We’re in Indianapolis and our main event is CM Punk vs. Matt Striker so you’re better off reading the Daily Thread than this.
Elijah Burke vs. Tommy Dreamer vs. Kevin Thorn
This is the second part of the Elimination Chase after Stevie Richards was ejected last week. Whoever takes the pin or submission here will be out of the singles match next week, winner of that gets the title shot at No Mercy. Dreamer’s wearing a red bandana and because of that he gets taken out of the ring. Thorn isn’t happy with Burke stealing his pin last week so he doesn’t notice Dreamer purposefully staying outside as he pounds away. Burke points this out and Thorn gets smacked by Dreamer for trying to think. Match falls into a pit of moves after that with Burke trying to show off and Thorn looking angry. Commentators try to sell Burke’s dropkick as a thing of beauty (it’s 0.5 Holly) and we get a ton of roll-up exchanges, culminating in a double-backslide attempt on Thorn which would have been cool if it had worked.
Back from break, Burke gets hurled outside by Dreamer quicker than Bix asking for EVOLVE press passes. Dreamer tries the ten punches in the corner but Thorn yanks him off and his head bounces off the canvas. Luckily his bald spot absorbs the blow and he baseball slides Thorn. Everyone brawls outside, ending with Dreamer getting thrown off the apron and Burke getting blown over in spectacular fashion.
Thorn ”the very large and angry vampire” locks in a Canadian Backbreaker and sits out for a near-fall. I type this every week but that’s too cool-looking of a move for Thorn to use. Burke nails the STO on Thorn and Dreamer hit the E wheeze C gasping for air W ohgodohgod Tree of Woe. A Tower of Doom attempt gets halted by Dreamer pushing away Thorn and locking in a Texas Cloverleaf on Burke. Thorn breaks it up, takes a DDT from Dreamer, Dreamer gets shoved out the ring and Burke takes advantage to eliminate Thorn from the chase.
Winners: Elijah Burke and Tommy Dreamer (Another long spot-fest, a lot less focused than last week but it definitely delivered in terms of moves and people getting hurt. Burke looked like he was trying to impress someone as he was flying around like he was on rat poison.)
Nice guy Punk shakes hands with nobodies backstage until Striker tries some school puns. Punk no-sells them by telling Striker he liked school. Striker’s like ”whatever fucker, I’ve got Big Daddy V.”
RAW RECAP: Triple H mocks Vince for having Hornswoggle as a kid (”was his mum magically delicious?”) and books HHH vs. Carlito & Vince McMahon in a cage. Vince wins the match (which sums up the amazing Carlito vs. HHH feud) so HHH challenges Vince to a match NEXT WEEK.
Nunzio vs. Mike Knox
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO FUCK FUCK FUCK. Not only is Knox wrestling the exact same jobbers as last year but Styles brings up his history with Kelly Kelly too which I thought they were going to ignore as it would mean doing something with the big lug. Well here we are, a slow plodding affair with the commentators using terms like ”no frills, no nonsense” to describe the no fun. Bicycle kick finishes.
Winner: Mike Knox (Knox Knox, who’s there? Not the crowd.)
The Miz vs. Silas Young
Hey it’s Silas! I enjoy his grizzled ultra-man work in AAW-Pro and refuse to accept he was ever young. Last week Balls asked Kelly on a date but Miz hid her away before she could reply. Miz unleashes his improving offence on Silas before finishing with the Reality Check.
Winner: The Miz (Complete squash but crowd bothered to boo so it wasn’t bad or anything. Miz is getting better at being a dick.)
Balls shows up and asks Kelly on a date again. Miz tells Balls he’ll let Kelly answer this time…before decking him with the mic and leaving with his harem.
Extended hype package on the DVD release of The Condemned, a film more forgettable than bad. It’s no Exit Wounds or Nico but everyone loves Stone Cold.
We get a look back at the Elimination Chase match from earlier because there’s sweet fuck-all on the show this week. Backstage, Burke tells Dreamer he’s old and Dreamer says it doesn’t matter because he has heart. Aye, loaded with hypertension.
Matt Striker vs. CM Punk
Commentators spend the entire introductions talking about how awesome Big Daddy V is so three guesses how this ends. Punk sends Striker outside and bonks his arse on the steel steps. He follows with a dive but gets distracted by V’s lack of shirt and Striker gets the advantage. In the ring, Striker works over Punk’s arm as only a disgraced school teacher can. After a few minutes of that, Punk eventually recovers thanks to the power of fan-chanting and ends Striker after the Three Moves Of Straight Edge running knee/bulldog/GTS finishing sequence.
Winner: CM Punk (Match was a starter until the main course showed up.)
Big Daddy V immediately attacks Punk and leaves him laying to end the show.
Overall: The most interesting thing about this show was the new layout on The Blog Of Doom. Raw Recap and The Condemned segments were needed to pad out the length just to reach an hour and everything was a set-up show for the go-home PPV show next week. The Elimination Chase delivered though so it wasn’t all Mike Knox squashes, here’s another of Burke looking to impress:
Thanks for reading, no new Botchamania this week but I’ll be re-upping the three bits of Summerslamamania for your enjoyment.