The SmarK Rant for WCW Worldwide – 10.05.91

The SmarK Rant for WCW Worldwide – 10.05.91

Originally written 08.09.26

Another week missing, so we skip over the September 28 episode.

Taped from somewhere, sometime in September of 1991.

Your hosts are Tony Schiavone & Magnum TA

PN News v. Mike Fever

So News actually says “What’s up Albany”, so we’re in Albany GA! One part of the mystery solved. News takes Fever down with a suplex and follows with a decent dropkick before going to a chinlock. News with a belly to belly and he goes up to finish with the Rapmaster Splash at 1:55, which Tony now dubs The Broken Record, which is a much better name.

WRESTLING NEWS NETWORK! WITH GORDON SOLIE!

Our main story for the week is Sting dealing with mysterious boxes, as we get a recap of the various people popping out of the gift boxes. Who’s behind it? Gordon isn’t sure. Also, we talk about Tom Zenk and his recent decision to become a referee because he just loves law and order so much. So now he’s gonna referee a match with Luger to ensure a fair outcome, athough he doesn’t actually mention what match he’s referring to. And then Gordon notes that Zenk will actually be wrestling the mysterious WCW Halloween Phantom at Halloween Havoc. I will always give WCW credit for having perhaps one of the greatest “mystery man” reveals of all time with that one. No one could possibly call the reveal anything but a home run. Come to think of it, they had two all-timers within a month of each other.

The Freebirds v. Chris Sullivan & Joey Maggs

We get an inset from the Enforcers, who declare that the Birds are now on the endangered species list for challenging them. Good lord can you imagine the stalling in a match between Larry and PS Hayes? It might still be going on today. Hayes runs Maggs into the corner and moonwalks in celebration, and then Garvin comes in and DDTs both geeks and pins them at 2:10.

OH SHIT HERE COMES THE WCW TOP TEN!

1. Sting
2. Ron Simmons
3. Barry Windham
4. El Gigante
5. Stunning Steve Austin
6. Dustin Rhodes
7. Cactus Jack
8. Johnny B. Badd
9. PN News
10. Diamond Studd

No Oz this week? We’re all saddened.

Meanwhile, Paul E and Missy investigate the Chamber of Horrors, which is apparently located in New Jersey. Paul’s uncle the peeping tom tipped him off, and he’s never wrong! So they head to a dirty old warehouse and find nothing, so the mystery continues.

Lex Luger v. Terry Bronson

Lex looks disgusted to even be tasked with wrestling this guy, which was probably a shoot. And he piledrives and pins him at 0:50. Given his contract was almost out of dates by that point, I’m shocked they wasted appearances on this show. Afterwards, Tony Schiavone talks with Lex and his entourage, and Luger claims to have no flaws or weaknesses. Well unless he crashes his motorcycle, but how likely is that? Lex clarifies that Ron Simmons has a bad temper and people with bad tempers make mistakes. Like failing to tear up a t-shirt?

Feature Confrontation: Beautiful Bobby v. Cactus Jack

Bobby decides to attack in the aisle and Tony calls it the “right thing to do”, which I would disagree with. Bobby suplexes him on the floor and runs him into the railing, and back in for a clothesline before slugging a very happy Jack into the corner. Jack takes him down and they slug it out on the mat, but Jack hits him with a forearm and puts him on the floor. Jack with a clothesline off the apron before dropping him on the railing. Back in the ring, Jack stomps him down and then punches him out before choking him out on the ropes and then hitting him with a version of the Stroke for two. Jack goes back to the fisticuffs in the corner, but Bobby fires back with a punch, so Jack clotheslines him for two. Jack misses a blind charge, so Bobby makes another comeback and slugs him down, but Jack keeps absorbing it and coming back for more. Jack puts him on the floor with the Cactus clothesline and they fight out there, where Jack pulls up the mats. But then Bobby hits him with a back suplex on the raw concrete because Cactus is a madman. Back in the ring, Bobby makes the comeback with the neckbreaker and goes up to the top, but Abdullah pops up, whacks Bobby with the kendo stick, and Jack gets the pin at 5:20. This was kind of an awesome match and it’s too bad they didn’t have more interaction. ***1/4

Meanwhile, Cactus Jack stops by the Z-Man’s dressing room last week, taking out the poor cameraman on the way by and then kicking Zenk’s ass as well, which may end Zenk’s burgeoning referee career before it ever gets started. We get an interview from Zenk afterwards, who accuses Mr. Hughes & Harley Race of doing the deed, even though we LITERALLY SAW CACTUS JACK walking by the camera!

The Diamond Studd v. TC Carter

Studd is still working on his pre-match banter and getting better at it, although he still needs to slow it down. But the voice is getting closer. He beats on Carter with chops and puts the boots to him, and then hits the backdrop suplex off the middle rope and finishes with the Diamond Death Drop at 1:40.

Johnny B. Badd v. Keith Hart

Tony tries out “The Human Orchid” as a nickname for Badd, because that’s what they called Gorgeous George back in the day. Yeah, all the kids talking about Gorgeous George in 1991. Badd grabs a headlock and rides him on the mat before slugging him down and following with a backdrop suplex. Badd uses an inverted suplex and follows with a snap suplex and clothesline and then finishes with the knockout punch at 1:48.

NEXT WEEK: Brian Pillman & Mike Graham v. The York Foundation!