The SmarK Rant for WWE Summerslam 2025 (Night 2) – 08.03.25

The SmarK Rant for WWE Summerslam 2025 (Night 2) – 08.03.25

Last night was an OK show pulled to a thumbs up by a main event that I loved (but Bryan and Vinny HATED!) and it didn’t really feel like a show that needed to exist. We’ll see how tonight goes.

Live from East Rutherford, NJ….again.

Your hosts are Michael Cole & Wade Barrett

Women’s World title: Naomi v. Rhea Ripley v. Iyo Sky

Naomi decides to convince the other two to fight and then bulldogs Sky into Rhea and hits them both with a crossbody to put Rhea on the floor. Rhea tries to suplex Naomi out there, but Naomi bites the hand to block it and hits Sky with an X-Factor for two. Springboard kick on Rhea gets two. She gets rid of Sky and goes up with a blockbuster on Rhea for two, and then fights off Sky again and puts her on the floor. Rhea fights back with a facebuster on Naomi and finally gets it together with Sky to double-team Naomi before turning on each other. Rhea with an electric chair drop for two. Riptide is countered by Sky into a cradle for two and she goes to a crossface, but Rhea powers out of that and Sky counters with a poison rana for two. Rhea with a Razor’s Edge on Sky and she follows with a powerbomb for two, but Naomi saves and hauls her out to the floor. And then Sky moonsaults them both on the floor and back in as she runs wild for a bit, but she goes up and Rhea cuts her off. Naomi takes out Rhea with a moonsault, but then Sky hits Rhea with a moonsault and Naomi cradles Sky for two. Sky comes back with palm strikes on Naomi, but Naomi hits a knee to take her out, just as Rhea hits Naomi with the Riptide for two. They fight to the apron and Rhea hits Naomi with a cannonball, but then goes to the apron and Sky powerbombs her onto Naomi on the floor in a painful looking spot. Back in the ring, Sky and Rhea fight on the top rope to set up a top rope Riptide, but Naomi steals the pin with a rollup at 16:25 to retain. Ugh I hate that finish in these multi-person matches. Excellent opener otherwise although Rhea’s been in a holding pattern FOREVER. ****

WWE tag team title, TLC: The Wyatt Sicks v. The Street Profits v. DIY v. The Motor City Machine Guns v. Nathan Frazier & Axiom v. Andrade & Rey Fenix

This feels like a “throw everyone on the show for a PPV payoff” match, which is weird because they don’t actually get PPV bonuses anymore last I heard. Also Ciampa without his beard is TRIPPING ME OUT. Also Dexter Lumis with dreads is…not a great look. Granted I’ve paid zero attention to this Wyatts stuff since they debuted but it doesn’t seem like they’re particularly over. It’s a battle royale to start and we get dives everywhere. Fraxiom sets up the ladder, but Joe Gacy saves, and then the Profits take him out, backdropping him onto the ladder a couple of times. Next up, they GET THE SLIM JIM TABLES, but Fenix almost launches off Andrade to grab the belts from mid-ring in what would have been an all-timer finish if they could have pulled it off. DIY tries to throw Montez into a SLIM JIM TABLE, but Montez turns it into a dive over the post and onto a few people instead. The Guns double-team Gacy and dropkick him onto a chair, and Gargano DDTs Shelley through a SLIM JIM TABLE, and then Fenix splashes someone through another SLIM JIM TABLE and then Axiom hits Dawkins with a Spanish Fly off the top and through another SLIM JIM TABLE. Next up, Larae and B-Fab hit the ring and have beef, and Nikki Cross joins them and everyone is down and out. Candace climbs again, but Gargano gets shoved into the ladder and his accidentally puts his wife through a ladder bridge at ringside. Next up, Rowan runs in and goes after the Profits by himself until they beat him down with chairs and then send him into a SLIM JIM TABLE. Ciampa climbs and the Guns steal the ladder, leaving him hanging from the belts while Gargano takes out Fraxiom. Ford also climbs and then everyone fights on the ladders, and now Bo Dallas hits the ring and shoves everyone off and then fights off various guys before taking a sunset bomb from Andrade and onto a ladder. These guys are taking a whole lot of stupid bumps for not a lot of return on investment. More stuff and then Gacy just climbs and retains the titles at 16:00. Just a bunch of completely meaningless but incredibly dangerous bumps, and WAAAAAAAY too many guys to make any sense of anything going on. Like were the Machine Guns even in the match? Not a fan of this one. **1/2

