The SmarK Rant for WWE Survivor Series 2025 – 11.29.25

The SmarK Rant for WWE Survivor Series 2025 – 11.29.25

Live from San Diego, CA, which I believe translates to “A whale’s vagina”. Really no one knows for sure.

Your hosts are Michael Cole & Wade Barrett. Interesting that Netflix actually mutes Michael Cole doing product placement plugs.

WARGAMES: Becky Lynch, Asuka, Kairi Sane, Nia Jax & Lash Legend v. AJ Lee, Iyo Sky, Rhea Ripley, Charlotte Flair & Alexa Bliss

We start with Charlotte and Asuka, and I’m glad to hear Asuka has her classic music here. They trade takedowns right on the Riyadh logo to remind us how much we love Saudi Arabia and appreciate them for not brutally murdering any journalists this year that we know of. Asuka blocks a german suplex in the middle of the rings and hits Charlotte with kicks in the far ring to take over. Charlotte comes back with a handspring clothesline and chops. Iyo Sky is next at 6:00 as they’re already running long with the timer and she brings a can lid with her for her weapon of choice. They trade acrobatics and Sky hits a springboard clothesline on Asuka, nearly slipping but thankfully pulling it off. Iyo with the trash can lid to the face in the corner. Becky Lynch comes in at 9:30 to even things up and she brings a kendo stick. Becky revealing that she drives a Cybertruck makes her the biggest heel in the match in my books. I hope people find their house and leave slices of cheese on their vehicle, so they melt in the hot sun. She hangs Iyo in the tree of woe and tries to beat her down, but Charlotte steals the stick and they slug it out. Becky wins that battle, and Alexa Bliss is in at 13:00 and she doesn’t even have any weapons! Alexa dropkicks the can lid into Asuka and beats Becky down to save Charlotte and they double-team the heels and leave them all laid out as this early portion is pretty boring. Kairi Sane is next at 16:20 and she has a chain. But hey, it’s painted bright green. So that’s nice. She teams with Asuka to take out Sky and we get a dance break with Becky before they pile up the babyfaces with a triple dropkick and the crowd gets to count again.

AJ Lee is next at 20:00 and Becky tries to hold the door shut, so AJ climbs the cage instead and hits the heels with a flying bodypress. Sane mocks AJ’s walk, so AJ dropkicks her and we get an AJ/Asuka showdown before the heels all beat Lee down. Wow, five stars. Nia Jax is in at 24:58 and she lays everyone out as this drags on with nothing happening. Rhea Ripley is in at 27:25 and she’s excited to save her team that she does her full entrance with pyro and wacky costume. But she’s got a garbage can, which I’m assuming matches the lid from earlier. She cleans house with a kendo stick and hits Nia with a missile dropkick to pick up the pace a little bit, and she teams up with Sky to torture Sane with a trash can. But then Nia the Fun Killer takes them out. And then finally we get the last person with Lash Legend at 31:25 although the crowd doesn’t seem to care who she is. Lash puts Alexa in a cobra sleeper and ragdolls her for a bit, but she lets go for some reason and then chokeslams Charlotte instead. Nobody in the stadium gives a shit as Cole tries to get “The Bougie Bully” over as a nickname. Lash powerbombs Rhea and kicks her down for two. Rhea comes back and tries the Riptide, but Nia breaks it up. “Things are really starting to pick up out there!” notes Wade. Only took 40 minutes. The problem is that nothing in this match has any kind of feeling of immediacy or drive. They’re all just leisurely going through their spots. Lash and Nia do a double powerbomb on Charlotte and Alexa, but AJ saves. Although to be accurate she saves Alexa and Lash just lets go of the pin on Charlotte for absolutely no reason. Nia and Lash toss Iyo into the other ring. Asuka accidentally mists Lash and Iyo comes off the cage with a trash can for no adequately explored reason and they all just fucking STAND THERE waiting for her and it nearly misses anyway. And then AJ puts Becky in the Black Widow and taps her out at 40:50. The bit with Rhea helping AJ up in the air to pass the trash can to Iyo was cute, but the rest was absolutely nothing. At least it only went 40 minutes this year, but it was just so very dull and having Lash Legend be the big heater at the end was a major agenting fail. ** I can’t immediately qualify it as the worst WWE-style Wargames off the top of my head, but it was certainly the most boring I can recall.

WWE Intercontinental title: John Cena v. Dominick Mysterio

Cena takes him down with a headlock, but Dom’s ladies trip Cena and Dom puts the boots to him to take over. Raquel gets another shot behind the ref’s back and Dom gets two off that. Dom with the Three Amigos for two and he stomps Cena down in the corner and then runs away from a comeback and hides behind the women. They fight on the floor and Dom tries a rana off the railing and that goes badly for him, as he apparently suffers a crippling shoulder injury on the way down. And the refs call for the medics for this no doubt enitrely real injury, which allows the women to hit Cena with their finishes in the ring while Dom miraculously recovers for a 619 and frog splash. Guys I don’t think that shoulder injury was legit. But then the ref won’t count for some reason, suddenly taking the moral high ground, and he ejects the women for good measure. Man that’s some bullshit. The ref saw NOTHING. Cena makes his comeback with the usual, but Dom gets a sunset flip for two. So John reverses him into the STF, but Dom makes the ropes. So Dom takes off his boot and gets another 619 and frog splash for two. And then Cena pops up with an AA for two. But then they slug it out and the ref is bumped, so Cena gets another STF and the Judgment Day runs in and beats Cena down. Cena overcomes the odds as usual and beats them both up with a double AA. AAAA? So next, Dom grabs the title, but Cena hits him with another AA and now Liv Morgan runs out and turns on Dom, but then she turns on Cena as well and hits him with the title belt after a low blow, and the frog splash finishes at 16:44 to give him the title back. Holy shit, Dusty Rhodes and Kevin Sullivan would rise from the grave together and complain that this was overbooked. Had good heat at least. **

