Mike Reviews ECW Return of the Funker 1995

Happy Funking Saturday Everyone!

Back to some ECW today, as we watch a show from 1995 called Return of the Funker. As the name suggests, this show features the return of Terry Funk to ECW, along with other stuff as well. Some of the matches from this actually made their way to the Philly Stake DVD that came out following the closure of the company.

1995 was usually a good year for ECW when it came to storyline’s, along with some good wrestling too on certain shows. Let’s see what Return of the Funker will give us in regard to those two areas. You can view the card for the event by clicking the link below;

https://www.cagematch.net/?id=1&nr=356&page=3

Return of the Funker is emanating from The Arena in Philly on the 25th of February 1995

Calling the action is Joey Styles

We get the “Presented in most complete form” opening graphic, so maybe some stuff is missing from this on WWE Network/Peacock?

Opening Match
The Pitbulls (#1 and #2) Vs “Lukewarm” Chad Austin and Joel Goodhart

Austin and Goodhart were holdovers from the old Tristate Wrestling Alliance days, with Paul Heyman essentially keeping them around as job guys for the acts he intended to push. This is a squash win for The Pitbulls, as they clobber both of the enhancement guys and no sell any attempt they make at offence. The crowd seems genuinely offended whenever Austin and Goodhart even dare to fight back. It’s a bit sloppy in places, but it’s a solid enough squash for the most part and gets the point across that The Pitbulls are a dangerous tandem you do not want to mess with.

WINNERS: THE PITBULLS
RATING: SQUASH

Thoughts: It was fine as a squash to get The Pitbulls over

We get some promo time with Joey Styles, Raven and Stevie Richards. Raven says that Stevie failed him in a previous match against Tommy Dreamer and rants in his usual Raven manner. It’s a Raven promo, if you like those then you’ll like this. Tommy Dreamer confronts Raven mid-promo and says he wants to fight, but Raven says now is not the time. Raven says Dreamer can hit him, but he won’t fight back, which causes Dreamer to leave as he doesn’t want to fight someone who won’t fight back. Stevie sucks up to Raven during the promo, saying that two guys beat him up in a bar so he’s brought them here to beat up Dreamer, leading to Tony Stetson and Johnny Hotbody returning to ECW to say that they will beat up Dreamer for Raven. This leads to Dreamer running down to hit all of Raven’s lackeys with a stop sign. Before Raven and Dreamer can fight though the lackeys pull him off. Raven refuses to fight and just stands in the corner, which is great as Dreamer still doesn’t want to attack him when he’s like that. Raven does finally sprint across the ring to attack Dreamer, like a switch just went off. That was awesome as it’s a side of Raven that hadn’t been seen yet and showed that he was a dangerous fighter when he wanted to be. This was a really great segment and a good example of why the Raven/Dreamer feud worked so well, as they’ve already brought Stevie, Hotbody and Stetson into it and made what would otherwise be lower card guys part of a hot angle. It just raised up everyone involved in it.

Match Two
“The Sexiest Man on Earth” Jason Knight and Paul Lauria Vs “The Extreme Shah” Hack Myers and Mikey Whipwreck

Lauria and Mikey used to team until Lauria went Heel and joined up with Jason, so Mikey has recruited Myers as his partner here to help him out. Jason was more of a manager, although he did have a brief run as the TV Champ at one stage, and he did occasionally do jobs on WWF TV now and then. Jason and Lauria jump the babyfaces to start, but that leads to Myers and Mikey fighting back, and giving us stereo aloha-Jason/Paul, with pants getting pulled down and us even getting to see a full moon from both of the bad guys!

The babyfaces work Lauria over for a bit following that, with the green status of the competitors being quite obvious. There’s a random masked guy at ringside watching on in a storyline I don’t personally remember. The fans like shouting “Shah” when Myers hits people, but that’s about the extent of their interest in this particular contest. Lauria eventually manages to catch Mikey with a spin kick and tags in Jason, who starts working Mikey over. Mikey sells well whilst getting worked over, but the work here continues to be kind of sloppy, which makes sense when you consider that three of the wrestlers involved were still relatively green here and the other was more of a manager than a regular wrestler.

The crowd kind of turns on the match the longer it goes on, with Jason getting a terrible second rope clothesline onto a downed Mikey at one stage which doesn’t even look like it made contact. This is what happens when people who can’t do MOVEZ try and throw it into a match rather than just doing the basics well and telling a story. If you can do the flashy stuff and nothing else, then fair enough to a certain degree as that can still be entertaining in the right setting, but if you do all the flashy stuff badly and can’t work a standard match either, then what are you bringing to the table.

