The SmarK Rant for WWE Wrestlemania 40 (Night Two) – 04.07.24

The SmarK Rant for WWE Wrestlemania 40 (Night Two) – 04.07.24

Live from Philadelphia, PA

Your hosts are Michael Cole, Corey Graves & & Pat McAfee

World Heavyweight title: Seth Rollins v. Drew McIntyre

Man from main eventing night one to jerking the curtain on night two. BERRIED. Obviously retribution from Cody for burning down his bus with Wheatley vodka. Drew hits the Claymore right at the bell and gets two, and Rollins wisely bails to the floor to escape a second one. Back in the ring after a selfie on the floor from Drew, and this time Seth hits a curb stomp out of nowhere and gets two. Drew backdrops out of the Pedigree and they slug it out, which is unsurprisingly won by Drew. Another Claymore is countered by Rollins into a Pedigree and he follows with the curb stomp for two. Rollins tries another stomp and Drew counters with the Future Shock this time, for two. Drew calls for a GTS (“he’s talking about how he’s putting the crowd to sleep” notes CM Punk) but Rollins escapes that, and Drew hits him with a Claymore for two. So Drew preps the announce table and Punk continues to talk trash about him, which distracts him enough for Rollins to hit a stomp off the other table. Back in the ring, Drew hits a third Claymore, and that also gets two. Fourth one gets the pin and the title at 10:34. Nice to see Drew finally get to win a big belt in front of a stadium after carrying the company during the Covid era. This was a fun sprint that felt like one of the Heyman-booked Lesnar matches in terms of the pace and big moves with no transitions. ***1/2. Afterwards, Drew goes to talk trash right back at Punk. “I want you know that I can’t hear a word you’re saying because I have cans on.” And then finally Drew’s shit is enough for Punk, who trips him up on the table and then beats him down with the arm brace. And then with Drew knocked out, it finally happens…

World Heavyweight title: Drew McIntyre v. Damian Priest

Drew is out cold, so Priest hits him with the chokeslam and pins him to finally cash in that briefcase and win the title. And Punk sarcastically clapping for Drew afterwards was the cherry on the sundae, showing that he’s probably got a future as a commentator once he injures his arm or leg or neck for the last time and can’t come back from it.

Philly Street Fight: Bobby Lashley & The Street Profits v. Karrion Kross & The Authors of Pain

Joining us on commentary for this one is Snoop Dogg, plus Bubba Dudley as the special referee. Snoop is actually playing here in June, but tickets are hella expensive even for nosebleeds so I’m passing. Everyone fights on the floor right away and Kross hits Bobby with a neckbreaker on a chair in the ring and they proceed to beating the Profits down with kendo sticks. AOP with the Supercollider powerbomb for two, but B-Fab saves, so Scarlet runs her into the post. Lashley saves another Supercollider attempt and Ford dives onto the Authors outside, leaving Bobby to put Kross in the full nelson. So then Scarlet and B-Fab go through a table and Kross DDTs Lashley onto an open chair for two. Kross questions the refereeing prowess of Bubba, which leads to the Profits hitting Kross with a Whazzup at the direction of Bubba. So the tables are gotten, and it breaks right away when Kross gets gently placed onto it. So they get another table and Ford re-splashes Kross for the pin at 8:40 and who even knows where the AOP ended up. This was…not so great. Kind of makes me appreciate Uso v. Uso a bit more now. No, that’s stupid, nothing could make me appreciate that match. *1/2. I mean, I guess no one died here in between all the blown spots and mistimed weapons, so that’s one thing that went right! Look at me, growing and being positive.

AJ Styles v. LA Knight

They brawl on the floor and Knight runs him into the table a bunch of times, but AJ takes over in the ring and Knight reverses a slam into a sunset flip for two. Knight with a legsweep and he puts the boots to AJ in the corner and follows with a running knee for two. They fight to the top and Styles brings him down for a german suplex and facebuster combo that gets two. To the top for a slugfest and AJ fights him off, but Knight brings him down with a superplex for two. AJ with the calf crusher and it looks like his new finish should be the ab cruncher judging by how cut up he’s become all of a sudden. Knight fights out of that, so AJ runs the knee into the post, but Knight reverses him into the ringpost, which is now like being run into a giant Slim Jim thanks to the ugly advertising. Knight tries a piledriver on the floor but gets backdropped onto the bare floor and then beats the count at 9. Back in, the 450 misses and Knight makes the comeback. AJ with a Pele Kick, but Knight escapes the Styles Clash with a kick to the head and then trips up AJ to block the forearm and finishes with the BFT at 12:31. Finish was pretty abrupt, but this was a solid match. ***1/4.

