HAPPY REINSTATEMENT DAY!

So obviously I’m not an expert on American politics, but I’m glad to hear that democracy is working as intended down there and Joe Biden will be resigning in disgrace as predicted, with Donald Trump simply being reinstated. I just have a few questions about the process, as an interested outside observer:

1. Will there be a party? I’m pretty sure Biden had a party in January but I’ve never seen a re-inauguration in action so I’m not sure what the social rules are. I’m assuming Ted Nugent will be playing the show if he hasn’t died of Covid already?
2. Does Trump (sorry, PRESIDENT Trump) get to pick his new vice president or is he stuck with Kamala Harris in a “Wacky tag team partners who hate each other” situation? I can see some sparks flying in the White House, let me tell you!
3. Most importantly, does Joe Biden get his security deposit on the White House back? It’s probably expensive to get out of a four year lease to begin with.

Granted, it hasn’t actually HAPPENED yet today, but I’ve been told that August 13 is absolutely when it’s going down and there’s a storm or something as well and there was a picture of Trump hanging out with Jesus and a guy who said “Trust me, bro” as his evidence, so I’m SOLD. I’ll be checking Fox News hourly for updates and waiting on the peaceful transition of power. GOD BLESS AMERICA.