Mike Reviews WCW Nitro #85 (Featuring BARBARIAN VS MONGO!!!!)

Happy Wednesday Everyone!

Two reasons for reviewing this episode of Nitro;

1. It’s only an hour long as I believe the show was getting preempted at the time
2. It’s got The Bar-freaking-barian Vs MONGO Mc-freaking-Michael on it. I mean, there’s no way that won’t be awesome!

So, here’s a Wednesday Nitro review for ya’ll. The full card can be found below;

Nitro #85 Card

Nitro is emanating from Norfolk, Virginia on the 28th of April 1997

Calling the action are Tony Schiavone, Larry Zbyszko and Bobby Heenan

We open up with footage of Ric Flair beating up Vader in order to show that he’s capable of defeating bigger men. Petty on WCW’s part, seeing as Vader had been in the news around this time for getting arrested in Kuwait, but it did actually have a point to it at least.

Roddy Piper and Ric Flair join us to cut a promo on the nWo. Piper is sick of the nWo just wanting to skateboard and collect their cheques, so he wants a fight tonight. Flair then gets cut off mid-rant for the Nitro intro video. Booooooooooooo!

Match 1
WCW United States Title
Champ: “The Iceman” Dean Malenko Vs Prince Iaukea

Iaukea had recently been the TV Champ, but he’s since lost it to Ultimo Dragon. Still, in the WCW mid-card you usually just fail upwards, so Iaukea has a US Title match here on Nitro despite losing the arguably less prestigious belt. We get a cut-in promo from Jeff Jarrett before this one, where he says he’s going to defeat Malenko at Slamboree. I think Malenko had a hand in training Iaukea, so they work reasonably well together here and it’s a decent match, with Iaukea trying to use his speed whilst Malenko tries to grab hold of Iaukea so that the Champ can punish the challenger with submission and power based offence. Eventually Malenko gets a Powerslam and the Texas Cloverleaf ends it for The Iceman clean.

WINNER AND STILL CHAMPION: MALENKO
RATING: **

Thoughts: Decent short TV match there, as Iaukea got to do a bit so that it wasn’t a squash, and then Malenko showed who the Champion was by putting the game challenger away clean

Match 2
WCW World Cruiserweight Title
Champ: Syxx Vs Juventud Guerrera

Syxx gets the real nWo “Rockhouse” theme here, which I don’t think he always got as I’ve seen him enter to the B-Team theme before. Unless the WWE Network/Peacock is dubbing in Rockhouse here for some reason? I’ve given up making sense of things if so. Juventud still has his mask here, and he’s one of the few Luchadores that I think looked more marketable without his mask due to him being such a handsome bugger. Juventud uses his speed to shine on Syxx to start, but then Syxx kicks his challenger square in the face and that’s the cut off. Syxx is drawing decent Heel heat from the crowd here actually, as the fans do not like him.

Juventud actually doesn’t sell too badly whilst getting worked over, although he does seem to be out of place a couple of times. Syxx is experienced enough to cover for that though, so the match never grinds to a halt or anything, but it does have some moments of sloppiness. Juventud takes a couple of attempts at getting a rana off the top onto Syxx, but when he does get the move it leads to a near fall. Juventud gets a nice reaction for a flipping springboard dropkick, but he misses a follow up Moonsault and that leads to Syxx locking in the Crossface Chickenwing for the submission victory.

WINNER AND STILL CHAMPION: SYXX
RATING: **1/2

Thoughts: This was sloppy in places, but generally entertaining

Syxx won’t release the hold post-match, because he’s a jerk and all.

Lee Marshall delivers his usual forced gag whilst trying to hype up next week’s Nitro in Lakeland.

Scott Hall, Kevin Nash and Syxx join us for some promo time at the announce desk, which leads to the commentary team bailing. The gist of the promo is that they are going to beat up Flair and Piper at Slamboree, and they want 75% of the gate for doing so. Somewhere a young Floyd Mayweather was probably taking notes.

Match 3
Lord Steven Regal Vs “The Crippler” Chris Benoit w/ Woman

So this one is the usual stiff encounter between the two, with them mixing in good wrestling with some heavy shots, including a sequence where they just head butt one another until they start bleeding, which leads to the camera going to a wide shot, because heaven fore-fend that we have some claret on a WCW show! Kevin Sullivan, Jackie Moore and Jimmy Hart run down to the ring and that’s a DQ before the match can even get started.