WWE Women’s World title: Stephanie Vaquer v. Nikki Bella

Who the fuck was asking for Nikki Bella to make a comeback? So we are now a full TWO HOURS into this show with only two matches thus far. Nikki attacks to start, but Stephanie beats her down in the corner and follows with a legdrop. Nikki bails to escape and they fight on the floor, where Nikki gets an X Factor to take over. Back in the ring, that gets two. Nikki with a chinlock and she gets a facejam for two. Nikki with some choking on the ropes and she catches Vaquer with a spinebuster to cut off a comeback. But then Steph wins a slugfest and gets a rollup for two. Vaquer takes her down with a dragon screw out of the corner and a backbreaker gets two. Vaquer hits her with the double knees in the corner and goes up, but Nikki brings her down and hits a disaster kick. Nikki with a TKO for two. They fight to the floor and Vaquer drops a knee on the apron and takes her to the announce table for a Devil’s Kiss on that, which honestly feels like kind of a waste of that spot. Back in the ring, Stephanie with another Devil’s Kiss, and she goes up with the Spiral Tap to finish at 12:27. An adequate match, basically an extended squash. **1/2

Are they seriously doing commercial plugs for MAD DOG 20/20?!?

WARGAMES: CM Punk, Roman Reigns, Cody Rhodes, Jey Uso & Jimmy Uso v. Brock Lesnar, Bron Breakker, Logan Paul, Drew McIntyre & Bronson Reed

We’ve got Charles Montgomery Punk and Bron Breakker to start this one. Bron takes him down off the lockup and beats him down in the corner, but Punk comes back with the heel kick. Bron tries a press slam and Punk kicks out the leg to escape and follows with a double axehandle. Bron throws him around to cut that off, and Drew McIntyre is out to continue his hatred of Punk. They slug it out in the corner and the heels double-team Punk, setting up a Claymore from Drew. Kind of funny to see CM Pale out there with a pair of bronze musclemen. Hey, he’s old and grumpy and doesn’t want to tan, good on him. They run Punk into the cage and Drew tries to gouge his eyes out and runs him into the cage for good measure. We get some cheese grater action and Cody Rhodes is out next to save. He runs wild with a Cody Cutter on Bron, but accidentally hits a bloody Punk with an elbow, causing some strife. They work it out with a Hart Attack on Drew and then follow with a Doomsday Device on Bron that looks like it might have broken his neck. That looked absolutely terrifying. I hope he had a steel plate in his neck or something. Logan Paul is next at 13:00 as Punk and Cody do some Dusty Rhodes comedy spots on Drew to buy time and let Bron’s neck regenerate like the T-!000. Legan runs wild and apparently Bron is alive and able to walk, so that’s good. I guess he’s a Steiner. Cody and Logan slug it out on top of the cage until Bron beats Cody down with a chair to take over. Bron, dude, go rest in the other ring, no one is gonna judge you. I hurt my neck rolling over the wrong way in bed sometimes, I can’t imagine falling right on the top of my head and just getting up. Jimothy Uso is next at 16:50 and he brings a table with him before hitting Bron and Logan with a somersault dive. But then Drew hits him with a Claymore and Bron follows with the running clothesline to cut him off and adds a top rope Frankensteiner on Cody for good measure. He needs to bring back Scott’s version of the move with the running start because he’d 100% get it over. Cody has a litlte bit of color and Bronson Reed is next for the heels. He immediately hits Punk with the Tsunami on the way in and adds one for Jimbo and then Cody as well. This leads me to wonder why the heels didn’t just bring the spiked jackets into the match as weapons? Jey Uso is next for the babyfaces and he YEETS everyone before teaming up with James for some superkicks. And we stop for Jey to finish his entrance while he hangs out on top of the cage while the babyfaces dance until Brock Lesnar is last out for the heels at 27:00. And it’s Suplex City to pick things up again after the dance break. Cole actually drops a fascinating stat, which is that this is apparently the first match in more than 20 years where Brock has worked with a partner of any kind. Well aside from his well known partnership with Vince McMahon. Brock hits everyone with F5s and more suplexes and then adds a beatdown with a chair as Roman Reigns is out to finalize the teams at 30:30. But Roman goes after Brock on the floor and ends up taking an F5 through the Spanish table as a result so he’s probably done for a bit. The babyfaces make a comeback on Brock and Cody gets Crossroads on him for two, but Logan saves. And then he gets brass knuckles, but Roman returns and spears him before stealing them for himself and knocking out the heels with metal punches. Brock tries an F5 on Jimmy, but Roman spears them through the SLIM JIMS TABLE to save. So the heels regroup and Bron destroys some guys. Punk comes back with a GTS as we get a MYSTERY INVADER who uses a curb stomp like Seth Rollins and then runs out again, leaving Bron to spear and pin Punk at 39:28 in an anticlimactic finish. This was one was building to a great finish with the Roman brass knuckles bit and then ended like a wet fart with a lame pinfall. Rest of the match was thoroughly entertaining but nothing special overall. ***1/2.

Afterwards, we get some SPICY WORDS between Roman and Cody, as they struggle to put the past behind them with the credits rolling.

Well, glad I didn’t pay $30 or whatever you suckers in the US had to pay for it. MY $30/month goes to Netflix anyway because I want the 4K version, so who’s the smart one now? Also, I do appreciate that they wrapped it up in under 3 hours, and the replay on Netflix is probably gonna be 2.5 with all the commercial breaks cut out.

Thumbs down.