Jason nearly kills Mikey by barely managing to do the reverse Razor’s Edge move that Lance Archer does at one stage. I’m not surprised, as Jason may have a good physique, but that move requires a lot of power to do correctly and Jason clearly doesn’t have that. The heat segment continues to drag on, with Mikey missing a dropkick on Jason but eventually making the tag to Myers, who run runs wild on the Heels with punches as the crowd shouts along. The video footage starts breaking up here, which is probably why we got that warning at the start. Things eventually break down, with Mikey fighting with Jason outside the ring whilst the masked man comes into the ring and decks Myers before putting Lauria on top for three.

WINNERS: JASON & LAURIA
RATING: ½*

Thoughts: This was pretty rough, with the greenness of everyone on full display and the guys in the match trying stuff they weren’t capable of doing, leading to a number of botches and just generally sloppy work. This didn’t need to be an epic tag team classic, it just needed to be a competent under-card tag match where they worked the formula. That finish suggests that the feud will keep going as well

Match Three
Too Cold Scorpio Vs Hector Guerrero

I’m not sure if there was a particular backstory to this one, as Guerrero wasn’t a regular in ECW to my knowledge, so this might just be a case of ECW bringing in a talented guy for Scorp to defeat. Guerrero is the brother of Chavo Sr, Mando and Eddy, and the nephew of Chavo Jr. They work it in the mat to start for the most part, and it’s decent stuff. Guerrero seems to be focusing on tying Scorpio up with holds in order to stop him heading up top, which was what Scorp was most known for when it came to his in-ring. Guerrero tries to pin Scorpio outside the ring at one stage, but this one isn’t falls count anywhere, so that isn’t going to work.

Guerrero yells at the ref for that, which gives Scorp a window to fight back, but Guerrero soon takes over again. This hasn’t been bad or anything like that, but it has also felt like it’s meandered a bit. Things do eventually pick up a bit when they head into the home stretch, with both wrestlers having a chance to win it. Scorp tries getting the win with a rope assisted pin, but the ref sees it and breaks it up. Scorpio keeps coming though and hits Guerrero with a Stun Gun (the move, not the item) and then heads up with a 450 Splash for the three count.

WINNER: SCORPIO
RATING: *3/4

Thoughts: This wasn’t actively bad or anything, but I don’t think the wrestlers had much in the way of chemistry together and it took a while to really get going. The match wasn’t a disaster, but Guerrero might have been the wrong guy to come in and give Scorpio a showcase

Match Four
Barbed Wire Baseball Bat
Ian Rotten Vs Axl Rotten

These two used to team, but now they hate one another, so they are fighting one another in an increasingly violent smorgasbord of stipulation matches. I think the bat is supposed to be hung atop a pole (BRO!) but Ian runs out to attack the ring attendant when they try to hang up the bat, which I guess means that we’re just going to start the match with the bat already in play. Axl decides to come down for the match anyway and grabs a chair, which he uses as a rudimentary shield in order to block Ian’s swings of the bat. Ian eventually misses a big swing though and that leads to Axl getting the bat and dishing out some punishment with it, leading to Ian coming up bleeding.

Ian fights back by stealing a nightstick from a nearby copper and using it to belt Axl. As if a cop in America would just stand around and let that happen! I know both of these guys are white, but even still, that’s stretching credibility somewhat. The fight heads out into the crowd following that, with both Rotten’s hitting one another with anything that isn’t nailed down and leaving the surrounding area covered in plasma. This was certainly different than what the WWF and WCW were doing at the time, which made ECW stand out at least, as you had to get tapes from Japan if you wanted to see stuff like this otherwise. I think most of Ian and Axl’s matches were resigned solely for home video due to the violence on display, such as when Axl has the bat sunk deep into his leg at one stage.

This is very much the kind of match that most people associate ECW with, what with the blood, brawling and barbed wire. ECW had other match types and styles on display of course (as the previous bout showed) but ECW felt they’d get more joy marketing to the sort of fan that would enjoy this kind of match, and they were never really able to shake the image that this was what the company was all about, even when they toned things down a bit as the 90’s wore on. Axl eventually gets a Styles Clash-like move onto the bat and that’s enough for three and an “EC-DUB” chant.

