Ever have one of those moments where you hear something and you think “I’ve heard that somewhere before but I never knew where it came from!”? That randomness brings you this review.
Onita in New Japan review coming tomorrow, a little later than planned, but with more in it to make up for it.
Hosted by Vicious Vince and Awful Alfred, recorded live in at the Hilton in Las Vegas, National Cable Convention. Far bigger and louder audience than normal.
First guest – the multi-faceted Jesse “The Body” Ventura. Jesse’s branching out into rock stardom, so we get a look at his music video for infamously bad song The Body Rules, including the point where he walks straight at the camera in a chorus with his crotch and then they repeat it. Vince gets bored and cuts it off, but Jesse protests and they play some more for about ten seconds to Jesse’s irritation. So, with the conversation going nowhere they play five seconds of it to piss Jesse off in a funny bit. Not a great segment, but the winding up of the Body was amusing.
Second guest – Lisa Sliwa, wife of Guardian Angels founder Curtis Sliwa, who continues her potential training to be a wrestler that was never completed. Cut to a video with Mean Gene interviewing while she beats up Mario Mancini. She bitches about not being able to poke people in the eyes and choke them out like on the streets. Gene asks her to show some moves to him, the dirty old man that he is, so she judo throws him. Then we get some fashion model footage of her, which is slightly self-defeated by her throwing kicks in an evening gown and earrings. Lisa’s nice enough and had charisman and confidence, strong accent aside, but this was ultimately redundant given her career never took off.
Third guest – the Living Legend Bruno Sammartino. Bruno talks up how long his son David has been training. Then to a clip of father and son taking on Brutus Beefcake and Johnny Valiant at MSG in a match after WrestleMania. The reaction to Bruno wiping the mat with Johnny shows that the fans couldn’t give a shit about the son, they would’ve watched the old man until he dropped dead. The clip cuts off just after David tags in to a quieter reaction, providing an irritated picture of Bruno back on the show.
Johnny Valiant then interrupts the segment to complain about the selection of footage from the match. This leads to him taking the worst telegraphed shot at Bruno, followed by the worst reversal, followed by the worst bump over the chairs to the back of the stage. Bruno walks off and they go to a commercial.
Next guests – Bobby Heenan and Big John Studd. Bobby blanks Alfred on a handshake but John is nice enough to do so. Bobby’s already irritated with the “Weasel!” catcalls, so Vince annoys him further by reminding him of him getting fired by Paul Orndorff recently. Bobby says that if they’d gone a minute longer on the segment he was going to drop Orndorff. So, we get the awkward bit of footage from weeks before, with Bobby gulping and reacting awkwardly to it in a good bit of acting, then going on Piper’s Pit to complain about it, then later offering a $25,000 bounty to put Mr. Wonderful out of wrestling. Studd and Ken Patera say they’ll do it together and split it.
Back on the show, Studd mumbles and bumbles about how Orndorff let down the Heenan Family at WrestleMania, conveniently forgetting that he did the job to Andre as well. Bobby then stands up and further protests that he’s not a weasel (“I do not have fur on my body! I do not have a tail!”) in a bit that was clipped for several segments on him in later years.
To finish, Bobby hosts a bit with him on the stage, Studd next to a gong, and Jesse and Johnny Valiant going around the audience asking and answering questions.
- Jesse talks to a New Yorker who gets stuck for an answer on whether the city is nice or not – GONG!
- Johnny talks to a MILF and her son, but they have no questions – GONG!
- Johnny talks to another guy who has no questions, so he asks one of his own – “Who wrote The Book of Love? Boop-boop-de-doop-doop-ding!” (it was hearing that song on the radio that reminded me of this episode). GONG!
- Jesse asks a guy from Shaker Heights, Ohio (Joel, not Beau or Blake) who his favourite wrestler is – “Richard Belzer!” – not the answer he was looking for! GONG!
- Johnny picks up a bald guy who Bobby knocks further (“He’s not really balding, he’s just got a wide parting!”), then they put him back down in his place without a rebuttal – GONG!
- Johnny asks a “Paisan” what his name is (“Dick.” “Yeah, that’s right, back to you!”). GONG!
- Jesse finds the only woman in and from Las Vegas who doesn’t gamble (“I’m waiting for a bolt of lightning to knock me down!”). GONG!
- Johnny speaks to a pair of ladies with two pertinent questions to ask: 1. Is that the real colour of your hair? “No, it’s not.”, 2. What do you eat for breakfast? “Two eggs over easy and a side order of egg foo young.” – GONG!
- Jesse finds “Admiral Byrd” in the audience, actuall Sgt. Hallor of the USAF, and wonders aloud who he had to polish to get stationed in Washington (“I leave that to my superiors!”) – GONG!
- Johnny charms a lady called Mary by asking her “Did you have fish for dinner or what?” – GONG!
- Bobby calls Jesse and Johnny back and decides the whole audience needs gonging – GONG!
Vince picks it up and asks the audience for their response to the preeminent interviews – BOO! The heels throw a strop and walk off.
Vince finishes by announcing George Steele and Lou Albano and through a pained face thanks everyone for being there. The camera pans out on the end credits to show a dozen or more empty seats.
Melting it down: You could tell Vince was pissed off from the start and not in the mood with his constant referencing to a “rowdy” audience. Seems like they just seemed to wrangle as many willing conventioneers as possible no matter their level of sobriety and hoped for the best. Total shit show as a result, but funny for Johnny V just not giving it a shit and trying some dirty jokes out and playing the fool.