Vince McMahon and Bobby Heenan are back in the studio for another episode.
A replay of the Legion of Doom clearing Bobby Heenan’s car out of the way so a pregnant lady could get through on last week’s show airs. The woman is irate in the front lobby and wants to get into the studio, threatening to have her child there if she cannot get to Heenan.
Opening Contest for the Intercontinental Championship: Greg Valentine (7-2-1) defeats Mr. Perfect (Champion w/Bobby Heenan) (12-2) via disqualification at 8:53:
Although these two are not feuding, there is a small issue between them as Perfect eliminated Valentine to win the twenty-man battle royal on Saturday Night’s Main Event several weeks ago. This match took place at the recent Wrestling Challenge venue in Cedar Rapids, Iowa. Valentine locks in the figure-four after four minutes of action but Heenan extends a towel to Perfect to get him closer to the ropes and Valentine breaks the hold to go after Heenan. Jimmy Hart runs to ringside to distract Valentine but that does not turn the tide in Perfect’s favor. After a double KO, Heenan hops on the apron and Hart tosses the megaphone into the ring, but Valentine gets it and wallops Perfect. However, Heenan holds the referee back from turning around and things get messy as Perfect gets up, gets the megaphone, and whacks Valentine while the referee is occupied by Hart. By that point, though, the referee decides to disqualify Perfect and refuses to count the fall. The crowd is warming to Valentine’s push and bought into him being on the verge of winning the title. Rating: **½
After the bell, Perfect, Heenan, and Hart beat up Valentine until Valentine gets a hold of Hart’s megaphone.
Gene Okerlund’s Update segment recaps Slick’s failure to sign Andre the Giant.
Hacksaw Jim Duggan’s squash two weeks ago on Wrestling Challenge airs.
Koko B. Ware enters the studio and leads the audience in doing “The Bird.” After a commercial break, he sings “When the Saints Go Marching In” with a gospel choir as McMahon dances and Heenan yawns.
Non-Title Match: The Nasty Boys (WWF Tag Team Champions w/Jimmy Hart) (10-1) defeat Tom Stone & Doug Waylon when Jerry Sags pins Waylon after the Trip to Nastyville at 3:33:
The Nasties work at a methodical pace, making for a boring squash. Surprisingly, the Legion of Doom do not do an insert promo.
Promo time with Sean Mooney! The Legion of Doom promise an abrupt end to the Nasty Boys.
The Texas Tornado is the next studio guest. Ever a nice guy, he compliments members of the gospel choir on their singing. The Tornado makes some digs at Heenan’s intelligence, saying that if he put Heenan’s brain on a razor blade it would look like a BB going down the road.
The Roddy Piper-Rick Martel match from Superstars is shown.
The Tornado urges younger fans to get into shape and dedicated themselves to God, their family, and their schoolwork. This fitness discussion allows McMahon to put in hype for the WBF Championship. McMahon invites Jamison down and asks the Tornado what he would do to help Jamison. The Tornado tells Jamison to eat right and sleep right. Although this segment did not hype the Tornado’s feud with the Warlord, it was a demonstration of his natural charisma. And his humor did land when evaluating Jamison.
Heenan says he could fix the choir because he put together the “Thriller” music video and taught Madonna how to sing. The pregnant woman is still banging on the studio door, trying to get in. Heenan insists Jamison could be the father of the woman’s baby before dismissing that because Jamison is a virgin.
The Undertaker’s squash from Superstars is shown.
Earthquake walks into the studio with a small bag over his shoulder. Heenan laughs over Damien’s demise as Earthquake rolls out some snake skin, arguing that it is Damien’s and McMahon should give it to Jake Roberts. Earthquake also hands over some dice because when Roberts gambles everything comes up snake eyes.
Jake Roberts (9-0) beats Smash (w/Mr. Fuji) with the DDT at 6:25:
Like the opener, this match was also filmed in Cedar Rapids. Smash is the lone Demolition member left as the WWF cut ties with Crush shortly after WrestleMania, sending him back to the Pacific Northwest. As a result, he is being used for feature matches since it was easier to sacrifice a tag team wrestler in singles competition. The match is slow and methodical, picking up when Smash scores a close near-fall after Fuji trips Roberts to break up a DDT. Smash also gets another near-fall from a backdrop suplex. However, Roberts floats over a slam effort and hits the DDT, doing a delayed cover to win. Rating: *
After the match, Roberts dumps Lucifer on Smash.
Earthquake tells McMahon and Heenan that Roberts will never DDT him. He also threatens to do to Lucifer when he did to Damien. Earthquake promises to make some “Quake burgers” for the hosts. Heenan says he wants his with extra onions.
Jamison exits the studio because it is getting dark and he has to change. Heenan is baffled.
The Big Bossman’s squash and subsequent beatdown at the hands of the Mountie and the Nasty Boys on Superstars is shown.
Koko B. Ware comes back out to the studio, proposing that he have a “sing off” with Heenan.
The Rockers & Virgil defeat the Orient Express & Mr. Fuji when Virgil makes Tanaka submit to the Million Dollar Dream at 5:14 shown:
Although seen as a manager by the WWF’s younger fans, Fuji was a five-time WWF tag team champion, winning the titles with Toru Tanaka and Mr. Saito in the 1970s and 1980s, respectively. By this time, though, he was limited in his physical capabilities, moved slowly, and did not take many bumps. That did not stop the WWF from plugging him into handicap matches in 1990 and 1991 that featured he and the Express against the Legion of Doom, though.
This match, which took place at Madison Square Garden on April 22, is joined in progress to the Express putting Shawn Michaels in peril. After a long reverse chinlock, Michaels fights out and gives Marty Jannetty the hot tag. That bit only includes the Express and Rockers as Fuji just chills out on the apron. Virgil gets a tag and traps Tanaka in the Million Dollar Dream, with Michaels hitting Fuji to keep him from jumping into the action. Sadly, there was not much to see here because of how the match was cut. Rating: ½*
Jamison returns to the studio in pajamas, a robe, and slippers.
Sergeant Slaughter’s squash on Superstars airs.
Heenan and Ware have their singing competition. Ware wins going away since Heenan has no rhythm. When Ware sings it gives Jamison and McMahon opportunities to dance.
Bret Hart’s squash from Superstars two weeks ago is shown.
Earthquake walks out in a kitchen apron and chef hat to present McMahon, Heenan, and Lord Alfred Hayes with “Quake burgers.” McMahon is offended that Earthquake would make burgers out of a snake and Lord Alfred Hayes spits out his burger when he realizes what he has eaten. To end the show, McMahon screams “bullshit” and flips over the burger tray on his way off the set.
Tune in next week to see WWF Champion Hulk Hogan, the Barbarian, and Greg Valentine!
The Last Word: The opener was a fun match, although it did not do Mr. Perfect any favors because he did not get in much offense against Greg Valentine. The rest of the show was poor, though, due to lots of pointless segments, Earthquake’s excluded.
Up Next: WWF Superstars for May 18!