it would bring him great joy to watch Punk’s opponent slap him around. Styles also says Punk is a hell of a wrestler and his finishing move, the Pepsi Plunge, is one of the most devastating in all of wrestling. The entire segment has “Get Free” by The Vines playing in the background.

The Samoan Island Tribe (Samu and Mana) are standing by, still bitter about being excluded from the tournament. Samu is looking his age trying to look like a street thug. He makes not-so-subtle remarks that are clearly directed at Rikishi and The Rock. You know, there’s a time and place for that stuff, but here, it just comes off as a pathetic attempt at trying to sound cool to the anti-WWE audience, ESPECIALLY since Rikishi’s prime years are long over by April 2003. Samu goes on and on about being blackballed from everywhere they go (refusing to do jobs and no-showing whenever you feel is a great way to accumulate that kind of reputation). I’m guessing Samu is trying to give him a rub by working as a team, but Mana’s done nothing but stand around as background dressing and doesn’t add anything to the promo.

Following the assault at the hands of La Parka, Bill Alfonso was treated for various injuries, but he promised to be in the corner of Sabu for the Mexican Massacre Challenge. More licensed music has squeaked by, at least the instrumental parts of “Killing in the Name” by Rage Against the Machine.

Satoshi Kojima cuts a promo running off a list of all the potential challengers that can be thrown at him, including Mike Awesome, Taiyo Kea, Vampiro, and Shinjiro Otani. He says he’s a pro wrestler, not a Sports Entertainer, and puts over Koji-Mania. My goodness, how long and how often have people tried the “I’m not a Sports Entertainer” routine?! I get it, you’re targeting a specific audience with these promos, but you can get by without swiping at the low-hanging fruit at every opportunity.

Highlights of Satoshi Kojima defending the MLW Heavyweight Championship against Mitsuya Nagai on October 19th, 2002 from Korakuen Hall in Tokyo, Japan (part of an All Japan Pro Wrestling taping). I can’t fairly rate a match that is framed as a music video highlight package, but it does bring the “Koji Count” to 2-0. Who will be the next victim of Koji-Mania?!

Vampiro is ready to confront Raven PERSONALLY on May 9th, regardless of the outcome of his match with Satoshi Kojima.

Jose & Joel Maximo vs. Simon Diamond & C.W. Anderson:
The second match of the Global Tag Team Championship Tournament (revised version), with the winning team facing Steve Williams and P.J. Friedman at MLW Revolutions on May 9th. Los Maximos were a high-demand duo on the Independent scene at the time and trained by ECW alumni Mikey Whipwreck, but man if their style wasn’t my thing. Of course they would make appearances for NWA: Total Nonstop Action and Ring of Honor, so I couldn’t escape them. Diamond would start making regular appearances for TNA in July, but CW Anderson never got much national exposure after ECW went under (and yes, if you weren’t sure, he’s another kayfabe member of the famous “Anderson” family).

Diamond and Jose start. I don’t know if it’s meant to be insulting, but Styles calls Diamond and Anderson “journeymen wrestlers.” He also notes the Samoan Island Tribe are picking a fight with everyone, and you can tell that was added in post-production. They fight for control of a knuckle-lock and trade a series of arm drags. We cut ahead in the action to Anderson dumping Jose on his head with a release German suplex. Anderson with a delayed super-plex and the camera unfortunately shows an empty section of the building facing the hard-cam in process. Styles again mentions Hot Commodity advancing, so I’m guessing the original plan was a triple threat finale before the dust settled. Joel with the hot tag, hitting both men with dropkicks. Bridging German on Anderson gets two despite Diamond being the legal man. Like, the tag JUST happened. Moonsault on Diamond gets a two count right after I point that out. Anderson gets dumped on his head for another near-fall where the legal man doesn’t matter. Diamond with the “Simon Series” (two snaps followed by a gourd buster) for two. Joel comes off the top for the save and we cut ahead again, with no effort in restoring order. Diamond breaks up the Spanish Fly, but gets hit with a moonsault for a two-count. Super Kick takes the head off of Jose, and Joel is planted with a spine-buster for the three-count at 6:22 (shown). As you can tell, I didn’t like this one once the referee decided it was OK for everyone to fight and go for covers, and that’s the typical formula of a Maximos match (when things are going smoothly as far as execution, that is). No psychology, just spots for the sake of spots.

