The SmarK Rant for WWE Smackdown – 10.31.02

The SmarK Rant for WWE Smackdown – 10.31.02

As noted many times before, wrestling is the snake that eats its own tail to survive, and sometimes you don’t even realize that the next star in the business is about to be launched before your eyes. Which was the case with this innocuous Halloween-themed episode of Smackdown.

Meanwhile, at a backstage Halloween party, the Guerreros are going to go all Zorro on Kurt Angle tonight. And Stephanie, in quite the witch costume, announces that the main event is Brock Lesnar v. Rey Mysterio.

Taped from Grand Rapids, MI

Your hosts are Michael Cole & Tazz

Edge v. Chris Benoit

Fitting that the Halloween episode opens with a real life monster. Like how dare he betray WWE and sign with AEW? They trade wristlocks to start and Benoit beats on him with knees in the corner before taking him down with a headlock. Edge comes back and beats him down, and a corner whip gets two. To the floor and Edge drops him on the railing, and back in for two off that. Meanwhile Cole reveals the big news that Scott Steiner has signed with WWE and I’m sure we can all agree there’s no way they can mess that up. To the floor again, and Benoit runs Edge into the stairs this time and dropkicks his shoulder to take over. Back in the ring with an armbar and he runs Edge into the post and follows with a backdrop suplex for two. Snap suplex gets two. Benoit beats on him with chops and we take a break. Back with Edge hitting a spear, but Benoit cuts off the comeback with a german suplex and they collide for the double down. They trade chops and Edge drops him on the top turnbuckle and follows with the Edge O Matic for two. Facebuster gets two. Flapjack sets up another spear attempt, but Benoit rides him down into the crossface. Edge rolls him over, but Benoit hangs on, so Edge grabs the ref in desperation and then Kurt Angle comes out and pulls Benoit out for some reason. Edge dropkicks them both while they’re arguing on the floor and hits Angle with a dive, and then spears Benoit in the ring for the pin at 15:22. Not really sure what Angle was trying to accomplish there but it was a really good opener. ***1/4

Meanwhile, John Cena debuts his Vanilla Ice costume and busts a freestyle rap like all the kids are into these days. And then we take a break and return with Benoit storming into the party and looking for Kurt Angle, who turns out to be Ghostface. Hopefully no one finds Benoit and tips him off after Angle unmasked in front of everyone in the room.

Meanwhile, Brock Lesnar gets some advice from Paul Heyman, who is pretty sure Brock won’t be able to beat Big Show.

Big Show v. Rikishi

So Show is now just wrestling in his street clothes, and he quickly takes Rikishi to the floor and runs him into the post. Back in with elbows and a clothesline for two. Next he yanks the turnbuckle pads off and runs Rikishi into the exposed steel, and then powerslams him and finishes with the chokeslam at 2:27. I can kind of see what they were going for with the Show reheat, but it’s Big Show and they had already reheated him 3 or 4 times in his WWE career by that point with diminishing returns. And then Show calls out Brock Lesnar again, and Paul Heyman begs Brock not to answer the challenge.

Back from the break, and Big Show is holding up the show and bragging how he took out the Undertaker in 8 seconds after Brock couldn’t do it in two months. See that might have been a decent angle for the Undertaker match at Wrestlemania but I don’t think they ever referenced it in the buildup. Anyway this went on FOREVER and Brock finally does answer the challenge calls Show a “big piece of shit” as the big payoff. The Survivor Series match was originally supposed to be Hogan doing the job, but they couldn’t agree on a deal, so Show was subbed in to do the job, and then plans of course changed from there.

Trick or Treat match: Torrie Wilson v. Dawn Marie

I know it’s cool these days for all the kids to bust on Tony Khan for only providing one women’s match per show, but look at the state of things in 2002 WWE. This is a standard “pool full of mud” match and it’s supposedly falls count anywhere but they stay in the water and roll around there until Torrie chops her and gets the pin at 1:47.

Meanwhile, Tajiri is forced to make out with Mae Young after Matt Hardy crashes the party, and then John Cena raps to Stephanie to announce that Vince has arrived. And that’s when he suddenly started getting booked again.

Matt Hardy v. Tajiri

MATT FACTS: Matt always got more candy than his brother, and he’s seen all the Friday the 13^th movies. Hot take: Jason X is underrated fun trash cinema. They trade hammerlocks to start and Tajiri flips out of a wristlock bridge, which annoys Matt. So he gets a rollup for two and bails to the floor to celebrate, but Tajiri dropkicks him and follows with a moonsault to the floor. Back in, Matt catches him with the Side Effect for two. Matt with chops in the corner and they slug it out, and Matt slams him for two. Matt with a neck vice, but Tajiri fights out and makes the comeback. Superkick gets two. Another kick to the back of the head gets two. Matt powerbombs him for two and escapes the Tarantula, but Tajiri blocks the Twist of Fate, so Matt goes low and finishes the move for the pin at 7:45. This didn’t have any heat, despite what should have been a great match. **1/4.

Meanwhile, Stephanie meets up with “Vince” in her office, who quickly unmasks as Eric Bischoff and then kisses Steph in a weird moment. I don’t think this actually went anywhere.

Kurt Angle v. Eddie Guerrero

They trade takedowns to start and Kurt gets two, but Eddie runs him into the corner and suplexes him to take over. Eddie with a chinlock, but Angle escapes with a powerslam, so Eddie chokes him out in the corner as this match is another one with a pretty shocking lack of heat. I feel like I’m watching Rampage. No, sorry, that was unnecessarily mean. Eddie goes back to the chinlock and then a headscissors on the mat while holding the ropes, but Angle makes a comeback with a suplex and an overhead belly to belly for two. Rolling germans get two. Eddie counters the Angle Slam into a rollup for two and follows with a tornado DDT for two. Time for the Lasso from El Paso, but Angle grabs the ankle and reverses to the anklelock, forcing Eddie to make the ropes. Eddie goes low and follows with a brainbuster, but he goes up and Angle shoves the ref into the corner to break that up. This brings out Chavo and Benoit, and Benoit nails Angle with the tag title and Eddie gets the frog splash for the pin at 13:25. I don’t know if something was up with Angle but this never took off and never really had much heat. **1/2

Meanwhile at the party, Angle storms into the party like his name is El Nino, looking for Benoit, and finds Ghostface again, so he assumes it’s Benoit and rips the mask off, revealing Brother Love. And then the real Benoit attacks and they brawl and destroy the furniture. That was at least a fun payoff to the show long angle.

Brock Lesnar v. Rey Mysterio

Brock smashes Rey right away and chases him to the floor, so Rey hides behind the stairs. Heyman: “He’s hiding behind the steps!” That’s why he’s the wiseman. But Rey escapes and dives onto Brock, so Brock catches him like a child and swings him headfirst into the post, also like a child. Hang on, I think CPS is at my door for some reason, I’ll be right back. Back in the ring, Brock continues to throw Rey around like the proverbial sack of potatoes, but Rey makes a comeback and tries the 619. And Big Show appears at ringside and throws Rey into the crowd before attacking Brock and laying him out on the floor with an awkward chokeslam onto the announce table.

Well, to be honest, I think I’m going to bow out gracefully here before things start to slide further downhill with the show. It’s been a good run of the Heyman era but the signs of Vince meddling again are there, and I’m having more and more trouble getting motivated to watch every week. I’ll think I’ll be happier just sticking with my 1984 WWF for a while. Hopefully everyone has enjoyed the 2002 revisit!