The SmarK Rant for WWF Madison Square Garden – 12.26.87

Let us journey back to the days of yesteryear, 20 years ago today in fact. This is cutting into my valuable Guitar Hero playing time, so I hope you appreciate it.

Taped from New York City.

Your hosts are Gorilla Monsoon & Bobby Heenan & Lord Al Hayes.

Iron Mike Sharpe v. SD Jones

Sharpe immediately bails and tells us how smart he is for doing so, a tactic that rarely works out well for the heels. Back in with the cheapshot from behind, but Jones backdrops him and armdrags him out of the ring. Jones slingshots Mike back in, and then dodges what would most assuredly be a deadly dropkick if it had hit. Sharpe bails again and we get some inside jokes from the announcers, as Gorilla notes that Sharpe is being escorted back to the ring by “Terry Garvin, of the Terry Garvin School of Self-Defense. Pat Patterson was his star pupil, wasn’t he? In fact, a lot of guys came out of that school.” Ah, for the more innocent days without the internet. Sharpe stalls a while longer and gets a cheapshot on Jones, but SD catches him with an atomic drop and out goes Iron Mike again. Back in, Jones slugs him into the ropes and ties him there, then shakes the roes to “help” him out. Sharpe’s act is pretty entertaining here. Finally free, Sharpe catches SD with his head down and tries a piledriver, but Jones backdrops out of it and gets a slam for two. Headbutt gets two. Finally, Sharpe clubs Jones with the ARM PROTECTER OF DEATH out of nowhere and gets the pin at 7:30. Nice surprise finish. **1/4

The Rougeau Brothers v. The Conquistadores

Unless they’re going a goofy gimmick thing tonight, the Conquistadors were Jose Luis Rivera and Jorge Estrada. Raymond rolls up #1 to start and gets two, and they criss-cross into a sunset flip from Ray for two. Ray puts both of them on the floor with a series of armdrags. Jacques comes in and they work off a headlock in an awkward spot where it looks like Jacques was legit hurt for a minute. He recovers with monkey flips to put the Conquistadores out. Jacques gets tied in the ropes, but one guy misses a charge and accidentally hits his partner with a tope suicida! The crowd predictably goes crazy for that spot, although in those days it makes Jacques look good for moving rather than the Conquistadores looking good for doing the move. The Rougeaus double-team the leg of one of the guys and they work it over with some nice double-teaming, but Jacques gets caught in the corner and worked over. One guy gets a back elbow and suplex for two. They cut off the ring and hold Jacques in the corner. He comes back with a small package for two and a backdrop suplex, and it’s hot tag Raymond. Hiptoss and dropkick for #2 and it’s BONZO GONZO, and the Cannonball finishes at 13:05. Nice little tag match, not much else to say. **1/2

Hacksaw Duggan v. Sika

They fight for the lockup to start and Duggan works the arm, but Sika slugs out of it. Duggan goes back to the arm and Sika goes to the eyes, so Duggan slugs away and puts Sika on the floor. Back in, Duggan slugs away in the corner as the announcers make veiled comments about how neither guy is selling anything. Sika grabs a chinlock, but Duggan fights up and goes to a facelock, and they collide for the double KO, which the first move I can remember them selling for each other tonight. Duggan with a small package for two. Sunset flip gets two. Duggan finishes with the three-point stance at 9:12. This just kind of kept going. 1/2*

WWF Women’s title: Sensational Sherri v. Rockin’ Robin.

I think this was actually on 24/7 as a standalone match during the Sherri HOF spotlight a while ago. Robin takes her down with an armbar to start and goes to work on the arm, pulling her around the ring and keeping her down. Robin runs her into the corner with a hammerlock, but misses a charge and gets a boo-boo on her knee as a result. Sherri slugs away and gets a slam, then tosses Robin, but stops to gloat. Robin goes under the ring and comes out the other side with a dropkick that puts Sherri on the floor herself. Oh, the irony. Robin snaps her back in and gets a pretty nice lariat for two, followed by a bulldog for two. Shit, she does it better than Sam Houston, and she probably weighs more, too. To the top, where Robin slams Sherri off and follows with a flying elbow that misses. They slug it out on the mat and Robin gets two off that, then goes up again and misses again. Sherri pins her at 7:30. Well, she had no one to blame but herself. Pretty fun once it got past the stalling. **1/2