And we FAST FORWARD through the Hall of Fame, video packages, commercials, and all the other stuff that eats up about 30 minutes of airtimes.

US title: Logan Paul v. Kevin Owens v. Randy Orton

So after being there to pump Sami last night, this time Kevin is the one getting pumped up by Sami. Which probably means he’s gonna lose and then turn on Zayn again as a result. Also they’ve gotta pay off this Prime mascot thing sometime soon because it’s just begging for someone to be in the costume. KO is nice enough to offer Orton a ride in the golf cart for a temporary alliance, and they double-team Paul to start and pinball him on the floor. Orotn drops him on the announce table and then KO does his own slam, but Orton feels like he can drop him from even higher and does so. Into the ring, KO and RKO team up to beat Paul down, but then they get into a squabble about who gets to pin him and Orton tries a sneaky RKO but gets caught. So Owens is like “You want to do this now?” and they slug it out until Logan hits them from behind with a buckshot lariat to take over. Kevin superkicks Logan into Orton in the corner and hits them with a cannonball while I believe the crowd chants “Gatorade” at the Prime bottle, but Paul hits Owens with a swanton and then falls onto Orton with a splash for two. His mechanics are just incredible for someone at that stage of his career. Logan slugs it out with Orton and actually wins that one, but he gets dumped and Orton goes after KO instead. Powerslam and he goes for the draping DDT, but Logan breaks it up and Orton powerslams him and then hits them both with the draping DDT. Logan was very close to ripping up his quad on that landing there. Owens goes up and it turns into a Tower of Doom tease, but Owens takes Paul down with a fisherman’s suplex and follows with the moonsault for two. RKO outta nowhere on Owens gets two. Logan comes back with a pair of knuckles and knocks Orton out, but that only gets two. Not a fan of kicking out of brass knuckles. That kind of weapon should always be an insta-kill. Owen tries to make a comeback and Logan knocks him out on the floor, but Orton hits Paul with an RKO and everyone is out. So this leaves Orton as the holder of the knuckles, but he decides to use the punt instead, so the Prime bottle makes the save and it’s revealed to be some other streamer guy. So Orton beats him up with an RKO on the table, but then KO comes back in the ring and hits Orton with a stunner for two. But then Orton gets another RKO on Owens, only for Logan to toss him out and steal the pin on Owens to retain at 17:42. Man this was kind of a drag, with a dead crowd and another lame payoff for the Prime bottle gag. They could have shaved 5-7 minutes off this easily, and it mostly felt like Orton going through the motions. **1/2

WWE Women’s title: Iyo Sky v. Bayley

They fight on the floor to start and Bayley necks her on the apron and follows with a dive, which gets two. Iyo takes out the knee and gets a figure-four while hanging from the apron. Back in the ring, Iyo takes out the knee again with a dragon screw and puts the boots to her before rolling into a double stomp for two. Out to the floor and Sky tries a springboard off the railing, but Bayley catches her with a slam, and back in for two. Bayley with a sideslam for two and she goes up to the top, but Iyo brings her down with a palm strike and a dropkick to the knee. Bayley bumps to the floor and Sky follows with a moonsault. Back in for double knees to the back, which gets two. Bayley with a sunset bomb into the turnbuckles and a small package for two off that, as the crowd kind of distractedly signs Bayley’s song. Sky with a german suplex for two, and then she rolls through into another one for two. Iyo goes up and hits knees on the moonsault. But then Bayley goes up and misses the flying elbow, allowing Sky to crossface her. Bayley reverses that for two and makes a comeback, but Sky takes her down with another crossface and then turns it into an STF. Bayley escapes that and hits the Bayley to belly for two, however. Iyo blocks the Rose Plant with a punch to the throat, but Bayley fights back and they slug it out. Iyo with a rollup for two and a backbreaker off that, and she goes up for another moonsault and that gets two. Sky with another moonsault, but it misses and Bayley tries for the Rose Plant and Sky counters out of that in a slick reversal. Bayley puts her down with a lariat and makes the comeback with a back suplex and the flying elbow. Another Rose Plant finishes at 14:23 to give her the title. I’m not 100% sold on Bayley as a babyface again at this point in her career but they had a hell of a match with the big match performance of a lifetime from Sky. ****1/4

