Back to the IWA with another hot match taking place in Japan, as young lions Keisuke Yamada and Shoji Nakamaki take on Tarzan Goto and Mr. Gannosuke in the sauna. Last week, A and B succumbed to the heat, but will these newcomers make up for it with their superior fitness – find out!
I can’t proceed with the review without commenting on the lemon and lime suit of the ring announcer: yellow trousers and front, green sleeves and back. Yamada helpfully has his name on his tights. Goto and Gannosuke make their entrance while old men wash their old bits. Nakamaki is young but still has a forehead like New Jack. The ring announcer announces Tarzan as “Tarzan… Go-to-o…o!”. He and Yamada kick the match off with Gannosuke and Nakamaki in the jacuzzi first.
Goto rides Yamada first on the mat, with some good chain wrestling. Nakamaki makes an illegal break from his pool to help Yamada, but is promptly whistled back. Goto takes a head scissors, but Yamada escapes, but gets caught in a la majistral cradle out of nowhere and is taken for a plunge while screaming girls of the Itty Bitty Titty Club go running. Quite funny to see everyone gingerly running to avoid slipping in this supposed death match, but we’re three minutes in and it’s time for the old man in the furnace to load up more wood! He’s cruel, but he’s fair.
Back to the mat, Goto attacks Yamada with wicker baskets, which he beautifully sells like he’s being hit with a bazooka! However, he gets his own back with a flip-flop and tags in Nakamaki. Goto tags in Gannosuke, who tries to continue the shoe-based torture, but a DDT for two chops his legs off. Gannosuke kicks low and then gets a belly-to-back suplex for three. Nakamaki is taken for a trip to Scream City, but ironically it’s Gannosuke going for a swim. After that, they’re going to untrod territory – the street! A small car, going at about five miles per hour, calmly drives past them. However, more time has passed, so it’s time for more wood. It looks like Goto is getting hot! He splashes Yamada, leading to a water fight and a warning!
Back in, Gannosuke chicken wings Shoji, with Goto making a brief cameo. Shoji catches the leg and gets an STF, but Gannosuke bites the forearm to break. He sends Nakamaki into Goto’s pool for an attempted drowning. Goto tags in and takes a chance to cool himself off with a bucket of cold water that someone’s just been washing their arse in. He then drags Nakamaki over to the mat for a small package and the chance to put him underwater again. However, a girl has not escaped the one pool, so in her attempt to cover herself it looks like Goto is making Shoji give her a rim job!
Nine minutes must’ve passed, because the wood master goes back to work. The furnace is looking full and the floor around him is looking empty. Even he’s having to wipe his brow of sweat. The female reporter on her massive remote control calls in for an update and is given a clear instruction – MORE WOOD!
Back at the sauna, Yamada has escaped and is cooling himself down, then using the bucket to attack Goto. Rim girl still hasn’t escaped. Gannosuke is sinking back into his bath! Yamada slips and slides on the pool en route to his. Even lemon and lime ring announcer is taking a tumble into the bath! It’s pandemonium! A whistle is blown, but nobody is listening! Gannosuke piledriver on the mat to Yamada for… three? It’s unsure, but it’s a three count! A piledriver into the pool too! The girl is still hiding in the corner, paralysed with fear! And Yamada has been given an enforced shampooing!
Goto tags back in as we go for more wood… but there’s NO SPACE! In his pool prison, Nakamaki rants manically from the heat. Yamada’s getting a full wash down of his back too. Hopefully none of it gets in his eyes, soap can be very abrasive! Goto slams him into hot panels behind the scenes. Gannosuke then hops his pool once his partner and Yamada return to apply a combined camel clutch/Boston crab. Nakamaki would interfere, but he’s fading fast! Big suplex on the mat for two from Gannosuke onto Yamada. Yamada gets an enzuigiri and mounts the door frame for an aerial move, but misses a flying kneedrop. Gannosuke heads to Goto for the tag, Yamada leaping and sliding after him. Goto gets his famous pancake piledriver finisher from WCW vs. nWo World Tour. Then another onto the plastic bucket for three. He throws wooden stairs right onto Yamada’s ass before taking him for a swim, but both partners, with flames superimposed over them, are in far worse shape. At the same time, Goto submerges Yamada for the win after a countdown, and takes him one last time to put his face right between the cheeks of the naked lady’s bottom! It’s cruel and unusual punishment, more unusual than cruel. At least the taste of victory is quite clean and hygienic. Nakamaki is frothing at the mouth and rolled away from the hot tub, finally able to cool down.
Melting it down: Someone said a few weeks ago that watching one of these goofy matches I’d reviewed with his mates was the most wrestling fun he’d had in ages. If someone can have the same fun with this then I’ve achieved something.