Dusty Rhodes is standing by with some words. I’m a little surprised by this one, honestly. Dusty ran Turnbuckle Championship Wrestling in the early 2000’s, running shows in the Southeast (mostly in Georgia, Florida, and Tennessee). Maybe there was an effort to cross-promote at the time of King of Kings, but by the time of this broadcast, TCW was pretty much done, and Dusty officially put it to rest just a few months later. He wants to talk about the war and the blood in Florida. He never liked Dory Funk, Papa Funk, Terry Funk, or Mother Funk. He calls Steve Corino a Pumpkin Head and walking contradiction, then goes back to his history with Terry and how Terry tried to take him out on multiple occasions. Not exactly the best Dusty promo I’ve ever heard.

BREAKING NEWS: Ikuto Hidaka takes on Fuego Guerrero on May 9th!

Joey Styles continues to put over Satoshi Kojima, and how he’s a real Champion. He wasn’t handed the belt by the General Manager or by sleeping with the boss’s daughter. He’s not a SPORTS ENTERTAINER, he’s a professional wrestler!

Mike Awesome is here to make an impact in MLW, and to do that, you’ve got to be the Champion! First, he’s going through Masato Tanaka, and we all know the history between them! He promises to Powerbomb Tanaka over the top rope and through a table so he can get his shot at Kojima and the Heavyweight Championship. “The Era of Awesomeness has arrived!” Now we’ve got “In Da Club” by 50 Cent (instrumental) playing in the background of Styles’ hype. Now we need “Bring Me To Life” by Evanescence to really take me back to 2003.

Terry Funk vs. Dusty Rhodes vs. Steve Corino:
This is advertised as a “Bonus Match”, courtesy of MLW Home Video. I’m guessing this is an attempt to drum up interest for sales. To touch up the topic of TCW addressed earlier, it looks like Corino and the Extreme Horsemen was something introduced there as well. There’s no mystery to the result of this match. Like Satoshi Kojima being introduced as the MLW Champion and the following week showing the match where he wins the title, we’ve already seen the closing moments of this match on several occasions on TV. At least they aren’t playing dumb about the subject. I doubt we’re getting the entire match, based on time remaining.

Funk wants him some of Dusty and insists on Corino hanging back. Lockup into the corner and Corino tries to get involved, but Dusty fights both of them off with his signature elbows. Styles says that Steve Corino launched his career with a victory over Dusty Rhodes. We get more strategizing from Funk and Corino, with Corino wanting a piece of Dusty this time. Dusty is knocked to one knee as Funk introduces a garbage can to the ring. Funk smashes Dusty over the head, then takes out Corino to end whatever alliance they might’ve had. We cut ahead in the action with Funk jamming a shovel into the throat of Corino, who is suddenly a bloody mess. Styles notes all three men are wearing the crimson mask. Funk tries climbing a bent guardrail and falls over in a comical position. Tye-Dye Guy is front and center for all the action, for those who like that kind of stuff addressed. Dusty teases a Figure-Four, but gives it up so he can work over Funk and Corino at the same time. Suddenly, Simon Diamond and C.W. Anderson hit the ring for the most unexpected run-in of all time, helping Corino in 3-on-1 attacks on both Dusty and Funk. Corino lays out the referee with a DDT after refusing to count a dog-pile on Funk. A second referee enters the ring and reluctantly counts all three men on top of Funk at 9:59 (shown). If you needed a detailed PBP, this was all punch-punch-weapon shot, and easily the worst match featured on Underground TV (so far).

Raven is hanging around a dank part of the arena, waiting for Vampiro to get in touch with him. Maybe Vampiro feels it’s time for the protege to beat the master, or it’s all just an attempt at playing his brand of mind games. No matter what, they’re going down a long, painful road, and Vampiro will end up in a mental hell and physical hell known as Raven’s Clockwork Orange House of Fun.

Final Thoughts: We continue our march towards May 9th, when we’ll finally tape new content that goes along with the promos featured every week. There’s only so much excitement you can have for matches that have been in the can for anywhere between 4-10 months, and we’ve got THREE MORE WEEKS of that formula (yes, the first week of content from MLW Revolutions doesn’t make it to immediate broadcast).