WWE World title: Roman Reigns v. Cody Rhodes

Time to finish the story. Hopefully in a shorter amount of time than last night. Roman puts him down with shoulderblocks to start, but Cody gets the sliding punch and dodges a charge, putting Roman on the floor. Cody goes for the table right away, but Roman hits him with the Drive By and then puts the table away for a supreme heel move in Philly. Back in the ring, Roman finds a kendo stick and beats on him with that, but Cody bulldogs him and gets the figure-four, before Roman rakes the face to escape. To the floor, where they fight into the crowd and Cody gets a suplex onto a table that’s out there. Back in the ring, Roman catches him with a powerbomb and a suplex for two. I was kind of hoping they’d skip past the usual 20 minutes of plodding Roman Reigns match before getting to the wacky overbooking, but NOPE. Roman with a back suplex for two. He goes to a CRAVAT on the mat, as William Regal pops somewhere in Florida, and a Perfectplex gets two. Roman slugs away in the corner, but they slug it out and it’s a double down. They slug it out again and Cody makes a comeback with a powerslam and disaster kick for two. Another one is caught by Roman, however, and he turns into a Crossroads for two. Superman punch misses and Cody fights back with the Dream comeback, but they head outside and Roman does the Hot Shots Part Deux epic low blow and powerbombs Cody through the table. Back in the ring, superman punch gets two. Cody blocks the spear and hits the Cody Cutter, for two. Roman tries a Rock Bottom, but Cody escapes and hits his own spear for two. And then Jimmy Uso comes in for the first run-in, superkicking Cody to break up the Crossroads. But then Jey Uso gets a whole entrance and takes him out with a spear off the stage. Roman with a spear on Cody for two off that. Roman with a guillotine and they head to the floor off that, where Cody spears him through the railing. Back in the ring, another Crossroads follows, but next up it’s Solo Sikoa, who doesn’t even flip his hoodie off dramatically before he attacks. Samoan spike on Cody gets two. The spear/spike combo gets two…but now John Cena is the next Avenger is make the save, and he wipes out the heels and puts Solo through the Spanish table to get rid of him. Next up, the Rock returns to finish the job from last night and they tease a rematch before Rock lays him out quickly. So then we get Seth Rollins in Shield gear, but he immediately gets laid out by Roman. Next up, Undertaker appears in the ring and chokeslams Rock before disappearing again. Finally this leaves Roman and Cody mostly alone, and Roman beats up Seth one more time with a chair, but Cody hits Crossroads NOT ONCE NOT TWICE BUT THRICE to win the title and finally finish the fucking story at 33:28. It wasn’t anything great as a match but I can absolutely admire their commitment to throwing everything at the wall with the cameos. And Cody finally gets to celebrate in the ring with all the babyfaces and it’s hopefully time to move past the Roman Empire and give someone else a shot to carry the company for a while. This is a tough one to rate because it’s like *** or so for the actual match thanks to the incredibly plodding start, but ****1/2 or so for the sports entertainment presentation and happy ending that finished it. We were robbed of all that last year, so I’ll split the difference and go ****.

But seriously though…no Austin?

Definitely a better show than last night, with two big title changes to end the show and one to kick it off. The crowd was I’d say marginally better although still pretty quiet for most of the midcard, but the main event was the kind of big spectacle that WWE does well and it’s good to see Cody finally get his moment. Hopefully he brings back the Winged Eagle like he’s been teasing for the past year. Thumbs up for night two.