Women’s Intercontinental title: Becky Lynch v. Lyra Valkyria

Lyra runs Becky into the corners to start and Becky bails to the floor and manages to send Lyra into the desk and retrieves a kendo stick. But then Lyra finds a crowbar to win that battle. Lyra comes off the railing with a crossbody and they fight on the floor as the crowd seems to be having a hard time getting invested in it early. Lyra finds a table, but Becky chokes her out with a chain and they still can’t get any reaction from the crowd. Back in the ring, Becky beats on her with the kendo stick and that gets two. Becky with an inverted DDT for two. Becky loads up a bunch of plunder and beats on Lyra with a chair and a toolbox for two. So next she zipties Lyra’s hands and beats on her with a wrench for two. This was…not what I was looking for out of this match. They had a couple of really good ones this year and this is not that. So Becky hangs Lyra from the post and beats on her with the kendo stick as this is getting a tad uncomfortably icky. I feel like we’re watching a very specialized OnlyFans video. Back in, Becky with a legdrop for two. Lyra finally fights back with an ugly suplex and they’re both down, as I guess the zipties were supposed to break and they didn’t. Lyra makes the comeback after selling for the first twelve minutes and goes up with a moonsault for two. Lyra removes the turnbuckle, but Becky runs her into the corner and Lyra bails to the floor and finds a fire extinguisher so she can use the deadly force of CO2 to fight Becky off. Finally she undoes the stupid zipties and makes a comeback with Becky’s kendo stick and a fisherman’s suplex for two. Becky gets a chair and Lyra kicks it back in her face and hits the Night Wing off the stairs for a double down on the floor. They still can barely get a peep out of this crowd. Like, is there something going on in the stands? Because you can hear the crowd reacting to SOMETHING in the background, but it has nothing to do with what’s happening in the ring. Back in the ring, Becky runs her into the exposed turnbuckle and the Manhandle Slam onto a pair of chairs only gets two. Back to the floor and Becky wraps her up in a chair and runs her into the desk a few times as this is dragging SOOOO bad with no crowd reaction. Finally Bayley runs down and prevents Becky from murdering Lyra with a crowbar to the face, but then they fight and Lyra puts Becky through a table with something from off-camera. Back in the ring, Bayley hits Lyra by mistake and Becky pins Lyra to retain at 24:47. I don’t know what the hell happened here but they just dragged the show to a screeching halt. *

US title, cage match: Solo Sikoa v. Jacob Fatu

This one seems like a no-brainer win for Fatu. Fatu beats on Solo with headbutts in the corner to start, but Solo backdrops him into the cage to take over. Solo runs him into the cage a few times and that gets two. And then Solo goes for the door, but Fatu holds his foot. Ugh, either do pinfalls or escape, not both. Solo misses the spike and Fatu fights back with a clothesline for a double down and the crowd is really dead for THIS one too. What the hell is going on tonight? Fatu comes back and runs Solo into the cage a few times himself and then follows with a DDT and moonsaults for two. So here comes the run-ins from all the Samoans in the building as they brawl on the floor, but Solo hits the spike on Fatu for two. Solo tries to climb out and Fatu hauls him in, but then he has to fight off a gaggle of henchmen, resulting in one of them cuffing Fatu to the cage. We JUST had a match where someone got cuffed for the whole match. This is really bad agenting. Fatu luckiy is able to break the cuffs and prevent Solo from escaping, but a Tonga kid slams the door in his face and Solo falls out to retain at 12:54. Why are they jobbing this guy? This was pretty terrible and the finish SUCKED. ½*