Brutus Beefcake v. Greg Valentine

Hey, here’s a feud that never really got the proper blowoff. By this point it was clear that Beefcake was the star, and he was showing personality and everything. Slugfest to start and Beefcake wins that one easily, triggering a Flair Flop. Beef takes him down and drops an elbow, and Hammer bails. Back in, they slug it out again and Beefcake pounds away in the corner, drawing a rather scary babyface reaction. I knew he was over, but wow. They exchange shots on the mat, throwing punches from the mount position in the kind of down-and-dirty exchange that you didn’t see much of until the UFC came along. They brawl out to the floor and back in for another exchange of punches, but this time Beefcake goes down first and Hammer chokes him out on the ropes. He drops the hammer for two and works him over with elbows for two. Another elbow misses, but he recovers with a third one for two. Hammer hits the chinlock, but Beefcake fights up, only to walk into a clothesline. Another elbow gets two. They fight for a suplex and Beefcake wins that one, but walks into an elbow. Valentine tosses him rather than going for the kill, and back in he follows with a butterfly powerbomb for two. That looked like someone botched the bump badly and could have ended worse than it did. But wait! He’s BEEFING UP! Hammer pounds him down and goes up, but Beefcake nails him on the way down and follows with a kneelift, then drops his own version of the hammer forearm. He chokes away, sadly lacking any real offensive cohesion here, and allowing Greg to hit him with a backbreaker for two. Slugfest and Beefcake wins again, then escapes a backbreaker attempt and slips behind with the sleeper. Jimmy Hart coerces him out of the ring, however, and Beefcake gets counted out at 11:50. God, what an idiot. This was a super-fun match up until the retarded finish, with lots of hard work and good hatred. ***1/4

Ricky Steamboat v. Ravishing Rick Rude

This is an interesting match because these are two of the very few guys never to do a turn in a major promotion. Steamboat was always a face and Rude was always a heel, and they never needed to change characters to freshen themselves up because the characters were both so great in the first place. That’s a true rarity. Rude starts with the headlock and tosses Rick, but he skins the cat and nails Heenan at the same time, then takes Rude out as well. Back in, Steamboat poses while Rude regroups. They do the test of strength and Ricky hits a slick reversal into the armbar, then they criss-cross into another armbar from the Dragon. Rude tries to escape, but Steamboat is nothing if not patient and just waits him out before going right back to it again. Rude finally goes to the eye to break and pounds him down, doing a nice subtle sell by only using the right arm. Steamboat catches him with a crucifix, however, and gets two, then goes back to the arm again. Rude goes for the back to break, but misses a blind charge, then suckers Steamboat in with his own charge that misses. Rude hammers him down again, but can’t even pose properly because his arm is in pain. He manages to get a rear chinlock regardless, and Bobby loudly tells the ref he’ll force the timekeeper to ring the bell. Like THAT would ever work. Rude pounds the back while holding the chinlock, then slams him to set up a bearhug, and finally goes to an abdominal stretch while holding the tights. Steamboat finally hiptosses out, but Rude runs him into the corner and clotheslines him down for two. Back to the rear chinlock again, but Steamer powers out of it and rams Rude into the turnbuckles to make the comeback. Rude tries a headlock, but Steamboat starts the pinfall reversal sequence, leading to a backslide for two. Small package gets two. Rollup gets two. Schoolboy gets two. Rude goes to the eyes to slow him down and elbows him for two, then slams him into a kneedrop for two as it really picks up steam. They fight for a suplex and Steamboat gets it for two. Rude reverses a slam for two. Rude charges and hits the turnbuckles, and Steamboat goes up with the flying chop, but the time limit expires at 20:31, so someone was slow on the draw. Pardon the pun. While Rude is crawling around on the mat in pain, Bobby Heenan feels the need to speak up for him, calling Steamboat a coward and challenging him to another five minutes. So we continue the fight until the ref brigade breaks things up. Man, this was one hell of a feud waiting to happen, and we just never got it outside of their one subpar match at the first Royal Rumble. ****

MIDGETS GONE MENTAL! Cowboy Lang & Chris Dube v. Lord Littlebrook & Little Tokyo

Hey, nothing like a midget match to bring down the crowd before the main event. Usual midget stuff here. Lang pins Tokyo with a sunset flip at 3:22, and we move on.

Intercontinental title: The Honky Tonk Man v. Randy Savage

Jimmy Hart is locked in a cage above the ring here, meaning that Honky will have to find another way to DQ himself this time. And wouldn’t you know, this is the match that introduces us to Sherri as Peggy Sue, giving us another out. So of course it’s the epic stall to begin and Savage pounds away in the corner to start and chokes him out. Kneedrop and he elbows Honky down and out. Savage follows, finally taking the sunglasses off, and they head back in again, where Honky nails him from behind. They brawl up the aisle and Honky wins that battle. Back in, Savage fights back, but misses a charge and Honky gets two. Savage comes back with a backdrop and blocks a sunset flip, then gets a suplex before missing a kneedrop. Honky slugs away, but gets dumped, and back in for the Savage comeback. Necksnap and flying axehandle send Honky to the floor again, but Savage follows with another axehandle. Back in for a third one, and that gets two. Ref is bumped, allowing Honky to try Shake Rattle and Roll, but Savage escapes and dumps him. Peggy Sue goes after Liz, which saves Honky from the wrath of Macho, and a shot to the head with the title belt puts Savage on the floor for the countout at 11:49. Man, they’re fond of lame finishes tonight. They did this match a million times and this was no better or worse. ***

The Bottom Line: Definitely check this one out, at least for the last few matches.