The SmarK Rant for WWE Saturday Night’s Main Event XXXIX

The SmarK Rant for Saturday Night’s Main Event #39 – 05.24.25

Presented by DUDE WIPES. Interestingly enough, with the end of the Sportsnet relationship, this show actually isn’t being broadcast in Canada at all. I have NBC on my cable package but otherwise there wouldn’t be any way for me to watch it, as far as I know.

Live from Tampa, FL. Really like the scaled back set with no Titantron. I like the aesthetic of these shows in general, with the brightly lit arena and primary colors.

Your hosts are Michael Cole & Pat McAfee

Seth Rollins & Bron Breakker v. CM Punk & Sami Zayn

Big brawl to start and Bron takes Sami to the floor and bulldogs him onto the announce table right away as we take a break. Back with Sami getting worked over in the ring, but Punk gets the hot tag and cleans house, hitting Seth with a neckbreaker and a Code Red for two. Also I thought MY beard was coming in grey. Punk goes up and drops the elbow for two, but he tries a GTS and Bron breaks it up, allowing Seth to hit the Pedigree for two. Also Money in the Bank is brought to us by something called CashApp, which is at least the first one of these sponsorships that make sense. Sami hits a dive on the outside and we take another break. Back with Punk and Seth clotheslining each other for a double down, and they tag out to Bron and Sami. Sami with a tornado DDT, but Seth trips him up to prevent the kick, and then Heyman trips him up as well, and Bronson Reed hits the ring and takes out Punk on the outside, allowing Bron to finish Sami with the spear at 12:50, most of which took place during the breaks unfortunately. Good fast-paced TV match otherwise. *** And then Reed heads into the ring and teases a showdown before revealing himself as the newest Paul Heyman Guy. And poor Punk pays the price for that. I think they’re trying to work up to calling them “The Dangerous Alliance” which would be pretty fun if so.

Meanwhile, Chelsea Green is prepping for her second reign as US champion.

Women’s US title: Zelina Vega v. Chelsea Green

They trade slams to start and Zelina takes her down with a headscissors and chases her to the floor. Chelsea powerbombs her off the apron and back in for two. Chelsea with a faceplant for two and she goes to a pair of chinlocks as they’re having trouble getting this one going. Green misses a pump splash and Vega makes the comeback and counters out of an Unprettier attempt. Vega tries a 619 and that somehow goes south like everything else in this trainwreck of a match, and they head to the top for a Code Red that finishes for Vega at 5:13. This was a complete mess and I’m pretty sure Chelsea got her nose broken on that 619 attempt. DUD

Meanwhile, Michael Cole puts over Vikingo and the purchase of AAA, and pronounces his name wrong a bunch of times.

John Cena v. R-Truth

Non-title match here. Truth does the whole Cena tribute act, but John lays him out and runs him into the corner, knocking the earrings right out of his head. The crowd does a super-hot “You can’t wrestle / Yes he can” chant, while Cena takes his time and hits Truth with shoulderblocks and the five knuckle shuffle, but Truth comes back with his own version of that sequence. Truth with the AA for two and he puts Cena in the STF, but John quickly makes the ropes and bails to the floor. That allows him to run Truth into the post and he grabs the belt before having a moment of doubt and giving it back to the ref. But then he kicks Truth in the nuts and pins him at 4:30 to complete the squash. A fun match with tons of heat. **

Meanwhile, Jey Uso bumps into John Cena backstage, and John tries to get into his head.

Cage match: Drew McIntyre v. Damian Priest

They slug it out and Priest hits a flatliner, but Drew goes to the eyes and runs him into the cage as we take a break. OK, but really, shouldn’t this have been in the big blue cage? Pretty sure they still have one in the warehouse. Back with Priest making a comeback with the chokeslam for two. Priest goes to the top and Drew brings him down with a superplex off the top of the cage and hits the Claymore for two. Priest comes back with a corner splash and crucifix for two. Drew hits him with his own chokeslam for two. Drew retrieves a chair from before the match and beats on Priest with that, but he misses another Claymore and hits his own chair. So Priest runs the chair into his throat and hits another chokeslam to set up a Conchairto, which actually gives us mention of Edge on WWE TV again. Priest decides to walk out of the cage for the win at 11:28. Well that was pretty definitive. Jesse has a whole weird thing about how walking out the door is BS. Time for your nap, grandpa. ***1/4

Meanwhile, Mike Rotundo and Barry Windham are at ringside, which is good because I thought I read that Barry was in rough shape after a heart attack recently.

World title: Jey Uso v. Logan Paul

They’re gonna have to go FAST with only 10 minutes left in the show. Jey slugs away to start, but Logan hits a blockbuster out of the corner and tosses him for a dive outside as we take a break. Back with Jey hitting the hip attack in the corner for two. He goes up and misses a splash, and Logan gets two off that. Lionsault misses and Jey hits a samoan drop for two. Logan hits the floor and comes back with a buckshot lariat, but Jey counters it with a superkick for two. Logan awkwardly runs him into an exposed turnbuckle and punches him down for two, but Jey superkicks him down again and goes up with the flying splash for two, at which point John Cena runs in and takes out the ref and attacks Jey. And finally Cody Rhodes returns from the void after Wrestlemania and makes the save, and Jey finishes off Logan with the splash at 10:00 and Cody challenges John to a tag match at MitB as we are DESPERATELY OUT OF TIME. This was fine, again a super-rushed match with a million things going on. ***

This was another fun, extremely fast-paced show, just like the first two episodes of this revival. I like the look of the show, the matches are easy to watch, and you can literally cut it down to an hour without commercials.