BoD RAW

Before the show, Jobber has the Job Mob carry in a bag full of empties as they are not about fucking up the environment. Murph puffs his blunt and blows it in the face of security as Zanatude has all of the Six Man Titles. 

We’re backstage with Bayless and the rest of the Administration in the GM’s office. The entire roster is in the ring, watching on the BOD tron. Bill Ray is noticeably absent as Bayless speaks. 

And now, let’s see what took place in the Job Mob Compound this weekend!!!!!!!!!!!

Jef Vinson is preparing for his match backstage as The Fuj walks by. The Fuj looks him down and nods before walking away. Wonder what that was about?

Hartkiller is WALKING~ towards the ring, when he’s stopped by Biff Kensington III. “Hey Hartkiller, good to see you! Just didn’t know if you heard, but Biscuit is going around and telling people that your match last week with Phrederic last week was not only NOT the best match he’s ever seen, he’s doing it WITHOUT tears in his eyes. Can you believe that?” Biff walks on, and Hartkiller starts to turn red with anger! 

In the ring, Dock Muraco is yelling about wanting to wrestle in **** matches as Wade Michael Meltzer is holding up a sign that reads “**1/2.” Dock starts yelling some more but all of a sudden the lights go out. The crowd gasps then we see a trail of mist pass by. The lights then come on and BY GAWD ITS THE STRANGER!!!!! THE STRANGER IS BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! All of the old ladies in the front row are passing out with joy. The children, those poor children who were without a leader and a hero, are now turning their frowns upside down. Dock mutters “Nakamura doesnt have to put up with this bullshit” as he walks away. Stranger has the mic: 

“As I was home, reading Tommy Hall’s entire e-book collection, something happened. As I knocked over the plate that carried my donair, I looked up and noticed an empty spot on my mantle. It was the spot that was filled by the BoD Writer’s Championship. And instead of being sad, I became determined. I did not want to let down the Little Strangers. Who can they look up too? The Job Mob? Hoss? Hart Killer? And even worse, Matt Perri and Miss Danielle? So I have returned. I have returned so I can take that title back. To keep it away from the likes of Matt Perri and others. I cant live in that world. So, at BoD Mania, the BoD Writer’s Championship is coming back to the mantle!


And to my geriatric vixens, sorry but I am married. But if you ever need help crossing the street or getting that box of fiber cereal from the top shelf of the supermarket, I will be there. And to the kids, remember, ask your mom before ordering a whole Papa John’s Pulled Pork Pizza for yourself. A kid should not be operating heavy machinery like that by himself.”


The lights go back off as a trail of mist appears.  

Backstage, ‘Marvelous’ Matt Perri and Miss Danielle are pacing in their locker room, the Writer’s title over his shoulder. They are outraged as to what they just saw. Let’s hear their thoughts: 

Let’s go to the GM’s office, where GM Bayless is holding the Bodaciously Blended Ball drawing. Justice Gray picks out a ball and hands it to Bayless. 

Meanwhile, back with Bill Ray and a now passed out Rockstar Gary. Ray gets up and walks over to the Letterman’s jacket, strokes the sleeve….and shakes his head ‘no’ furiously! He goes over to get his baseball bat, and starts striking the jacket over and over! THE LIGHTS GO OUT! We hear the voice of Robert Davis: 

We’re back in Bayless’ office, and we see Bill Ray exiting, with Bayless patting him on the back. He turns to Justice Gray “You seen Baker?” “Last I saw him, he was talking to some 9 year old kid in a Cena t-shirt, explaining that Vince is the top and Lesnar is the bottom because Lesnar is a lazy fuckwad, why?” “Get him for me.”

In the locker room, Tommy Hall opens up his locker and his eyes open wide in amazement as he finds a Bryant Stith throwback complete with a 1993 Denver Nuggets warmup suit. Wow, how’d that get in there?

Jef Vinson d. The Brazilian Psycho


Both guys shake hands before the match. Vinson gets the best of TBP on the mat then works him over in the corner. TBP reverses an Irish whip then follows that with a leg lariat. TBP hits a catatonic into a backbreaker as he surprisingly has control of the match. TBP goes up top for a flying body press but Vinson decks him with an uppercut in midair. Wow. Vinson then picks up TBP and hits the TKO for the win. He picks up TBP and congratulates him afterwards then all of a sudden, the camera cuts to Jobber, who has apparently left to go hang out in the champagne room at the Cellular Twat. Here is what Jobber has to say: 

“I like you Jef. You like whores like this (points at a few skanks in the background). But what I don’t like is your self-righteous lifestyle. Straight Free is lame, bro. Hold on (looks at an employee) you cant fooll me pal! This is prepackaged guacamole on a plate. (Jobber then slams it on the ground and stomps it into the carpet). Back to you Jef. See, I once dealt with someone who shared your beliefs. And I didnt care for him or how it ended. He went into business for himself. And that is not what I need. And you facing me at BoD Mania is not what I need either. Who are you anyway? What sort of star-quality do you have anyway? You have no clout at the BoD. You can be a star at Inside Pulse and carry them so they can fill up bingo halls and rec centers but in the BoD, you are 1996 Marc Mero. We like the girl, not you. Now, next week, I am contractually obliged to show up and oddly enough, it is for the contract signing. So, my attorney, Zanatude, and myself will be there. Hopefully you and some skank from a Big Sean video have the decency to show up as well. Until then, live a little man. You owe it to yourself to have a beer and maybe take a pill after that kid hit you with a backbreaker.”


Vinson stares down the screen as the camera zooms in close.

Next week, exclusive footage of Kensington Enterprises and how they spent their week in California, preparing for BoD Mania II and participating in the “We Kinda, Sorta Care” BoD Charity. 

We’re backstage with Cultstatus, who is taping his fists and preparing, when Abeyance approaches. “Hey, Cult? Hey. Was just wonder-” Cult cuts him off. “Listen, I don’t like you. You may not like me, but I don’t care. You’re a joke and you’ve always been a joke. Just do me a favor tonight and stay out of my way, because the last thing I want to have to waste my time doing is kicking your ass.” Cult stalks off, Abeyance staring a hole in his back. That match is NEXT!