The SmarK Rant for WCW Worldwide – 12.07.91

The SmarK Rant for WCW Worldwide – 12.07.91

Taped from Macon, GA on 11.27.91 best I can tell.

Your host is Tony Schiavone

The Diamond Studd v. Ian Westin

Notably, the Studd tosses a toothpick at the camera and calls himself THE BAD GUY on the way to the ring. I hope the WWF retroactively goes back and sues. Meanwhile, Tony announces that, if you can believe it, DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE has now decided to become a wrestler and will be teaming with the Studd as “The Diamond Exchange”. Well good luck with that. Maybe he can take up yoga once he fails. Studd tosses Westin and beats on him outside, and then back in as he points to himself and declares “Everyone look at me!” Gotta say, this moveset is feeling mighty familiar. Especially now that he’s dropped some weight and is moving quicker and smoother. Back suplex off the middle rope sets up the Diamond Death Drop at 2:10. This was literally like watching Razor Ramon dropped into 1991 WCW and he was 100% different than the goofy bloated Studd from just a few months earlier. And WCW still managed to let him go.

Meanwhile, the Steiner Brothers talk with Eric Bischoff, and apparently Scott has his eyes on Mr. Hughes now that they’re singles wrestlers. Rick notes that he likes to go to the ring and take abuse, see how much they’ve got, and then abuse them right back. Well that sounds healthy.

Mr. Hughes v. Buddy Baker & Scott Sandlin

Hughes better be careful, I hear Baker is like some kind of Animal Man when he gets worked up. Hughes quickly clotheslines him and drops an elbow on him. Over to Sandlin and Hughes chokeslams him for the pin at 1:23.

Steve Austin & Beautiful Bobby v. The Freebirds

Wait, so last week Austin had a draw with Michael Hayes, and this week they’re having a tag team match based on that? WHAT BLACK MAGIC IS THIS?! That’s almost like logical booking progression. Did Dusty take the week off? Anyway, Tony announces that Arn Anderson has switched partners, and Bobby Eaton will now be teaming with AA to go after the tag team titles while Larry goes single. Hot take: The Enforcers were great and got split up and dropped way too soon. Garvin and Eaton trade takedowns off a headlock, but Jimmy fights off the Alliance and retreats to the corner. Over to Austin while Tony, god bless him, hypes up Van Hammer in the main event as though that’s a thing anyone would give a shit about. The Freebirds pinball Austin a bit and work on his arm in the corner while making illegal switches behind the ref’s back. So we get some goofy comedy with Madusa freaking out on the ref while the Freebirds continue switching, and then Bobby comes in and they continue with that same strategy. Hayes yells out “HOW ABOUT A DDT?”. Man and you thought Cena called his spots loud. Garvin backdrops Eaton instead and clotheslines him to the floor and the heels talk it over. Back in the ring, Eaton decides to run away from Garvin, but Hayes gives him the PATENTED LEFT HAND on the floor and we get more stalling. Back in the ring, Garvin goes back to the arm on Austin, but finally a cheapshot from the apron turns the tide and Hayes is your scuzzball in peril. Hayes quickly fights with Bobby on the floor, and Madusa does a surprising dive off the ringpost and hits him with a bodypress. Kudos for Hayes in catching her there, because she was FLYING. Back in the ring, Hayes catches Eaton with the PATENTED LEFT HAND and it’s hot tag Garvin. He runs wild and puts Eaton down with a forearm for a visual pin on Eaton, but Austin breaks it up and hits him with the stungun for the pin at 10:35. Lots of stalling but this ended up pretty good. ***

WRESTLING NEWS NETWORK! WITH GORDON SOLIE!

So now we can officially announce for real that Ricky Steamboat & Dustin Rhodes are World tag team champions after working out legal issues with Steamboat’s contract. So we get a promo from the new champs, who call the Enforcers a bunch of CRYBABIES for filing a grievance afterwards. So SIT ON IT! Well that catchphrase didn’t catch.

Meanwhile, we hear from Rick Rude, who thinks Sting is stupid for wanting a rematch, and Paul E reads the last rites for the Stinger in advance. Paul clutching the US title belt is a great character touch.

Ravishing Rick Rude v. Larry Santo

Hot take: Rude’s “Black Cat” ripoff music was his best music and shouldn’t have been changed. Rude beats on Santo and hits him with a knee to the gut before dropping a fist on him. Backbreaker and he stops to pose before hitting a Rude Awakening to finish at 1:20.

Cactus Jack v. Van Hammer

They slug it out and Hammer slams him and drops a leg for two. Jack fires back with forearms and they do an awkward fall to the floor and then back in the ring again, where Hammer drops him with a back suplex. Jack retreats to the floor and bumps into the railing for no particular reason, but comes back and sends Hammer into the post and then dropkicks him off the apron and back to the floor again. Jack suplexes him back into the ring for two. Jack with a chinlock for a while, but Hammer fights out, so Jack clotheslines him out of the corner for two. Jack goes back to the chinlock and Hammer comes back again for a slugfest until Jack cuts him off and bulldogs him out of the corner for two. Jack chokes him out on the ropes and keeps desperately trying to get something out of this guy and failing. They collide and Jack falls on top for two and then takes him to the floor with a Cactus Clothesline. Hammer makes another comeback out there, but it’s a double countout at 7:16. This was ALL Cactus doing all the offense and taking all the bumps while Hammer basically banged his head every couple of minutes and nothing else.

Meanwhile, Eric Bischoff chats with Paul E. Dangerously to end the show.

Well that main event was not good unless you want to see Mick Foley essentially wrestling himself for 7 minutes, but the tag match was surprisingly entertaining, so it’s a wash this week.