WINNER: AXL ROTTEN
RATING: **

Thoughts: You like wrestlers hitting one another with weapons and bleeding, well then you’ll love this match! In all fairness, this was supposed to be a heated blood feud, so the level of violence did make sense, and having such an unapologetical violent match only available on home video probably helped them sell a few tapes to folks who wanted ultra violence but didn’t want to go to the hassle of importing tapes from Japan. How you feel about this one will likely depend on how you feel about gratuitous violence and gore being used in wrestling matches

Ian attacks Axl following the match to ensure that the feud will continue.

ECW World Heavyweight Title
Champ: “The Franchise” Shane Douglas Vs Rock, Rock, Till He Drops, Rock, Rock, Never Stop, Marty Jannetty everybody!

Douglas was taking on all comers as Champ here, including the likes of Tully Blanchard and now Marty. Douglas acts like he wants a clean match to start, but then throws a cheap shot anyway. Marty is smart enough to know that’s coming though and blocks it, leading to a well-worked babyface shine. If I didn’t know that wrestling was a work then that sequence would have probably led to me finding out. I mean, I’ve seen some things in wrestling that have stretched credibility, but Marty Jannetty actually managing to outsmart someone is a disbelief I am unable to suspend! Douglas goes into Larry Z mode following that and bails to the floor in order to try and gain a foothold in the match, although Marty manages to keep regaining control.

It’s ironic that Douglas hated Ric Flair so much, as they essentially work the Flair Title defence formula here, with the Heel Champion constantly on the back foot whilst the babyface challenger bumps them around and has an answer for every tactic the Champ tries to employ. Douglas finally has some joy in the bout by catching Marty with a mule kick, but even that isn’t the cut off, as Marty dodges a further Douglas attack and clotheslines the Champ to the floor before beating him up some more out there. Douglas is taking some good bumps here in all fairness, including tumbling into the front row following an Irish Whip, which Marty then follows up on by leaping into the front row and brawling with the Champ in the crowd.

I’m not sure going for crowd brawling here was really the smartest idea, as there’s no way they are going to top the violence of the previous match and these two are good enough wrestlers that they can have an enjoyable match in the ring without needing shortcuts like this. Douglas gets the better of things in the crowd brawling and when he hits the challenger with a crutch once they get back to ringside. By which I mean an actual crutch from a fan and not the cheap crutch of throwing in a non-required brawling segment to a World Title match because you’re not convinced wrestling alone will get the crowd to care. Marty of course busts out the famed Jannetty Sell™ from a clothesline at one stage, so scratch that one off your bingo card.

The fight heads out to the floor again following that, with Douglas giving Marty a back body drop onto a chair out there. Marty is pissed following that and starts fighting back once they get back into the ring, with Marty doing the old Randy Savage “leap to the floor whilst holding a body part of your opponent” spot, with the body part in question being Douglas’ arm. Marty is getting some chants from the crowd here, so they’ve done a good job of getting him over as a challenger at least. Marty manages to get the Rocker Dropper following his comeback, but Douglas kicks out at two in a good near fall. Marty almost takes Douglas’ head off with a Super Kick, but when Marty gets a follow-up DDT the Champ is able to get his foot on the rope to break the count. Douglas quickly counters a Marty rana attempt with a powerbomb straight after though and then goes to a tights assisted pin for the last gasp win.

WINNER AND STILL CHAMPION: SHANE DOUGLAS
RATING: **3/4

Thoughts: This had it’s moments, although I don’t think it needed all of the brawling in all honesty. These two just having a regular match would have been fine, as Douglas was solid enough and Marty was actually a good wrestler despite being pig poop crazy in real life. However, it was mostly entertaining stuff and they had the crowd rocking at the end, so I’d call the match a success overall

Joey Styles is at ringside and brings out The Public Enemy for a promo, with Rocco Rock coming down to ringside in a wheelchair. TPE says that they had Sabu pinned in a previous match, leading the crowd to chant that TPE got robbed. Grunge says nobody robs The Public Enemy and that TPE are coming after the tag belts. This was a good promo from TPE, with the crowd getting into it. Chris Benoit and Dean Malenko come down to ringside to cause some bother, which leads to Grunge standing in between them and Rocco Rock. A brawl starts up following that, with Grunge getting laid out and Rocco Rock getting knocked off his wheelchair onto the concrete in a brutal looking bump. Rocco Rock starts bleeding from his mid-section following that, which I think is fake blood to get across the idea that Rocco Rock’s re-injured that part of his body. This being ECW though he could have just got hurt for real and they left him out there to suffer for his art. Taz and Sabu run down to attack Benoit and Malenko though, which leads us into the next match.

