The SmarK Rant for Coliseum Video presents The Best of the WWF Volume 19
Two left now. I should point out that the cover of this one is a photo of a completely unrelated Perfect-Beefcake match that happened months after the one on the tape. BAIT AND SWITCH.
Your host is Sean Mooney, at WWF HQ, with the gag being no one knows or respects him. Bet that one hit close to home for the poor guy.
Brutus Beefcake v. Mr. Perfect
From MSG, January 89, back before Perfect had the full tights. Beefcake wins a lockup battle and grabs a headlock, hanging on while Perfect tries to throw him off. Perfect makes the ropes and gets a cheapshot for good measure, and they do the test of strength to settle their differences. Perfect wins that with chops and puts Beefcake down with a kneelift to take over, beating on the gut and then putting the boots to him. Apparently Perfect was VERY VERY offended at Beefcake threatening to cut his hair in the pre-match trashtalk and is now taking it out on Brutus. Huge if true. Perfect with a sleeper, but Beefcake runs him into the top turnbuckle to break. Perfect goes back to the back again, but Beefcake fights up and slugs away and we got a bit of a donnybrook. Perfect goes flying over the top and back in for a trip to the turnbuckles as Beefcake makes the comeback. Atomic drop sends Perfect flying into the corner and Beefcake gives him a Popeye windup punch that Perfect takes a triple gainer selling. High knee sets up the sleeper, but Ron Bass comes down to steal the barber tools, and Brutus chases and gets counted out at 8:40. Man they had some freaky good chemistry from the start. 1 for 1.
Meanwhile, Sean stops by the WWF video library and gets trapped there because he’s a doofus.
WWF tag team titles: Demolition v. The Powers of Pain
I forget if I’ve reviewed this one before, but whatever. This is one of the dark matches from The Main Event #2 in February 89. Demolition double-teams Warlord to start and Ax beats him down and goes to a chinlock while making bold insinuations that Fuj is in fact a STOOGE. Sounds like hearsay to me. Barbarian comes in and puts Smash down with a big boot, but Ax cuts him off and puts another beating on him. Finally Fuji proves himself to be the stooge that he was accused of being, tripping up Ax and getting some shots from the floor. The Powers continue kicking and punching and Barbarian goes to a nerve pinch as this creaks onwards with all the momentum of one of those old-timey hand carts you see in silent movies. Finally Warlord puts his head down and Smash gets the hot tag and sleepwalks through running wild. Stungun gets two on Barbarian. The Powers double-team him with a Doomsday Device, but Ax saves and uses the cane until Fuji throws salt for the DQ at 8:08. Wait, so Ax was beating on both guys with the cane for two minutes and then FUJI is the one who draws the DQ? Racism is alive and well. 1 for 2.
Meanwhile, Mooney tries to get an interview with Jesse Ventura, but his secretary slams the door in his face and hands him a note saying “Get Lost”, which Sean somehow misreads as a sincere apology for missing the interview.
Jesse Ventura v. Tony Garea
Huh, we just reviewing this one on the May 20/85 MSG show. Still very long and very bad. 1 for 3.
Meanwhile, Sean meets up with Kevin Dunn, who is apparently overworked and really grumpy about being interrupted.
WWF title: Randy Savage v. Bad News Brown
This is the HARLEM STREET FIGHT, although Randy Savage is dressed more like a Village People member than a street tough. I think we’re in St. Louis early in 89? Bad News uses his street fighting skills to dominate on the floor right away, but he puts Randy on the post and then misses a punch, injuring his fist. Back in, Savage goes up with a double axehandle and uses his weight belt as a weapon to get some shots in. What kind of a lame babyface uses a weight belt as a weapon? That’ll never get over. Brown shakes off those belt attacks and tosses Macho, running him into the railing and then bringing a table into the ring, which results in the poor referee getting put through the table. Brown hits the GHETTO BLASTER, but the ref is dead meat. So Bad News puts the boots to the ref to revive him, and then slams Macho, which causes enough vibrations that the ref passes out AGAIN. This disgusts Bad News, who slaps the ref around now in a show of First Aid from the streets, but Savage backslides Bad News for the pin at 6:51. Another ref comes in to help the first one and Bad News beats the hell out of that poor bastard as well. The lesson here, kids, is that you don’t want to be a referee when you grow up. This wasn’t quite a Dynamite main event or anything, but for a pre-ECW house show main event it was some wacky fun. 2 for 4.
