The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 03.07.87

The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 03.07.87

Well I’m not in the headspace to review All Out tonight, that’s for sure. So let’s go back to 1987 instead. RIP, Pac.

Taped from New Haven, CT on 02.16.87

Your hosts are Vince McMahon, Bruno Sammartino & Jesse Ventura

Getting closer to Wrestlemania III! Honestly if I hadn’t reviewed it 17 times already I’d be hyped to watch it again.

Meanwhile, Mary Hart is way too excited to be official guest timekeeper.

Junkyard Dog v. Pete Doherty

Well you knew the Duke would make an appearance on some Northeast tapings. Plus this way JYD can warm up for facing the King by beating a Duke! Dog backdrops him and rings his ears, then follows with a slam for two. Dog with a hiptoss for two and he hits the Duke with headbutts, but Pete puts the boots to him to get some offense. And then Dog casually picks him up and THUMP finishes it at 2:20.

UPDATE! WITH MEAN GENE OKERLUND!

Gene reminds us of Honky Tonk Man attacking Jake Roberts on the Snake Pit, which has led to Jake Roberts recruiting Alice Cooper to be in his corner for Wrestlemania III.

Last week, Adrian Adonis is trying to cut Rick Martel’s hair, but accidentally cuts Brutus Beefcake’s hair, which Vince describes as a “Boo boo”.

Demolition v. Mike Luca & Tommy Sharpe

So now we have the original version of the Demolition theme, which immediately adds 100% more riz to their act. Once Rick Derringer got a hold of it, it was game over. They toss Luca to the floor and Ax slams him out there, and back in for an axehandle from Smash. Smash catapults him into an Ax clothesline, and that finishes at 1:50. Interesting finisher but the Decapitation was the one. Once I heard that new music I was sold on them.

Ricky Steamboat v. Terry Gibbs

Gibbs grabs a headlock and beats on Ricky in the corner, while we get an inset from Randy Savage, who theorizes that George Steele will be a non-factor, resulting a Macho elbow being dropped for the 1-2-3. I trust the Macho Man’s judgement on this one. Steamboat escapes the headlock and works the arm before leapfrogging into a hiptoss and some armdraggery. Jesse thinks that Ricky should have just retired gracefully last year. Ricky Steamboat? Retire and open up a gym in North Carolina? That’ll be the day. Steamboat keeps working the arm, but Gibbs tosses him, so Ricky skins the cat back in and fights back with chops. Gibbs cuts him off with a right, but he goes up and Steamboat catches with a shot on the way down. And then he goes up and finishes with the flying bodypress at 3:13. Steamboat was selling a LOT for Gibbs here for some reason.

Meanwhile, Bob Uecker loves him some Little Beaver. Yup.

Meanwhile, Hacksaw Jim Duggan pulls up to the WWF in his pickup truck.

The Iron Sheik & Nikolai Volkoff v. SD Jones & Brad Rheingans

Rheingans and Sheik trade suplexes and actually that would be a hell of a match given the right time and location. The heels double-team Brad in the corner, but he rolls away from Volkoff and makes the tag to SD. Atomic drop for Volkoff as the enhancement guys are getting a strange amount of offense this week, but Jones misses a blind charge and hits the post, and Volkoff hits him with the backbreaker to set up the camel clutch from Sheik at 3:00. Volkoff breaking his back to set up the finisher was actually a nice bit of business.

PIPER’S PIT with special guest Andre the Giant! Piper wants Andre by himself, but Bobby Heenan joins him because he’s the only one who speaks for the Giant from now on. Bobby rightly points out that Hogan has spent years stabbing his friends in the back, but before Andre can give his opinion, Lou Albano interrupts and he’s also disappointed in Andre. So Lou is like “I hope that Hulk whips your butt!” and then Andre starts moving towards him and Albano runs off like a coward. I mean, fair play, I’d piss my pants in fear if Andre shot me that look, too.

WRESTLEMANIA UPDATE! WITH MEAN GENE OKERLUND!

We take another look at the contract signing from last week, as Hulk is very gotten to and Andre is ice water running through his veins. Also, celebrities? YES. They will be there. And of course Gene runs down the 12 match card. You know them, you love them, you can probably recite them from memory too.

The Hart Foundation v. Jim Powers & Jerry Allen

Vince’s disgust at Danny Davis and his ref gear really sells the gimmick. Allen, the hometown guy, gets some offense on Bret to start and tries a monkey flip in the corner, but Bret blocks it and Anvil drops him on the top rope to take over. Bret slingshots Anvil onto Allen for two, but they pick him up and finish with the Hart Attack at 1:55. And then Danny cleans house afterwards, tossing both jobbers out like yesterday’s trash.

NEXT WEEK: Hercules! The Killer Bees! Hulk Hogan on Piper’s Pit! Randy Savage!