WINNER BY DQ: BENOIT
RATING: N/A

Thoughts: Too short to rate, and no I’m not talking about Kevin Sullivan. Apparently they were supposed to go for longer, but once folks started bleeding they decided to end it early and sent Sullivan and the gang out to the ring. What we got was good, but there wasn’t enough of it for me to feel like I can give it a fair rating

Sullivan and Moore beat down Benoit post match, with help from THE MONSTER MENG, which actually leads to Regal trying to help Benoit out, even though Regal was a Heel at the time. I think this was supposed to tease an eventual Benoit, Malenko and Regal faction down the line, with the idea being that Benoit would be annoyed at all the drama in The Horsemen caused by Jeff Jarrett’s membership and he’d try to create his own group to take them out.

The following announcement has been paid for by the New World Order; as Randy Savage and Elizabeth think that Kimberley Page has a thing for the Macho Man. Oh well, she’s only human.

Match 4
The Amazing French Canadiens (Jacques Rougeau et Carl Ouellet) w/ Legionnaire Robert Parker Vs “The Total Package” Lex Luger and The Giant

Luger was the #1 contender to the World Title at the time I believe, after he’d won a match against Harlem Heat at the Spring Stampede pay per view, although it took until August for him to get the shot due to Hogan taking time off to shoot movies. The Habs almost kill Luger with a double stun gun (the move, not the item) but thankfully he survives and hot tags Giant after some heat. Giant runs wild on the hapless French, with them surprisingly not running away at the first instance of danger. Giant Choke Slams Jacques whilst Luger Wracks Carl, and that’s the match

WINNERS: LUGER & GIANT
RATING: *1/2

Thoughts: Competitive enough to not be a squash, but the winners were never in doubt

Match 5
The Barbarian Vs Steve “Mongo” McMichael w/ Debra McMichael

Oh yeah baby, here we go! This sort of match was the best use of Mongo, because it didn’t really require any real wrestling ability, as all he had to do was lumber down to the ring and slug it out with a big monster like he was in a real-life Kaiju Battle. This isn’t a wrestling match, it’s a FIGHT, between two hefty nutters, and it’s BRILLIANT! Mongo sends Barbs into the corner at one stage, but he stops to taunt for too long so Barb absolutely ANNIHILATES Mongo with a big kick to the FACE. Oh lordy, that was ridiculous. Barbarian takes over following that, taking the fight to the floor and sending Mongo into the ring-post and then bringing it back into the ring where he gets a huge Piledriver, which thankfully both monsters survive. Debra ends up distracting Barbarian and the ref, which allows Mongo to CLONK Barbarian on the head with a metal briefcase for the three count.

Bobby Heenan: I’m not sure that’s going to hurt his head

*Mongo hits Barbarian in the face with a briefcase at the force of a howitzer shell*

Bobby Heenan: …That hurt his head

Honestly, I don’t think there was a better way to end that one.

WINNER: MONGO
RATING: ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL THE STARS!!!!!!!!!

Thoughts: This was everything I wanted it to be!

Roddy Piper and Ric Flair join us for another promo segment, with Flair getting to actually cut a promo of his own this time. Flair is fired up, and calls out the nWo for a fight, which the crowd likes the sound of. The nWo instead though decides it’s time they got tough, as they hit the babyfaces hard with a major, and I mean major, leafleting campaign. The leaflets say “Tradition Bites: nWo 4 Life”, which makes me think both Piper and Flair got off lightly there when you consider what the nWo COULD have put on those leaflets in order to embarrass them. Hall, Nash and Syxx join us, with Flair attacking them whilst Piper stands in the ring. Apparently the show was supposed to end with the nWo charging the ring, at which point they’d finish up the angle for the live crowd. However, Flair jumped the gun and attacked Syxx before he was supposed to, which left Piper not knowing whether to join in or wait for the show to end. This gives us a very “Because WCW” moment, where the nWo batters Flair whilst Piper is easily in range to help him out, but he doesn’t because he doesn’t know if he should or not. Piper does finally go and help as Nitro ends.

Oh WCW…

In Conclusion

This was a really easy watch. Couldn’t Raw and Nitro have just been an hour every week? No filler, all killer, and great fun. Thumbs up!

Recommended show!