WWE Intercontinental title: Dominick Mysterio v. AJ Styles

Dom runs away to start as this one at least seems to have some heat from the crowd. AJ clotheslines him to the floor, but Dom manages to sweep the leg on the apron and puts AJ on the floor with a baseball slide. Dom with a slingshot senton for two in the ring and he slugs away in the corner and tries a rana, but AJ blocks him and hits him with a tornado DDT for a double down. AJ tries the Clash and Dom escapes, so AJ hits him with the Pele kick while the crowd gets all distracted by doing the flashlight with their phones. AJ misses the forearm and Dom hits him with a Michinoku Driver for two. Dom with the triple suplexes, but AJ reverses the third one into a brainbuster. AJ to the top, but a frog splash misses and Dom hits the 619 and then misses his own frog splash. AJ with the Calf Crusher, but Dom makes the ropes. AJ misses a charge and Dom undoes a turnbuckle to distract the ref and then grabs a chair and tries the Eddie Guerrero spot, only for AJ to turn it around on him. AJ misses a charge and crotches himself on the top rope, but then AJ goes low on Dom and they’re both down with GROIN INJURIES THE LIKES OF WHICH YOU CAN’T BELIEVE. AJ rolls him into the Calf Crusher again, but Dom’s boot comes loose and Dom escapes as a result. The ref gets distracted again and Dom uses the boot to put AJ down, and finishes with a frog splash at 10:23 to retain. All the Eddie references were cute but this was little more than a RAW match. **

WWE Undisputed title match, Street Fight: John Cena v. Cody Rhodes

Way too many gimmick matches on this show. 100% they should have moved at least two of them to night 1 to spread it out. Also they’re gonna need an all time classic to save this show. Cena apparently turned babyface two days ago for reasons I don’t really understand. Hopefully it makes for a better match than Wrestlemania. Cena offers a hug of respect to start and they slug it out and then fight to the floor, where Cena steals a crutch from a famous sportsballer at ringside. Back in the ring, Cena brings the stairs in and Cody slams him onto those, drawing a heel reaction, but he goes up and Cena shoves him to the floor and then bounces the stairs off his head. Back in the ring, Cody gets a disaster kick and Trump legsweep for two before going to a chinlock. Cody with a powerslam for two, but Cena backdrops him over the top and to the floor. Back in the ring, we get a chair showdown and Cody wins that for two. Cena runs him into the chair in the corner, however, and comes back with the FIVE MOVES OF DOOM until Cody escapes the AA and makes a comeback.

Cody cutter gets two. Cena with the AA for two. Cody moonsaults him for two. Another Cody Cutter gets two. Cena with an electric chair drop for two. Cody with a piledriver for two. The crowd does a funny “You can’t do that / yes he can” chant for the forbidden move, but otherwise there hasn’t been much street fighting in this street fight. Cena pops up with another AA and they’re both down off that. They slug it out and Cody powerbombs him for two, but Cena rolls him into the STF and Cody makes the ropes. Back to the floor and Cena bops him with the microphone and follows with a Code Red on the floor. And then he follows with an AA from one announce table and through another, and back in for two. Cena misses a charge and Cody hits Crossroads for two. They head to the top and fight for a superplex, but Cena sends him down and legdrops him, into an AA for two. Next up, he finds a SLIM JIM TABLE under the ring, which is another thing we’ve seen way too much of tonight. Cody escapes the table and DDTs Cena for two. So they fight into the crowd to pad things out, as thankfully Cena looks more like his insane cardio machine self again and not the pale old man from Wrestlemania. They’re not exactly doing state of the art main event stuff here but everyone was gonna be fine with Cena looking like 70% of his former self and doing a normal Cody match. We get a cute bit where they fight under the stage and then emerge from the Cody-Vator with Cena delivering an AA onto the ramp and then hauling him back into the ring, but Cody pops up and runs John into the table and delivers a Crossroads for two. Next up, Cody undoes the bottom rope and nails Cena with the metal piece a few times, but Cena takes him down and puts him into a STF with the rope. Cody reverses to his own rope choke and hits another Crossroads, NOT ONCE, NOT TWICE, BUT THRICE, and that gets two. “Super Cena!” notes the crowd. Finally Cody grabs the belt, but Cena hits him with another AA, NOT ONCE, NOT TWICE, BUT THRICE and off the top rope for two. Another table gets involved and they fight to the top again, and this time it’s a Cody Cutter off the top and through the table, and Cody hits another Crossroads to finish and regain the title at 37:42. Yeah it was time to pull the plug on the Cena heel run and put the belt back on Cody. Match was really good, if way too long, but not like a classic or anything. It was really good, though, and I’m glad Cena got his groove back enough to do it. ***1/2

And then as Cena gets his flowers, they actually have the balls to bring back fucking Brock Lesnar as their big surprise to end the show. Fuck HHH and Lesnar and everyone complicit in bringing him back. They’re not even trying to hide their bullshit anymore and I hope Janel Grant takes them to the cleaners.

Thumbs down doesn’t even feel like a strong enough reaction to this, but that’s all I got at the moment.