The SmarK Rant for WCW Worldwide – 07.20.91

The SmarK Rant for WCW Worldwide – 07.20.91

Originally written 05.26.26

Taped from somewhere, sometime, probably in June, almost certainly in 1991, according to History of WWE.

Your hosts are Tony Schiavone & Magnum TA

Stunning Steve Austin v. Kip Abee

We are blessed with a Bobby Eaton inset promo before the match, where he promises that he does his talking in the ring. I should hope so based on this promo. Abee gets a rollup for two and he’s all fired up, but Austin takes him down with an armbar and chokes him out on the ropes. Quick story about Mr. Abee, who I had never heard of before until I was compelled to research WCW jobbers for something like 4 hours straight (or at least it felt like it) for a book I was helping with, while the author obsessively tried to figure out his identity in one squash match. Life as a semi-famous internet wrestling nerd, I guess. Austin with a powerslam, and he finishes with the stungun into a standing lariat at 2:42. Magnum says Austin has “excellence of execution”. Hope that Bret doesn’t hear about it, he might hold a grudge.

And now we go off to Great American Bash ’91…

WCW World title: Lex Luger v. Barry “Windam”

“He’s #2 in your programs but #1 in your hearts” notes JR on the subject of Barry. I wasn’t aware he had turned babyface, to be honest. Luckily this isn’t the full match, as we join it with Barry missing a flying elbow off the top rope, setting up Luger’s comeback as they edit around all the “We Want Flair” chants. So we’re clipped to Harley Race and Mr. Hughes joining us at ringside, as Race gives Lex a signal and then he’s suddenly the new World champion after another edit. Way to take one of the most momentous matches in the history of the company and make it look like a house show main event.

Afterwards, Lex Luger and his new entourage are interviewed by Eric Bischoff, who I don’t believe had shown up on this show before now, at least not that I can recall. Lex declares that there’s been an ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT, which is hilarious because we’re supposed to believe that THIS heel turn is the one that’s gonna stick and make a difference.

El Gigante v. Carl Nelson

Gigante is now bald at the hands of One Man Gang, so he would fit in well with AEW, if he wasn’t long dead. Gigante with a suplex on Nelson, who is from Norway and may or may not be related to the Berzerker, and he finishes with THEE CLAW at 1:45.

Ron Simmons v. Bob Cook

Bob attacks from behind, but Ron takes him down with armdrags before he can get anywhere with that. Come on, Ron, let him Cook! Ron beats on his arm while we get an inset from the Diamond Studd. Ron continues working that arm with a hammerlock and Tony teases a big announcement about Simmons later in the show. Is he gonna see something wacky and go DAMN in response? Nah that’d never get him over. Ron with a headscissors on the mat and he just keeps working that arm, obviously trying to neutralize the deadly left hand of Bob Cook despite not having JR here to tell us about it. Cook finally escapes, but Ron powerslams him and goes up with a flying shoulderblock, which Tony calls a “Sidewalk Slam”, and that finishes at 4:00.

Meanwhile, Grizzly Smith makes a statement where he demands Barry Windham show proof that Yellow Dog is actually Brian Pillman, and if he can provide it, Pillman will be BANNED FOR LIFE. Hey you know who else should have been banned for life from any wrestling promotion? GRIZZLY SMITH.

Johnny B. Badd v. Joey Maggs

Johnny hits Maggs with a kneelift and takes him down with a facelock a few times. Badd with a FULL ARMDRAG AND TWIST and powerslam, and he pops up top with a sunset flip for two. High knee and knockout punch finish at 2:33.

Meanwhile, Firebreaker Chip and Todd Champion join us with another special message for all the kids: DON’T DO DRUGS. Uh, have you SEEN those two guys? Talk about the pot calling the kettle anabolic.

BOUNTY MATCH: Barry Windham, Arn Anderson & The Diamond Studd v. The Yellow Dog, Bobby Eaton & Dustin Rhodes

The babyfaces are literally using Pillman’s music, which makes me think Yellow Dog isn’t trying very hard to hide his identity. Also Dustin probably looked at the guy in the bright yellow suit and thought “Hmmm….” Windham goes for the mask early, but the Dog hits him with a leg lariat and backdrop. To the top for a missile dropkick, and it’s over to Arn. Dog hits him with a missile dropkick as well and teases unmasking himself to be a dick, and it’s over to the Studd and Bobby. That goes nowhere and Dustin comes in and hits the Studd with elbows. So Arn comes in and gets pinballed by the babyfaces in their corner and now Barry has to take care of business himself. Dustin hits him with armdrags and dropkicks him down, and Yellow Dog adds some chops and a backdrop to chase him out again. We get Triple Figure-Fours from the babyfaces as the crowd goes wild for it and the heels bail to the floor to regroup. Hot take: Scott Hall would have fit in with the Horsemen just fine if they wanted to go in that direction. Finally Bobby gets suckered onto the floor and Studd attacks him out there, and Bobby is playing Ricky Morton and takes a bump from the apron into the railing. Back in the ring, Arn hits him with a forearm to the gut and Barry drops a knee on him. Bobby fights back with a lariat and it’s hot tag Dustin as we’re BREAKING LOOSE IN TULSA as Yellow Dog rolls up AA for the pin at 11:34. The heels all jump him and go for the mask, but he heroically runs away to save his secret identity. Goddammit this was kind of a banger. I hate it when I’m hate-watching a 1991 WCW show and they do something good. ***1/2

To be clear, I don’t think the Yellow Dog is a BAD storyline or idea or anything. We’ve done the masked babyface gag for years obviously. The problem is that it came out of nowhere, after Pillman was already beaten like a drum by Windham over and over, and then had no payoff or wacky storyline twist to justify it.

NEXT WEEK: Terry Taylor v. Robert Gibson! Stunning Steve Austin v. Ron Simmons for the TV title! The marble-mouthed promo from Robert Gibson, somehow one-upping the earlier novocaine-sounding one from Bobby Eaton, makes me think they missed out on a bunch of money by not teaming up Robert Gibson and Bobby Eaton as the Mumblin’ Express.

Buckle up, we’re getting into a really bad transitional period now, kids.