Match Six
ECW World Tag Team Titles
Champs: Taz and Sabu w/ Paul E. Dangerously and 9-1-1 Vs Crippler Chris Benoit and Shooter Dean Malenko

This is worked more like a tornado match, with all four guys going at it at once, and its good anarchic fun. They probably shouldn’t have put that Triple Threat promo up before this match as it kind of gives away the finish, but this match is still entertaining to watch, with it being all big moves and wild action. Everyone looks good here, with Malenko doing some impressive Brain Busters onto Sabu whilst Taz suplexes both of the challengers around with ease.

The challengers decide to focus on working over Taz whilst keeping Sabu out of the ring, with Malenko working in a leg lock whilst Benoit just stomps away at Taz’s head, but Taz refuses to submit in an impressive display of guts. 9-1-1 ends up carrying Taz to the back at the behest of Paul E due to the number that has been done on his leg, leaving Sabu one on two against the challengers. He also gets swarmed and worked over, leading to the crowd getting behind him.

Sabu eventually makes the comeback and the crowd goes nuts for that, especially when Sabu starts busting out wild dives to the floor onto both challengers. Sabu ends up stacking a table on the top rope and then puts a chair up there too, but before he can do whatever he has planned to Malenko he gets cut off by Benoit and powerbombed down to the mat to give Benoit and Malenko the tag belts.

WINNERS AND NEW CHAMPIONS: BENOIT & MALENKO
RATING: ***1/2

Benoit cuts a promo post-match calling out The Public Enemy, which leads to TPE showing up looking for a fight, even though Rocco Rock is in no condition to fight with blood seeping from his mid-section. 9-1-1 carries Taz back down to the ring, which leads to 9-1-1 throwing Taz from inside the ring onto everyone else. This was a cracking angle and was done to set up a three way dance that didn’t end up happening because Sabu ended up taking a Japan booking instead and was fired by Paul Heyman live in the ring as a result. I think Rick Steiner ended up teaming with Taz instead of Sabu.

Main Event
D.C. Drake w/ Woman and The Sandman Vs Cactus Jack

Drake was a lower level guy who has supposedly been brought in by Sandman and Woman to take out Cactus, with his reveal seemingly designed to be disappointing after all the build they’d given to the mystery opponent aspect. Cactus takes most of the match, getting the better of things inside the ring before taking the fight to the outside of the ring for some weapon shots. Drake’s offence is mostly just punching, biting and eye gouges, which isn’t very exciting but does the job. We head back to the floor, where Drake chokes Cactus with some barbed wire, but Cactus fights back easily enough and drops an elbow off the apron before getting the Double Arm DDT back inside for three.

WINNER: CACTUS JACK
RATING: *

Thoughts: This was bordering on a squash, but it’s the post-match that we’re here for

Sandman and Woman try a post-match attack, with Cactus sending Sandman into the mystery box before dragging him out to attack him some more. However, the man he pulls out is actually Terry Funk, who is dressed just like Sandman. That of course gets a gigantic pop and leads to the monster Heel beatdown with Sandman and Funk laying a whupping on Cactus. Numerous guys try coming down to help Cactus, with even Tommy Dreamer being one of them, but he can’t bring himself to attack his mentor, Funk, and that allows Sandman to cut him off. Shockingly Cactus finds unlikely assistance from Shane Douglas, as even though Douglas is a Heel he did train with Cactus at Dominic Denucci’s wrestling school, so he has a friendship with him that goes beyond the traditional Face/Heel alignment. This was a fantastic angle, and I’ll include the Drake section as part of it as that was all about subverting the fans’ expectations and it was executed perfectly.

In Conclusion

ECW in 1995 was more about the storylines and angles in all honesty, with good matches sometimes being there, but not always, just because the company still had a bit of a limited roster when it came to the in-ring. In some ways Return of the Funker was almost a prototypical ECW show from this era, as you got the great Raven/Dreamer stuff, along with the super strong angle to close things out, and a great match for the Tag Titles. Not everyone is going to like The Rotten’s carving one another up, but there’s enough good here that I’d be happy giving the show a thumbs up overall.

Recommended show!

Logan from the Blog has also reviewed this one, so you can give that a read by clicking HERE