The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 07.27.91

The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 07.27.91

Taped from Edmonton, AB on 07.09.91

Your hosts are Vince McMahon, Randy Savage & Roddy Piper, making shopping mall jokes since West Edmonton Mall was still the biggest mall in the world in 1991. It’s still really big, although I don’t shop there very much these days, because I don’t live in Edmonton anymore. You know, like I did back in 1991 when this show was taped.

Wait a minute…

1991…Superstars taping…

I WAS THERE.

This was my one and only WWF Superstars taping that I finally got to attend after years as a fan!

Unfortunately I don’t have a lot of remembrances about the show because it was a long time ago and I’m very old now, but I remember that my dad absolutely did not want to sit through 4 hours of WWF squash matches with me so I dragged my younger brother there instead.

And no, I’m not visible on camera as far as I know. We were sitting in the lower bowl on what would be the far right side of the hard camera.

Texas Tornado v. Vern Siebert

Vern was a regular for Al Tomko in Vancouver so it makes sense he gets a shot here. Tornado tosses Siebert as Vince notes that Piper has had a second motorcycle accident and is suspended from riding from now on. You know who should have been suspended from riding motorcycles back in 1986? The guy in the ring. Tornado slugs away on Siebert in the corner and then finishes him off with the tornado punch at 1:43.

UPDATE! WITH MEAN GENE OKERLUND! BROUGHT TO YOU BY COLISEUM VIDEO!

Let us take you back to last week, as Sid Justice is introduced to the WWF as the special referee for the main event of Summerslam.

The Berzerker v. Chi Chi Cruz

Oh yes, I do remember this. Cruz was another local guy who was unlucky enough to go out and get squashed by monsters 4 times that night, becoming a cult favorite of the crowd by the end of the very long and very dull evening. Berzerker hits him with slams and ties him in the ropes before hitting him with a running boot and then throwing him over the top for the countout at 2:10. Poor Chi Chi’s night would get worse.

Bret Hart v. Hutch Thomas

Thomas was better known in Stampede as manager Drago Zhivago, I’m assuming getting a TV gig here as a favor to the Harts. Bret puts him down with a clothesline and drops the leg on him and hits him with the backbreaker. And the Sharpshooter finishes at 2:13.

The Warlord v. Larry Williams

Warlord hits Larry with shoulderblocks while Piper and Vince continue to razz Macho about his impending nuptials, teasing a bachelor party. Warlord with a clothesline and he finishes with the full nelson at 1:55.

Meanwhile, back in Florida, Skinner is hunting for animals to skin. Or people. And he practices the Art of Nothing Being Seen before revealing he was BEHIND US THE WHOLE TIME. OK now I’m freaked out.

The Bushwhackers v. Mike Starr & Bob Bradley

Vince notes that Andre’s recouperation is proceeding nicely, as he hobbles to ringside on crutches to be in the corner here, looking near death. Butch clotheslines Bradley to the floor, and Bob runs away in terror from Andre and it’s over to Starr. Mike Starr is of course another Vancouver/Portland regular who’s been on this show doing jobs many times before. Double gutbuster finishes him at 1:50.

The Funeral Parlor with special guest Jake Roberts. Jake does not fear death because he’s got a devil resting on his shoulder already. Paul notes that Jake will eventually have to face the Undertaker before his final resting place, so Jake offers to teach the secrets of the dark side to Ultimate Warrior in order to prepare him. And all that Warrior has to do? “TRUST ME”. Well this of course ended up being a huge storyline.

SUMMERSLAM REPORT! WITH MEAN GENE OKERLUND!

We of course hear from Hulk Hogan and Ultimate Warrior as this main event continues to sputter towards the PPV and is basically about nothing. New this week: The Nasty Boys defend against the LOD in a street fight! Mountie faces Big Bossman in a jailhouse match! A random six-man with Power & Glory and some other guys! Tickets still available for some strange reason!

The Mountie v. Steve May

We get an inset from Bossman, who promises a dirty toilet and cockroaches on the floor for the Mountie. And that’s just the dressing rooms! And Mountie finishes with the choke takedown at 0:30.

NEXT WEEK: The Natural Disasters! The Dragon! Sgt. Slaughter! The Undertaker!

Spoiler: We already saw the only notable thing from these endless goddamn tapings on this episode and it’s all downhill from here.