Andre the Giant & Rick Rude v. Jim Duggan & Jake Roberts
Appears to be a Challenge dark match, and Andre immediately chokes out Duggan on the ropes and brings in Rude to drop fists on him. So Jake comes in and runs wild for a bit on the heels, which results in Andre getting tied up in the ropes, and the faces use Rude as a battering ram in a funny spot. Bobby finally releases Andre and the Giant casually goes after and headbutts Jake down to take over. Rude gets a knee to the gut and goes to a chinlock, and then Andre comes in and chokes out Jake with the strap, and then Rude switches in with his own chinlock. Rude drops elbows for two and goes to the top, but Duggan shakes the ropes and Rude gets crotched as per his contractual obligation of one per match. Hot tag Duggan and he slugs away on Andre in the corner, but Andre brushes him off. Back to Rude, who is still selling his groin injury, the likes of which we’ve never seen before, but luckily he’s still well enough to swivel. Rude gets two after beating Duggan down and then runs Duggan into Andre’s head and gets some more hip swivels to loosen up his injured groin some more, as they are therapeutic gyrations. Duggan fights back and Rude stumbles to the wrong corner, into a punch from Jake, and it’s hot tag Jake. He goes for the DDT and Andre chops him on the back to break it up, as Rude goes for the Rude Awakening, but Duggan grabs the board and KO’s Rude behind the ref’s back and puts Jake on top for the pin at 9:25. OK this ended up being pretty good and had a lot of fun stuff. 3 for 5.
Meanwhile, Sean bugs the sound guy and accidentally turns up his headphone volume.
Meanwhile, Ted Dibiase is visiting Greenwich, the more expensive place in the world to live, and visits one of the most expensive jewellers in the world. He has one simple request: Make him a championship belt of gold and diamonds. The early returns are disappointing, so he wants MORE gold and MORE diamonds, and then shows up later in the week, with a CAPE, and he’s much more happy with the finished product this time. Dibiase is just the best. And then we join him on the Brother Love Show, as we unveil the Million Dollar Belt and take the character to the next level of cartoonish supervillainy. Speaking of which, I think Brother Love might be a nominee for the Supreme Court next.
Bret Hart v. Ted Dibiase
Dark match from Odessa TX in March of 89 here. Bret quickly gets a legsweep for two and follows with an atomic drop, sending Dibiase fleeing to the floor. Back in, Bret snaps off a small package for two and Dibiase runs away again and reminds the fans how rich he is. Bret slingshots him back into the ring and Dibiase falls into the ropes and gets tangled, but Bret misses a charge and pulls his groin, THE LIKES OF WHICH YOU’VE NEVER SEEN. Dammit now I’m sad I burned that one in the tag team match two paragraphs back. Bret regroups on the floor and makes it back in to beat the count, at which point Dibiase puts the boots to him and chokes him out on the ropes. Dibiase puts him down with a clothesline and drops an elbow for two. Dibiase goes up with an elbow from the middle rope and drops the fist, and a suplex gets two. Bret fights back with his own suplex and they slug it out, but Dibiase gets a backdrop suplex for two. Ted runs him into the corner and likes it so much that he does it again, and a backbreaker gets two. Bret catches him in a small package for two, but Dibiase puts the boots to him, only for Bret to get ANOTHER small package for two. Dibiase finally tosses him in annoyance, and back in for another fistdrop that gets two. Dibiase goes to a chinlock and Bret powers up with a wristlock, but Virgil takes the ref and Dibiase yanks him down by the hair and goes back to the chinlock. Virgil takes the ref again and Dibiase chokes him out this time before going back to the chinlock, and he gets two off that. Bret comes back for a double clothesline and they’re both out, but Dibiase recovers first and goes to the top rope. Bret slams him off and makes the comeback, as they exchange fisticuffs and Bret wins that battle. Bret elbows him down and drops an elbow for two. Backbreaker and middle rope elbow get two. Bret misses a charge and slams his knee into the corner, so Dibiase puts him in a spinning toehold until Bret shoves him off and over the top rope. Bret follows with a pescado and they’re both down and out for the double countout at 15:59. This was a pretty incredible match early in Bret’s singles career and really showed that when he wanted to turn it on, he could turn it on bigtime. And Dibiase gave him a ton here. Definitely a lost classic, which was sadly lacking a real finish. 4 for 6.
This ended up being one of the best of the Best Of series, with four great matches and Sean Mooney getting humiliated in between. Recommended bigly.
Next week: The Best of the WWF series wraps up!